Advice on hangout buddy or occasional FWB

[jimmyLA]

How do I find a fit guy to hangout with more like normal guy friend, and then every once in a while be more intimate and play like boyfreinds? I would say 70-80% of times like guy friend and 20% time like boyfriend. Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things? Rentafriend site has friends to hangout with and they charge $20-40 per hour, but not sure if those guys are also gays and if they would be open to the idea. How do I ask for that without being disrespectful? Any ideas?

[jimmyLA]

How do I find a fit guy to hangout with more like normal guy friend, and then every once in a while be more intimate and play like boyfreinds? I would say 70-80% of times like guy friend and 20% time like boyfriend. Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things? Rentafriend site has friends to hangout with and they charge $20-40 per hour, but not sure if those guys are also gays and if they would be open to the idea. How do I ask for that without being disrespectful? Any ideas?

[MscleLovr]

Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things?

 

I don’t think so @jimmyLA but I feel it’s key to find the right person and become friends (as you put it, “guy friends”) first. Look for someone who enjoys the same activities as you or shares the same interests, and you can build a relationship from there.

 

Over the years I’ve had 2 such relationships. The first is someone with whom I had exactly the type of friendship you describe: we had the gym in common (met there, worked out together, I invited him for a meal). We had sex occasionally after the gym. I invited him on (non-sexual) dates and we had a couple of vacations together. The second was someone who was my physical ideal and sexually we were utterly compatible, so lust was what we had in common. Tho we tried sharing various other activities, sexual dates were far and away the best for both of us.

 

I’ve stayed friends with both men. I’ve been very clear that when I have an exclusive boyfriend, I don’t cheat on him. Both men seem fine with this and when I’m single, I have 2 nice guys to meet and if they want, we play together.

[MscleLovr]

Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things?

 

I don’t think so @jimmyLA but I feel it’s key to find the right person and become friends (as you put it, “guy friends”) first. Look for someone who enjoys the same activities as you or shares the same interests, and you can build a relationship from there.

 

Over the years I’ve had 2 such relationships. The first is someone with whom I had exactly the type of friendship you describe: we had the gym in common (met there, worked out together, I invited him for a meal). We had sex occasionally after the gym. I invited him on (non-sexual) dates and we had a couple of vacations together. The second was someone who was my physical ideal and sexually we were utterly compatible, so lust was what we had in common. Tho we tried sharing various other activities, sexual dates were far and away the best for both of us.

 

I’ve stayed friends with both men. I’ve been very clear that when I have an exclusive boyfriend, I don’t cheat on him. Both men seem fine with this and when I’m single, I have 2 nice guys to meet and if they want, we play together.

[+ WilliamM]

I don’t think so @jimmyLA but I feel it’s key to find the right person and become friends (as you put it, “guy friends”) first. Look for someone who enjoys the same activities as you or shares the same interests, and you can build a relationship from there.

 

Over the years I’ve had 2 such relationships. The first is someone with whom I had exactly the type of friendship you describe: we had the gym in common (met there, worked out together, I invited him for a meal). We had sex occasionally after the gym. I invited him on (non-sexual) dates and we had a couple of vacations together. The second was someone who was my physical ideal and sexually we were utterly compatible, so lust was what we had in common. Tho we tried sharing various other activities, sexual dates were far and away the best for both of us.

 

I’ve stayed friends with both men. I’ve been very clear that when I have an exclusive boyfriend, I don’t cheat on him. Both men seem fine with this and when I’m single, I have 2 nice guys to meet and if they want, we play together.

 

How is this so different than making friends in general?

[+ WilliamM]

I don’t think so @jimmyLA but I feel it’s key to find the right person and become friends (as you put it, “guy friends”) first. Look for someone who enjoys the same activities as you or shares the same interests, and you can build a relationship from there.

 

Over the years I’ve had 2 such relationships. The first is someone with whom I had exactly the type of friendship you describe: we had the gym in common (met there, worked out together, I invited him for a meal). We had sex occasionally after the gym. I invited him on (non-sexual) dates and we had a couple of vacations together. The second was someone who was my physical ideal and sexually we were utterly compatible, so lust was what we had in common. Tho we tried sharing various other activities, sexual dates were far and away the best for both of us.

 

I’ve stayed friends with both men. I’ve been very clear that when I have an exclusive boyfriend, I don’t cheat on him. Both men seem fine with this and when I’m single, I have 2 nice guys to meet and if they want, we play together.

 

How is this so different than making friends in general?

[MscleLovr]

Very true @WilliamM It is the same in general terms.

 

Obviously if like the OP you aim to make friends with a view to “benefits”, you have to be sure the other man Is gay and not just gay-friendly. That’s why I found the gym fruitful. I was known to be gay and a nice guy, so I had a mix of gym-friends - some str8, some gay and some just relaxed about being friends with a gay man.

