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[Mocha]

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Edited October 1, 2019 by Mocha

[+ OliverSaks]

It sounds like you can just say something like “I appreciate your input, but I’m not looking to change careers at this time”

 

I also don’t think that there is this binary that you’re speaking of where you’ll automatically have to be “an employee” because you’re no longer escorting. Lots of people are their own bosses and don’t have a traditional cog-in-the-wheel type of job

 

I find that the people in my life who know what I do are generally pretty supportive because they’ve seen how unhappy I was in the grind of my original career choice and how much better I am now. If there are friends or clients or otherwise who you tend to vent to a lot about the negatives, it might be natural for them to suggest another path.

 

I get suggestions about leaving the biz from time to time, but it doesn’t really bother me because I know what my life and my peace of mind was like before, and I don’t think it really needs much explaining.

[+ sync]

Should there be a next time, you might offer: Interesting you should say that. While you've been concerned about the freedoms of my lifestyle, I've been pitying the repetitive, mundane shackles of your lifestyle.

 

Yes, when I feel people are pushing too far, the bitch takes over: "What a dump!"

[+ WilliamM]

@Mocha, perhaps a rat race to you, yet some people enjoy their nine to five jobs and take pride in their work.

[Pulgasari1991]

@Mocha, perhaps a rat race to you, yet some people enjoy their nine to five jobs and take pride in their work.

One has to cope with that somehow.

[RealAvalon]

This is open to clients and escorts...

 

Does anyone have friends or acquaintances outside of the biz who you love, but they just rarely ever have anything motivational or of value to say about what you do?

 

I’ve known a couple who lives out of state who I hang with about 2 to 3 times a year for a week. They’re the coolest and most welcoming friends I’ve had, and they know me. Only thing is, I’ve occasionally found myself being “recommended” or “questioned” about picking up something outside of sex work. This usually comes without my asking for it, and when it happened this last time, I was feeling comfortable money wise...so it’s not like I was lamenting about how bad business was. We were out at a bar having drinks, and It was just slipped in during another topic.

 

This isn’t the 1st time, and I’ve gotten it from couple others too (even clients). It’s getting to a point where it’s starting to T me off and considering cutting people off. I get tired of people trying to tell me how to live my life, and how I should do this or that, so I can have a mortgage, car note, and stable job like them.

 

I tell them, I don’t want those things right now. Having a steady job so I can apply to get a loan for a house or car is not important to me. I buy depreciated cars, and I have no interest in settling down in 1 city just to say I have a house and “good job” only to be miserable waking up every morning rushing thru traffic to get to work. Come home, have 4 hours to relax, go to bed only to do it again the next day. I see all my homeowner friends doing just that.

 

I wish people could just accept that some people live alternative lifestyles than them. Not matter how insecure or unstable escorting may seem to them, as long as I’m not mooching off of someone against their will, it shouldn’t matter. I don’t have to wait for a paycheck on an employer’s schedule, all I’ve got to do is add a new picture or switch a city, and I’m getting paid.

 

I also get tired of people saying, “well what are you going to do when you’re 40, 50...can’t do this forever?” Yeah, but who’s going to be doing what they are doing 20-30 years from now anyway? Nobody in a high paced business is guaranteed to have the stamina to maintain their current job for years, whether it’s NFL player, Uber driver, escort or McDonald’s manager. A career change happens when the person is ready, it shouldn’t be held over someone’s head like some ominous cloud.

 

People are so quick to suggest someone make a life change, but have no blueprint to make it happen. Just opinions. They don’t understand transitioning from business owner (escort) to employee is not an overnight process. It could take months and years to make that transition. I try to tell people that, they don’t get it. Plus I tell them I’m perfectly happy being in business. I have my bad days, but when I worked in regular jobs...every single day was a bad day. I never was able to keep a regular job for more than 2 years. I’ve been on my own business for 12 years now. Being in an office for 8 hours daily around co-workers who I had nothing in common with, was irritating to my soul. On top of that, I had to deal with crooked supervisors/managers/bosses on every job. When I see mass shootings at workplaces, I can only be grateful that I left the workforce before it ever got violent, but understand how someone can be moved to feel that’s their only resolution.

 

I’m considering writing a letter (via text) about how I feel to one of them, but I don’t want to tarnish the relationship. At the same time, I think I need to make clear that I won’t be having any further discussions that involve “the grass is greener” when it comes to my business.

What were your career alternatives before you opted for sex trade work?

Are the comments about the actual trade, or about the other opportunities you have not followed?

