When an escort denies me because I am Asian.

[Guest Alexander]

I am a 38 yo married closeted Asian from NYC who owns a few businesses in Manhattan and Bergen County, NJ. I look very young and take good care of my physical appearance through workout and good clothes. Being new to this field, I tried booking an escort who has been reviewed here a number of times with consistently good rating. When he learned that I was Asian, he decided to decline me from being his client. I was so upset and made my point through e-mail that he should not have any preconceived notions about Asian males, for whatever biases he has - be it in appearance or behavior that does not turn him on. For after all, everyone - all races - are different, including the white race. I even attached a picture in my e-mail. He e-mailed back to say that he'd reconsider (probably after seing my appearance) but only if I was cut (because he deslikes uncut men, although his reviews also included uncut white clients)[i am cut], and that he would not allow kissing (and all his client reviews described how good he kissed). I got offended by this, for after all I have my pride and dignity, I think I have good looks (taking care of my diet and going to the gym regularly), and I can very well afford him. Although upset, I feel glad that I did not pursue him.

My question to the group is - should I have taken this personally?

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Alex,

 

> My

>question to the group is

>- should I have taken

>this personally?

 

Yes, you should (for about 30 seconds) and then move on to another escort. You don't need to deal with attitude like that. You might consider writing a review on this guy as a service to other asians and possibly other minorities -- just a thought.

[Guest torjon]

In a word....YES!

Appears you caught this escort with his prejudices down (so to speak!)

[Guest jeejer]

If this had happened to me, I would certainly have been offended and extremely angry, but don't take it personally. You are not the one with the problem. This escort is. By writing to this message board you are taking control of the situation and I would also suggest writing a review of the escort. Perhaps he has already seen these posts and feels somewhat exposed. Why not take it a step further. An escort who would offend someone for his nationality, might find something in each one of his clients on which to prejudge us.

 

I for one would never hire an escort who treats people in such a way. I would not trust them to treat me any better then he treated you.

[Guest MrB]

You could feel disappointed or rejected if you were really into him, but you should simply move on. There's plenty of guys who'll be glad to have your business, and they're all likely to show you a better time than a guy who doesn't like your type.

 

Maybe we are being a little too politically correct here. Are we really saying that we must all be equally attracted to all ages, types and races? Is it OK to say you do not fancy a fem or an obese guy? Whether we're outspoken about it or not, I think most of us prefer this type of the other. I'm not so sure that not being attracted to Asians makes you a racist...

 

To push it to the extreme, if a woman rings a gay escort and he declines, does that make him a sexist because he refuses to sell his services to all?

 

Having said all this, if I was the escort, I probably would not have been vocal about the reason I said no. This guy did. Maybe that was unwise, so shoot him for not being a hypocrite. But everyone -- including professionals -- is surely entitled to his/her own decisions of what they find attractive?

[ted]

Although the escort should certainly have been more tactful in declining the meeting, would the client have been better served by spending $200 or so for a poor performance by the escort? The client should not take it personally, they don't know each other. The rejection is based solely on the escort's knowledge of his reaction to certain preconceived generalities, which are probably wrong anyway. I'm not sure one has conscious control of what excites one sexually, but I am often amazed at how non-judgemental sexually the top escorts can be.

[Guest jay]

No you shouldn't have taken this personally. While "anyone" rejecting you is tough to swallow, I think he was being honest and saving you money. Damn; if I am going to spend that amount of money, I sure as hell would like some interest coming from the other side. The escort's rejecting you weights more on the side of attraction than political.

 

Even on meeting, if the escort would be more honest (as difficult as the situation may be) about their attraction to the client, in the least you have saved yourself a lot of money although it does hurt. With all due respect to the escort, I don't feel they can be expected to conjure up a sexual interest on demand if they are truly not attracted to your or to any race for that matter.

[Guest Jake]

While I agree that everyone is not or cannot be "attracted" to everyone else, this escort's complete disregard for the client's feelings is disturbing. I do wish you would write a review of this guy because I would not want to give him any business or, in any way, contribute to his success as an escort.

[Guest bottomboykk]

Attraction should not be an issue when an escort is being hired. The top escorts perform equally well whether they are attracted to the client or not. Any escort who gives qualifications for those who hire him should leave the business. The best escorts accept clients of all races, body types, etc.

 

I am overweight, and am well aware that many guys are not attracted to heavyset guys. I have no problem with that. But I do have a problem with an escort either refusing to see me or performing inadequately as a result of their lack of attraction. There are so many good escorts out there who perform well no matter what (two that come immediately to mind are Scott Matthews and Josh Daniels; I know I would not be their "type" for dating, but you'd never know it by how they perform as escorts -- they are true professionals). Losers like the escort in this post should be exposed for what they really are.

