samhexum

What about Cher? Melanie (Safka)? Shirley Partridge? How about somebody who recently recorded new material? Agnetha Faltskog

Perhaps they were just having a big sale on Crystal Meth. Check into a rehab facility ASAP, man! Good song, but every time she grunts out 'What's love' I think she's straining to squeeze out a turd.

A man and woman allegedly stole a fire truck after seeing the door open and “thought, ‘Hollywood,’” before leading police on an hours-long chase through several California towns. A Sacramento Metro Fire engine was stolen Saturday afternoon from the scene of a vegetation fire in the Rio Lina area, FOX 40 reported. The unidentified man stole the truck, valued at about $1 million, in Rio Linda and picked up the woman outside her home about 1 miles away and a pursuit ensued, KCRA reported. the perfect vehicle for a hot date?!?!?!? Several agencies pursued the stolen truck as it traveled nearly 100 miles across four counties and reportedly swerved into oncoming traffic several times. “One driver, at a time, had a shirt completely covering their face except for their eyes, so it was hard to tell whether or not that was the female or the male,” said CHP Sgt. Brian Wittmer told reporters. The chase came to an end two hours later on Highway 70 in Butte County where it was stopped by California Highway Police after spikes deployed pulled a tire off the truck. Investigators said the suspects took turns driving and were both believed to be under the influence of drugs, alcohol or a combination of the two during the chase. “The door was wide open, we thought, Hollywood, just (expletive). All right, here you go, we’re going to drive, take off,” said the unidentified male suspect after he was detained, KCRA reported. Both suspects are facing multiple felony charges. “Our #1 priority is the safety of our community and in this case, that of affected communities through which the pursuit took place. We are relieved no one was injured, including any of our personnel from #MetroFire and all other responding allied agencies,” Metro Fire of Sacramento said in a tweet. Authorities said the truck will be assessed for damage. Photographs of the vehicle posted to social media showed the fire truck sustained damage, including a front wheel that was down to its rim. “It wouldn’t be going into service until extensive work is made,” Metro Fire spokesman Capt. Chris Vestal told the Sacramento Bee.

OMG!!! Did you ever find him?

!!!

Does this mean this @*!%* tournament is finally over & I can stop seeing stupid commercials & boring news stories about it? Halle-fuckin-lujah!

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren and are due to make our annual visit. Two of the children are easy to plan for, and we have good relationships with them. The third is a 12-year-old boy with Down syndrome, and we struggle with how to deal with him -- what to do and what to buy him. Any ideas? -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH DEAR UNSURE: The most important thing you can bring with you on your visit is a heart filled with love, and the determination that your grandson will know you love him. Spending one-on-one time together would make him feel special. Every child needs validation and affection on their journey toward adulthood. With the self-confidence it brings, Down syndrome children can live full and happy lives. The questions you're asking me are ones your grandson's parents can answer for you. What he could use and various activities you can share should be easy questions for them to answer. I have printed a wonderful poem on this subject in my column before. It was written by Edna Massimilla, and I think it is timely. Edna is 102 now and still as energetic and "with it" as ever. Read on: HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD A meeting was held so far from Earth. It was the time for another birth. The Angels said to the Lord above -- "This special child will need much love. "For progress may be very slow, "Accomplishment may never show. "This special child will need much care "From the people way down there. "This child may not talk, run or play, "And thoughts may seem so far away. "In many ways will not try to adapt "Known as 'disabled' and 'handicapped.' "Please be careful where this one is sent. "We want this child to be so content. "O please, Lord, find the parents who "Will do a very special job for You. "They will not realize right away "The leading role that they have to play. "But with this child sent from above "Comes stronger faith, and richer love. "Soon they'll know the privilege given "In caring for their gift from Heaven. "Their precious child, so meek and mild "Is Heaven's very special child."

I did in the summer of 1991. I wasn't overly impressed. Very ostentatious and seemed ego-driven. I remember thinking 'someday a buffoonish American billionaire will decorate his home like this, thinking it's classy.'

A jaguar escaped from its enclosure at a New Orleans zoo on Saturday and killed six other animals as it rampaged through the grounds. An employee spotted the 3-year-old animal, a male named Valero, on the loose on zoo grounds around 7 a.m., an hour before the gates were scheduled to be opened for the public. The jaguar killed four alpacas, one emu and a fox before a team of veterinarians managed to coral and sedate it, CNN reported. No humans were hurt. “We care for these animals every day,” said zoo vice president Kyle Burks. “We closed the zoo today to help our team mourn.’’ An “after action review’’ is taking place to determine how the killer cat got free.

They're expecting. Not sure which one's actually pregnant.

