samhexum

[continued] The night Flaherty met Ashley Dutko, he had just from Adam Jones and emerged from the clubhouse with remnants of pie cream still in his ears. He took her to the Abbey Burger Bistro on their first date, and the relationship blossomed over time before they were married in Florida in December 2016. As Flaherty gradually infiltrated the Dutko-Markakis family dynamic, he and his brother-in-law grew more comfortable probing each other's weak spots. They live five minutes apart in suburban Atlanta, and Flaherty swings by Markakis' house for the commute to SunTrust Park. During the drive, Markakis typically will complain about Flaherty's insistence on blasting rap music on the car stereo. Or he'll give Flaherty grief over his addiction to his cellphone. "Nick calls Ryan a 'damn millennial,'" said Christina Markakis. This might be a salient observation if Markakis weren't 34 years old and Flaherty 31. The fellow Braves snipe at each other over their golf games or respective diets. Markakis has a sweet tooth and a fondness for Wendy's cheeseburgers, while Flaherty is a stickler for nutrition and never touches fast food. "Ryan eats like a bird," Markakis frequently tells his wife. But nothing bonds or divides them more than the debate over their wardrobes. Flaherty is partial to skinny jeans, sweatpants, hoodies and tube socks over Jordan sneakers. He likes camouflage gear because it's fashionable, while Markakis prefers camo because it's functional and great for hunting. During a recent bus trip, Flaherty and Markakis sent photos of their outfits on a family text chain and declared each an embarrassment to the entire clan. In one text, Flaherty derided Markakis for wearing a pair of slacks that looked like "my grandmother's curtains." So where do the other Braves come down on the topic? Pitcher Brandon McCarthy prefers to remain neutral. "They're at opposite-but-equal ends of the terrible fashion spectrum," McCarthy said. http://a4.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2018%2F0528%2Fr377045_1296x729_16-9.jpg On the field, the brothers-in-law are bonded by a love of the game and an appreciation for old-school fundamentals. Flaherty's father, Ed, is an accomplished Division III coach who recently logged his 1,000th career victory at the University of Southern Maine. Flaherty was a longtime favorite of Orioles manager Buck Showalter, who saw a value in him that far surpassed his .639 career OPS with Baltimore. Markakis has never hit with prototypical corner outfield power. But he's a two-time Gold Glove winner who appeared in 155 or more games in 10 of his first 12 seasons. He has shown a discerning eye, an appreciation for the craft of hitting, and professional staying power at a time when the game is increasingly skewing young. Among modern-day athletes, Markakis stands out for his aversion to self-promotion. He doesn't have accounts on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, and he tells his wife he would rather be anonymous than succumb to the temptation of raising his profile as a social media gadfly. "He does things so quietly, and he doesn't want any of the attention," Moylan said. "He's quite happy just going out there, being a professional, playing the game the right way and leading by example. Sometimes in this day and age, it's more about trying to get the attention than it is trying to do the job, and he's the complete opposite. That's a nice, refreshing change." Contrary to public perception, Markakis insists that he is not the joyless, robotic presence people make him out to be. "We spend a lot of time together [as teammates] and you can't be serious 24/7," Markakis said. "You have to have a little fun with it. If I'm at the plate and I get jammed so bad I pop it up to the pitcher, I'm cool with people making jokes about it. That's one of the single most embarrassing things that can happen as a hitter. When that happened to another player when I was in Baltimore, Adam Jones and I would die laughing in the outfield. I'd rather strike out than pop up to the pitcher." When Markakis looks back on his career post-retirement, it might be hard to top events of this summer for entertainment value. He has been energized by Atlanta's young roster and the daily commutes to the park with his brother-in-law, who has loosened him up and allowed him to have more fun than ever around family and teammates. Markakis, in turn, has reinforced Flaherty's faith in the importance of dedication and commitment to the job. Beneath the insults and put-downs, they're just two ballplayers with shared values and a common affinity for winning. "It's funny," Flaherty said. "The first thing every teammate asks me is, 'What's Nick like at home?' The first time you meet him you're like, 'Do you not like me?' But that's not it at all. He's just a quiet human being. "You always hear people talk about athletes and say, 'He doesn't care about the fame.' But Nick literally doesn't care about anything except baseball and his family. He doesn't pay attention to any other external stuff going on in the world, which is a special character trait he has. It's the same reason a lot of people don't know how good he is." Lest those comments come across as overly sentimental -- or give people the impression these two guys actually like each other -- Markakis has no plans to cut Flaherty any slack when they're getting after it in the gym. He will continue to push and prod Flaherty to be better because the Braves are counting on both of them. And isn't that what a good brother-in-law is supposed to do? "I think deep down, they really do respect each other and admire each other," said Ashley Flaherty. "And we're all glad that they have each other."

