VersOral

I'm adding my experiences, not because they're particularly terrible, but because I just got to the bottom of this rabbit hole and I need more. So this is an extended bump, if you will.
 
File this one under "Too Clueless to Just Leave":
 
When I first moved to NYC, I went to one of the little massage places that advertised on Craigslist, no clue what it was called. It was basically a first floor apartment way out near 10th or 11th Ave, I think somewhere in the mid-30s, but to be honest, I don't really remember. What I do remember is it was the middle of winter, I went late at night cause it was after work, and the room was freezing! If the heat was on, it was not apparent. The room had a few low massage tables set up (maybe separated by hanging sheets?) and the guy put me on one that was right up against a wall, so he couldn't even walk around the table to massage the other side, he just leaned over and pressed on me. I was draped under a towel which provided the barest refuge from the cold. Massage and HE were meh, and then he wiped me down with a COLD, WET washcloth! ?
 
Slightly weird:
 
While booking an apppointment with a masseur, he asked me if I would be interested in a 4-hand massage at a discounted rate with his boyfriend whom he was training. I declined, since I just wanted an easy, straight-forward massage with HE. During the massage, he brings it up again, because his boyfriend is coming over soon and he has to let him into the apartment; he even shows me a picture of his boyfriend on his phone (which I didn't ask to see). I wasn't particularly into the boyfriend and now I'm starting to get annoyed, so I politely decline and we continue with the massage, which he interrupts to go open the door for the boyfriend and quickly get him settled. Whatever, it's fine . After the massage, as I'm dressing, he says "You should meet him," and I want nothing more than to tell him, "No, I'm not interested, buh-bye!" But my mother raised me to be nice, so I agreed and he introduces me to his much-younger boyfriend, and I awkwardly try to make small talk for a moment, while it is clear that this guy has no absolutely interest in engaging with the man who just got JO'd by his boyfriend. Buh-bye!

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

Former masseur here, found that almost all my clients wanted a HE no matter what. I'd say around 95% were the mutual touch type, and most of them spent time mutually touching my cock. That to me is an interest in either sucking me or getting fucked. I'd say 75% or so of my sessions had oral one way, the other or both. Full on sex was rare, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen. Might have happened more, but frequently the guy is so worked up he cums before anything more than a HE can happen.
 
As a client, I do go to one or two guys that don't do anything, and they are just really good massages. I find a lot of the massages I receive that involve sex in any shape or form are just average. They make up for the massage quality with the sex. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes I just really need a damn good massage though.

I think that answer is highly variable with where your are hiring them. From rentmasseur or masseurfinder I'd expect it's very high. At some spas it's very high. At other spas it's zero. You can usually get an idea from their marketing which type of establishment is. Probability is inversely proportional to the sticker price of the massage. The cheaper the spa massage, the more likely something is to happen(and you are expected to make up for that with the tip).
Also, frankly, the attractiveness of the client is probably a factor...I would think there are likely some masseurs who intend to do nothing but "legit" massage but if they get a Brad Pitt(or whatever their "type" is) on their table their resolve might weaken.

I'd say my most recent 'worst' could have been worse than it was, but still pretty bad. Guy on one of the apps has 'LMT' as part of his name. Every couple months he has a new profile I notice now (would have been a red flag had I seen it before). Anyway, he's near a place I like to hang out in my city, and I figure I can go get a massage then go to my bar. He's kind of cute guy, and after messaging on the app he insists on texting. No prob, I get it. Usually guys like that want to chat without being reported for selling their services on some of the apps that's frowned on.
 
We agree on the time and he only gives me his street address, but not the apartment. That's the first red flag. When I left for his place I let him know I might be about 5 minutes late, which was ok for him. Well, I made good time, and found parking right away and actually made it to his building about a minute earlier than I expected. I message him, and ask what apartment/buzzer and he responds he was still setting up and he'd come out to get me. I was about to leave, 5 minutes or so (10 later than we originally agreed to) when he came out and escorted me in. I don't get what took him so long to set up. The table was in the middle of his studio apartment, and he didn't even have a sheet on it. He ends up putting an old blanket on, at least it was clean.
 
When he starts the massage he gets out a bottle of baby oil. Why? I mean if you are going to claim to be an LMT at least get olive oil (i have a favorite masseur who uses that and it actually felt great but that's another story.) The massage is very mechanical, technique was about a 5-6 on a 10 point scale, so some potential, but clearly NOT an LMT (and his name didn't start with L.) For someone that advertises on the apps, I would also expect it to be a little more sensual.
 