A now-former pastor at a Deltona church faces a voyeurism charge, accused of taking an upskirt photo of a woman in his office after a Sunday service, authorities said. Brian (Rick) Kenyon Jr., 31, faces a felony charge of video voyeurism. He was booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail on Thursday, but was released that afternoon on $2,500 bail, officials said. According to an arrest affidavit, the 41-year-old victim told Volusia County sheriff’s deputies the incident happened April 8 at the Deltona Church of Christ on Providence Boulevard. The woman had watched Kenyon’s children for him during the service. Afterward, she went to his office to turn the kids over to him, but soon realized something was wrong, the affidavit said. Kenyon seemed nervous and was avoiding eye contact, she said. Then, he asked her to put his youngest child in a car seat. The woman, who was wearing a sundress, said she bent forward and knelt to secure the child in the seat, but then felt skin brush against her leg, causing her to turn around and yell. According to the affidavit, she saw Kenyon kneeling behind her, bent at the waist, with his hand near the bottom of her dress. When he stood, she said she noticed he was holding his cell phone. The woman told her husband what had happened, and later enlisted several members of the congregation to help confront Kenyon. At a meeting, Kenyon denied taking a picture up the woman’s dress, the affidavit said, claiming he was trying to take a picture of his child but dropped the phone between the woman’s legs. http://www.nydailynews.com/resizer/mgqREXmcyXumbdx9akPzIUrXi2I=/1400x0/www.trbimg.com/img-5b48bee2/turbine/os-1531494111-mws6fw800w-snap-image

I've always called him Craig Beercan, and at 6'5 he's probably got one between his legs.

That's what dating Jeanine Garofolo will do to you.

Is there a way to not see them? Swastikas emblazoned within the entryways of a Greenwood Heights apartment complex have one resident dreaming of a way to rid her 90-year-old building of the Nazi imagery. “I can’t help but fantasize painting over the swastikas and saying ‘Boo,’ ” said LeeAnne Vezzani-Katano. “It’s our responsibility to address symbols.” Swastika tiles are found throughout Fourth Avenue’s Brooklyn Garden Apartments, which spans the block between 23rd and 24th streets — along with other tiles bearing crowns, crosses, and interlocking circles. The architect’s name is illegible on the property’s earliest city records, which show the building was built in 1928 — when the Nazi party was still a small, radical far-right group but had already put the swastika on their flag in 1920. But the history of the swastika dates back thousands of years before the Nazis made it an icon of hate. About 5,000 years ago, the swastika was a Sanskrit symbol meaning good fortune. It’s also been featured in Byzantine and Christian art, and is still a sacred symbol in Hinduism, Buddhism, and other Asian religious traditions. A tile historian (that person must tell FASCINATING stories at Christmas parties!) said the tiles at the Greenwood Heights building come from (Robert?) Mueller Mosaic Company — a former tile manufacturer based in Trenton, NJ — and that residents of the building should understand that in that era the swastika was nothing more than a common decorative symbol. “You’re going to find that swastika symbol in many tile manufacturers of the early 20th century,” said Vance Koehler. “The symbol is very old, and until the Nazis came along, it was a positive symbol.” But another resident said she can’t look at the swastikas without thinking of the Nazis, and that the management should at least put a plaque in each entryway explaining the historical context of the symbols. “I’m definitely surprised and a little bit weirded out, because it’s 2018 and there’s Nazi tiles in our building,” said Paroma Soni. “It’s interesting that they were there since 1928, because that makes it part of the building’s history, but I think maybe putting a little plaque [near the tiles] with the history would be the right thing to do.” Swastika tiles found in and around buildings and churches throughout the country have caused controversy in recent years as people grapple with how to consider the symbol given its complicated past, and current use by white supremacist and neo-Nazi groups. But the building’s landlord said he has no plans to get rid of the swastikas. “It is just an emblem engraved on the floor,” said Isaac Kurtz. Another resident said he understood why the management would not take action, since the swastikas were not meant to be associated with the Nazis when the building was built, and that other residents were simply too sensitive. “It’s not really a Nazi swastika — for someone to be triggered or offended by that very simple geometric shape is a little bit ridiculous, I think,” said Joe Bertino. “If I were management, I would probably not consider it worth the time to replace — that’s just bending over backwards for someone’s over-sensitivity. It’s not like the Nazis invented that symbol — they appropriated it.” But Vezzani-Katano sees things differently. “I’d like to meet with everybody else that lives here and propose what we could do to respect the origins of the design and speak out against it,” she said. A Columbia University professor of Historic Preservation added that the symbols on the other tiles in the Greenwood building — including the crosses and the crown — were based on medieval designs, which were also common tile motifs in the 1920s, and that they lacked any further significance. “These are ornamental tiles, and had no specific symbolic meaning,” said Andrew Dolkart.

