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Imathrill

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    Photos From Clients?

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted · Edited by Imathrill

    I’m visiting Salt Lake City next week. I found an escort I might be interested in keeping me company. After a few questions from me, he asked me for a photo of myself and my stats. Is this normal? I asked him if that determined his rate. He replied no, it determines his interest. I stupidly sent my info and photo to which he replied “nice” BUT shouldn’t my business his interest?! Am I wrong here?

    He Could Not Perform

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted

    I came to understand how my suggestion sounded, especially to the OP, after he responded to it. I'm not suggesting that the situation was his "fault", and certainly not entirely his fault. Rather, my point was that he brought certain self-image issues to the encounter and that what transpired fed into those issues and caused him distress. I am not a therapist (although I have a number of close relatives who either are therapists or have benefited from therapy) and so I shouldn't have made what sounding like a cavalier comment as a post on an open forum. My instinct was to be helpful by suggesting that the OP would benefit from tackling whatever led him to be vulnerable and to be so affected by a disappointing escort experience. But my intentions aside, I can see how it sounded to the OP. If I could go back in time, I would have omitted some of what I said on the forum and perhaps written to the OP in a DM.

     

    I don't consider therapy to be a stamp of shame or an indication that the therapy client has something wrong with him. It's a form of treatment that can be helpful with any number of obstacles one may be facing. Some use therapy to overcome addictions. Some use it to develop better interpersonal skills and understandings. Some use it in combination with other forms of treatments to deal with, for example, bi polar disorder (as an Uncle of mine did). My brother resisted therapy when he clearly needed it and ended up taking his own life. My Uncle used therapy to deflect the need for medication until the therapy helped him realize he needed the medication. My brother died before he turned 60 in a year when his only son was set to marry, and our father was clinging to life with stage 4 kidney failure. My Uncle lived to 87 and succumbed to cancer earlier this year. Still, I recognize that being told to seek therapy strikes you one way, while coming to that conclusion yourself has a much different impact. Ultimately, we all have to figure out what works best for us.

     

    So, I didn't mean to come off as flippant and apologized if that's how it did come off. I do think a lot of us could benefit from introspection and the assistance of professional therapy. I don't want to make it about the OP, although that's what prompted all of this. Do I think he could benefit from therapy? Yeah, but I don't know anything about him other than what he wrote here so my impression is based on very limited information. More to the point, in my experience, therapy is something the patient has to believe will be helpful to work. There are cases where people are committed or court ordered to be in therapy. Some of those situations turn out well. Most don't change anything, at least without further incidents and further consequences causing a course correction.

     

    If the OP can benefit from counseling/therapy, I hope he opts to avail himself of that option. If he doesn't perceive a need or benefit, and finds it offensive to have some stranger suggest it in a public forum about escorts and clients, I completely get that, too. It's his life and he should live it the way that makes sense to him.

     

    Now, as far as how all of this impacts the escort-client dynamic, I suspect that a lot of the best escorts have a good deal of empathy for their clients and do their best to make them feel good about themselves and the experience. But that doesn't guarantee an erection for x amount of time, and if the lack of an erection is perceived by the client as a rejection, what's the best response? I tend to favor self awareness and introspection, perhaps to a fault at times. The encounter was a snapshot. The OP's life is ongoing, and he will figure this all out in his own way on his own schedule with or without the assistant of a professional. Or he won't. If he and I were close IRL, I'd look for opportunities to figure out what would be in his interest and how to encourage him to pursue that path. But we're not, I'm limited in what I know, and my advice apparently came off as judgmental rather than productive encouragement.

    I greatly appreciate you explaining your earlier remarks. At first I did feel personally attacked by your comments, but I whole-heartedly agree with you about therapy. It was through my therapist that I came to the decision that hiring an escort to fulfill a fantasy did not make me desperate or less than, and it will be through my therapist that I will work through the failed experience ? When I posted this, I was looking for a simple yes or no, but I’ve gained so much more knowledge about client expectations. I now believe my escort did everything right by me, possibly above and beyond. That already makes me feel much more at ease. I’m sure had I listened to him and stayed, we could have worked through it. However, just as he is human and could not finish the deed, I acted human and let my emotions take over in that moment. While it’s a shame he and I will probably never get to make up that session, I have removed my negative review, as I was getting several DMs about my review and I do not wish to cost him business. I’ll be seeing my favorite masseur this weekend and with time will start to seek out a new escort to live out my fantasy...with new expectations.

    He Could Not Perform

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted

    A professional would be a good idea, and not of the escort variety. You may not have told him you were projecting your issues onto him, but you did tell him you wanted some of the money back, and wrote a negative review. Now, if you're saying had he only said that, if you would stay, he'd try to "get you off" even if he couldn't get an erection again, that's also on you for rushing out. I'm not judging you. I'm trying to encourage you to address for yourself, preferably with the aid of a professional, whatever issues are at the root of YOUR expectations and insecurities.

     

    And you did post here. I presumed you were looking for honest feedback, not a string of affirming posts. That's what you wanted to get from the escort, and when you didn't you feel bad about the whole experience.

