Funerals?

[Redwine56]

How long after a person dies should there be the funeral?

 

When my grandmothers and parents died the funerals were only a few days later.

 

But on the British soap opera "Coronation Street" there was a death (suicide) several weeks ago and the funeral is just being held. I understand that a long time gap is common in England.

 

I think the sooner the better so one can move on.

In the case of a suicide, I would think that the funeral would be delayed due to the necessity for an autopsy in most situations.

[Redwine56]

How long after a person dies should there be the funeral?

 

When my grandmothers and parents died the funerals were only a few days later.

 

But on the British soap opera "Coronation Street" there was a death (suicide) several weeks ago and the funeral is just being held. I understand that a long time gap is common in England.

 

I think the sooner the better so one can move on.

In the case of a suicide, I would think that the funeral would be delayed due to the necessity for an autopsy in most situations.

[Kenny]

Lying in state is the tradition in which the body of a dead official is placed in a state building, either outside or inside a coffin, to allow the public to pay their respects. It traditionally takes place in the principal government building of a country, state, or city.

 

At home or in a funeral home, the deceased lies in repose.

[Kenny]

Lying in state is the tradition in which the body of a dead official is placed in a state building, either outside or inside a coffin, to allow the public to pay their respects. It traditionally takes place in the principal government building of a country, state, or city.

 

At home or in a funeral home, the deceased lies in repose.

[mike carey]

At home or in a funeral home, the deceased lies in repose.

True, but I think we got what they meant.

[mike carey]

At home or in a funeral home, the deceased lies in repose.

True, but I think we got what they meant.

[Kenny]

True, but I think we got what they meant.

 

True, but it does strike me as saying something about how skittish Americans are about death. We know what happens to notables (we read about it or watch it on TV), but are less familiar with the realities of our own situation. Celebrity culture.

[Kenny]

True, but I think we got what they meant.

 

True, but it does strike me as saying something about how skittish Americans are about death. We know what happens to notables (we read about it or watch it on TV), but are less familiar with the realities of our own situation. Celebrity culture.

[Epigonos]

My beloved brother-in-law died last September here in Orange County, California. He was cremated about a week later. My sister didn't want a traditional funeral. Because so many people wanted to attend, from various far flung parts of the country, she decided on a memorial service to be held about five weeks after his death. The memorial service was held on a Saturday. On the Friday before the immediate family gathered at a local cemetery where his ashes were buried and after a brief grave side service we adjourned to my home for a family dinner. Over five hundred guests attended his memorial service after which my sister invited all attendees to a hosted luncheon at a local restaurant. We were all extremely satisfied with the results.

Funerals as such a personal/individual thing that each family has to work out what works best for them. I really don't think there is any right or wrong on this issue.

Edited June 14, 2018 by Epigonos

[Epigonos]

My beloved brother-in-law died last September here in Orange County, California. He was cremated about a week later. My sister didn't want a traditional funeral. Because so many people wanted to attend, from various far flung parts of the country, she decided on a memorial service to be held about five weeks after his death. The memorial service was held on a Saturday. On the Friday before the immediate family gathered at a local cemetery where his ashes were buried and after a brief grave side service we adjourned to my home for a family dinner. Over five hundred guests attended his memorial service after which my sister invited all attendees to a hosted luncheon at a local restaurant. We were all extremely satisfied with the results.

Funerals as such a personal/individual thing that each family has to work out what works best for them. I really don't think there is any right or wrong on this issue.

Edited June 14, 2018 by Epigonos

[Kenny]

My beloved brother-in-law died last September here in Orange County, California. He was cremated about a week later. My sister didn't want a traditional funeral. Because so many people wanted to attend, from various far flung parts of the country thus she decided on a memorial service to be held about five weeks after his death. The memorial service was held on a Saturday. On the Friday before the immediate family gathered at a local cemetery where his ashes were buried and after a brief grave side service we adjourned to my home for a family dinner. Over five hundred guests attended his memorial service after which my sister invited all attendees to a hosted luncheon at a local restaurant. We were all extremely satisfied with the results.

Funerals as such a personal/individual thing that each family has to work out what works best for them. I really don't think there is any right or wrong on this issue.

An excellent plan. (Except for inviting 500 people to a hosted lunch, which seems beyond generous.)

[Kenny]

My beloved brother-in-law died last September here in Orange County, California. He was cremated about a week later. My sister didn't want a traditional funeral. Because so many people wanted to attend, from various far flung parts of the country thus she decided on a memorial service to be held about five weeks after his death. The memorial service was held on a Saturday. On the Friday before the immediate family gathered at a local cemetery where his ashes were buried and after a brief grave side service we adjourned to my home for a family dinner. Over five hundred guests attended his memorial service after which my sister invited all attendees to a hosted luncheon at a local restaurant. We were all extremely satisfied with the results.

Funerals as such a personal/individual thing that each family has to work out what works best for them. I really don't think there is any right or wrong on this issue.

An excellent plan. (Except for inviting 500 people to a hosted lunch, which seems beyond generous.)