Nick Markakis, Ryan Flaherty more than just Braves teammates http://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2018%2F0528%2Fr377050_1296x729_16-9.jpg Not only do Nick Markakis and Ryan Flaherty have differing fashion sense, they get to show their wardrobes off at family holiday gatherings. Ryan Flaherty's first major league locker mates, Nick Johnson and Nick Markakis, were firm believers that rookies should never speak unless expressly asked for their opinion. Johnson retired after Flaherty's rookie year, while Markakis dressed beside Flaherty in the Baltimore Orioles' home clubhouse at Camden Yards from 2012 through 2014. "He didn't talk to me for three years," Flaherty said. "The first conversation we had was about his sister-in-law, who I ended up marrying. He's a man of few words." That's the way most people see Markakis -- as a stoic producer who churns out numbers in a publicity vacuum. He is about to become the first player since World War II to have 2,000 career hits, 400 doubles and 1,000 runs (he's at 997) without ever making an All-Star team. Flaherty has tapped into an alternate side of Markakis as his commuting partner, workout buddy, comic foil, daily antagonist and the guy who passes the gravy at holiday dinners. They're sharing a clubhouse and National League East title hopes this summer as teammates and brothers-in-law on a surprise contender in the Atlanta Braves. Markakis married Christina Dutko of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, in 2008. Flaherty became part of the family in 2016 when he wed Christina's sister, Ashley. As a tandem, the two Braves aren't quite as entertaining as Ozzie Albies legging out a triple or Ronald Acuña Jr. ranging into the gap to steal an extra-base hit. But their biting humor and incessant jibes have provided a nice diversion for teammates during the 162-game hamster wheel of a season. "I think generally they get on pretty well," Braves reliever Peter Moylan said. "But they're the first at each other when something isn't up to speed, so to speak. They'll say things you probably couldn't say to another teammate. They get all the bulls--- out of the way early and there's no holding back. They're like, 'This is what I think and I'm going to tell you,' and it works both ways. I think it's hilarious." Baseball has a rich history of fathers, sons and brothers, from the Boones and Alous to the DiMaggios, Niekros, Alomars and Bells. Brothers-in-law aren't quite as prominent in MLB lore, but several prominent players have been linked by marriage through the years. The list includes Manny Machado and Yonder Alonso, Ian Desmond and Josh Roenicke, Neil Walker and Don Kelly, and Brandon Crawford and Gerrit Cole, who were in the news recently when Crawford took Cole deep during a San Francisco Giants-Houston Astros matchup. Every now and then, brothers-in-law wear the same uniform. Outfielder Rick Miller married Carlton Fisk's sister, Janet, in 1973, and they played together for four more seasons in Boston. In 2014, pitcher Michael Tonkinand outfielder Jason Kubel were in-laws and teammates in Minnesota. The Atlanta tandem has contributed its share of impact moments in April and May. Markakis is batting .340 with a National League-leading 71 hits and is driving the ball with authority three years after neck surgery threatened to derail his career. He has caught enough of a second wind to leave Kirk Gibson, Tim Salmon, Eric Chavez and a select few others behind on the list of "best players to never make an All-Star team." Flaherty, a former Vanderbilt Commodore who was a first-round pick by the Cubs in the 2008 draft, ranks third among Maine natives behind Del Bissonette and George Gore with 37 career home runs. He led the National League in hitting three weeks into April before losing the starting third-base job to Jose Bautista and, more recently, Johan Camargo. But he remains a handy piece for Braves manager Brian Snitker off the bench because of his versatility, reliable glove and ability to run into a fastball. As teammates in Atlanta, Flaherty and Markakis are baseball's answer to Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly in "Step Brothers" -- minus the bunk beds. They'll bicker or needle each other in the clubhouse, the dugout, in airport terminals and on bus rides to and from the ballpark. "We ride to the field together every day, and he'll give his opinion on some nonsense," Flaherty said. "Then we get to the field and we hardly ever talk until the next day, unless we're working out or he's telling me how bad my swing looked. I'll come back to the dugout and he'll say, 'What kind of swing was that?'" Flaherty has a stock response whenever it appears Markakis is gaining the upper hand in the relationship. "Nick has more hits than me," he said. "He has a bigger bank account than me. He's got a bigger car than me. But I have better hair than him." Darren O'Day sliced up eight articles of his clothing during their time together in Baltimore. Flaherty achieved a measure of revenge in 2015, when he gained secret access to O'Day's gear as it was being packed for a trip to the All-Star Game. O'Day, who loathes the New England Patriots, arrived in the visiting clubhouse at Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati to find a Tom Brady jersey hanging in his locker. Markakis, the stoic brother-in-law, is most comfortable when engaged in four activities: playing baseball, working out in preparation for baseball, hanging out with his wife and three sons, or sitting in a tree stand on a hunting trip. With his dark eyes, brooding countenance and ultra-quiet demeanor, he has been known to intimidate teammates in the clubhouse without even trying. "Guys think he's probably got a body count somewhere," Flaherty said, laughing. During Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas gift exchanges, the respective wives see the same dynamic on display. "If you're a fly on the wall listening to them and you really don't know them, you're like, 'Is this really being said right now?'" Christina Markakis said. "Ryan is Mr. Social Butterfly, and Nick is the polar opposite," Ashley Flaherty said. "You see them and you're like, 'What in the world do they have in common?'" The foundation of the relationship was laid in 2012 in Baltimore, after the Cubs left Flaherty off their 40-man roster and the Orioles chose him in the Rule 5 draft. Markakis, who has a softer, more generous side than he likes to reveal publicly, went on an annual shopping trip to buy Louis Vuitton wallets for the rookies, and he asked Christina to accompany him to help pick out a special gift for Flaherty. A couple of years later, Christina mentioned Flaherty as a potential match for her sister Ashley, who was working as an attorney in Florida. When Markakis casually raised the topic in the Baltimore clubhouse, heads snapped in unison, because the gesture was so out of character. "I just relayed the message and one thing led to another," Markakis said. "I don't do matchmaking."

