keefer

Similar to @rvwnsd, I have cards I've kept forever -- one early '80s (Houston), the second late 90's (London). Both cards are elegant in their simplicity - the earlier one had Roberts' name, the later one Mario's gaydar name. Many many many years later they invoke memories of many encounters.
 
I suspect I fall into the demographic you describe, older guy, potential client, not in gay setting...
 
If, like the cards I kept, your card simply had your name (Mocha). Simple, elegant, no explanation or adornment. If we talked long enough for you to feel comfortable giving me the card, I suspect you'd have dropped enough hints or website names into the conversation and judged my reaction/understanding.
 
I'd certainly remember that the card (Mocha) equated to RentMen (or Backpage, or whatever other sites are in your area or will occur in the future)... and have the means to find you online. And if you felt comfortable enough to give them (or me) your number, there's something quite elegant and intimate about letting the other person write it... ignoring the fact that it gives you plausible deniability ;-).

I hate the Hunqz site in terms of navigation, the old romeo site was much simpler to use and you could easily sort and filter guys by your preference.

Crossfit can be intimidating for some, motivational for others.
 
I would recommend starting slow. Most major cities have ClassPass, which allows you to visit many different gyms and classes per month. Find one you like, or an instructor that you like, and be disciplined about it.
 
As you can tell by my handle, I go out and run 3x a week. It's a great way to get outside (even though Los Angeles is quite polluted) and out of the office/car/apartment grind.

I was an on-again/off-again gym goer in my 20s but would always stop after a few weeks because of boredom. Eventually, I quit doing any exercise. By the time I turned 50, my body showed the ill effects of inactivity.
 
It wasn't pretty plus I had to take pills for high cholesterol.
 
So I started Crossfit at 50. Couldn't even finish the warmup, which was to run around an industrial building three times. Halfway through the second time, I stopped and felt like throwing up. Spent about half an hour by myself in the parking lot trying to recover, completely missing the training workout.
 
The coach came out to check on me a few times to be sure that I was okay. When I went home, I wrote the gym owner and said that Crossfit was too tough for me. She wrote me back twice that week and said that it's normal to have issues at first. But they would work with me and scale the workouts to my level. And I would get better. She wanted me to give them another try.
 
So after a week, I went back and they did what they said they would.
 
It was a long and exhausting road. But eight years later, I'm still doing Crossfit three days a week, only missing a session when I'm on vacation or sick. I lost 30 pounds in the first four months (with the Paleo diet -- no carbs) and after about a year, ditched the cholesterol pills. I can now run a mile without stopping, do Olympic lifts, and climb a rope (slowly).
 
Competed in my first Crossfit competition, a local one, many years ago -- came in close to last place for my age group. This year, I finished my second global Crossfit Open and moved up to the middle of the pack worldwide in my age group.
 
After decades of being an overweight nerd, I've turned into a jock in my fifties.
 
I've stuck with Crossfit because of the variety: every workout is different so I'm never bored. My entire body gets a workout. There's also a lot of camaraderie with the 20-somethings who finish the workout first encouraging people like me who usually finish last. Since each workout is a class, everybody knows everybody else's name, and tries to integrate newcomers as quickly as possible. The coaches are on our case if we try to do too much or too little.
 
At the highest levels, Crossfit is no harder than doing any sport. I'm never going to compete at the Crossfit Games on TV but fitness runners won't be running for the Olympics and weekend basketball players won't be playing for the NBA.
 
Critics usually forget to mention that, as someone here has already stated, all workouts are scalable. Which is how a senior citizen beginner who may be lifting with a plastic pipe works out at the same time as a college jock who is breaking personal barbell records. We've had pregnant women working out until 2-3 weeks before giving birth and then coming back four weeks after. No mom-bods for these ladies.
 
Our latest member is around 72 and in just a couple of months, he's gone from being barely able to move to lifting light weights, rowing, biking, and doing pushups. He'll probably be joining our mile runs in a few months.
 
To me the worst thing about Crossfit is not the difficulty -- everybody who sticks with it, no matter their physical shape when they started, eventually ends up doing the workouts. It's the cost: $150 a month is average for my area (SoCal). It's higher in other places.
 
If you want to try Crossfit -- checkout several boxes. Nearly all will let you do one beginner workout for free. Like anything else, some affiliates are better than others. I had to try out five gyms before settling on my current one.

Though I've been a steady regular at the gym for years with no more than a 3 week hiatus, I did find what helped for me was to leave the big conglomerate warehouse gyms, and switch to a smaller gym. But not local, small gyms because I travel and need to be able to access the same gym all over America. Small in size, but national in coverage. The Walgreens and CVS of gyms.
 
I started at Bally, they were bought out by 24 Hour fitness. I now go to Anytime fitness, and I love them. Planet fitness is okay, but they're not everywhere like Anytime fitness. There's been times I would pull off the interstate in the middle of nowhere, and sure enough there was an Anytime fitness. I didn't have that freedom with 24 hour fitness.
 