[Epigonos]

Kenny fortunately my brother-in-law left my sister very financially secure. He was, all of his life, generous almost to a fault. My sister was and still is convinced that having a hosted "luncheon/party" after the memorial service would have been something he would have wanted. She even insisted on an open bar and wasn't terribly happy when my two nephews and I insisted on picking up the tab for the bar bill.

[Epigonos]

Kenny fortunately my brother-in-law left my sister very financially secure. He was, all of his life, generous almost to a fault. My sister was and still is convinced that having a hosted "luncheon/party" after the memorial service would have been something he would have wanted. She even insisted on an open bar and wasn't terribly happy when my two nephews and I insisted on picking up the tab for the bar bill.

[+ Gar1eth]

A very close friend died in the early 90s of AIDS. He was Jewish and the funeral happened very quickly (perhaps the next day). There was no embalming, there was a simple service, his simple wooden casket was at the front of the room. After the service was finished his friends and family carried the casket up to his grave site and put it in the grave. Then we covered his casket with soil. None of this putting a small handfull of soil on the casket, we used shovels and completely covered the casket.

Then everyone went back to his house. It was very direct and honest. There was a sense of finality in the participation of the mourners that I had never experienced before. I preferred it to the Christian services I have attended with the embalmed bodies often displayed and made up to appear “life like”. I found that this service really helped me to grieve due to the directness and acknowledgement of the death.

 

It has to do with what we consider respect for the dead. That's why we don't do viewings or open casket funerals. For some reason that I can't remember, one of my grandfathers did have a viewing. I was in college at the time. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to go. My Mom finally said to me that my brother -he's the second oldest grandchild and the oldest male grandchild-was going, and I should let him be my representative.

 

After that I never really had an opportunity to go to a viewing or an open casket funeral until I was in my thirties or my forties. I have to tell you I that I find them creepy.

 

 

At my father's funeral a year ago, we, and the rest of the mourners who wanted to, did shovel dirt into the grave. But it was more symbolic. There were still people from the cemetery who finished the job after the last of the mourners put in the last shovelful.

 

 

In large cities there are burial societies called Chevra Kadisha (Holy Society) that prepare the body for burial-all male groups for men and all female for women. These are volunteer positions. There can be more than one per city affiliated with different synagogues. The deceased is never left alone. There is always someone present -sort of like an honor guard. Working on the Chevra Kadisha is considered a mitzvah-holy/good deed/commandment. My oldest cousin was on one for years. She helped with at least one of our grandmothers-possibly both. She said it was the last respectful thing she could do. This was twenty or so years ago. I still get teary thinking about it.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

A very close friend died in the early 90s of AIDS. He was Jewish and the funeral happened very quickly (perhaps the next day). There was no embalming, there was a simple service, his simple wooden casket was at the front of the room. After the service was finished his friends and family carried the casket up to his grave site and put it in the grave. Then we covered his casket with soil. None of this putting a small handfull of soil on the casket, we used shovels and completely covered the casket.

Then everyone went back to his house. It was very direct and honest. There was a sense of finality in the participation of the mourners that I had never experienced before. I preferred it to the Christian services I have attended with the embalmed bodies often displayed and made up to appear “life like”. I found that this service really helped me to grieve due to the directness and acknowledgement of the death.

 

It has to do with what we consider respect for the dead. That's why we don't do viewings or open casket funerals. For some reason that I can't remember, one of my grandfathers did have a viewing. I was in college at the time. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to go. My Mom finally said to me that my brother -he's the second oldest grandchild and the oldest male grandchild-was going, and I should let him be my representative.

 

After that I never really had an opportunity to go to a viewing or an open casket funeral until I was in my thirties or my forties. I have to tell you I that I find them creepy.

 

 

At my father's funeral a year ago, we, and the rest of the mourners who wanted to, did shovel dirt into the grave. But it was more symbolic. There were still people from the cemetery who finished the job after the last of the mourners put in the last shovelful.

 

 

In large cities there are burial societies called Chevra Kadisha (Holy Society) that prepare the body for burial-all male groups for men and all female for women. These are volunteer positions. There can be more than one per city affiliated with different synagogues. The deceased is never left alone. There is always someone present -sort of like an honor guard. Working on the Chevra Kadisha is considered a mitzvah-holy/good deed/commandment. My oldest cousin was on one for years. She helped with at least one of our grandmothers-possibly both. She said it was the last respectful thing she could do. This was twenty or so years ago. I still get teary thinking about it.

 

Gman

[Zapped]

When my dad died unexpectedly on a Friday evening, my sister, who lives in a state far away, couldn't get off work (she was a doc on call that weekend) until the next weekend. He was cremated, and then we had a funeral about a week after he died. The funeral home who handled the arrangements, not particularly well, managed to charge $4000 for not much!

 

The delay was fine, though, because they had moved near me just a couple of years before, and everyone coming was coming a long distance.

 

My mom has been in hospice care for over 18 months--something that happens with Alzheimer's and few other conditions. She will be cremated, too. One of the hospice guys recommended a low-cost service that will cost about $1000.

