Ever fallen in love with a client?

[foxy]

A spin-off I admit from the thread on clients falling in love with escorts. Just wondering if it's ever happened the other-way-round. Anything's possible, isn't it?

[Bilbo]

Shortly after my fourth husband died (I'm now on #5), I had a client who was coming to me once or twice a week. It got to be just too much in limbo. I knew that bounce relationships usually don't work, but just having sex with the same guy so often was very confusing to me emotionally at that point. So, I told him that we could either become boyfriends or break it off. He didn't feel like he could safely have a boyfriend with his job, so we broke it off. About a year later, when my boat wasn't rocking so much, we got back together just as escort/client, but while it was pleasant, it still wasn't going anywhere. Things gotta grow or they die. We still occaisionally see each other, but I often think that that is only because I am usually the only one in town who does the Leather Master for Hire bit, and on the few occaisions that another has set up shop, he's gone over there for a few months, but neither one of us felt that he was quite as safe in someone else's hands.

 

Yeah, I know, Queen of TMI - Too Much Information - but a massage client just left and I'm still halfway in lala land.

[ad rian]

I think this is a good question. When I was living in paris, I had a weekend fling with a Dutch escort just before leaving. I think he fell in love with me, and we corresponded for a long time. In the end, distance, time and lifestyle (out and not out) made us both realize it could never work and we resolved to cherish the memories.

 

This raises a related question, if escorts don't fall in love with clients, do they ever just enjoy the sex and camraderie so much that they tell the client to keep his money? Recently, I had an escort say to me that "I could fuck [him] any time." What does that mean? Is that sincere? A momentary flush of emotion? A skillful marketing ploy? Then he called to let me know he was back in town and suggested that we "connect". Is it reasonable for me to wonder if he wants to move from a commercial arrangement? Should I ask? What should I say so that he does not get offended, if my assumption is wrong? Help please?

 

I would not say this happens often, but every once and a while I do get the feeling that both parties would just as soon forget the commerce. Is that common?

[Guest Thunderbuns]

Recently, I had an escort say to me that "I could

>fuck [him] any time." What does that mean? Is that

>sincere? A momentary flush of emotion? A skillful

>marketing ploy? Then he called to let me know he was back

>in town and suggested that we "connect". Is it reasonable

>for me to wonder if he wants to move from a commercial

>arrangement? Should I ask? What should I say so that he

>does not get offended, if my assumption is wrong? Help

>please?

 

You could always reply - "I'd love to but I'm a bit short of cash this month" That way if he didn't want to be paid, he could say "That's OK, this one's on me!"

 

Thunderbuns

[ad rian]

>You could always reply - "I'd love to but I'm a bit short of

>cash this month" That way if he didn't want to be paid, he

>could say "That's OK, this one's on me!"

 

Thanks. I think I got my answer tonight. We went over the scheduled 1 hour, and then lay around for a longer. Then he raised the question of dinners and shopping in lieu of cash at the end of each visit since we both seem to enjoy each other. Am I falling for something here? Or should I run with it? Help?

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>Then he raised the question of dinners and shopping in lieu of cash

>at the end of each visit since we both seem to enjoy each

>other. Am I falling for something here? Or should I run

>with it? Help?

 

You should be careful here. By paying cash for an appointment you know in advance how much it is going to cost you.

 

"Dinners & shopping" is something else - especially if the shopping directly follows the dinner. For example: You go for a nice dinner, starting with a couple of cocktails & possibly a bottle of wine with dinner. In a good restaurant this will set you back well over $100.

 

Then it's off for a bit of shopping. The shopping would probably be for clothes. So after the silk shirt is picked out, in the "glow" of the drinks consumed at dinner, it is decided that these pants would look just great with the previously chosen shirt. And this belt would really finish off the look, right? In total counting the dinner, you could be looking at the best part of $500.

 

A set agreed upon fee is delinately the cheaper way to go.

 

Also you are deluding yourself if you think his suggestion means he likes you enough for it to be a "mutual" get-together. He has no intention of giving you his favours for free. He sound like quite the little schemer to me!

 

Thunderbuns

[ad rian]

>Also you are deluding yourself if you think his suggestion

>means he likes you enough for it to be a "mutual"

>get-together. He has no intention of giving you his favours

>for free. He sound like quite the little schemer to me!

