Colass

Honestly there were only a handful of customers last Saturday. Sometimes there were more customers than staff..

NYC has a few "playgrounds" that have resumed operation and get enough traffic that you can ALWAYS find a "no cost" playmate to satisfy your desires....   I did start going back BUT then Delta virus surfaced, so I am currently RE-thinking whether I want to subjct myself eventhough I am vaxed,  many others might not be ?   Entry does NOT require vaccination.  not , and I really dont want to get even a "little" sick....

I should also point out that the research is not observational but is based on self-reports of Brazilian youth regarding rates of preferred modes of expressing gratitude for having a wish met. One limitation of this is the possible disconnect between what they deem to best fit the situation and what they might do in actuality based on perception of what comportment dictates.

“Not trying to be mean or ... troll”.
 
Sounds much more humble than other forum contributors bent on critical appraisal that blames, shames, maims with memes.

Good points, to be sure.
 
I am in fact drawing from an academic research review and summarizing, briefly, multiple cross-cultural studies not just one isolated project, rather than pasting links to the relevant studies. It is not my own research. I am not a sociologist or anthropologist. But I simply wish to blend the scholastic along with some of the experiential here.
 
I have been in Brasil often and lived in long-stay low-cost family-integration room rentals of up to $20USD per night, (not upscale digs) enough to know that, yes, you will see a great deal of the usual expected polite social interactions among locals of all ages. And of course, many various verbal and meta-communicative forms.
 
I am not clumping all young men together. But I have decades of cross-cultural service experience and I have also observed different or non-existent incidents of ‘’the simple thank you”, whatever version might be seen as an expression of gratitude, according to gender, ethnicity, or intersection of those, obviously along with additional circumstances ... recognizing that my own relatively privileged gender and ethnicity play a role. The continuum has ranged from gifts out of whack with the situation to formal complaints about my being useless in relation to meeting a need.
 
I cannot second-guess all the dynamics in the OP’s reported cases, but I hoped that digging a little into the research on modes of expressed gratitude would broaden interpretation with multifactorial information and soften the negative stereotype about commercial sex workers, as I think is the intention of many contributors to the thread.

I get what you might be trying to convey here, but it is not really an accurate depiction of how modern young brasileiros interact with and respond to each other and others they are familiar with. Also, it comes across as a distant academic assessment from someone who hasn’t spent much time interacting with or observing BrazilIan men in their own element (i.e., away from turistas and gringos, and not in a hotel room or a suite in a sauna).
 
They do say “thank you” to other BrazilIans and others whom they are socially familiar with ALL THE TIME. To suggest that young brasileiros do not commonly say “thank you” is “cultural” would be straight-up offensive to BrazilIans and is veering into xenophobia territory — in addition to it just being a false observation / conclusion.
 
Casual tourists and non-locals wouldn’t be expected to know this, but modern brasileiros don’t often use “obrigado” with each other. They use “valeu” or the often shortened sound of “bri-ga “ which is shortened from “brigado” which was shortened from “obrigado” (the “verbal” thanks that you post about in your cigarette or pizza slice “favour” example above). And on the “connective” side that you also bring up, they have handshakes (which vary by region) that they only do with those brasileiros with whom they are already familiar and friendly —- not very likely to be an older sauna tourist client who is not a regular conversationalist in BrazilIan Portuguese and not “in the mix”.
 
I also have to add here that although these are things you may hear, see, or pick up on, they are very casual and informal between familiar brasileiros — and as an outsider, you (yes, that means you, reader) should never be so presumptuous or familiar to say or do them with other brasileiros.
 
I’m not trying to be mean or troll you here, just being direct, hoping that readers will better understand this than academic treatises.

No one’s “fighting”, over anyone. We’re stating our opinions, which you just did too.
?
 
have an awesome weekend!!!