Yelp reviewers, beware. A Manhattan woman who gave one-star reviews on Yelp and ZocDoc to a Kips Bay gynecologist has spent nearly $20,000 defending herself against a defamation suit filed by the physician, according to her and court papers. And the litigation has only just started. “I gave an honest review of my experience to warn others, and he is trying to silence me. It’s a nightmare,’’ Michelle Levine told The Post. Levine said she found Dr. Joon Song of New York Robotic Gynecology & Women’s Health online and went to him for a checkup in July 2017. “A week later, he billed my insurance company $1,304.32 for the new-patient visit and ultrasound, and I got a bill for $427 that wasn’t covered,” she said. “The annual was supposed to be free!” Levine alleges in court filings that Joon never even gave her a manual pelvic exam, instead simply asking her about menstrual cramps and then performing an ultrasound. Levine claims that Joon said he gave her pelvic and breast exams, even though he didn’t. “When I called his office [to gripe], they were immediately aggressive and said I had come in complaining of pelvic pain,” which required the ultrasound, Levine said, denying she ever told them she had pelvic pain. “I was so disgusted, I wrote a review on several sites, including Yelp, ZocDoc and Health Grades,” she said. “Very poor and crooked business practice,” Levine wrote in the review. “I suspect that this doctor gives unnecessary procedure [sic] to a lot of people and then charges the insurance sky high prices and no one knows the difference. “Everything about my one and only visit here has caused me emotional distress and panic, and now they want me to cough up an extra $500 for services I didn’t even need?” Two weeks later, she got an email from the doctor’s lawyers, telling her she was being sued. The $1 million suit touts Joon’s Yale University training and accuses Levine of false postings and online harassment. “No reasonable person would believe that the statements made therein were opinion,’’ court papers say. Levine said the court battle has so far cost her close to $20,000. “They tried to drag my start-up wine-and-spirits technology business into it … They posted my entire medical record, including notes about my mental health, my bills, my insurance info, my driver’s license, birth date and home address,” she said. Lawyers for Joon and the clinic did not return messages.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I came out as a gay man. I'm 35, and it was a very difficult decision. I haven't been in a relationship with a man before and have dated only women up until now. I have been on a few dates, and I feel like I fall too fast and easy for a guy. I'm struggling to fit into the gay community and understand what is acceptable and what is not. I recently met someone I really like, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and I am scared I'll mess it up. I don't want to be alone and I'm afraid that's what is going to happen to me. I am not sure how to interact with other gay guys. It took me so long to come out, I don't want it to take forever to find someone. How do I get over this fear of being alone and be comfortable around guys? -- FEELING LOST IN MASSACHUSETTS DEAR FEELING LOST: Make a conscious decision to relax and just be yourself because it isn't necessary to be anyone but who you are. In time, you will realize there are as many kinds of relationships in the gay community as there are in the straight community. Some men are looking for casual hookups while others want the same kind of solid, lasting relationship you do. Because you are confused about "how to fit into the gay community," you might find guidance if you contact the nearest gay and lesbian center and join one of their talk groups. One that's comprised of individuals who are "newly out" would be perfect for you.