Granted, their weights aren't as expansive as 24 hour, LA fitness, and maybe Golds...but who needs all that? I'm am escort/masseur...not training for the NFL. I get the workout I need, plus it forces me to specialize on muscle groups, and stay in the gym no longer than 90 minutes, versus being tempted to do long, overtraining workouts with every machine at my disposal.
 
I wish gyms were a bit more cruisey friendly though. I know some people who can make it work for them, but I usually end up hitting on the wrong people and feeling dumb and embarrassed in the process, so I rarely ever do it anymore. I’ve exchanged numbers with guys several times from the gym, only for them to not realize I was hitting on them and never saw them again lol. Couple of times I’ve run into guys from the gym at the gay bars...and the gyms weren’t even gay nor did they give off a vibe lol.
 
I did meet a client tell me recently (he's MWM to a woman and has kids) that one of his fuck buddies happened to be a Black dude who showed him his dick in the shower at his gym. Some people are just good at that kind of thing, but I'd feel a bit thirsty and perverted. I rather stick to gay bars, apps, and escort sites for my sexual ventures.

Just a couple things to add: the experience you will have as a bottom is more related to skill than size. Having a top who knows what he is doing and pays attention to your reactions, asks how you are, etc is key. As many have mentioned, reading reviews and asking folks on this forum will help you find tops who are skilled. There are a lot of hung tops out there who know what they're doing!
 
Also, if you want to talk more about poppers, I'm happy to have a conversation. I'm known for my knowledge and use of poppers, and I'm happy to share info so that anyone can make an informed, healthy choice. I've got a small section about poppers on my blog, and I'm working on a site - brownbottlebrotherhood.com - to be a mega resource for poppers.

Caution: Don’t do poppers if you’ve also popped a Viagra. Potential major side effects there like a huge drop in blood pressure and worse.

I do Crossfit, it's like having a coach/personal trainer. If you can't do whatever the exercise it, there is an option to do something a bit easier. The idea is that you can work up.
 
I think you get personal trainer advantages without the cost.

I am one of those lucky people whose weight hardly changes--I can still wear the sweaters I bought I when was in college. But I worked out at a gym for more than 40 years, in order to stay healthy and maintain muscle fitness. However, going to the gym always felt like a boring chore to me. Then, in my sixties, I discovered that I could exercise just as much by playing tennis several days per week, and have FUN doing it! I dropped my gym membership ten years ago, and at my recent annual physical, the doctor told me I was actually in better condition (especially aerobically) than I was when I started seeing him fifteen years ago, I also weigh exactly the same 155 lbs I did then, although the distribution has shifted somewhat--it seems to slide toward the middle of my body. I think that it is important for everyone to do some kind of regular exercise, but you are more likely to stick with it if it is something that you actually enjoy doing rather than something you would really rather avoid.

A good friend of mine absolutely transformed his body, in short time, after he started lifting light weights at home, using youtube videos, and going for fast-paced walks.

Start slowly and work your body back into the movement.
 
I can't personally vouch for Crossfit, but would recommend any HIIT workout: https://dailyburn.com/life/fitness/high-intensity-hiit-workout/
 
As you age, you want to remain not only strong, but flexible. That's something that Crossfit doesn't stress, leading it to be a major cause of new sports-related injuries. https://www.evolvemyfitness.com/blog/2017/8/30/crossfits-injury-rates-revealed
 
I agree to 'Just Do it,' but more importantly do it well, in control and with proper form.

The fittest person I know -- with a perfect athletic body to confirm it -- starts out almost every day with a HIIT workout generated by an app and swears by them. He does that to fire up the metabolism and remain lean and flexible. (He also works out again in the evening for muscle development, but that’s more dedication than the average person can muster.)

I am a lifelong yoyo dieter. Had success for a year, then failure - multiple times. One thing I recognized from all those cycles... there was something magic about starting and succeeding three days. And if I stuck with it 3 weeks, I stayed on program for a year.
 
Tried a class last Fall. Not very helpful, overall . Sitting there, dietitian-facilitator says "the human body takes 21 days to adopt new patterns, form new norms or habits." What?!?! I thought it was just me, just a coincidence, perhaps my specific brain&physiology, for which three weeks is significant. But, nope.... there are actually valid studies about behavior change at 21 days. It was reassuring. (Except, who wants evidence that they're not unique?)

I wrote a lengthy post about bad gym membership experience, facility closing, etc.....and deleted it.
 
Im working out at home. Bought an exercise bike . Using bands. My BP is down considerably.
 
I liked the gym... it was a membership issue. I made excuses and procrastinated starting at home. But once started, motivation is taking care of itself. There are times in my cardio. .my knees hurt. my fat ass aches on the bicycle seat. I frequently make mental bargains in my head that "just this once, I'm gonna quit early." Somehow, I never do - always finish.
 
I like reinforcement of entering everything I eat, weight, and exercise into Myfitnesspal app. Before using, I scoffed at fools and theur dependence on apps.
 
