Seeking A New Counselor

[+ Gar1eth]

It never really seems to do much for me. But every once in a while I get the urge. My last attempt was about three months ago. We only had two meetings, and they didn't go that well-or rather the first one went ok. But the second one -it didn't seem we were a good match. He asked me at the second meeting whether I was going to make a third. I might have been wrong. But I had the feeling he didn't think it would be useful. At that time I had prescheduled a third meeting for a few weeks ahead. But as I thought more and more about it, I decided we weren't a good match. And I canceled it. Basically I felt that he 'tough loved' me out the door because I felt as if his question to me on whether I was scheduling a third meeting was a challenge.

 

So right now I'd prefer to see someone on my insurance. The problems with that are there aren't that many who are listed when looking up LGBT Issues. And I want a gay male counselor. But I can't tell if any of them are gay or not. I was fairly sure the guy I saw three months ago was gay. But he is the only one I was fairly sure about. And even if I went to someone off the insurance -which I might not be able to afford-I'm still having trouble telling if someone is gay. For some reason in Seattle the gay therapists seemed a lot more obvious.

 

On the other hand, I've considered going to a non-gay therapist-often gay therapists seem so happy about being gay-that it's a big disconnect from me-but in the end even with that I've decided I would prefer a gay therapist. An old acquaintance of mine said he always picks female therapists-but I don't know. I would just prefer a male therapist.

 

Gman

[rvwnsd]

Is there an LGBT business directory where you live? Perhaps you could look there and see who might be on your insurance.

[rvwnsd]

Another thought - is there a local LGBT Center? They might have a discussion or support group that would help or sliding-scale therapists.

[+ Gar1eth]

Is there an LGBT business directory where you live? Perhaps you could look there and see who might be on your insurance.

Another thought - is there a local LGBT Center? They might have a discussion or support group that would help or sliding-scale therapists.

 

Those are excellent thoughts. But again-there's the insurance question. And unfortunately I am 25 miles from the LGBT Center. It makes it very difficult to get to. On top of that (what I laughingly call) work constrains my time. I looked a few months back for some kind of group at the LGBT Center at the suggestion-more of a challenge from the last therapist. Of their groups that pertain to me, there's no way I could make the meetings.

 

Maybe it's better I don't get a new therapist. They never seem to help. And I usually end up feeling worse than I did before I met them. But hope springs eternal that maybe I'll click better with the next one.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

@Gar1eth , we have been colleagues on this site for many years, and it has always saddened me that you are never able to find JOY in your life.... Post after post, its always something negative, often depressing, and just SAD..... But I've gotten to the point where I don't know whether your posts are serious, or you are just a perpetual "downer", or someone looking for attention.... There's no harm done if you are... I believe there are many people on this site just looking for some attention, and if posting here gives you purpose....God Bless.... You talk about work... Whatever that is, doesn't it give to some happiness or fulfillment ? If not, find something that does. Certainly you cant find an excuse for EVERY possible option out there ? It would just be nice and refreshing for we that know you to read, just one day, that you are HAPPY.... Life should have purpose....I think you just need to find yours ?

But I would hate to think that "the joke is on us" ! Best regards my friend...

[maninsoma]

My two cents:

 

First you should think about what you want to get out of therapy. Some people look for therapists who work from a perspective that short-term therapy is most effective. They may be cognitive-behavioral or not, but many therapists practice in such a way that the treatment plan is for a relatively short course of treatment (maybe as few as just a handful of sessions, but maybe a half year). On the other hand, some people want a therapist with whom they can explore their internal conflicts; in the traditional sense, this would be psychoanalysis.

 

If your goal is to "feel better" quickly, I don't think you are interested in psychoanalysis or any kind of psychotherapy that's being practiced from that point of view.

 

I understand wanting to work with a gay male, especially if your desire is to focus a lot on your sexual thoughts, desires, and behaviors, because even if you find a completely open minded straight therapist there are some ways in which a straight ally just isn't going to "get" the gay male experience. That being said, I think that finding the right "fit" in terms of not only feeling comfortable with someone but also finding out whether the therapist works in a manner congruent with your wishes is more important. You could find a wonderfully empathic gay male therapist who works psychodynamically, but if what you really want is a solution focused therapist because you don't want to spend months or years exploring your inner demons then that wonderful gay male therapist would be a poor fit for you.

[RealAvalon]

It never really seems to do much for me. But every once in a while I get the urge. My last attempt was about three months ago. We only had two meetings, and they didn't go that well-or rather the first one went ok. But the second one -it didn't seem we were a good match. He asked me at the second meeting whether I was going to make a third. I might have been wrong. But I had the feeling he didn't think it would be useful. At that time I had prescheduled a third meeting for a few weeks ahead. But as I thought more and more about it, I decided we weren't a good match. And I canceled it. Basically I felt that he 'tough loved' me out the door because I felt as if his question to me on whether I was scheduling a third meeting was a challenge.

 

So right now I'd prefer to see someone on my insurance. The problems with that are there aren't that many who are listed when looking up LGBT Issues. And I want a gay male counselor. But I can't tell if any of them are gay or not. I was fairly sure the guy I saw three months ago was gay. But he is the only one I was fairly sure about. And even if I went to someone off the insurance -which I might not be able to afford-I'm still having trouble telling if someone is gay. For some reason in Seattle the gay therapists seemed a lot more obvious.

 

On the other hand, I've considered going to a non-gay therapist-often gay therapists seem so happy about being gay-that it's a big disconnect from me-but in the end even with that I've decided I would prefer a gay therapist. An old acquaintance of mine said he always picks female therapists-but I don't know. I would just prefer a male therapist.

 

Gman

The first therapist I saw, a long time ago, was when I was first coming out. At our first meeting the 'assignment' he gave me was to read a lot of gay literature, fiction and non-fiction, anything/everything. I didn't care for the therapist much, but I did appreciate the advice. If/when we are feeling isolated and lacking a community, there is always literature and the written word to fill some of the space. If you read a great book, I'd like to hear about it.

[Beancounter]

https://legacycares.org/

 

The above link will take you to a counseling center that is primarily geared to the LGBT community here in Dallas. (If memory serves me well you’re in the DFW area). Perhaps they can help you locate a therapist who meets your needs. While they provide help for many HIV individuals they also help other non-HIV people. I learned of this organization while volunteering at the Resource Center here in Dallas.

 

It should be noted that while the Resource Center here in Dallas is thought of as a LGBT organizatino it is not strictly for the LGBT community. To access its services you must be HIV positive. Or, at least, that’s the way it was several years ago when I volunteered there.

 

Another avenue to explore may be the MCC church here in Dallas. They may be able to direct you to qualified therapists either through their church staff or outside the church in a private, secular environment.

[+ LIguy]

Check if your area has a crisis hotline. I was a volunteer at a local one here on Long Island and we kept many referrals for LGBT....I was in therapy for a few years with a straight male msw who was fucking hot. I learned alot about myself and the experience was very positive. I mentioned that he was hot because one of my issues was feeling inferior around very goodlooking men which I realized was from only meeting other gay men from cruising where no one cares about you as a person just your physical attributes.