There was a Supreme Court case in Sydney nearly 10 years ago where it came to light that a recently divorced doctor, a specialist, met a woman through an introduction agency. He paid $200,000 to the agency and spent a weekend with the woman and fell instantly in love . She told him she had to leave the country urgently but would return. Then came the sob story requests for money for every conceivable reason. The bottom line was that he paid a total of $3.1 million over an 18 months period. As it transpired he was the only client of the agency and this woman was the only one on offer. It was a conspiracy between the woman and the owner to rip off the doctor. They purchased property, a Porsche, a Lamborghini, BMW. You name it. The doctor was left bankrupt and sued for his money back. The judge hearing the case opened his written judgement with the words ''The case was so fantastic as to strain credulity.'' He directed that all the money paid by the doctor be repaid to his bankruptcy estate except the original $200,000.
What people will do or pay for ''love.''

Apart from the hurt feelings , you got away lightly for just 150 bucks. I was reading an article about someone who was scammed 10s of thousands by one the women he met on those mail order bride companies.

I partially disagree. These boys are in disadvantage yes, but they aren't 'exploited'. There's a MUTUAL agreement. Worst case one could say they're 'using' the clients, and viceversa. Rates are lower there yes, but we can't accept scams under cultural (or any) circumstances. For the record: Brazilians in general ARE thankful, these guys were just scammers. There was undue trust, money was lost, boys will be boys. But more importantly, please STOP ... fighting ... over men ... you haven't ... fucked. Only women do that, Yuck! ?

Wordsworth, Hazlitt, Coleridge, Arnold, Bronte, Browning reincarnated?
PS Meant as a compliment.

I think some of this is cultural. If a young macho guy there is offered a favour (eg cigarette, share of a pizza slice) from a friend I would not be surprised not witnessing a verbal expression of gratitude. The gratitude may be connective, the acknowledgement of a bond that exempts the formality, and the implicit intention of the receiver to wish the giver well.
 
Similarly, a boomerang request for a second-helping of assistance may be an artefact of this dynamic, whatever the degree of authenticity of connectivity in the context of an existing transactional history. I would not take it personally, and it may be as likely the guy is signalling (or feigning, if you are inclined to be, well, jaded) closeness as much as it is likely he may be guilty of a rude oversight.
 
In some cultures, in fact, expressed verbal gratitude for a wish granted can be considered an insult.
 
In Brazil, among youth, some research suggests that verbal gratitude is favoured by the wish receiver at about 50%, and connective gratitude (reciprocating by interpersonal closeness where possible) is quite prominent. There are variations according to whether the wish is hedonistic as opposed to based on a fundamental need, and differences related to whether where the person fits in a continuum of social autonomy-heteronomy.
 
A third form of gratitude, reciprocating a concrete favour in kind at some point, is obviously impossible given resources and distance. I wonder if that would also cause the young recipient to lean towards implied connectivity over ‘obrigado’, that connectivity having also been satisfied in cases of honouring you with an erotic image accompanying a request.

I think it’s funny how so many of those from the western world, travel to second and third world nations, exploiting economically disadvantaged men for sex, and then have the unmitigated audacity to be offended at their lack of “grattitude”. ?‍♂️
 
Many of these guys save you from having to empty your pockets for $500 per hour escorts in your own countries, and allow you to treat them like disposable orifices and phallics for your sheer cheap enjoyment.
 
So if some Brazillian guys doesn’t say “Thank You”, then so what?
 
You should actually be “Thanking ” him anyways....

Beautifully written. You are obviously a very fine human being.

SOLACESOUL wrote "expectations create disappointments”. and AJAC wrote: "We no longer live in a world where people say please and thank you we live in a world where bad behavior is rewarded"
 
How sad but these are two very profound and true comments.
 
For over a decade I make financial contributions to several organizations and always receive nice "thank you" notes and of course a request for future donations (ha-ha). At Thanksgiving and Christmas I make a large financial contribution to a local shelter and volunteer my help in serving meals. Everyone is so appreciative and thankful. I have no problem in sharing my blessings. But I was blown away when I didn't get a simple "thank you" from the Brazilians guys.
 
As one of you mentioned, yes three of the six guys have already texted me asking for more financial help. Guess whose messages were ignored and numbers removed?
 
To all of you who took the time to reply to my post, THANK YOU!

Awwww, poor generous soul. Indeed, you and your friends should stay away from Brazil.