 

I guess the OP will have to invest some time and energy in making friends. I didn’t really understand his reference to the “Rentafriend site” as I certainly don’t imagine the OP thinks it’s a way to meet an escort on the cheap, but I guess that if you befriend another gay man, you may find it develops and you have a friend-with-benefits.

Edited January 7, 2020 by MscleLovr

[MscleLovr]

Very true @WilliamM It is the same in general terms.

 

Obviously if like the OP you aim to make friends with a view to “benefits”, you have to be sure the other man Is gay and not just gay-friendly. That’s why I found the gym fruitful. I was known to be gay and a nice guy, so I had a mix of gym-friends - some str8, some gay and some just relaxed about being friends with a gay man.

 

I guess the OP will have to invest some time and energy in making friends. I didn’t really understand his reference to the “Rentafriend site” as I certainly don’t imagine the OP thinks it’s a way to meet an escort on the cheap, but I guess that if you befriend another gay man, you may find it develops and you have a friend-with-benefits.

Edited January 7, 2020 by MscleLovr

[+ Gar1eth]

How do I find a fit guy to hangout with more like normal guy friend, and then every once in a while be more intimate and play like boyfreinds? I would say 70-80% of times like guy friend and 20% time like boyfriend. Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things? Rentafriend site has friends to hangout with and they charge $20-40 per hour, but not sure if those guys are also gays and if they would be open to the idea. How do I ask for that without being disrespectful? Any ideas?

 

Wow-I hadn't thought of Rentafriend in a long time. Back when I had a career and money I thought about using them. When you are searching for friends on their website, there is an option to say you are a gay male and and are looking for gay males.

 

I'm trying to remember if I actually sent an email to a few of them or not. I have a vague memory that I might have. But I don't think I ever got a response from the guy I was interested in. But then maybe I only thought about sending an email. In any case I don't think this is what you are looking for.

 

 

I think I finally decided that it wasn't for me. I wondered what would happen if I really liked the guy but was only a client to him. That wouldn't have been really good for my ego. I found the same thing with hiring escorts-the only thing that really allowed me to go thru with hiring was that I needed sex, and hiring was the only way I was going to get it.

 

Also Rentafriend is not a sex site. I have no idea how often sex occurs between people on there. But it's not Rentmen.

 

Gman

Edited January 7, 2020 by Gar1eth

[+ WilliamM]

Wow-I hadn't thought of Rentafriend in a long time. Back when I had a career and money I thought about using them. When you are searching for friends on their, there is an option to say you are a gay male and and are looking for gay males.

 

I'm trying to remember if I actually sent an email to a few of them or not. I have a vague memory that I might have. But I don't think I ever got a response from the guy I was interested in. But then maybe I only thought about sending an email. In any case I don't think this is what you are looking for.

 

 

I think I finally decided that it wasn't for me. I wondered what would happen if I really liked the guy but was only a client to him. That wouldn't have been really good for my ego. I found the same thing with hiring escorts-the only thing that really allowed me to go thru with hiring was that I needed sex, and hiring was the only way I was going to get it.

 

Also Rentafriend is not a sex site. I have no idea how often sex occurs between people on there. But it's not Rentmen.

 

Gman

 

Rentafriend seems irrelevant to the basic purpose. Right?

[MidwestCoastal]

I would encourage you to cast several lines into this pond.

 

My best success for these situations has always been the 'dating/hookup' apps such as Grindr and Scruff. State that you want Friends with Benefits in your profile and see what happens.

 

I would also encourage you to lay out exactly what your 'must haves' would be. Are you exclusively a top into vanilla? Are you a bottom into leather?

 

You also need to be prepared for a 'partial breakup' situation. What if you start out with the mindset of having a FwB relationship,but the sex just doesn't work - are you prepared to say "I think we're best off just as friends"? Or the reverse, the sex is great, but the hanging out part just doesn't work, are you comfortable with a FB? And as others have recommended, be up front about the 'What if one of us starts dating/gets a BF?'

 

I also found getting the sex part under your belt early on tended to be best for all parties. If the sex was great, working on the friend part was easier, for me anyways, because lets be honest, sex is a huge motivator here for the other person's company.

 

I believe all relationships - family, BF, FwB, FB, friends - have a better chance of success with open dialogue and expectations. I think this type of relationship specifically needs a bit more communication up front.

 

Just my two cents...

[jimmyLA]

I would encourage you to cast several lines into this pond.

 

My best success for these situations has always been the 'dating/hookup' apps such as Grindr and Scruff. State that you want Friends with Benefits in your profile and see what happens.

 

I would also encourage you to lay out exactly what your 'must haves' would be. Are you exclusively a top into vanilla? Are you a bottom into leather?