>

Thanks. Instinctively, I think you are right, but the sex is amazing! It actually reminds me of my experience with the Dutch boy before. He is normally only a top, but for some reson, he bottoms for me, and really gets into it! I am going to think this one through, but you are right as I think about it he has told me in 3 meetings that he: a) has expensive tastes; b) lives in a very expensive condo building; and c) used to "travel" with older guys for extended periods before recently turning to the on-line escort market.

 

Sometimes delusion feels so good though. Maybe, the thing is to be frank with him about limits on the dinners and spending, or is that just more naivete on my part?

[ad rian]

I am surprised there were not more responses to this post. Does that mean escorts really don't fall in love with their clients, or fall in "lust" with some clients? I would really like to hear examples when this ocurred and how both parties dealt with the situation. Come on guys, speak up. Or is the problem tht admiting this is bad for business?

[guyinsf]

The lack of responses may indicate that this rarely does happen. (I do know someone who became lovers with someone he initially met by hiring him, but I doubt that this is a frequent occurrence. And this friend was generally perceived by all in our circle of friends as very handsome.) Of course, only a small percentage of people who come to this site participate on these boards, so there very well may be some stories out there that are just not being told.

 

I would suggest the following: Any client who is hiring escorts in the hopes that he will find one who falls in love with him should either not hire escorts or be very aware of his feelings and behavior when he does hire. Someone with that mindset not only makes himself more vulnerable to exploitation but also is more likely to become overly emotionally involved with the guys he hires. (By overly emotional I mean developing a mental fantasy of the relationship which is unrepresentative of reality.) I am a firm believer in the possibility of developing a friendship with an escort, but even this does not happen very often.

[ad rian]

>I would suggest the following: Any client who is hiring

>escorts in the hopes that he will find one who falls in love

>with him should either not hire escorts or be very aware of

>his feelings and behavior when he does hire. Someone with

>that mindset not only makes himself more vulnerable to

>exploitation but also is more likely to become overly

>emotionally involved with the guys he hires. (By overly

>emotional I mean developing a mental fantasy of the

>relationship which is unrepresentative of reality.)

 

I agree that one should not go into it with that intention, but it does not seem odd to me that sexual intimacy might on occasion lead to emotional intimacy.

 

I have been actively in the rental market for about 4 years now, and I have had mostly good experiences. I have had nice temporal (or more aptly temporary) friendships with my escorts, but I will say that on 1 to 2 (maybe 3) occasions, I could see the potenial for more. On one occasion, the feeing was mutual, but in the end we chose not to pursue it after much discussion.

 

On one other occasion, I offered to pay for a trip to Paris plus hotel but no other fees, and the escort agreed because he "liked being with me" and volunteered that I could "fuck him and everything." In the end, I did not follow through for extraneous reasons. (I cought a not very serious (but painful to remove) skin infection STD and I narrowed down the source to be one of 2 guys including him, and decided not to go back to any potential source.)

 

The more recent experience, I have not yet decided whether I am delusional or whether there might be something more there.

[Bilbo]

GuyInSF does have a very good point that a client should be very leery of entering into a business relationship with anything like that in mind. Which pointed out to me that perhaps one reason there have been so few responses from other escorts is that this is a loaded question. If an escort answered that he had fallen in love with a client and regretted that it had to end and wasn't very dang pointed about saying that that kind of thing was not going to happen to him again - well, he would perhaps just be asking for this kind of client. "Hey, hire me. It's OK if you fall in love with me." And have you quite beating your husband? ;-)

[ad rian]

>GuyInSF does have a very good point that a client should be

>very leery of entering into a business relationship with

>anything like that in mind. Which pointed out to me that

>perhaps one reason there have been so few responses from

>other escorts is that this is a loaded question.

 

Again, I am not advocating that anyone hire escorts with the intention or expectation that the escort will fall in love with him. I just suspect that it happens from time to time, however infrequent that mihgt be. You are right though that since most escorts on this site are not anonymous, it might be hard for them to share anecdotes of thos kind.

[Guest DCeBOY]

no, not possible, at least in my case.

[Matt_Vancouver]

yup

 

I have fallen for a client or two: ) One of which I honestly think I would have quit escorting for, had it worked out.

There have also been a couple of guys that I've stopped accepting payment from, even gone on dates with one on occasion.

Though I've learned from my mistakes, in the past when I've told someone they don't need to pay me, it creates an awkwardness that is difficult to avoid. Because of how we met, there was always a clear distinction when arranging a meeting, and I would schedule a time to see that person, without that distinction, that person becomes more of a social player in my life, therefore subject to my schedule.

It would seem a simple case of accepting an altered scheduling plan, but I've found that a 'booking' always takes priority, and by default, the ex-client ends up losing out, eventually moving on to others. Even if they decided they wanted to see me on an escort/client type arrangement, it would be a difficult proposition to communicate, or accept for that matter, with grace.

I think it's inevitable that at some point in an escorts working life, there is a distinct possibility that there will be a client, that they fall for.

Maybe I'm different in the way I interact with my clients. There are no walls or social barriers when I'm 'working', what you see is what you get.(Only I'm on my best behavior, of course: ) How anyone can NOT become attached in some way, to a client they've spent a lot of time with, been so completly intimate with, shared so much about themselves with, is beyond me. I don't mean falling for every client, but feeling some sort of bond or friendship seems natural to me.

People meet each other in all walks of life, just because it's in a commercial arrangement, doesn't eliminate the potential for emotions to come into play.

Matt(avoid freud....an album title by a Canadian band from the late 70's, early 80's, called Rough Trade. Led by a very tall lesbian singer that sang about a girl in her highschool that 'made me cream my jeans when she comes my way' in the song 'Highschool Confidential'....oh Canada)

[bluenix]

RE: Carole Pope

 

>...an album title by a Canadian band from

>the late 70's, early 80's, called Rough Trade. Led by a very

>tall lesbian singer that sang about a girl in her highschool

>that 'made me cream my jeans when she comes my way' in the

>song 'Highschool Confidential'....oh Canada)

 

Ah, yes. Carole Pope. As she was then...

 

http://members.tripod.com/~thrust_2/roughtrade.jpg

 

and as she is now...

 

http://www.januarymagazine.com/profiles/primages/PopeA.jpg

[bluenix]

RE: Carole Pope

 

Try this for a "then" pic:

 

http://www.laventure.net/tourist/birds250.jpg

[ad rian]

RE: yup

 

>I have fallen for a client or two: ) One of which I honestly

>think I would have quit escorting for, had it worked out.

>There have also been a couple of guys that I've stopped

>accepting payment from, even gone on dates with one on

>occasion.

....

>I think it's inevitable that at some point in an escorts

>working life, there is a distinct possibility that there

>will be a client, that they fall for.

....

>How anyone can NOT become attached in some way,

>to a client they've spent a lot of time with, been so

>completly intimate with, shared so much about themselves

>with, is beyond me. I don't mean falling for every client,

>but feeling some sort of bond or friendship seems natural to

>me.

>People meet each other in all walks of life, just because

>it's in a commercial arrangement, doesn't eliminate the

>potential for emotions to come into play.

 

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I think you are right, but I think we both agree that this is the exception not the rule. It would be great to hear from more escorts. One idea comes ro mind is that when it "happens", the escort might cease escorting and hence no longer read this site, hence the dirth of escort responses.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Escort Responses

 

>I am surprised there were not more responses to this post.

>Does that mean escorts really don't fall in love with their

>clients, or fall in "lust" with some clients?

 

 

Matt gave the essence of the answer I would have given elsewhere in this thread. In my own case, the answer is "no" it has not happened but anything is possible, especially in a situation involving sexual intimacy. In San Francisco, when I first escorted in the early 90s, I had a number of clients I saw frequently. I became very fond of some of them but for whatever reason, none of these men were available nor were they looking. I also commenced my most intense personal relationship at this time, which coupled with a very good job offer, was the reason for my first retirement.

 

As for this particular point, as Bilbo points out, these questions or merely posting is a minefield. The tipping question has been asked about four times since I first started reading this board with regularity. I answered it twice. It continues to be asked because there are always new people to our community and they do not have the memories that some do nor the access to older threads. However, if you will notice, escorts have not been answering as much as clients have been posting. Often the clients have provided very accurate and "spot on" answers but one has to wonder about the absence of answers from the escorts.

 

Love is no substitute for sex.

[Guest jon guy]

A couple of months ago, i wouldn't have thought this possible for me as i cope with the sometimes strain of repeated emotional intimacy by holding back the bit of myself that might risk falling in love.

 

However in March I was hired by a younger guy who was attractive enough to make me feel insecure about being with him - let alone being paid by him. Professionalism and financial need dictated that i took his money despite his having performed a volte face mid way through our initiatory fumbles and decided that he couldn't after all go through with it! (not i venture because he didn't fancy me - but because - bless! - he realised that i was a real person afterall!)

 

We've been on dates since - and more worryingly exhausted the vino veritas of midnight telephone declarations of love. However the sobering daylight reality is that we are both very attracted to each other but he's petrified of falling for an escort - especially one with my petrification of falling for anyone - and i know that i couldn't keep escorting were i to be in a serious relationship.

 

Time will unravel this - not me. But if there is a moral to the story it might be that you can never say that you won't fall for a client - especially the atypical ones!

 

x jon, london http://www.jonguy.com

[ad rian]

>Time will unravel this - not me. But if there is a moral

>to the story it might be that you can never say that you

>won't fall for a client - especially the atypical ones!

>

What a compelling story! I am glad you shared that. I think you are right on both accounts. Time tends to sort this out. Both sides have such a powerful mix of conflicting emotions, interests and needs that it is a very tricky situation to manage, but isn't that typical of romantic love anyway? I sense both escorts and clients for different reasons are refugees from romantic love so when one falls for the other, or both fall for each other it seems particularly strange. I also share your point about atypical experiences. In my case, I have had a great time with amost all of my escorts, but the few occasions that have tipped over the edge have all been somewhat atypical. I think Matt had it right, as you suggest too, the difficult part is disentangling the money from the sex when it occurs. I wish we had some posts from people who actually succesfully weaved their way through the process and had some further positive insights to share.

[Guest Dan]

I met a client in March and it was like WOW! this is the cutest guy that I've ever seen and the sex was, incredible. When i was leaving he broached the idea of us going out, but on a regular date, not as a client and escort. I told him that would be kewl.

 

But, figuring that it was the heat of the moment, I decdied to let him make the next move. Sure enough, I got two e-mails from him later in the week. So, I called him, but he was "busy." Then he said "call me Mon night." I did see him for a romp two weeks after we met. He said, "I'll call you." I really played the fool for this guy.

 

We finally spoke two weeks after that and he told me that it was really just a transaction and but moreover, it was bad timing since he had just ended a serious realtionship a month before.

 

This experience was enough to make me reevaluate (sic?) my life and retire from the biz.

 

Cut to earlier this week and I'm having dinner with a friend. I see this cute guy come in and go to the bar. He's hanging there and it seems that people know him. On the way out I ask the host if he knows who it is. It's HIM! I went over and we chatted. Turns out that his new twink boyfriend was there and he got all queeny when we

hugged.

 

What does it say that I didn't even recognize him and he didn't notice me?

 

Oh, yeah. I'm kind of dating a couple of really nice guys now, but that's another posting!

 

"is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse..." Bruce Springsteen, The River

[Guest UNCDUB99]

Hey guys... I am an escort in Raleigh, NC. Been working for about a year, have about 10 regular clients, and usually see about 4-5 men a week. I always have a great time,as do my clients, yet I have managed to keep myself from developing any attachment to any of them, for my own emotional protection. I don't ever let myself forget, in the back of my mind, that it is a business transaction. It is an exciting and rewarding line of work, but to me, there are some lines it would just be painful and self-destructive to cross. I have however "fallen" for one client in particular, and we talked about it one night, how we both genuinely liked each other, more an intellectual and emotional attraction than a physical one (although we had great chemistry in bed)... and what we should do about it. Basically, it was decided that we should leave our arrangement as it is for now. I feel bad taking money for something I would do for free in a heartbeat, but he understands I genuinely need the money, so I guess it works out. But, Yeah, it does happen... I really like this guy more than I thought possible. I care about all my clients... that just comes from spending time with someone on a regular basis, and being intimate with one another... But love can happen. Definitely makes things more interesting...

[ad rian]

I have however "fallen" for one client in

>particular, and we talked about it one night, how we both

>genuinely liked each other, more an intellectual and

>emotional attraction than a physical one (although we had

>great chemistry in bed)... and what we should do about it.

>Basically, it was decided that we should leave our

>arrangement as it is for now. I feel bad taking money for

>something I would do for free in a heartbeat, but he

>understands I genuinely need the money, so I guess it works

>out.

 

I am back on forth on this. Despite my earlier pronouncements, I have not been able to wean myself from this escort/lover. The penultimate time, we agreed that I would become a patron of his arts, but last night he asserted he wanted to keep his art separate from our commerce, but he still lingered beyond the appointed time. We have had many discussions about this now, and now I am growing resentful. Regrettably, I think Thunderbuns was right on this one. Anyone have ideas how to get the strength to terminate my arts patron relationship and the commercial relation? I think the problem here is that I was his first client when he started Internet escorting, before that I think he was a "kept" man for one or two wealthy guys. I don't think he realizes that he needs to hold back more in the former relations than in the latter for the good of both parties.