[+ WilliamM]

It sounds like you can just say something like “I appreciate your input, but I’m not looking to change careers at this time”

 

I also don’t think that there is this binary that you’re speaking of where you’ll automatically have to be “an employee” because you’re no longer escorting. Lots of people are their own bosses and don’t have a traditional cog-in-the-wheel type of job

 

I find that the people in my life who know what I do are generally pretty supportive because they’ve seen how unhappy I was in the grind of my original career choice and how much better I am now. If there are friends or clients or otherwise who you tend to vent to a lot about the negatives, it might be natural for them to suggest another path.

 

I get suggestions about leaving the biz from time to time, but it doesn’t really bother me because I know what my life and my peace of mind was like before, and I don’t think it really needs much explaining.

 

My first job was difficult to explain to friends. So I received similar comments. You can't just say I appreciate your comments....."

[+ E.T.Bass]

What about you two? Is this it, or are you pining to mix it up with your 9 to 5 life?

 

Try a few variations of that without coming off like an A-hole. That's just a thought I had, some unsolicited advice.

[Cannon]

This is a side job to my career job. None of my friends or acquaintances are aware I do massage on the side. When you share any information about anything, it leaves it vulnerable to other people's opinions which is why I keep most things to myself.

[Walker1]

It really depends on their tone and the way it comes across. If it is just one tidbit in your whole conversation that lasts a few seconds-let it go. or if it bothers you enough, have a conversation with them that it is getting old and would rather not talk about that topic.

 

If they are grilling non stop and trying to shame you etc-yeah then take it seriously. Perhaps cut them off-those are not healthy people.

Edited September 11, 2019 by Walker1

[Mocha]

Update: after I wrote this thread I decided to just send them both a (long as hell lol) Facebook messenger group chat similar to what I posted here (but in a more informative way without trying to make them feel bad about it, and since they are a couple, I felt it was best to include both of them).

 

The partner did apologize and admitted his position wasn’t effective. My friend said he wish I’d of told him then in person, but said everything is cool but he needs to take it all in.

 

I told him I really didn’t feel like dissing his advice and explaining all of that in person, and plus I wasn’t even offended right then and there. It’s the afterthought that got me thinking. Plus it was our last day together, I didn’t want to leave off on a bad note. But I sent it the very next night, so it didn’t seem like I was stewing, but didn’t send it the same night I left as it would have seemed like I was too afraid to say it in person. I slept on it, made sure it wasn’t just a passing thought, and delivered it.

 

What were your career alternatives before you opted for sex trade work? Are the comments about the actual trade, or about the other opportunities you have not followed?

 

I had various alternatives. Escorting was never on my mind as something I wanted to do. I always thought I wanted to ride thru college doing call center type jobs. But then I realized how toxic those places tend to be, and left that line of work entirely after about 4 years.

 

Most of the comments are coming from people’s fear and “not being able to see themselves doing it” and their wanting me to live the conventional lifestyle they are.

 

And it’s nothing about me wanting to live some outlandish hippie lifestyle. I just choose to make my coin the way I make it. But I’m not trying to keep up with the latest iPhone/new car/city living trends, and work myself to death to maintain it.

 

@Mocha, perhaps a rat race to you, yet some people enjoy their nine to five jobs and take pride in their work.

 

And that’s fine, you won’t see me over here suggesting anyone to get into escorting or becoming a business owner. Whenever some of my friends have described their unemployment/layoff situations...I never invite them to do what I’m doing in order to get back on their feet.

 

Laid off from work? They cut your hours? You got fired? “You should TOTALLY become an escort. Stop waiting around for someone to give you a paycheck and get out there and sell YOURSELF!”

 

Doesn’t sound so great when it’s reversed huh?

Edited September 11, 2019 by Mocha

[Mocha]

It sounds like you can just say something like “I appreciate your input, but I’m not looking to change careers at this time”

 

I get suggestions about leaving the biz from time to time, but it doesn’t really bother me because I know what my life and my peace of mind was like before, and I don’t think it really needs much explaining.

 

That’s exactly what I told them later. But when I tell them these things in person, people always have a “but WHY?” You could do this and that and then apply for this and that loan...I’m like dude, you’re telling me something at a time when I’m trying to first figure out how I’m going to make it thru 2 to 3 weeks in Kansas City off tour, because I have $900 car repair bill...knowing the last time I was in Kansas City off tour I went 3 whole weeks with not a single client, despite over a dozen bullshit messages. Just like I’ve already had to put up with over the past 2 days. Please, give me 1 more thing to stress about ??‍♂️

 

At that point, nothing I say matters because without them knowing my STORY, all they can see is me having sex for money because it’s all I can do for myself. That’s why I had to sit down and really put it in writing ✍? that I won’t be having any further discussions about career changes unless I need them to give me an opinion.