 

You also need to be prepared for a 'partial breakup' situation. What if you start out with the mindset of having a FwB relationship,but the sex just doesn't work - are you prepared to say "I think we're best off just as friends"? Or the reverse, the sex is great, but the hanging out part just doesn't work, are you comfortable with a FB? And as others have recommended, be up front about the 'What if one of us starts dating/gets a BF?'

 

I also found getting the sex part under your belt early on tended to be best for all parties. If the sex was great, working on the friend part was easier, for me anyways, because lets be honest, sex is a huge motivator here for the other person's company.

 

I believe all relationships - family, BF, FwB, FB, friends - have a better chance of success with open dialogue and expectations. I think this type of relationship specifically needs a bit more communication up front.

 

Just my two cents...

 

Thank you very much for this guidance. What hookup websites you may suggest in stead of phone app like grindr or scruff?

[jimmyLA]

Wow-I hadn't thought of Rentafriend in a long time. Back when I had a career and money I thought about using them. When you are searching for friends on their, there is an option to say you are a gay male and and are looking for gay males.

 

I'm trying to remember if I actually sent an email to a few of them or not. I have a vague memory that I might have. But I don't think I ever got a response from the guy I was interested in. But then maybe I only thought about sending an email. In any case I don't think this is what you are looking for.

 

 

I think I finally decided that it wasn't for me. I wondered what would happen if I really liked the guy but was only a client to him. That wouldn't have been really good for my ego. I found the same thing with hiring escorts-the only thing that really allowed me to go thru with hiring was that I needed sex, and hiring was the only way I was going to get it.

 

Also Rentafriend is not a sex site. I have no idea how often sex occurs between people on there. But it's not Rentmen.

 

Gman

 

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.

[jimmyLA]

I don’t think so @jimmyLA but I feel it’s key to find the right person and become friends (as you put it, “guy friends”) first. Look for someone who enjoys the same activities as you or shares the same interests, and you can build a relationship from there.

 

Over the years I’ve had 2 such relationships. The first is someone with whom I had exactly the type of friendship you describe: we had the gym in common (met there, worked out together, I invited him for a meal). We had sex occasionally after the gym. I invited him on (non-sexual) dates and we had a couple of vacations together. The second was someone who was my physical ideal and sexually we were utterly compatible, so lust was what we had in common. Tho we tried sharing various other activities, sexual dates were far and away the best for both of us.

 

I’ve stayed friends with both men. I’ve been very clear that when I have an exclusive boyfriend, I don’t cheat on him. Both men seem fine with this and when I’m single, I have 2 nice guys to meet and if they want, we play together.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[+ Gar1eth]

Thank you very much for this guidance. What hookup websites you may suggest in stead of phone app like grindr or scruff?

 

Is there some reason not to use the phone apps?

 

There are other sites-but I think they are more of the dating type -they have websites and might have phone apps too.

 

1. There's Plenty of Fish

https://www.pof.com/

 

2. OkCupid

https://www.okcupid.com/

 

Okcupid if it hasn't changed from when I tried it years ago, this site will ask you a lot of questions and then will match you up. The problem being that I'm fairly unattractive. Just because I might match someone else's interests, if they didn't like the way I looked, they weren't interested in meeting. I'm assuming that's why no one was ever interested in me during the several months I was on it.

 

3. Match.com

 

Interesting fact-initially it didn't cover same sex relationships. I believe the founder was a therapist who supposedly had done testing on compatibility. His stated reason for not including same sex matches was that he didn't have the data. At some point I think there was a lawsuit, and they were forced to include same sex matches.

 

Going back to the gay sites, there's

 

4. adam4adam.com

 

5. Manhunt-I haven't looked at this site in probably 7 years.

 

 

https://www.manhunt.net/signup

 

Another site to try might be. Depending on where you live, there may be gay groups.

 

MEETUP-

 

meetup.com

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

How do I find a fit guy to hangout with more like normal guy friend, and then every once in a while be more intimate and play like boyfreinds? I would say 70-80% of times like guy friend and 20% time like boyfriend. Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things? Rentafriend site has friends to hangout with and they charge $20-40 per hour, but not sure if those guys are also gays and if they would be open to the idea. How do I ask for that without being disrespectful? Any ideas?

 

I think many Rentafriend people say they aren’t open to it. It could be that the other ones are.

 

I wonder if negotiating the rates might get tricky though, particularly if the amount of time spent on sex vs platonic stuff changes over time.

[RealAvalon]

How do I find a fit guy to hangout with more like normal guy friend, and then every once in a while be more intimate and play like boyfreinds? I would say 70-80% of times like guy friend and 20% time like boyfriend. Is it awkward or disrespectful to ask for such things? Rentafriend site has friends to hangout with and they charge $20-40 per hour, but not sure if those guys are also gays and if they would be open to the idea. How do I ask for that without being disrespectful? Any ideas?

Are you out or closeted?

[jimmyLA]

Loving all these advice. Yes, I am closeted and that's why prefer to not use phone apps.