Do you find it hard telling people you are gay if you are masculine or "straight acting"?

[+ nycman]

In general, I keep my mouth shut about my sexuality. I’m out

to all my friends and at work but I just don’t get into daily

conversations about it.

 

The only “problem” I’ve had is when I’ve met new people who

assume I’m straight. Occasionally they’ll mouth off with some

homophobic crap before they realize I’m queer.

 

That makes the conversation awkward for both of us.

[rvwnsd]

In general, I keep my mouth shut about my sexuality. I’m out

to all my friends and at work but I just don’t get into daily

conversations about it.

 

The only “problem” I’ve had is when I’ve met new people who

assume I’m straight. Occasionally they’ll mouth off with some

homophobic crap before they realize I’m queer.

 

That makes the conversation awkward for both of us.

That’s the thing about being out: once you’re out your out - you don’t have to make declarations.

[+ g56whiz]

I’m out but not outrageous. Few a Golds Gym know that I’m gay and at my age they probably don’t care. Those that know know because they are aware of my living arrangement. I’ve have a partner several decades younger than me.

 

Interestingly discussing my sexuality when necessary was a lot less difficult than outing myself as someone dealing with mental illness. For many years I suffered from depression and on a few occasions it caused outbursts of anger that were not otherwise explainable. That was hard to do. But in each case it created a closer friendship.

[+ nycman]

That’s the thing about being out: once you’re out your out - you don’t have to make declarations.

That’s not entirely true. I’ve been “out” since my late teens. As I said,

everyone around me knows and I don’t hide it. The problem arises

when someone new enters my circle. It may not be immediately

obvious that I’m queer. Although I don’t hide it, I don’t talk about it

every minute of every day either. So for me “coming out” has been an

on going process for decades.

 

Other than wearing a rainbow flag on my forehead, I’m not sure what

more I’m supposed to do other than to just be frank and honest whenever

the topic arises.

 

A funny story.....at the office a few weeks ago they were handing out

rainbow flag pins on National Coming Out day. A well intentioned young

straight employee timidly approached me to ask if I’d wear one to identify

myself as “you know....”just a supporter”....of the LGBTQ community”.

 

I said, “baby, I’ve marched in protest around the White House, sewn quilts till

my fingers bleed, paraded down 5th Ave in the blazing sun for decades, repaired

bicycles in a tent in the middle of a nor’easter, taught terrified college students how to

put on condoms in the middle of a raging epidemic, held the hands of dying strangers,

offered HIV testing in a bathhouse at 2 o’clock in the morning, and fucked hundreds

of men up the ass....I’m a little bit more than “just a supporter”.

 

His jaw dropped and I took my pin....so yes....it’s an on going process.

[+ E.T.Bass]

Robin Williams was flamboyant yet he liked snatch.

[rvwnsd]

That’s not entirely true. I’ve been “out” since my late teens. As I said,

everyone around me knows and I don’t hide it. The problem arises

when someone new enters my circle. It may not be immediately

obvious that I’m queer. Although I don’t hide it, I don’t talk about it

every minute of every day either. So for me “coming out” has been an

on going process for decades...it’s an on going process.

 

Although it may not have sounded like it, I agree with you: it is an ongoing lifelong process. However, for me it is less about making and re-making declarations and more about telling someone about myself, as you did.

 

I'm fairly well-known within my rather large company thanks to holding a position for a very long time that touched virtually every business line of the company. I'm also very open, so most people know that I am gay. At a very large meeting recently we were discussing joint bank accounts and I said something like "If my husband and I have an account." No one but a new consultant batted an eye. He came up to me later and said he wished he was as comfortable as I am to say something like that and then went on to say "I'd never have guessed!" I let him know that I am not currently married and he arched his eyebrow and said "oh!"

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I feel like gay men who are masculine or presumed to be straight have it worse, than the stereotypical effeminate gay man, when it comes to coming out of the closet, or telling people that they are gay when/if asked. In some ways it's easier for the straight acting gay man, because he can pretend not to be gay in certain situations, but if he reveals he's gay more people would be shocked or surprised. Versus the effeminate gay man, whom people can already tell that he's gay, from his mannerisms, voice, dress, etc.

 

Thoughts anyone?

No, it is not hard for me.

I actually quite enjoy watching people feel guilty when they assume I am straight, and I have to correct them.

“No, not my wife, my husband.” is usually answered with apologies and a facial expression of concern that they might have involuntarily been homophobic.

Edited October 28, 2018 by Tarte Gogo

[Kenny]

Excellent analysis. Someone recently asked me if I was gay and I had only met the person for 10 minutes. It was kind of shocking actually for me. Because I was at work, and I didn't really know the person, just shooting the breeze.

Apparently you’re a flamer. Like Kippy.