Losing a friend

[+ Charlie]

Our oldest gay friend died yesterday at 88. We met him fifty years ago, and he and his partner quickly became our closest friends. We had a typical lifestyle of openly gay middle class urban professional couples in the 1970s: parties, gay bars, subscriptions to the opera, vacations on Fire Island, etc. Then the shit-storm of AIDS hit in the 1980s, and by 1987 his partner of twenty years was dead. For the next 32 years he was alone.

 

For a few years he soldiered on, then decided he wanted a completely new life. He retired and moved across the country to a very small resort town (pop. 1000) on the Oregon coast where no one knew him. He didn't have a "gay lifestyle"--a night out was usually having a drink at the VFW hall with other vets--but he never tried to hide the fact that he was gay. He did socialize with a few other gays and lesbians he met in the area, but his closest friends were the straight neighbors whom he interacted with in local groups: the local historical society, environmentalists, a group trying to set up a charter school because there was no elementary school in town, the public library supporters, etc. He became a well-known figure in town. We ("my friends from Palm Springs") visited him almost every year, often for a couple of weeks at a time in summer, and those were the people we got to know. A group of about a dozen met every morning for breakfast at a local restaurant, and we began to join them regularly during our visits. We got married in 2013, and our friend obviously had told everyone, because the first morning after our arrival when we walked in for breakfast, everyone stood up and applauded.

 

When his health declined from Parkinson's disease a couple of years ago, one of his neighbors took over responsibility for his care. The mayor came every morning to get him out of bed and get him dressed. For the 4th of July parade this summer, his neighbors brought him outside in a wheelchair and stationed him on the main street, where the parade frequently stopped for people who wanted to greet him. A section of the library bears his name, with a portrait of him on the wall.

 

We all have our definitions of the "good life," but I think his was one of the best.

[+ overeasy]

Amen, Charlie. Sounds like a life well lived.

[+ Keith30309]

That’s awesome. That’s truly a good life.

Loving and being loved.

Serving your community and country.

Resilience thru some of the worst things that life can throw at you.

And being happy.

I appreciate your sharing that.

[+ Seaninsf]

Thank you for sharing such a lovingly written remembrance of your friend, @Charlie. It caused me to slow down for a few minutes and think about how I connect with the people in my life (and how I might improve that). I appreciate that.

[+ Just Sayin]

Charlie, thank you for taking the time to write about your friend; from your description, it sounds like he did have a good, full and rich life; bravo!

[dcguy20]

What a beautiful tribute to your friend and the community in which he lived. Thank you so much for sharing.