The JUST DO IT thing works... at least for me. Once started, motivation is self-generating. Just start.

Yes. I was knocked off track for many years for basically the same reasons you mention. A few thoughts:
 
Habits take time to form. You will probably need to experiment to find what works for you, but you will need sheer willpower to keep experimenting until you find the right time of day, the right motivator, etc., and then let that become habit.
 
I don't think your reluctance to use the gym at work is unusual. Even if there were no changing of clothing required, I have no desire to workout with my coworkers. I'm not that social and don't want to see and chat with people I work with all day. I want to listen to music and surreptitiously check out hot guys.
 
For years I was a "first thing in the morning" guy. If I didn't get up, grab a cup of coffee and get out the door, it just wasn't going to happen. The excuses build up as the work day wore me down. I have several friends who enjoy going to the gym in the evening and couldn't imagine getting out of bed early to go work out. You'll need to figure out what works best for you.
 
Make sure the gym you choose is conveniently located to either your work or home depending upon when you think you'll be going. Convenience is paramount for most people. It can be the coolest gym in world with the hottest guys around, but if it takes you 30 extra minutes to get there, you are setting yourself up for excuses and failure.
 
Find tricks that can become patterns that get you out the door. This may seem trivial to most people, but something that works really well for me, is simply getting into my gym clothes. If I get into those clothes...I always go. So on the days where I am wavering all I really need to do is find the willpower to change into those gym clothes. It's a small thing but it really works for me.
 
Finally. Unless you are extremely athletic, you can't exercise yourself out of a poor diet. I have found that going to the gym is very motivating in keeping my diet healthy, but it's the diet doing all the real work, not the exercise. After a good morning of cardio, I am less inclined to ruin it by eating garbage, but it's very easy to eat away the benefits. I do the calorie math all the time with my food choices. How many minutes of rowing is it going to take me to burn away that donut? It works wonders for me.
 
Good luck. Getting started is the hardest part!

I’ve always been a big fan of group fitness, a la Crossfit. Some of the stuff is dumb (do I need to be upside down to get a good workout?) but the group aspect has helped me a lot.
 
Everyone is struggling or striving to achieve the same goal, not to mention the workouts are written for you, so it’s more difficult to lose motivation (it was much easier for me to skip a workout if I was working by myself).
 
These days gym has become a time for me to
Think, and I do a lot more barbell Olympic lifting, but I dig Crossfit for the community aspect as well.

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@keefer, welcome to the forum and welcome to this part of the journey of your life as you discover/explore your total sexuality.
 
I was an "exclusive top" for well over 30 years. In fairness, being married to a woman clearly influences my choices. Though, even my same sex activity had me as a top. It wasn't until one day a good number of years ago when I was fucking one of my marine buddies, that I realized how much fun he seemed to be having and how into it he was AND how I was doing all the "work," he liked to be tied up so his options were limited. I'm getting off track. Anyway, I became curious.
 
I learned that I love to suck cock and that I'm pretty damn good at it. Anal sex took research and patience. I've posted on all of this before, so let me provide some links and a summary.
 
Anal sex involves smooth muscle tissue. You do not have conscious control of smooth muscle tissue. If you force it, you will injure yourself and likely create a psychosomatic block or issue that makes future activity more difficult. Smooth muscle tissues need time, patience, and for you to feel safe and secure. Don't hire a hugely hung guy who's new to fucking guys for your first time.
 
You need to be in a place that you feel safe with a guy who you're comfortable with and at a pace that keeps you relaxed. Lube is your friend. Lots of it. A top who has experience making great first-times is what you want.
 
Generally speaking, an average person has roughly 6" of length from their anus to the "back" rectum wall. After that, you get into the sigmoid colon, which requires some time/practice and a top that knows how it feels when everything "lines up" for deep 6-7"+ fucking. In other words, a top with an average 6" cock on up to an even above average 7" would be fine for most positions. Though, since your emotions/thoughts play into this, please don't get a guy who you're scared about his size. That will just add complexity to the situation.
 
Lastly, some people swear by poppers and while it's true they do help smooth muscles relax, there are a variety of health issues and other considerations. I would encourage you not to use them during your first few times bottoming until you're comfortable with bottoming and ready to explore "add-ons."
 
References:
 
1. Don't use desensitizing lubes or other products. And also avoid lubes containing jojoba.
2. Don't douche too much or too aggressively. It's much better for you to eat enough fiber consistently.
3. Angles really matter based on the shape of the top's cock.
4. This post contains 4 useful links that are well worth reading.
5. Some useful info about poppers.
6. Slightly more about poppers and adverse interaction with ED meds.

I love it when you talk dirty

Based on this conversation, I want to put together a multipart Netflix series about how to fuck and get fucked. Sort of a sexual how-to travelogue.
 
It'll be like if Rick Steves discovered prostate massage, poppers and silicone-based lube all in the same day.