[Guest Sean]

I think all Escorts have their limits as to who they'll see. I for one have my limits as to who I'll see and who I wont, but how can one write a review of an Escort that you haven't met or been with? Move on to the next one that doesn't have a problem with you being Asian. Some clients wont hire me because I'm white. Do I become offended? No. I laugh it off and go on about my business.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Zen Thought for the Day

 

LAST EDITED ON Sep-30-00 AT 12:54PM (EST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Sep-30-00 AT 12:52 PM (EST)

 

True, affairs of the heart cannot be dictated by the head and for most of us affairs of the flesh can’t either, but that is a virtue of a professional escort that still amazes me. (This is not to say that individual limits don’t exist.)

 

And I think there isn’t too much that is more personal than one’s race, somthing that you live with 24/7, can do nothing about and shapes your daily life thorugh your self perception and your interaction with others. In todays world it is an integral part of who we are like it or not.

 

Now it may be that the escort is not trying to issue you a personal slap, this really depends on how he handles the situation. So he may not warrant feelings of ill will on your part. In this case though it seems his response was wanting.

 

So yes, in this case take it personally, but 30 seconds is about the right time interval to dwell on it for we all have short comings and it is more important to dwell on our own than on someone elses and even more important to get on with our happiness on a daily basis -- in this case finding a sexy agreeable escort. Spending a couple of hours with him is infinitely preferable to stewing a couple of hours over the other one.

[Guest Starbuck999]

You are probably wondering if the escort is a racist and if you should resent it for that reason. Perhaps, but not necessarily. I am not attracted to hairy guys and in fact a lot of hair really turns me off. That does not mean that I think hairy guys are not good people, or that they are in any way inferior. I, of course have friends who are hairy. I didn't choose the preference and I can't turn it off at will. I think everyone has similar attractions and non-attractions. I doubt if the escort dislikes Asian, although that is a possibility. It is unusual for escorts to be that selective in chosing clients, but some escorts are like that.

[+ Charlie]

It is always unpleasant to be rejected, but especially for something over which one has no control. There are laws against discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, age, etc., because such discrimination in most business dealings is simply unfair. A waiter in a restaurant is expected to treat all customers the same regardless of his personal prejudices. Sexual services, however, are somewhat different. It is very difficult for most men to perform sexually with someone who, for whatever reason, is repugnant to him. It may be politically incorrect to be turned off by men who are effeminate, old, bald, disabled, uncut,or of a certain race or ethnicity, or even that are young or supermuscular, but the psychological reaction is a reality that is foolish to deny. I would rather be told by a potential escort upfront, "I really am turned off by someone who is (fill in the blank)", because then I am not going to waste my time on someone who will not give me the kind of sexual satisfaction I am looking for. His response, while tactless and unnecessarily hurtful, may actually have been a clumsy attempt to behave ethically in a field where many men feel they owe nothing to the client. Don't take it as a personal insult, however unfeeling it may be toward your race; let it go and look for someone who is attracted to you as an individual, or who is at least able to perform as you wish and make you believe he is enjoying it.

[Guest squaddie]

I would be happier if an escort rejected me at the beginning (for whatever reason), rather than arrange an appointment and giving poor service.

 

I also agree that a review of this escort is called for. Not because he gave bad service, but as a warning to other would be clients that he has prejudices. What would have happened if you hadn't said you were Asian, or you didn't sound Asian, and he had agreed to an appointment? Would you have got what you were paying for?

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

I think that you should not take it personnally.

Now you did not spend your monney for a poor performance. It is a good thing.

i really think that this person (escort) should have use an other excuse. This is unrespectuf from his part to refuse seing you because you are an asian.

I feel sorry for you because i would have been really pissed if this was happening to me.

Again, you did not get ripped off.

Stephan Lacoste

[Matt_Vancouver]

It's too bad that this kind of thing still happens today, but on the other hand, you can look on the bright side, you discovered that the guy was a prejudiced asshole before dishing out your cash.

you should have contacted someone like Rick Monroe, nothing but good sexy man there: ) Or me for that matter: ) *a bit o self promotion*

Some of the best fucking I've done has been with a hot little asian guy that I see occasionally, nice compact tight little bod, sweet hairless tight little ass!! woof!

it always comes down to personal preference. just be happy you didn't waste your money, and move on to some hot new prospect.

Matt

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest travisnyc]

Accepting money makes the escort a business and they should be held accountable as any other business. Sounds like discrimination to me. You should write a review. Many clients write reviews about escorts who don't show up to warn potential clients of the unprofessionalism. They haven't "met" them either. Exactly the same situation.

[Guest travisnyc]

Better yet, SUE him. Maybe the settlement will be 100 free sessions!!

[Guest torjon]

I really don't understand how someone could NOT take this personally! This escort refuses to see you because you are a certain race, and that's NOT personal??? How much more personal COULD it be? HOWEVER, there's a wealth of common sense and good advice within these posts...and among the best....take it personally,get pissed, give it about the five minutes it deserves, and then get on the phone to another escort. There are a lot of great ones...(just read the reviews on here!).