When we were done he offers me a couple paper towels. Now if you've been drenched in baby oil, you'll know a couple paper towels will not do for cleanup. I had to ask to use his washroom to properly sop up the oil. When I got off the table I almost slipped and broke a hip because there was so much oil on my feet.
 
Every few weeks he texts me, obviously I'm on his mass text list. I have him in my address book as 'BadBabyOilMassage' Part of me wants to give him the feedback I'm writing here but I doubt that would do either of us any good in the long run.

This is the funniest thread ever. So I will chime in because I still laugh about it, but still my worst.
 
So I hire a traveling masseur who was "Highly Recommended Here" as a "don't miss if he comes to your town", "I would repeat" blah blah blah.
 
Talks about a table, about professionalism and more... So I find myself in the same city and feel it is a no brainer. I text, he replies and then says he is tired. Got it. So we try the next night because no one wants a tired therapist - right?
 
I arrive early and he texted to come up to his room. He is asking me a lot of strange questions and all the while I am looking for the massage table. So I ask and he says the room was too small and he will use the bed. (some would call that the first red flag - but some many Helens agree how great he is...) So I get on the bed and he begins. To set the mood, the bed is a rather plush one and being a little guy anywhere he would kneel I would roll towards him... cause he was Much Bigger than me. So think like a waterbed from the 70's situation.
 
As if that is not bad enough, the conversation was very baffling and not sure where he is going with any of it.. yet he is missing many good opportunities to spot the tension spot or growing tensions from his conversations about political crap. I thought maybe he had a lisp or an accent of some kind.... but then I started to feel it was that he had been drinking and simply slurring his words.
 
10 - 15 minutes later, he proceeds to reposition himself and gets in a position that confused me for the following reason:
1) how is he supposed to massage me while sort of spooning me
2) I had read the reviews and although everyone says they were happy... it was mostly how good at massage he was... and that was all that I texted looking for.... so why am I being spooned.
 
Then... He fell asleep... well at first I thought he was escalating the massage into more than I wanted and I was about to say something as his weight was getting a bit much.... then I realized that he was snoring! It was unbelievable. One part of me wanted to sneak out and act like it didn't happen. Here I was thinking I was about to be "Me Too'ed" and instead I became some kind of body pillow for his comfort .... and worse I think he was drooling on my shoulder.
 
Okay, I guess if it was a date it would have been really worse.... but all I wanted was a damn massage and not to pinned down on a bed for 15 minutes! Yep, that is how long I laid there thinking how was I going to get out or escape this situation. Plus I was starving and had dinner plans right after the massage and not sure how my growling stomach did not wake him.
 
The worst part was when I began to free myself he woke up and started rubbing me with one hand as if he had not been sleeping. Talking about his picking mushrooms with his family back home at Christmas... like maybe I had not noticed his narcoleptic episode.
 
I know this is not as horrible of some... but I hope it makes you laugh and I hope it never happens to you... unless he is super hot and you want to wake up together in the morning!

It's been years. His massage was good at the time, and I did a few repeats with him. At the time he charged 100 and I found it on the high end of reasonable (a few years back), but I wouldn't pay the rates he has listed for a repeat. Assuming he's in the same place, and the same decor it was a cool setup. His massage room kind of felt like you were going into an opulent tent instead of a room.

It's been years. His massage was good at the time, and I did a few repeats with him. At the time he charged 100 and I found it on the high end of reasonable (a few years back), but I wouldn't pay the rates he has listed for a repeat. Assuming he's in the same place, and the same decor it was a cool setup. His massage room kind of felt like you were going into an opulent tent instead of a room.

would love to see more of this one!

Mandalay is always a good time. My last trip both days I made it to the spa had a very enjoyable time, but never have gotten a feel that the attendants were in on it. Years ago the manager would prop the steam room door open and throw a fit when someone closed it. The steam has two doors and the inside door is a blind corner. If you go over the weekend, I suggest you get your spa pass early in the day, my last trip they wouldn't let anyone in the spa anymore after 2 because they were sold out.

Mandalay is always a good time. My last trip both days I made it to the spa had a very enjoyable time, but never have gotten a feel that the attendants were in on it. Years ago the manager would prop the steam room door open and throw a fit when someone closed it. The steam has two doors and the inside door is a blind corner. If you go over the weekend, I suggest you get your spa pass early in the day, my last trip they wouldn't let anyone in the spa anymore after 2 because they were sold out.

Yeah, that's totally clear