Clients learning to bottom

[keefer]

Not sure if this is the correct forum, but could someone point me towards existing threads about learning to bottom?

 

I'm a client, rent every few weeks, and have always seen myself as top or top/versatile... but the past few months find myself quite attracted to top and top/versatile escorts. I've not yet followed through, but find myself checking out a number of escorts who are size inappropriate for my extreme lack of experience...

 

Is there a position that's easier than others... or is this all personal choice and patience and breathing (and lots of lube)? Live in London if you have any recommendations...

[+ oldNbusted]

Well, there was this one thread...

 

How To Clean Your Ass - Best Instructional I've Seen

[+ Tarte Gogo]

First step, yes, @oldNbusted got the right link.

As to size and pain, and other difficulties... yes, a lot, a lot and a lot of lube. For the rest, well it is very hard to teach without doing it. An expert top that will understand your lack of experience and boundaries is probably the best option. You can start with a smaller guy first.

I am usually top also, and I am not into big dicks because I always think they cannot top me without hurting me, but I have been surprised by huge guys in Brasil that just know how to do it. They literally just get in there slowly, and you think “where is the pain? I can feel him, he is huge, but no pain?”.

[MassageDrew]

The best way to learn is just by doing it. There’s really no one position where it doesn’t hurt for me. However, I fond it’s easier for me when we’re on our side, spooning position. It’s more of a question of the top’s dick size for me. The bigger and thicker the more it hurts of course. But once you’re relaxed then it’s more fun than painful.

[jrbjcr]

If you've never bottomed before, I'd recommend you try some dildos on yourself first. Start with a smaller plug and then you can move on up. Find a position that works for you. Definitely lube up well. At least get used to the sensation first. Learn how to relax. This way, you'll be more prepared when you bottom with someone.

 

And every top is different. Some need to really go fast to keep their hard on, while others can take their time.

[+ pitman]

I am usually top also, and I am not into big dicks because I always think they cannot top me without hurting me, but I have been surprised by huge guys in Brasil that just know how to do it. They literally just get in there slowly, and you think “where is the pain? I can feel him, he is huge, but no pain?”.

Very good point. The skill and sensitivity of the top is at least as important as his size. A guy with a large dick who is connected and committed to giving you the best possible experience is far better than someone with a small dick who is an inconsiderate jerk.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

If you've never bottomed before, I'd recommend you try some dildos on yourself first. Start with a smaller plug and then you can move on up. Find a position that works for you. Definitely lube up well. At least get used to the sensation first. Learn how to relax. This way, you'll be more prepared when you bottom with someone.

 

And every top is different. Some need to really go fast to keep their hard on, while others can take their time.

Actually @jrbjcr is right and I was wrong: there is something you can learn without actually doing it. I never use dildos myself, so I hadn’t thought about it.

[NuSingle]

Explore many positions to find your most comfortable/relaxed. I really need to be on my back to start things off, but then I’m pretty comfortable in any position after that.

 

If you tolerate/like poppers give that a try. It’s a major enhancer of my bottoming experience. Just educate yourself about them first.

[MassageDrew]

Explore many positions to find your most comfortable/relaxed. I really need to be on my back to start things off, but then I’m pretty comfortable in any position after that.

 

If you tolerate/like poppers give that a try. It’s a major enhancer of my bottoming experience. Just educate yourself about them first.

 

It is one of the things I’m curious about trying. I’ve never used poppers before and, yes, I’ve heard it enhances the experience for the bottom more than the top. I just don’t know how to use it - the correct way. My experience is pretty good without it anyway so I’m more curious as to how much more it can be enhanced.

[keefer]

First, THANK YOU!

 

I've read and re-read everyone's comments a number of times, slowly realizing that most of the questions I left unasked were just anxiety about being clean and relaxed enough to enjoy ...

 

As for the advice - @oldNbusted handled the majority of questions with one link (and thank you for that). Reading @MassageDrew and @NuSingle reminded me that the rare bottom experiences I had, remember and fantasize about, started with (copious alcohol and poppers, and...) me on my back or spooning.

 

@NuSingle, thanks for the comment about poppers. I came out in New York and Houston in the late 70's, poppers were integral to my coming out experience. A number of brands available in London are still quite good.

 

I also realized that the phrase "size inappropriate" left too much to the imagination... The escort I'm hoping to start with next week advertises as 8 inches, and it was looking at his advert that prompted my question. There is a guy in Paris I sometimes fantasize about who is 9 inches, but I think of him as a very advanced classes best left for the future.

 

finally, THANK YOU - I'm very much looking forward to next week.

[MartyB]

First, THANK YOU!

 

I've read and re-read everyone's comments a number of times, slowly realizing that most of the questions I left unasked were just anxiety about being clean and relaxed enough to enjoy ...

 

As for the advice - @oldNbusted handled the majority of questions with one link (and thank you for that). Reading @MassageDrew and @NuSingle reminded me that the rare bottom experiences I had, remember and fantasize about, started with (copious alcohol and poppers, and...) me on my back or spooning.

 

@NuSingle, thanks for the comment about poppers. I came out in New York and Houston in the late 70's, poppers were integral to my coming out experience. A number of brands available in London are still quite good.

 

I also realized that the phrase "size inappropriate" left too much to the imagination... The escort I'm hoping to start with next week advertises as 8 inches, and it was looking at his advert that prompted my question. There is a guy in Paris I sometimes fantasize about who is 9 inches, but I think of him as a very advanced classes best left for the future.

 

finally, THANK YOU - I'm very much looking forward to next week.

J always retell my experience with the great Antton Harri. One of the truly great men in open/escorting. The bottom is always the one in control. Not only does your body need to respond but so is your head. A good top will work your butt tonhet it ready. Lube a must/or anal ease will help a lot. My suggestion is try laying on your back with your legs on his shoulders as he enters. Eye contact and kissing works wonders. Once he is inside after the initial penetration hopefully you will be into the experience. From there alternative positions or continue in that position I love grabbing and slapping his butt as he's thrusting. There are some great tips in NYC.

[MartyB]

J always retell my experience with the great Antton Harri. One of the truly great men in open/escorting. The bottom is always the one in control. Not only does your body need to respond but so is your head. A good top will work your butt tonhet it ready. Lube a must/or anal ease will help a lot. My suggestion is try laying on your back with your legs on his shoulders as he enters. Eye contact and kissing works wonders. Once he is inside after the initial penetration hopefully you will be into the experience. From there alternative positions or continue in that position I love grabbing and slapping his butt as he's thrusting. There are some great tips in NYC.

Great tops not tips. Lol

[HotWhiteThirties]

It is one of the things I’m curious about trying. I’ve never used poppers before and, yes, I’ve heard it enhances the experience for the bottom more than the top. I just don’t know how to use it - the correct way. My experience is pretty good without it anyway so I’m more curious as to how much more it can be enhanced.

 

I enjoy poppers when I bottom AND when I top. I am fortunate in that, in general, they do not give me headaches. It totally magnifies the entire experience for me. The only downside is it can close up my sinuses. I’ve found a couple shots of Flonase before play helps with that. As far as using them, you have to develop your understanding of your own tolerance, but I can hit them pretty hard and heavy personally. That wasn’t the case initially, though. They just relax me and put me in a place where I am totally focused on my senses. You might experiment with them while jacking off - that’s fun too.

[TruthBTold]

All of the above have great information. I have mostly been a top but really wanted to start recently. Although I understand the "big is not necessarily bad" logic I still look for the reasonable size hoping to work my way up to Jessie O'Toole. For some reason, being on top at first and allowing me to work him into me as fast or slow as I wanted seem to work. Because it is at the beginning he is usually turned on and he stays hard. Then once I feel comfortable I really start a power bottom sort of routine. If he is a discriminating top he will pick up on that and suggest changes of positions. I just let my defenses down and go with the flow unless I think he is being too hard with me. You always have the right to put a stop to anything. A very moderate amount of poppers can help but I don't like them at the beginning necessarily. I find that my slow easing on to a cock is not helped by poppers. But once he gets going with you a small amount every once in a while really makes it feel goddamn glorious. I used a small amount the other night and I swear I could feel the smooth portion of the head of his cock against my hole and it gave me shudders. But enough about me . . .

[NuSingle]

A very moderate amount of poppers can help but I don't like them at the beginning necessarily. I find that my slow easing on to a cock is not helped by poppers. But once he gets going with you a small amount every once in a while really makes it feel goddamn glorious. I used a small amount the other night and I swear I could feel the smooth portion of the head of his cock against my hole and it gave me shudders. But enough about me . . .

 

Totally agree about not doing poppers in the very beginning. Fully enjoy it first and then the poppers experience is a whole nother gear. It makes a lot of tops go limp in my experience so another reason to do your homework. It can also prolong the session before climax for me which is an added bonus.

[Cliff]

Caution: Don’t do poppers if you’ve also popped a Viagra. Potential major side effects there like a huge drop in blood pressure and worse.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Based on this conversation, I want to put together a multipart Netflix series about how to fuck and get fucked. Sort of a sexual how-to travelogue.

 

It'll be like if Rick Steves discovered prostate massage, poppers and silicone-based lube all in the same day.

[TruthBTold]

Based on this conversation, I want to put together a multipart Netflix series about how to fuck and get fucked. Sort of a sexual how-to travelogue.

It'll be like if Rick Steves discovered prostate massage, poppers and silicone-based lube all in the same day.

 

Get the right actors (perhaps yourself) and you will have a huge audience.

[keefer]

@Benjamin_Nicholas, I'd be honored if you played my part in the Netflix series... though for accuracy we either need to introduce you to Pasta or I need to go to the gym for a couple of years.... ;-)

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

@Benjamin_Nicholas... we either need to introduce you to Pasta...

 

I love it when you talk dirty

[LivingnLA]

@keefer, welcome to the forum and welcome to this part of the journey of your life as you discover/explore your total sexuality.

 

I was an "exclusive top" for well over 30 years. In fairness, being married to a woman clearly influences my choices. Though, even my same sex activity had me as a top. It wasn't until one day a good number of years ago when I was fucking one of my marine buddies, that I realized how much fun he seemed to be having and how into it he was AND how I was doing all the "work," he liked to be tied up so his options were limited. I'm getting off track. Anyway, I became curious.

 

I learned that I love to suck cock and that I'm pretty damn good at it. Anal sex took research and patience. I've posted on all of this before, so let me provide some links and a summary.

 

Anal sex involves smooth muscle tissue. You do not have conscious control of smooth muscle tissue. If you force it, you will injure yourself and likely create a psychosomatic block or issue that makes future activity more difficult. Smooth muscle tissues need time, patience, and for you to feel safe and secure. Don't hire a hugely hung guy who's new to fucking guys for your first time.

 

You need to be in a place that you feel safe with a guy who you're comfortable with and at a pace that keeps you relaxed. Lube is your friend. Lots of it. A top who has experience making great first-times is what you want.

 

Generally speaking, an average person has roughly 6" of length from their anus to the "back" rectum wall. After that, you get into the sigmoid colon, which requires some time/practice and a top that knows how it feels when everything "lines up" for deep 6-7"+ fucking. In other words, a top with an average 6" cock on up to an even above average 7" would be fine for most positions. Though, since your emotions/thoughts play into this, please don't get a guy who you're scared about his size. That will just add complexity to the situation.

 

Lastly, some people swear by poppers and while it's true they do help smooth muscles relax, there are a variety of health issues and other considerations. I would encourage you not to use them during your first few times bottoming until you're comfortable with bottoming and ready to explore "add-ons."

 

References:

 

1. Don't use desensitizing lubes or other products. And also avoid lubes containing jojoba.

2. Don't douche too much or too aggressively. It's much better for you to eat enough fiber consistently.

3. Angles really matter based on the shape of the top's cock.

4. This post contains 4 useful links that are well worth reading.

5. Some useful info about poppers.

6. Slightly more about poppers and adverse interaction with ED meds.

Edited April 9, 2018 by LivingnLA

[+ Eric Hassan]

Just a couple things to add: the experience you will have as a bottom is more related to skill than size. Having a top who knows what he is doing and pays attention to your reactions, asks how you are, etc is key. As many have mentioned, reading reviews and asking folks on this forum will help you find tops who are skilled. There are a lot of hung tops out there who know what they're doing!

 

Also, if you want to talk more about poppers, I'm happy to have a conversation. I'm known for my knowledge and use of poppers, and I'm happy to share info so that anyone can make an informed, healthy choice. I've got a small section about poppers on my blog, and I'm working on a site - brownbottlebrotherhood.com - to be a mega resource for poppers.

[+ pitman]

Although I understand the "big is not necessarily bad" logic I still look for the reasonable size hoping to work my way up to Jessie O'Toole.

Thats a very laudable goal to work towards. I imagine a session with him would be amazing!

[TruthBTold]

Thats a very laudable goal to work towards. I imagine a session with him would be amazing!

 

I don't know if you ever saw the scene between Jessie O'Toole and Dawson. The eroticism, intimacy, and just plain fucking says it all.

[+ pitman]

I don't know if you ever saw the scene between Jessie O'Toole and Dawson. The eroticism, intimacy, and just plain fucking says it all.

Yes!