I personally think this escorts attitude is indefensible...he's providing a service, and if it's a selective service, say so. That I can respect. Yes, damn it...it was VERY personal, but let it go...and hire one of the great guys you'll find here...a Matt or a Rick (to name just two) will make you forget THAT guy in five minutes! Happy playtime!

[Guest MrB]

"My question to the group is should I have taken this personally? "

 

 

No other way to take it, I'm afraid, but I agree with so many other posters that you can do a lot better than give your money to a guy who really does not want you. I know dozens of great-looking guys that would be only to happy to have your business.

 

This has been a most interesting thread… I have learned so much from it.

There seems to be a general consensus that it’s not OK for an escort to turn a client down because of race and say so. It would be wiser for him to make up any sort of excuse and avoid hurting someone’s feelings unnecessarily.

 

Many clients however seem to expect all escorts to be able to perform with any client. I wonder if this is realistic. I know it’s a business here, but it’s a bit different from shampooing someone’s hair or giving them legal advice. I realise we pay them money but if the guy is not attracted to you in any way, can he really make it a worthwhile experience? Can he? Could you?

[Will]

This is indeed an interesting question, and a complex one. In fact, I put off responding for a good eighteen hours while I thought about it. And I've benefitted from the other points of view already expressed here.

 

First, you ask us whether or not you "should" take it personally. Whether you should or shouldn't is beside the point; it isn't even a realistic question. The fact is that you have taken it personally or you wouldn't have posted the thread. I don't know how you could have taken it otherwise. Being told by a sex professional that he can't be professional because of the way you look is a personal issue. How can one be "impersonal" about something like that?

 

Second, however, I agree with others that sexual fantasies are non-negotiable. Someone mentioned that body hair turns him off, but it turns me on and shaved-smooth bodies turn me off. But I'm not a sex-worker advertising my services to anyone who seeks them. In any case, I've had some pretty good encounters with men who shaved (silly boys) their bodies (I just didn't know it ahead of time and am too polite to say anything once we're in medias res, as it were). Therefore, if an escort really cannot get it up for men of a certain body type, or age, or ethnicity, he should say so in his ad. That would save clients some hurt and embarrassment.

 

Third, while I can't agree that involuntary sexual responses could be termed "racist," actions most certainly can. And in that regard I don't see any way around the assertion that the escort in question leveled a racial insult in the way he told you that the deal was off. For that fact alone, he should be written up. How to tell? Sometimes, when I'm not sure whether a remark was truly insulting or that it just wounded my pride, I substitute the terms. In this case, how would we respond if the escort had said exactly the same things, but not because you're Asian. Suppose he'd said, "because you're Jewish" or "because you're Black"? Would there be the slightest question that he was a racist?

[Guest curious]

I am not a lawyer, but it appears to me that you could sue under some of the civil rights laws or some provision of the UCC. If the person in question is operating as a business, he does not have the right to discriminate against anyone based on several issues including sex, age, and/or race. To deny you service based on these or other protected factors is in fact a violation of your civil rights. Realize that in most areas he could deny you based on your sexual orientation.

 

Now, this is not a claim of any sort that anyone has to sleep with anyone else. Prostitution is not legal in most parts of the US, but if as claimed an escort is being paid for his time-- then I would contend that he would in fact be in violation of law.

[Guest EscortBizBoy]

LAST EDITED ON Oct-01-00 AT 12:06PM (EST)[p]Filing suit against a hooker for discrimination!!!!???? I'm rolling on the floor here!!! You have got to be kidding. That would be one for the history books huh?

[Matt_Vancouver]

Ok this is getting a bit out of hand.

The escort in question may very well be racist, but is probably not. It's probably a situation as stated somewhere above, where it's a preference issue. We can't all be attracted to everyone. The escort in question should probably not be in this line of work if he isn't able to 'perform' under any circumstance. But if he is aware that there may be a problem, at least he had the balls to say so, albeit not in the most polite way, but he didn't just show and go through the motions.

Legal action....hello. I don't think so.

There is probably a bit of prejudice going on, but racism, I don't think so. (is there a difference? )

matt

viva la difference(melting pot, variety, black yellow red brown purple, we all have cocks: )

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest Tex]

Sad. Sorry you were offended. Since you're a business owner, to help yourself feel better, make a personal contribution to ending world-wide discriminative behavior. A suggestion might be to take extra effort to insure that EVERY person who enters YOUR business - REGARDLESS OF ANYTHING THAT MAKES THEM WHO THEY ARE - is treated unconditionally similar. The task would be impossible. Someone would be offended for some reason sooner or later, even with the best of intentions.

 

I find it hard to believe if you're a successful Asian business man that the escort's actions were the worst example of discrimination you encountered that day. But what have you and I done to make any of it any better?