    The bottom line was that he did not perform the service that was agreed upon and that’s why I addressed the $$$ and posted a review. You even said yourself in an earlier response that a review was the correct route! Please don’t ever try to “encourage” anyone ever again. It came off completely judgmental. I did want honest feedback. And I got it..negative and positive. But you were the only one that made assumptions about my psyche. I sought out an escort to fulfill a specific sexual fantasy. When it went sour, what I felt was completely unexpected, but I did not seek out an escort for affirmation. Nor, did I come here for affirmation. My original post was very simple...should he get paid? I wanted to know if I was way off asking for some back. I don’t wish him any ill will. I want to believe that he truly did have some physical discomfort, as it started out so well. Yes, I felt embarrassment, but it was my first time! I didn’t accuse him of not being attracted to me, like a provider has now mentioned. I only addressed the service that was not met and that’s all. According to most of the responses here, he acted professionally and I appreciate that. But don’t come at me for having an involuntary natural reaction to something that was out of my control. I did my best to act professional with him.

    He Could Not Perform

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted

    You even said you opted to cut the session short because of how you felt (embarassed?)

    Was I supposed to stick around for another awkward 30 minutes after I had already tried to assist him to get it back? He did say I didn’t have to leave while I was already dressing but before that he did not offer the get me off in a different way after we could not get his erection back.

    Furthermore, I didn’t project anything onto him. I didn’t hold him responsible for what I was feeling. When I reached out to him I was clear that my disappointment was solely on the fact that he was not able to provide the service we had agreed upon and nothing else. I only shared about my embarrassment on this thread to be honest and not for you to try and evaluate me. Let’s leave that to a professional.

    He Could Not Perform

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted

    I posted this from recent experience and wanted to get feedback. This was my first escort experience. I don’t have any trouble finding sex through buddies or Grindr, but I started getting massages that would turn into more and this started to thrill me. Eventually I thought, why not hire an escort that is really going to dominate me and is more attractive then any guy I could normally obtain? So I did my research, found someone I was incredibly attracted to, had great reviews, and a reasonable rate. I reached out to RM users that had rated him, they all said he was insatiable. I booked him almost a month in advance. It was going to be a great night. I drove from Orange County to LA. I arrive on time, he’s more handsome in person, in great shape. The session begins exactly how I imagine it would, and while we’re at the best part, he loses it from one position to the next. I tried to assist in any way I could but it wasn’t gonna happen. I immediately felt it was because of me. In my embarrassment I quickly started to dress. He said I didn’t have to leave but all I could hear was a pounding in my ears. I reached for the money in my pocket and place it somewhere, I can’t even remember, and let myself out. As I walked away all I could think was that I just paid to feel worse about myself. I understand this happens, and it’s happened to me as a top and a bttm, but I wasn’t paying or being paid then. I texted him my disappointment and he said he had a stomach bug earlier and it was still lingering. I asked for some of the money back, as it hadn’t even been 30 min and he returned half. From what I’ve been reading, he did the respectable thing but it didn’t feel that way at the time. The whole point of paying an escort was to leave there satisfied by this hot guy and not feeling humiliated and out $$$. While he could have been telling the truth, it ruined the whole escort experience for me. I think I’ll stick to Grindr and my favorite masseur.

    Also, he did mention that I could leave a bad review and he’d have to deal with it. In the heat of my feelings, I did. He since then has changed his RM handle and blocked me.

    He Could Not Perform

    in Questions About Hiring

    Posted

    I posted this from recent experience and wanted to get feedback. This was my first escort experience. I don’t have any trouble finding sex through buddies or Grindr, but I started getting massages that would turn into more and this started to thrill me. Eventually I thought, why not hire an escort that is really going to dominate me and is more attractive then any guy I could normally obtain? So I did my research, found someone I was incredibly attracted to, had great reviews, and a reasonable rate. I reached out to RM users that had rated him, they all said he was insatiable. I booked him almost a month in advance. It was going to be a great night. I drove from Orange County to LA. I arrive on time, he’s more handsome in person, in great shape. The session begins exactly how I imagine it would, and while we’re at the best part, he loses it from one position to the next. I tried to assist in any way I could but it wasn’t gonna happen. I immediately felt it was because of me. In my embarrassment I quickly started to dress. He said I didn’t have to leave but all I could hear was a pounding in my ears. I reached for the money in my pocket and place it somewhere, I can’t even remember, and let myself out. As I walked away all I could think was that I just paid to feel worse about myself. I understand this happens, and it’s happened to me as a top and a bttm, but I wasn’t paying or being paid then. I texted him my disappointment and he said he had a stomach bug earlier and it was still lingering. I asked for some of the money back, as it hadn’t even been 30 min and he returned half. From what I’ve been reading, he did the respectable thing but it didn’t feel that way at the time. The whole point of paying an escort was to leave there satisfied by this hot guy and not feeling humiliated and out $$$. While he could have been telling the truth, it ruined the whole escort experience for me. I think I’ll stick to Grindr and my favorite masseur.

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