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Long Lost and Now Departed Friend

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For many years now I have been trying to reconnect with friends and acquaintances who were lost to me in the constant shuffling of life and the traffic of daily banalities. There have been several people for whom I have searched the net for years without finding any information about them. Many of these people have common names and finding my Tom Jones among the tens of thousands of Tom Jones was too much to keep up with. Today, I was searching for a friend from high school. We had kept in contact through college and I had helped him move into his medical school dormitory. After that, I did not see him for many years. I contacted him once in the 80's and we met and caught up and promised to stay in touch. We didn't. I have looked for him on the net many times, you would think a doctor would be easy to track down and I suppose a concerted effort would have been successful, but my casual forays were not. That is until today when I decided to check obituary.com and found my friend has been dead for many years. I had looked for him on obituary.com in the past, but I did not go far enough back. Turns out he died days after our promise to keep in touch dinner.


I am not sure that this post will have any value to anyone else nor what that value might be if it does.


RIP John Liu, about a score late.


I have never seen a purplekow;

I never hope to see one;

I can tell you anyhow;

I'd rather see than be one


Help there is a purplekow in my mirror

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Guest ncm2169

RE: Long Lost and Now Departed Friends


< I tried obituary.com and just got a list of directories


Same here. How do you make that site work, P. Kow?

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RE: Long Lost and Now Departed Friends


Eons ago, when I was fresh out of high school and knew nothing about my own sexuality, I was befriended by a guy at work - my age but our paths had never crossed in high school. It was the first job for each of us, each of us working our ways thru college in a small mom & pop grocery store. He was everything I wanted to be - smart, cheerful, kind, and so darkly handsome he could have any girl he wanted. I aspired to be like him, and the fact that this popular and 'together' guy befriended me went a long way in strengthening my self esteem and bringing me out of my shell after some difficult high school years. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a major crush on him. I was proud to be his friend.


After two years we each transferred to different colleges, he to a prestegious law school and me out of town to seek my fortune. We gradually lost touch with each other but I never forgot him. I'd heard he soon married at the tender age of 24, followed by four kids, and he eventually lived in an upper-crust suburb. I always assumed he led the perfect life and lived happily ever after.


Fast forward to the internet age. I get bored one night last year and I decide to look up what I consider to be my first 'secret love'. He's relatively easy to find as he has an uncommon name. I find his name as a frequent participant on a news group for people with chronic depression. Over the course of many posts spanning several years in the 1990's, he basically laid out his whole biography. His depression was/is so bad he several times contemplated suicide. He could barely get out of bed. He became, in his words, unemployable. He became obsese. He had long since lost his wife and kids in a messy divorce (which is also chronicled in detail on the internet in public court documents). He did several self-imposed stints in psychiatric wards and eventually moved back into his late parents' home and lived alone in the house he grew up in. He has his illness under control now with constant medication. And he has also become a born-again Christian zealot. That last fact distresses me the most as I still sometimes fantasize about getting in touch with him, maybe to offer encouragement. But something tells me his newfound religious stance would frown upon gay people.


This was all so profoundly sad to me. You just never know where life's turns will lead you.

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