A Canadian woman “stole” a complete stranger’s car following an almost unbelievable parking screw-up. In late June, the unnamed woman rented a black Nissan Sentra from a company in Cornwall, Ontario. Immediately afterward, she drove to Walmart and shopped before finding what she thought was her car in the parking lot. The woman got into the unlocked car, pressed the keyless start button and drove off — oblivious to the fact it was a completely different vehicle to her own rental. Keyless cars can be operated as long as the key fob is located inside the car, which was the case in this circumstance. Not long afterward, a black Nissan Infiniti, which had been parked in the same lot, was reported stolen to local police. That car’s owner had also been shopping in Walmart before realizing his vehicle had vanished. In a lengthy Facebook post, the Cornwall Community Police Service warned motorists to never leave key fobs in cars when not in use. They explained that for two weeks, the clueless woman “drove around and used the black car for her regular everyday activities” and only realized something was wrong after returning to the rental company to return the car. “The woman spoke to the manager and commented about how unkept [sic] the inside of the vehicle was and the fact that there was a set of golf clubs in it as well,” the post read. “The woman was not impressed and handed over the keys. The manager, now slightly confused, observed the keys to belong to an Infinity, a vehicle the woman did not rent. “The manager … proceeded to ask her where she went after leaving the car rental two weeks ago. The woman informed him of her activities.” The pair returned to the Walmart parking lot and the woman took the manager to the spot where she had parked her rental car — only to find it still sitting there as she had left it. “The manager and the woman, who was now confused and a wee bit embarrassed herself, returned to the car rental company and contacted police, providing the information for the Infiniti and what took place,” the post stated. “The Infinity came back as stolen on police systems as reported in June and…both the car rental company and the Infiniti owner retrieved their vehicles and there was a happy and funny ending to this story.” But police urged drivers to take care. “The moral of the story is this … please do not leave your key fobs in your vehicle when not being operated, you never know who might take it,” the post concluded. “Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up!” The hilarious post has received hundreds of likes, shares and comments from bemused Facebook users, with one posting: “That happened to me once. I got into the car and I noticed different objects on the dashboard, then I noticed I got into the wrong car. I was embarrassed,” while another added: “So both of them left their car unlocked and keys in it? Talk about a comedy of errors.”

A Canadian woman “stole” a complete stranger’s car following an almost unbelievable parking screw-up. In late June, the unnamed woman rented a black Nissan Sentra from a company in Cornwall, Ontario. Immediately afterward, she drove to Walmart and shopped before finding what she thought was her car in the parking lot. The woman got into the unlocked car, pressed the keyless start button and drove off — oblivious to the fact it was a completely different vehicle to her own rental. Keyless cars can be operated as long as the key fob is located inside the car, which was the case in this circumstance. Not long afterward, a black Nissan Infiniti, which had been parked in the same lot, was reported stolen to local police. That car’s owner had also been shopping in Walmart before realizing his vehicle had vanished. In a lengthy Facebook post, the Cornwall Community Police Service warned motorists to never leave key fobs in cars when not in use. They explained that for two weeks, the clueless woman “drove around and used the black car for her regular everyday activities” and only realized something was wrong after returning to the rental company to return the car. “The woman spoke to the manager and commented about how unkept [sic] the inside of the vehicle was and the fact that there was a set of golf clubs in it as well,” the post read. “The woman was not impressed and handed over the keys. The manager, now slightly confused, observed the keys to belong to an Infinity, a vehicle the woman did not rent. “The manager … proceeded to ask her where she went after leaving the car rental two weeks ago. The woman informed him of her activities.” The pair returned to the Walmart parking lot and the woman took the manager to the spot where she had parked her rental car — only to find it still sitting there as she had left it. “The manager and the woman, who was now confused and a wee bit embarrassed herself, returned to the car rental company and contacted police, providing the information for the Infiniti and what took place,” the post stated. “The Infinity came back as stolen on police systems as reported in June and…both the car rental company and the Infiniti owner retrieved their vehicles and there was a happy and funny ending to this story.” But police urged drivers to take care. “The moral of the story is this … please do not leave your key fobs in your vehicle when not being operated, you never know who might take it,” the post concluded. “Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up!” The hilarious post has received hundreds of likes, shares and comments from bemused Facebook users, with one posting: “That happened to me once. I got into the car and I noticed different objects on the dashboard, then I noticed I got into the wrong car. I was embarrassed,” while another added: “So both of them left their car unlocked and keys in it? Talk about a comedy of errors.”