I don't know if this is a national commercial or local, but I always laugh at it. The man begins by mentioning his 11 grandkids. At the end, he's dressed in rain gear, to protect himself against the water gun assault by all of those rugrats. However, his claim of "I know a few things about protection" kinda rings hollow when you consider the litter he begat. I saw an ad the other night for a drug called Repatha. I couldn't help but wonder if Lieutenant Van Buren from Law & Order were the spokesperson, would they call it R. Epatha? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUUFUoR3iXk

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a debate my wife and I are having. When making the bed, I always place the top sheet between the fitted sheet and comforter with the finished side facing up. It seems logical. She insists the finished side should face down so that when you fold the top back near the pillows you see the finished side of the sheet. I get her point, but I just don't think that's right. Which way should it go? -- SLEEPLESS IN RHODE ISLAND DEAR SLEEPLESS: If the sheet has attractive trim, why on Earth wouldn't you want to display it? I'm voting with your wife. If you are "Sleepless" because you are arguing over which way the top sheet should face, thank your lucky stars it's not a pitched battle over something more serious. My solution would be: Whoever makes the bed gets to decide which way the sheet faces.

http://www.foxnews.com/content/dam/fox-news/images/2018/05/24/fat%20sign.jpg Attracting attention is a difficult beast. Some believe that it doesn't matter how you do it, as long as people are talking about you. Others worry that there's such a thing as the wrong sort of attention. What was Scott Campbell thinking when he put up a sign outside his Pell City Fitness gym that read: "Tired of Being Fat and Ugly? Just Be Ugly!"? Surely he thought it was noticeable. After all, Pell City in Alabama -- a little east of Birmingham -- couldn't have seen a sign quite like this before. And surely Campbell wasn't entirely surprised when the local Sign Enforcement Officer told him to take it down. But why? It seems it may have had nothing to do with fat-shaming. Or even ugly-shaming. Instead, the city that the sign was put up without a permit. But of course. What else could it have been? He told WVTM that he's had signs up before -- presumably permitless -- and no one had a problem with them. Now, he's been told all his signs have to come down. Then again, we're talking about marketing here, so Campbell is presenting himself as the put-upon barbell facing the mighty muscle of local government. In a Facebook video, Campbell insisted: "I'm not mean-spirited at all." He explained he's a former state trooper and currently in the military. Of the sign he said: "It's supposed to be a playful jab. It's supposed to an attention-grabber." That, it is. But so is, well, headbutting a priest in a strip club, some might mutter. Campbell said that he has his own history with obesity. When he began to work out, he weighed 300 lbs. Moreover, the city manager told the Washington Post: "The City does not object to the content of the sign." Campbell says he's now been given an extension, and hopes the matter will be resolved. Still, he's started a GoFundMe page, in which he's trying to crowdsource the paying of any fine that might descend. He's aiming for $1,000. At the time of writing, he's raised $245. Yet, some would say, the core of advertising is knowing your audience. Time will tell if Campbell knows his.

Everyone's favorite Washingtonian, Rachel Dolezal, who legally changed her name to Nkechi Diallo in 2016, was charged this week with theft by welfare fraud, perjury and false verification for public assistance. Court documents say she illegally received $8,747 in food assistance and $100 in child care assistance from August 2015 through November 2017. An investigation started in March 2017 when a state investigator received information that she had written a book. Documents say she had deposited nearly $84,000 into her bank account without reporting it. They say the former activist told investigators she “fully disclosed her information” and declined to answer further questions.

