Golf

[+ deej]

Two women were playing golf. One sliced the ball and watched, horrified, as the ball hit a spectator. The spectator clutched both his hands together between his legs and fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

 

The women ran towards the guy and the one who teed off said: "Please, let me help you, I'm a masseuse and I know how to get rid of your pain."

 

"Ouch, no, it hurts a lot, please don't do anything", he said.

 

"I'll be fine, the pain will go away in a few minutes", he said from his fetal position, while continuing to hold his hands between his legs.

 

She insisted so much, though, that he finally consented to her helping him. Then, the woman gingerly separated his hands, expertly flipped him on his back, unzipped him and gently began to - slowly - massage his manhood.

 

"Does that feel better?", she asked after a while.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He replied: "It feels spectacular, lady, but my hand still hurts like hell!"

[Chairmans Pig]

A Canadian businessman was on a trip to Japan. While there he arranged for a Japanese female prostitute to pay a visit to his hotel for sex. While they're going at it, the prostitute groaning and screaming "Kakuwasaka! Kakuwasaka!". Now, he speaks English and French but not Japanese.

 

THe next day, he and his Japanese host decide to play a round of golf. The host hits the ball and flies down the fairway and he gets a hole-in-one. He starts jumping up and down, screaming "Kakuwasaka! Kakuwasaka!".

 

The Canadian, having heard this term the night now realizes it must be an exclamation of high praise. He decides to ask what "Kakuwasaka" means, to which the host replies...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wrong hole."

[+ deej]

A priest, a Rabbi, and a minister were playing golf.

 

(Oh, go elsewhere for PC jokes.)

 

On the first hole, the priest fails to sink his first putt and yells "Shit! I missed!"

 

The other clergymen chastise him for inappropriate language, but play resumes. Throughout the round, the priest continued his inappropriate outbursts on the green and the other two clergymen continued their chiding.

 

On the 18th hole, once again the priest failed to sink his crucial putt and yelled "God Damn!"

 

Suddenly, the skies darkened with stormclouds and a huge lightning bolt struck the Rabbi dead on the spot.

 

A booming voice was heard to exclaim:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"SHIT! I MISSED!"

[+ purplekow]

An unconscious woman is dragged into the clubhouse of a country club.

The man dragging her calls for a doctor and when the doctor arrives the man tells him that the woman was stung by a swarm of bees.

The doctor inquires: "where was she stung?"

The man replies: "Between the first and second hole"

The doctor muses: "hmmm she must have been standing right over the hive"