 

This is a side job to my career job. None of my friends or acquaintances are aware I do massage on the side. When you share any information about anything, it leaves it vulnerable to other people's opinions which is why I keep most things to myself.

 

Well, if that works for you that’s fine. However, you choose to have 1 foot in, 1 foot out. So you’re not going to understand someone who’s in it Full scale. I have clients all over the country as well, I realize if I only did this as a side gig, I wouldn’t be able reach the same following or see all the places I’ve seen over time.

 

I can understand keeping things to yourself to an extent, but it comes a point where transparency is better than keeping a low profile. With these friends, I’ve known them for 4 years, and in that length of time...it’s hard to keep it on the low. In some situations, not telling people tends to strain relationships moreso than telling.

 

So I tend to opt towards telling confidential friends, but once I start seeing these friends being frivolous with my information and then trying to poke fun...I am QUICK to cut someone off. I dealt with that in the 1st half of my escort career, I’m less tolerant of it in my 30s.

Edited September 11, 2019 by Mocha

[DallasClient]

I don't know if I can say anything that will help you but I can share some of my thoughts. I am very fond of the young men I get to share time with. I see nothing wrong with this business at all and I respect every one of them. As I spend a lot of time with a few regulars that I care about, I do try and give them some financial advice because I want them to have something when they get older. I give that advice no matter what they do, even if they are in college. As clients who can afford escorts, we are usually successful men in the corporate world. I know you mentioned these are your friends and not clients but if they are older, it's quite natural for them to want to offer some career advice to you. I don't offer much and prefer to answer finance/career questions rather than just tell someone about it.

[+ augustus]

@Mocha …….this is a very common human trait you are dealing with. People are just insecure and try to see themselves as superior to others, hence the judgmentalism. Unless you are breaking the law or hurting others, it's really not their concern. If they mention something once that's fine. They may believe they are being helpful. If they continue to badger you about it or if they continue to keep bringing up your lifestyle, then tell them you live your life you way you want to and they should live theirs the way they want to. I wouldn't drop them as friends unless they continue to do it. Just say "I choose to live my life my own way" and give them a serious look! That should end the repetitive bs.

[Mocha]

@Mocha …….this is a very common human trait you are dealing with. People are just insecure and try to see themselves as superior to others, hence the judgmentalism. Unless you are breaking the law or hurting others, it's really not their concern. If they mention something once that's fine. They may believe they are being helpful. If they continue to badger you about it or if they continue to keep bringing up your lifestyle, then tell them you live your life you way you want to and they should live theirs the way they want to. I wouldn't drop them as friends unless they continue to do it. Just say "I choose to live my life my own way" and give them a serious look! That should end the repetitive bs.

 

Thanks, certainly reverberates what I had to pretty much do. I think this has been the 1st time these particular friends have seen me get “angry” so to speak lol. Or at the least, defend my position without backing down.

 

Like I said, one of them stated he wished I would have said it in person. But, I’ve gotten away from bickering with friends in person. I do it here, because nobody knows each other and I can walk away at anytime and forget it. But people just don’t seem to hear it unless you write it down. Especially in group conversations, people are so quick to distract from the subject, chime in, talk about somebody else’s issues, etc. I can never get my point across. Or things get too heated, and then it creates bad vibes.

 

That’s why whenever I have a serious issue with someone, or want to let go a friendship, I’ll text/email or mail a letter (if it’s a business...considering most gays stopped writing letters to each other once texting and email came out lol).

 

But like you say, I know they come from a helpful position, but the problem is it was coming from THEIR idea of helpful. And that’s what rubbed me wrong. If someone is going to give advice, give it as it relates to what it’s congruent to what I’m doing. Even though we have so much in common and get along so well, there’s no way in hell I could do their early morning work/hustle bustle lifestyle.

 

And in reality, I didn’t even need the advice. I was in their state seeing clients, was traveling for the prior 4 weeks and was well supported when I was there (which is why I made it clear to @OliverSaks, I wasn’t complaining). So why do I need to sit and listen to somebody tell me I should look into getting a “job”. I felt offended. Regardless of the apology and clarification on both parts, our friendship probably won’t be the same.

 

It just reminds me of a guy who I invited over to dinner years ago when I had my condo, and going to tell me I’m lazy for doing this. It just brings back the hurt and the feeling, of how can someone see you doing good for yourself, making it month after month, year after year, and still have the nerve to say you should make something of yourself.

 

I feel like once someone crosses that line of making me feel that way, I just can’t risk it happening it again and let them know they won’t have 1 more time to criticize me.

[Milo Farnsworth]

Write your friends a letter. Get out everything you want to tell them. DON'T SEND IT. Destroy it.

[marylander1940]

@Mocha …….this is a very common human trait you are dealing with. People are just insecure and try to see themselves as superior to others, hence the judgmentalism. Unless you are breaking the law or hurting others, it's really not their concern. If they mention something once that's fine. They may believe they are being helpful. If they continue to badger you about it or if they continue to keep bringing up your lifestyle, then tell them you live your life you way you want to and they should live theirs the way they want to. I wouldn't drop them as friends unless they continue to do it. Just say "I choose to live my life my own way" and give them a serious look! That should end the repetitive bs.

 

I couldn’t agree more. Many times guys who are judgmental are just trying to “out family values” someone with words instead actions. @Mocha Ortega y Gasset said you are yourself in your circumstances. You’re providing a valuable service and it’s not of their concern what you do for a living.

[Mocha]

Write your friends a letter. Get out everything you want to tell them. DON'T SEND IT. Destroy it.

 

Lol, too late...already sent via FB messenger. BUT, I included both because I didn’t want to seem like I was ganging up on either, and I know whatever I tell my friend, he’s going to tell his partner. I know how relationships go especially if they live together lol.

 

They ended up responding well. Couple of days later, My friend’s partner said: “You do you! I’m sorry I said things that were demeaning, unmotivating, and unhelpful”. My friend said he wished we’d of had that conversation earlier while I was there.

 

...but I pretty much went over why in a previous post.

 

I couldn’t agree more. Many times guys who are judgmental are just trying to “out family values” someone with words instead actions. @Mocha Ortega y Gasset said you are yourself in your circumstances. You’re providing a valuable service and it’s not of their concern what you do for a living.

 

That’s true. But that’s why I don’t mix with a lot of people in the community. There’s still a lot of judgmental ness in the scene. They may say they don’t mind or they don’t judge off the bat, but they inevitably end up passing on some “ideas” about things that tend to rub me the wrong way.

 

But these 2 friends in particular I know they come from a good place. After this, I’m sure they know now that it’s not a subject to bring up with me.

Edited September 18, 2019 by Mocha

[marylander1940]

That’s true. But that’s why I kinda just stopped fucking with a lot of people in the community. There’s still a lot of judgmental ness in the scene. They may say they don’t mind or they don’t judge off the bat, but they inevitably end up passing on some “ideas” about things that tend to rub me the wrong way.

 

But these 2 friends in particular I know they come from a good place. After this, I’m sure they know now that it’s not a subject to bring up with me.

 

Exactly, besides in my personal experience judgmental folks in the gay community are usually fuckups. They have the need to declare themselves to be morally superior to others just by words and not by actions and they specialize in Monday quarterbacking others. My conservative friends never invested in the city like I did in the 70's and 80's because it was dangerous... They missed the chance of a lifetime!

[Mocha]

Exactly, besides in my personal experience judgmental folks in the gay community are usually fuckups.

 

The issue is, anybody can be judgmental. And in the gay scene, one can come across a lot of that. Even the ones who claim to “not judge” are the same ones who are quick to judge somebody based on who they do/don’t know, judge by the job they do, judge on someone’s ethnicity: If it really came down to that, I could say the WHOLE gay community are fuck ups, BUT...that’s generalizing and I wouldn’t want to follow the cynical lingo that some guys use when referring to gay culture.

 

For the most part, I still consider clients as my friends. Not just because the money, but because most clients I meet are polar opposites of how guys in the Gay Bar’s, apps and similar situations are. I just don’t get to see all of them enough to abandoned the gay scene all together. I get BORED. So bored. I booked a hotel downtown just so I can go out last weekend, and I don’t even like the scene in this city. It’s so segregated (within the gay community) and all about “who you know”, which are the same people they’ve know forever.

 

But, I try to make the best out it anyway I can. At the same time, I seem to be leaning more towards just meeting people as I go versus making “friends” with folks. I just don’t need anybody around me who’s just going to be in my ear, getting on my nerves and offering suggestions that aren’t conducive to staying in business. Goodbye!

Edited September 24, 2019 by Mocha