Two McDonald’s customers in Florida are suing the fast-food giant for a hefty sum of $5 million because they say they’re being unfairly charged for cheese they don’t want on their burgers. Cynthia Kissner and Leonard Werner argue that hamburgers and cheeseburgers are different prices on the McDonald’s menu, but when they order a Quarter Pounder without the extra dairy, they’re still forced to pay the same amount. According to the lawsuit, filed May 8 in Fort Lauderdale seeking class-action status, McDonald’s used to sell four different Quarter Pounder options, two of which came without cheese and cost between 30 to 90 cents less, the Miami Heraldreports. But “at some point,” the lawsuit claims, the restaurant stopped “separately displaying these products for purchase on menus, and currently lists the availability of Quarter Pounder with Cheese and Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese.” Since this change, “customers have been forced, and continue to be overcharged for these products, by being forced to pay for two slices of cheese, which they do not want, order, or receive, to be able to purchase their desired product,” the lawsuit claims, according to the Herald. “McDonald’s is being unjustly enriched by these practices because it receives payment for cheese it does not deliver to its customers,” the lawsuit states. The lawsuit claims the plaintiffs “have suffered injury as a result of their purchases because they were overcharged, and were required to pay for cheese, which is not a component of either a Quarter Pounder or a Double Quarter Pounder, that they did not want and did not receive,” the Herald reports. McDonald’s lists the ingredients of the Quarter Pounder with Cheese on its website, which include a quarter-pound 100 percent beef patty, sesame seed bun, pasteurized process American cheese, ketchup, pickle slices and onions. It also lists nutritional info for a Quarter Pounder without Cheese, though it doesn’t specify prices for the two. A McDonald’s spokesperson told USA Today the company does “not believe the claims in this lawsuit have legal merit. The advertised Quarter Pounder burger comes with cheese. We try to accommodate our customers’ requests by allowing them to customize their orders, such as a Quarter Pounder with no cheese.” The spokesperson also noted that individual franchisees set their menu prices based on their respective markets.

A North Carolina woman is facing charges after she forced a cable repairman to let her perform a sex act on him, police said. Mildred Newsome, 47, of Fayetteville, was arrested Saturday after an investigation into the man’s accusations following an April 20 repair call at her apartment, Fayetteville police Sgt. Shawn Strepay told The Post. “The cable guy was there to work on her on box(!?!?!) and while waiting for it to reset as he was sitting on a couch, she came over, grabbed his hand and forcefully placed his hand on her own breast,” Strepay said. The unidentified technician, in his 30s, tried to resist Newsome’s “unwanted sexual advance,” but she persisted and performed oral sex on him, Strepay said. Newsome then told the man that she would “turn the story on him” if he reported the alleged assault to police, saying she would tell authorities that he was the aggressor, Strepay said. “When he was able to finally get out of the home, he did report it the same day, actually shortly after the event took place,” he said. Investigators have yet to determine a motive in the alleged attack. Newsome, who faces two felony counts of second-degree forcible sex offense and one misdemeanor count of sexual battery, has been released after posting bail, Strepay said. Attempts to reach Newsome early Thursday were unsuccessful. She works at a nursing and rehabilitation center.

Ronan Farrow, the 30-year-old journalist son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen, defended his mother and reiterated his belief in sister Dylan Farrow’s childhood abuse allegations against Allen, after his brother Moses penned a scathing personal essay earlier this week. “Not worth saying much to dignify the repeated campaign to discredit my sister, often by attacking our mother,” Ronan Farrow wrote in a statementposted on social media on Thursday. “This happens every time Dylan speaks, so this is all I’ll offer: My mother did an extraordinary job raising us, and none of my siblings with whom I’ve spoken ever witnessed anything but love and care from a single mom who went through hell to keep her kids safe.” He continued, “Our brother Moses said the same thing in statements dating back many years. After relentless legal scrutiny of my mother’s parenting—and efforts to discredit her—she was granted sole custody to protect us from Woody Allen. We all grew up with offers from him to speak out against our mother in exchange for support. (He made helping to pay for my college education contingent on turning against her and lying. I declined.) … I believe my sister.” Moses, who was adopted by Mia from South Korea when he was 2 years old, claimed in an essay on Wednesday that he witnessed his mom physically abuse his siblings, including Allen’s now-wife, Soon-Yi Previn. Moses also defended Allen against 32-year-old Dylan’s claims that she was sexually abused as a child. Allen has vehemently denied the abuse allegations. A rep for Mia Farrow did not immediately return our request for comment when asked about Moses’ accusations. Moses, now 40, writes in the essay that he witnessed Mia coaching Dylan on what to say and that previously denouncing Allen “remains the biggest regret of my life.” On Wednesday afternoon, Dylan responded to Moses’ essay, writing on social media, “My brother is a troubled person. I’m so sorry he’s doing this.” Earlier this year, Ronan won a Pulitzer Prize for his exposé on Harvey Weinstein in the New Yorker.