Innocent bystander shot twice on same street 20 years apart The innocent bystander who was shot in the face following Tuesday’s deadly explosion of violence near a Staten Island courthouse has been struck by a stray bullet before — and it happened on the exact same block. Fran Williams, 67 — who was in critical condition Thursday after getting shot waiting for a bus on Jersey Street in New Brighton — was also shot in 1998 while doing her laundry on the same street, law enforcement sources said. “What a shame. Here is an innocent lady getting shot 20 years apart,” said a law enforcement source. “Even during the crack days, drug dealers didn’t have that bad of luck.” Details of the 1998 shooting were scant — and it was unknown whether anyone was arrested — but one source said Williams was not the intended target. Williams’ latest brush with death came at the end of a gang battle that erupted at the courthouse in St. George and ended with a man fatally rammed by a minivan and five others arrested. Members of two feuding crews came to blows inside the Central Avenue courthouse at around 11:45 a.m. Tuesday and were given summonses and tossed out by court officers, sources said. Out on the street, at least one of the gangbangers pulled a knife, and five stole and piled into a 2012 Dodge Caravan, authorities said. With court officers on its tail, the van sped to nearby Fort Place at Montgomery Avenue, where it plowed into Robert Craigwell, 26, pinning him against a bed-and-breakfast house, officials said. Craigwell, an island resident, died at the scene, cops said. The five occupants of the van, ages 16 to 24, were taken into custody at the scene, police said. But the bloodshed wasn’t over. About 30 minutes later and a half-mile away, a gunman opened fire on Jersey Street near Hendricks Avenue in what sources say was a retaliation attempt for the fatal van strike. The only person struck was Williams, who was waiting at a bus stop not far from her home. While it wasn’t clear whom the shooter was targeting, three of the five suspects in the van crash are listed as living on Jersey Street. As of Thursday evening, no arrests had been made in connection with Williams’ shooting. Neighbors know Williams as “Ms. Franny,” a cheerful animal lover who keeps to herself. “She’s a great person with a great heart,” one acquaintance said. “She’s always in good spirits. She makes you laugh.” Four of the van-crash suspects — Illya Baker, 22, Isaiaha Black, 20, Tyreek Gomez, 16, and Hassan Ray, 24 — were arraigned Thursday in Staten Island Criminal Court on charges of grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property and unauthorized use of a vehicle. Cash bail for each was set at $25,000. The arraignment of the fifth suspect, Prince Edmonds, 19, was slated for Friday. As the suspected driver, Edmonds is additionally charged with manslaughter.

Alaska’s last two Blockbuster video stores are calling it quits, leaving just one store open in the U.S. The stores in Anchorage and Fairbanks will close for rentals after Sunday night and reopen Tuesday for video liquidation sales through the end of August, said Kevin Daymude, general manager of Blockbuster Alaska. “It’s going to be crazy,” Daymude said of the temporary reopening. He said residents were sad when they heard the news and many people have been reminiscing about their Blockbuster memories. The news was announced to Alaskans on Blockbuster Alaska’s Facebook page. The closures come just two months after the host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” sent a jockstrap worn by Russell Crowe in the 2005 movie “Cinderella Man” and other items to the Anchorage store, which displayed it in an effort to ramp up business. Daymude says the buzz from the Oliver connection brought more people to the store. “You would not believe how much business we got just from that memorabilia alone,” he said. “I can’t thank John Oliver or his show enough.” But it wasn’t enough to counter a planned lease increase at both Alaska locations. The jockstrap will probably go to the franchise owner, Alan Payne, who lives outside Austin, Texas. A request for comment from HBO was not immediately returned. In its heyday, Blockbuster had 15 stores in Alaska, Daymude said. Some stores in more remote, less populated parts of the state began closing in the early 2000s. In recent years, Blockbuster stores have vanished in most of the U.S. But their survival lasted longer in Alaska, with some crediting expensive internet as a factor in keeping many people renting videos rather than streaming. The closures will leave the Blockbuster in Bend, Oregon, as the sole holdout. “How exciting,” said the Bend store’s general manager Sandi Harding. “It might end up being a little chaotic for a couple of weeks.” As for the fate of that store, the future looks good. “We have no plans on closing anytime soon,” Harding said.

Bears don’t usually pack a lunch, but they’ll be happy to eat whatever someone else has prepared. WSB-TV reports that Carrie Watts of Rabun County, Georgia, found a large black bear enjoying her sandwich, chips and a cookie inside her minivan after climbing through an open window. Watts had left the windows down Wednesday to combat the summer heat. She initially thought the bear was a black cat. She says the bear spent about 30 minutes in the minivan before it climbed back out the window and scaled a tree. Watts said lunch wasn’t the only thing the bear demolished; it also destroyed her child’s car seat and shredded some paperwork.

Wasn't that the original title of Mad Magazine's Spy Versus Spy?