 

Over 10 years ago, one of my cousins died of some sort of drug toxicity--I never got the full story. He was single and broke. His parents somehow got talked into embalming him and getting a very nice casket, so there was a viewing, and then he was cremated. They were then asking for help with the $15-20k expenses from the extended family. What a waste of money -- expensive casket that (we assume) was burned up along with him.

 

When my dad died, the funeral home gave us the option of a real coffin, I think, and definitely tried to upsell us on expensive coffin-like boxes for the cremation. I almost laughed at them . . . no way my dad would have approved of spending a lot on a box to be burned in! So we went with the cheapest option, which was still over $100. For a cardboard box.

 

My sister and I are, I guess, semi-estranged, in a truce period at present. We've talked about what to do when my mom dies in terms of a service. By the time she moved here, her dementia was such that even though she was able to be at home for a while she didn't make any friends. So basically no one knows her, relatives have died off . . . and she keeps fading, more and more zombie-like. We have no idea what we'll do or when we'll do it.

[+ Gar1eth]

When my dad died unexpectedly on a Friday evening, my sister, who lives in a state far away, couldn't get off work (she was a doc on call that weekend) until the next weekend. He was cremated, and then we had a funeral about a week after he died. The funeral home who handled the arrangements, not particularly well, managed to charge $4000 for not much!

 

The delay was fine, though, because they had moved near me just a couple of years before, and everyone coming was coming a long distance.

 

My mom has been in hospice care for over 18 months--something that happens with Alzheimer's and few other conditions. She will be cremated, too. One of the hospice guys recommended a low-cost service that will cost about $1000.

 

Over 10 years ago, one of my cousins died of some sort of drug toxicity--I never got the full story. He was single and broke. His parents somehow got talked into embalming him and getting a very nice casket, so there was a viewing, and then he was cremated. They were then asking for help with the $15-20k expenses from the extended family. What a waste of money -- expensive casket that (we assume) was burned up along with him.

 

When my dad died, the funeral home gave us the option of a real coffin, I think, and definitely tried to upsell us on expensive coffin-like boxes for the cremation. I almost laughed at them . . . no way my dad would have approved of spending a lot on a box to be burned in! So we went with the cheapest option, which was still over $100. For a cardboard box.

 

My sister and I are, I guess, semi-estranged, in a truce period at present. We've talked about what to do when my mom dies in terms of a service. By the time she moved here, her dementia was such that even though she was able to be at home for a while she didn't make any friends. So basically no one knows her, relatives have died off . . . and she keeps fading, more and more zombie-like. We have no idea what we'll do or when we'll do it.

 

When I indicated I "Liked" your post, I meant that to indicate that I'm sorry about your situation with your Mom. My father had Alzheimer's. So in many ways I probably have some idea of what you are going thru. I'm keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts.

 

Gman

[+ honcho]

We've talked about what to do when my mom dies in terms of a service. By the time she moved here, her dementia was such that even though she was able to bne at home for a while she didn't make any friends. So basically no one knows her, relatives have died off . . . and she keeps fading, more and more zombie-like. We have no idea what we'll do or when we'll do it.

 

Been there recently ... haven't completely finished doing that (going to back to ABQ to spread ashes in september).

 

My heart goes out to you; condolences.

[Zapped]

Garleth and honcho, many thanks.

[Gvtire]

When my mom died the correct mortuary lost her body, but they eventually found it. From the time she died till the time her ashes were spread it probably was around 6-8 weeks. The whole thing was a comedy of errors. Still laugh about it today

[Zapped]

When my mom died the correct mortuary lost her body, but they eventually found it. From the time she died till the time her ashes were spread it probably was around 6-8 weeks. The whole thing was a comedy of errors. Still laugh about it today

 

Lost her body??? Oh, man. How do you lose a body?

[Gvtire]

Lost her body??? Oh, man. How do you lose a body?

Yup when the correct Mortuary picked up her body they lost it or is they said misplaced it. Got a call a few days later saying the finally found her. Guess she wanted to play hide and seek

[Redwine56]

Kenny fortunately my brother-in-law left my sister very financially secure. He was, all of his life, generous almost to a fault. My sister was and still is convinced that having a hosted "luncheon/party" after the memorial service would have been something he would have wanted. She even insisted on an open bar and wasn't terribly happy when my two nephews and I insisted on picking up the tab for the bar bill.

Epigonos - That was a wonderful tribute to your brother-in-law and such an honor that so many people came to pay their last respects to him. He must have been a kind and loving person as you've said and it goes to show that those who knew him were so touched by his generosity that they will never forget him. May he rest in peace.

[LADoug1]

Funerals are more about the living than the deceased. That’s why it’s important to leave DETAILED instructions about what you want your funeral/memorial/disposition to be if it matters that much to you.

 

I personally will be cremated. After that I want the living to handle my death in any way they see fit and in a way that helps them grieve in their own way. My only responsibility is to leave the funds so they aren’t stuck with a high bill.