Following several celebrity denouncements against Woody Allen in the recent months, Moses Farrow continues to support his adopted father and details alleged abuse from his adopted mother, Mia Farrow, in a new essay published Wednesday. “I’m a very private person and not at all interested in public attention,” Moses, 40, writes. “But, given the incredibly inaccurate and misleading attacks on my father, Woody Allen, I feel that I can no longer stay silent as he continues to be condemned for a crime he did not commit.” Moses was adopted from South Korea by Mia Farrow when he was 2 years old and was then co-adopted by Allen in 1992. Moses, who now works as a family therapist and photographer, says the “fatal dysfunction within my childhood home had nothing to do with Woody.” “It pains me to recall instances in which I witnessed siblings, some blind or physically disabled, dragged down a flight of stairs to be thrown into a bedroom or a closet, then having the door locked from the outside,” he wrote of Mia. “She even shut my brother Thaddeus, paraplegic from polio, in an outdoor shed overnight as punishment for a minor transgression.” Dylan Farrow wrote an open letter in The New York Times detailing alleged sexual assault at the hands of her adopted father, Woody Allen. She wrote in detail about a train set that was making a loop around the attic where the alleged assault took place. In his new essay, Moses details his version of Aug. 4, 1992, writing, “It’s a precise and compelling narrative, but there’s a major problem: there was no electric train set in that attic. There was, in fact, no way for kids to play up there, even if we had wanted to. It was an unfinished crawl space …” Moses has been publicly defending Allensince Dylan wrote the Times essay in 2014. He has been estranged from his adopted mother for many years. Toward the end of the essay he addresses both Dylan and Mia. To my sister Dylan: Like you, I believe in the power of speaking out. I have broken my silence about the abuse inflicted by our mother. My healing began only after getting away from her. And what she has done to you is unbearable. I wish you peace, and the wisdom to understand that devoting your life to helping our mother destroy our father’s reputation is unlikely to bring you closure in any kind of lasting way. Finally, to my mother: One thing you always said you appreciated about me was my ability to listen. I listened to you for years and held your truth above all others. You once said to me, “It’s not healthy to hold onto anger.” Yet here we are, 26 years later. I’m guessing your next step will be to launch a campaign to discredit me for speaking out. I know it comes with the territory. And it’s a burden I am willing to bear. But, after all this time, enough is enough. You and I both know the truth. And it’s time for this retribution to end. Dylan responded on Wednesday afternoon by saying, “As I said when he last made these claims, this is an attempt to deflect from a credible allegation made by an adult woman, by trying to impugn my mother who has only ever been supportive of me and my siblings. It’s easily disproven, contradicts years of his own statements, is beyond hurtful to me personally, and is part of a larger effort to discredit and distract from my assault. My brother is a troubled person. I’m so sorry he’s doing this.” A rep for Mia Farrow did not immediately return our request for comment.

A frisky couple had a devil-may-care attitude when they opted to have sex at a Jersey Shore church — and were caught mid-act by a priest, according to a report. Anthony Getchius and Noelle Smart were busted Tuesday afternoon getting down underneath a statue of the Virgin Mary at Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Seaside Heights,the Asbury Park Press reported. The priest called cops, who witnessed the couple fully engaged in lovemaking around 12:30 p.m. Police said the unholy act occurred in a “sacred area” — a secluded garden — between the church and the rectory. The Roman Catholic church is located next to the Seaside Heights Police Department on Grant Avenue. Getchius, 43, of Newark, and Smart, 48, of Jersey City, were charged with lewdness, and Getchius was also hit with charges of creating a dangerous condition and obstructing the law. Both were jailed pending a bail hearing Wednesday. Gee, I hope they were in the missionary position, at least.

DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when your ex-wife leaves a frozen pie at your door but doesn't even acknowledge your invitation to stop by and have a slice when it is cooked? -- MIKE IN MONTANA DEAR MIKE: Consider the symbolism in a pie that is frozen. It probably means she wanted you to know that she thought of you, but you're still out in the cold. DEAR MIKE: Your ex is a complete psycho. If I were you, I'd lock the bathroom door, leave the shower curtain open, and keep a baseball with you from now on when you shower.

Very lazily & comfortably, thank you very much...

I've heard that about you. :D:rolleyes:

Identical twins from Queens are valedictorian & salutatorian of their graduating high school class Twin sisters from Fresh Meadows will take top honors at their upcoming graduation from an all-girls school in Jamaica Estates. Maya and Hannah Reyes have achieved valedictorian and salutatorian, respectively, at The Mary Louis Academy. The private high school’s graduation ceremony will take place on June 3. Imagine how obnoxious THEIR parents must be! :D:rolleyes: