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How Would You Handle This?


Will
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This morning (Tuesday, February 26) I read the e-mail from an African American client in Texas. He reports that he tried to contact an escort, Andrew, in Denton. As soon as Andrew's "agent," Tim, discovered that the client is African American, he cut off all contact, apparently with no explanation whatever.

 

This makes me both angry and sad. I hope the "sad" part goes without saying. But what makes me angry is the ease with which even the client seems ready to understand, if not actually excuse, Tim's behavior. In the first place, it is up to the escort, not his agent, to determine whether or not he'll agree to meet someone. In the second place, it's one thing to say, "I'm sorry, but I don't meet with clients over forty," and quite another simply to hang up the phone on learning that the potential client is forty-one.

 

In this case, of course, we aren't talking about age but race. Although I think that an escort has the right to his boundaries, I think he should publicize those boundaries to save both himself and his clients embarrassment. If he does not specifically warn clients to the contrary, he then has an obligation at least to enter into negotiations with any client who approaches him with those boundaries in mind.

 

Thus, this is not a matter of "preference" on the escort's part. It is just plain racism, pure and simple, and in my book it should be a huge mark against either the escort or the agent who represents him. This is a far worse offence, according to my ethical standards, than simply not showing up for a date.

 

I'd be interested to know how escorts manage their professional boundaries, particularly when it comes to highly sensitive matters like race.

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Guest ChicagoCorey

This happens a lot more often than I think anyone wants to admit. I've met many clients of different races (basically every race but white) who have told me stories of escorts not wanting to start or even continue a date once they realized the client was black/Asian/Latin and telling the clients specifically this is why (either in person during the date or over email beforehand). If the clients are telling the truth (and I have no reason to believe they'd make this up) these are well-respected, well-reviewed escorts who happen to have this major flaw.

 

Though it's really none of my business, since the clients brought it up, I've asked why they don't review the escort with this information (in the cases where the date was scheduled and "began"); in most cases they just found it too embarassing/humiliating and wanted the whole thing to be behind them. I think they are used to this sort of thing, not just from escorts but from individuals within the gay community. Not that racism isn't everywhere, but when one's focus is so much on "surface" features, often people don't realize how easily their discrimination against age/race/size comes affects their judgements and negatively affects others.

 

Okay, that was all sort of rambling; I don't make much sense sometimes when I'm discussing topics that piss me off.

 

As far as "how escorts deal" -- which was the question asked -- I think many just do -- the reason many of us our escorts is because our personal boundaries are so wide. We're accepting people who enjoy dealing with all kinds of people. I can't speak for those that aren't except to say that they probably do more damage to people than they realize.

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I think I've had clients of just about every race, age(15-80) and socio-economic class. I don't judge my clients by their race, but I do know escorts who do. I suppose it's their right to decide with whom they want to do business. I'm sure it would be helpful for prospective clients to know something like this in prior to calling.

 

Discussing such escorts and their practices on this site is one way to get the word out. I doubt that many of these escorts would advertise this info., although I have seen at least one escort's web

site that said whites only.

 

JEFF

[email protected]

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Guest MikeConway

I live in the most multi cultural city in North America,yes even more so than NYC., with about 46% of Toronto's population not being born in Canada. I would never consider declining a client on the basis of race. I certainly would have a very limited sex life as well if I just stuck to the WASPS of the world.

 

I have never really thought of this issue, as I see every client regardless of how old they are or what their race is. Maybe its different in the US I don't know. But its interesting to see who others are feeling about the subject

 

Mike

http://www.gayerotica.org/mike

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Guest Thunderbuns

It may not be a racial issue

 

To give the escort the benefit of the doubt, it may not be a racial issue.

 

An escort is expected to perform sexually. This is usually easier with someone you are attracted to. The best (and probably the most successful) escorts are able to get it on with anyone regardless of age, weight, appearance and/or race.

 

However, every escort is not so blessed. There are some who just can't get it up for a particular race or age or whatever. And let's face it - if you can't get it up, your client isn't going to be too impressed. Some may argue that these guys shouldn't escort. But I would disagree.

 

These "challenged" escorts might be reluctant to advertise "white only" as it would be difficult to do so without sounding veyr racist, even although that may not be the case.

 

So perhaps we should cut him some slack here........ and give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

 

 

Thunderbuns

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RE: It may not be a racial issue

 

There are many things some escorts are sexually limited by, whether it's race, age, weight, looks, physical disability or as in my case, attitude. The escort who can adapt to pretty much any scenario with whomever and make it hot is what makes a "better" escort to me.:-)

 

JEFF

[email protected]

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RE: It may not be a racial issue

 

I'm tempted to make the argument that an escort who can't get an erection with a man of a specific race is, in fact, racist. Then again, does the fact that a man cannot get it up for a woman make him sexist? I think not. I'm not sure that these two are analagous, however, even though I'm not able to explain why. I'm still uncomfortable about an escort claiming to not be able to have sex with, say, a black man but then claiming not to be racist.

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Sex and race and escorts

 

As an African American escort, I've experienced many sides to racial issues and hiring. I can understand Will's anger at the client being so quick to nearly excuse the agent/escort's behavior. But in similar situations I have found myself thinking, "Oh well, here's yet another one with a race problem, might as well move on," instead of dipping into the well of anger that I reserve for serious bigots. Maybe it's a matter of emotional conservation.

 

It's difficult to describe the feeling that comes over you when you realize no matter how diligently you exercise, or how intelligent you are, or how sexy you think you are, that some people will never find you attractive because of the color of your skin. A regular client recently wanted to hire a third for a session. In all of his inquiries (four), my being Black was the dealbreaker. He was equally surprised by my lack of reaction. Do I think those escorts are racist? Not necessarily. Am I sure they missed out on a killer hot time that they would have been well compensated for? Duh.

 

Bastian

 

p.s. I won't even go into what happened the time I unintentionally left my race out of a print ad...

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>he cut off all contact, apparently with no

>explanation whatever.

 

To me, the point is rudeness more than racism. Although I have no issue about clients' race, age, weight, etc., I would defend that escort's right to be "selective" about his clients if he could be a man and express it openly and politely. Cutting off communication, to me, is just vile behavior.

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I'm with Rick on this one. If we all were sexually aroused by anything male, I doubt there would be much of a business of escorting. We all have our buttons, and unfortunately, some of those are racial.

 

But being unable to perform for a certain type of man doesn't make one incapable of basic courtesy. What's wrong with saying, "I'm sorry, I don't perform well with African American men?"

 

Adding rudeness to the unfortunate racism that has leaked into too many of our libidos seems beyond the pale.

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Guest maringuyca

Let me preface this by stating I am not an escort and was recently critical of the performance of escorts that I have hired, the purpose of my post was to ask a question rather than name the escorts involved, I think there is another area on this site for that.

I have no problem with the question being asked but how it was done and the responses are questionable.

Rather than specifically name the escort involved without a full explanation by the client personally as opposed to a generic question is unfair. So many have attached the "ism" and "ist" words without even knowing what went on. In this all too politically correct society I guess no one is allowed a sexual liaison preference, if that is even the case here. To be critical of an agent, hired to represent an individual, is without merit. To label either of these individuals "racist" is also without merit without knowing the facts.

For the "professionals" that responded so negatively, I only hope your orgasms are more delayed than your knee-jerk responses.

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There are lots of interesting points here that merit response, and I thank each contributor who made them. Perhaps because this one is the last in the line so far, or perhaps because the poster took issue with how I characterized the exchange, I think I'll have my little say at this point.

 

First, if you re-read my initial post, you'll see that I was quoting directly from an e-mail that was posted on M4M yesterday morning, for everybody in the whole world to see. That is where I got my information, including the names. There's nothing indiscreet about it.

 

Second, this is an escort-review site. It hardly strikes me as "unfair" simply to repeat the name of an escort and his agent already published on the same site, particularly with regard to their professional behavior towards a potential client.

 

Third, I made it clear that I both understand and accept the fact that everybody, including escorts, has erotic boundaries. I also said that when someone is selling his sexual favors, he should make those boundaries clear so that potential clients who don't fall within them will know to stay away.

 

Fourth, I said that the abrupt termination of the client's conversation with the agent was rascist. Rick Munroe says it was rude. To my mind, that it was rude goes without saying. But to leave it at that trivializes the importance that race played in this particular exchange. What does bear pointing out, I believe, is that the specific issue over which the agent terminated this conversation is race. That catapults it right into the no-no "-ism" category for me.

 

Fifth, many thoughtful people believe that the central problem in American society is the issue of race. Whether you want to call that "racism" or the simply inability of the American people to develop useful and creative ways to talk about race is another matter. It is hardly "politically correct" to point it out when it rears its ugly head in this context.

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Guest DevonSFescort

I agree with you, Will, that this goes beyond rudeness. It's not that one is racist per se for being unable to perform with men of a certain race though this inability probably says something about that person's racial conditioning. Very well then, we all have racial conditioning, and there's no use pretending you feel something you don't, or that you don't feel something you do. It would be 'politically correct' to take a client you knew you couldn't perform with just because you felt you should be able to.

 

But this person, by cutting off communication so abruptly and, yes, rudely, wasn't just saying that African-Americans were a category of men he couldn't give good service to. He was saying that they aren't even worthy of that basic respect and courtesy most of us normally say all people are entitled to. Race motivated and animated his rudeness, and that does seem like a 'special' shame beyond garden-variety rudeness.

 

Something else that saddens me is the way racial ideas about beauty can inform the way people of color seem themselves and people from their own backgrounds. Before moving to San Francisco, I had dated probably two or three Asian men, living as I did in cities with much smaller Asian populations. Since arriving here I swear the percentage of Asian men I've slept with outside of work (most of my clients are white) has jumped to something like 40%. A lot of my friends swear I'm a rice queen, but I think what's going on is that any youngish, cutish white man in San Francisco who is willing to sleep with Asian men need never sleep alone. The demand for white men among Asian men in this city is that strong. It's great for me --I might as well sleep with a hot Asian guy as with any other hot guy -- but it pains me to see how it affects some of the boys I've met. One Chinese-American guy I dated, a stunningly handsome, brilliant, charming young man, was consumed with the fear that white men would essentially share his lack of interest in Asian men, and then white guys who were interested were suspect because they might be rice queens who would exoticize him. Who can blame him for feeling confused? He grew up in a culture (American) which is starved of images of Asian beauty.

 

Reflecting on some of Bastian's beautifully expressed points, but from the white escort side of the equation: It's a funny feeling when I'm with someone who isn't white and they sigh over my white skin the same way I sigh over muscles. The context disturbs me, but one wants to let a happy moment be a happy moment.

 

(Sorry if these last couple of paragraphs are running too far afield of the topic. Just some stream-of-consciousness thoughts that came to mind. Race is such a huge topic.)

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Guest topsfstud

I fail to see how race is a "higly sensative matter." I could care less what race my client is!

 

The answer on how to handle the "agent's and excort's" inexcusably rude behavior is easy. You've just published the info. Now everyone who agrees with y ou can avoid doing business with that escort.

 

In the end, he suffers the most! And the rest of us retain our dignity.

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Hi, everyone.

 

After having read the original e-mail and all of the posts in this thread, here are my thoughts.

 

Was the agent rude? Of course he was and the remedy has already been stated by several posters. Don't hire the escort represented by this agent.

 

Is the agent racist? Perhaps. Some would say certainly.

 

Is the escort racist? Can't tell from the e-mail. The sender said that the agent terminated all conversation after learning that he is African-American. The sender did not mention whether he had actually spoken with the escort.

 

My personal feelings:

 

I like men. I like African-American men for being African-American. I like Caucasian men for being Caucasian. I like Asian men for being Asian. The same goes for all other races, skin colors, body types, and ages.

 

All of the above are major factors (along with family, friends, life experiences, etc.) in how each man came to be the man he is today. This is wonderful! I can't even imagine how life would be if everyone were exactly like me. How colorless and boring would this world be?

 

How sad is it that there are so many who can imagine it and try to make it so? I don't hate them. I feel sorry for them.

 

Dan

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Guest paysforit

As a john, I guess I am cheating by responding to this thread, but I m struck by what I regard as a kind of blind political correctness which seems to dominate the tone for this thread. I suspect many, if not most, clients factor an escort's race into the equation when deciding who they wish to hire fora date. For some ( not all of whom would be pleased to be labeled a racist) race is a determining factor in the selection process. Some white men hire only black men; some black men hire only white men. And then there are the "rice queens", Latin lovers. This list could go on and on. Ifclients are allowed the freedom to choose as they please, why shouldn't escorts have the same freedom in accepting clients? There is no excuse for rude behaviorin these situations, but let's at least acknowledge that both clients and escorts make decisions based on racial criteria very frequently. That's the real world as I see it.

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If you re-read my initial post and my reply to similar objections a few posts above yours, I hope my point is clear. I do not for a moment dispute the right of an escort to make choices along the lines that clients make. That wasn't my point at all. Rather, my point had to do with the exchange between the agent and the client; and, as the agent represents the escort, I think it's fair to say that the agent's behavior reflects on the escort, for good or ill.

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Guest Emily Litella

More racism!

 

Will, you'll be saddened to read Thad of NYC's rebuttal to his latest review, posted today:

 

"1 week later he calls and said well i want to see you again but i want a discount if you dont do it this i will write another bad review and i told him that i dont give in to black male."

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Guest pressyourluck

RE: More racism!

 

Emily wrote:

Will, you'll be saddened to read Thad of NYC's rebuttal to his latest review, posted today:

"1 week later he calls and said well i want to see you again but i want a discount if you dont do it this i will write another bad review and i told him that i dont give in to black male."

 

 

Regarding this issue, having read Thad's response, I believe he was trying to write the word "blackmail" when talking actions not his race.

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Guest Emily Litella

RE: More racism!

 

>I believe

>he was trying to write the word "blackmail" when talking

>actions not his race.

 

Oh...well, that's different.

[h3]Never mind.[/h3]

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