I think I am being realistic. I have the greatest sympathy for Brall who comes across as an honest decent man who was genuinely trying to help people who he believed were in need. The original advice he received about leaving love in the saunas is well taken. A friend of mine met a boy in one of the saunas a few years ago and agreed to meet him for a ''date'' the next day. The boy turned up at his hotel and my friend saw a different side to him. Firstly he indulged liberally in the alcohol in the mini bar then when they left the hotel this boy's idea of a ''date'' was to go on a shopping spree with my friend's credit card. My friend realised what he had got himself into, took his leave and hurried back to his hotel decidedly wiser. This is one example of ''the experience these boys have to offer.''

I actually don’t think the OP is American, do not know if there should be an R before the $, and require more denomination details. If the 150 is reais, I don’t think it would cover much let alone a few MBs to keep one’s mobile phone operating to even be able to WhatsApp text.
 
And WU or Moneygram, etc, skim so much, the transfer companies should be expressing gratitude.
 
Thank you in advance for what I expect will be the cozy affectionate warmth of receptivity to this thread contribution.

Brall, this is a very sad story. Absent the thank you you deserve, please try to take solace, and maybe after that some happiness, that you helped some men who are currently faced with terrible scarcity.

A good policy is to give from the heart without any expectations. As a wise woman told me years ago, “expectations create disappointments”. A corollary to that policy is to give only as much as you can afford to lose.
 
If it brings you joy to send $150 USD to 6 different BrazilIan garotos de programa through Western Union — knowing that doing so won’t make your relationship with any of them any closer or any more intimate or special than the ones they have with clients that do not — and it doesn’t cause you any financial pain or discomfort, then do it to your heart’s content.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do
 
When visiting a foreign land, follow the customs of those who live in it. It can also mean that when you are in an unfamiliar situation, you should follow the lead of those who know the ropes.

Idk - these guys are hard up for money. And just as “all they care about money” can be said the same for us clients “all we care is about the sex”. I know it’s how the biz works down there but the fact that you’re having quality time with a hot guy for like 40-60 bucks usd versus 300 in the states always felt wrong to me when I visited.

I am sorry you felt taken advantage of. But then again aren't you happy that you are in a position that you are the taken advantage of and not one of these kids that live in a situation where they have to stoop to such tactics? I have had crushes on masseurs in fact one of my current regulars but I had to open my eyes to the fact that this is a business arrangement. He is great at making me feel that I am special that is partly what I pay for. We no longer live in a world where people say please and thank you we live in a world where bad behavior is rewarded so I guess you should count yourself lucky you received one thank you.

What about being realistic. Having "love" expectations is absurd, and a sign of serious emotional issues. But the radically opposite mindset, looking for pure sex, is not either the best way to fully enjoy the experience these boys offer. If you are not delusional you can build very appealing relationships, at least in Brazil and Argentina. I have no experience with Thailand.

I too have read countless stories on the internet and personal stories from acquaintances who go to countries like Brazil, Morocco, Thailand, the Philippines etc looking for "love'' or thinking the boys actually care about them. The harsh reality is that we want sex and the boys in saunas, go go bars etc want money, and as much as they can get.
I have a friend who has 4 university degrees (including a PhD) who met a boy in Morocco about 15 years ago. He has paid for his education, health, rent and ad hoc amounts for every conceivable reason. Along with all his local friends I am gobsmacked at his gullibility. The individual known as Trilingual who set up the Gay Travel Brazil website I have read on BoyToy came to grief after marrying his Brazilian boyfriend and if these reports are to be believed is virtually destitute.
At least one story I read on the now very quiet Cruising for Sex site some years ago was very amusing. This American met a go go boy in Pattaya, Thailand. The boy invited him to the family home in the countryside. On arrival mother announced that her refrigerator had broken down and it would cost the equivalent of a couple of hundred dollars to replace it and would he oblige. He agreed. The boy told him he would write his name in texta on the side of the refrigerator to remind him of their ''love''. He found himself alone in the house and discovered the name of a foreigner on the side of the stove, microwave, TV and every other electrical appliance and stick of furniture in the house. I sent him a PM telling I found the story delightful and he had made my day. He replied back assuring me it was true. I replied back telling him I didn't doubt it for a moment. I have been to Thailand about a dozen times and that story was pure unadulterated Thai.
I must confess to being rather cynical about ''love'' but on balance I think it is better to be cynical than conned, or worse have your heart broken.