samhexum

You just like it because, thanks to Jared, you can never be the biggest perv there.

1. Standing in front of the open refrigerator (or freezer) door, waiting for something scrumptious to appear. 2. Sitting on the terlet, hoping to eliminate the something scrumptious without too much effort or clean up. 3. Laying in bed all night unable to fall asleep and thinking about what scrumptious thing I might eat later on.

Visit this offer and print your coupon and enjoy free hash-browns at Waffle House. Coupon expires 1/31/2021. https://mailchi.mp/wafflehouse.com/a-scattered-smothered-and-covered-new-year-b7rg1qggzz To print, you can either screenshot the coupon and print, OR RIGHT CLICK→SAVE IMAGE→PRINT, OR chose FILE→PRINT.

A Céline Dion superfan in the UK got drunk and legally changed his name to hers — then promptly forgot about it. But it’s all coming back to him now. The 30-year-old Céline Dion — né Thomas Dodd — told The Post that he came up with the idea while boozing it up and watching a TV concert by the 52-year-old Canadian crooner on Christmas Eve — because he loves her. “She [is] my go-to person I listen to when I need cheering up,” he told The Post via Twitter. He said he spent much of the pandemic watching concerts while at home, including one by Dion over the holiday that was accompanied by a magnum of Champagne given to him by a friend. “That’ll probably explain a lot!” he said. While enjoying the show, he plunked down 89 pounds (about $122) and officially took her name via an online application. However, the details are a bit fuzzy. “I honestly, hand on heart, don’t remember doing it!” he said. “I remember watching the concert and remember getting rather tipsy.” Days later, he came home from work as a hospitality manager in Staffordshire, England, to find an envelope with documentation waiting for him. “I wasn’t aware I had done it until I found that envelope in my post,” he explained. “Initially, I had to sit down as I couldn’t believe it — so I then checked my bank which confirmed it all.” And why stop there? “Once it sunk in, I signed it straightaway as I bloody love her!” he said. He shared images of his “change of name deed” on Twitter — yes, he did update his social media name to reflect the side-splitting switch — which includes his old signature, plus a new one in a box marked “MR CELINE DION.” “Things have been pretty crazy over here since this morning” when his story took off Friday morning and garnered worldwide media attention. “I currently have paparazzi camped outside,” he said, adding a laughing-while-crying emoji. And, he noted, his “inbox is full of Celine Dion fans asking me to record them a video message!” He does, however, see one potential issue on the horizon. “I’ve just moved into a small village and haven’t spoken to many people,” he said. “It’ll cause quite a stir when I tell them my new name.” However, one person who initially was not amused by the change was his mom. “My mother wasn’t best pleased at first, but now she sees the funny side!” he said. “My friends have said they are not surprised! It was only a few week back I hired an Elsa [from ‘Frozen’] tribute to perform on my driveway for me when I was drunk because I was bored! Anything is possible!” He added that rather than revert to his birth name, at least for now his name change will go on — “As it stands – I’m keeping it!” he said — though he added that everything “depends [on] how difficult it makes my life!” In the meantime, he said he is hoping to get a chance to eventually talk with or meet his namesake — whom he last saw in concert in 2019 — and is working with a UK radio station to see if that can happen. But the power of love could be overwhelming for the nouveau Dion if that does. “You might think I’m joking. I’ll need to be put on oxygen!” he said. “Just thinking about [it] is making my heart race and my eyes water. It would honestly mean the world and more.” The original Dion’s representatives didn’t immediately reply when The Post reached out for comment Friday.

Japan hoping wooden satellites will solve the problem of space junk Japanese researchers are working on satellite technology that would use wood components to eliminate excess space junk, allowing objects to burn up upon reentry to Earth’s atmosphere, according to a new report. Sumitomo Forestry, a 400-year-old Japanese woodworking company, is partnering with Kyoto University to develop the technology, the BBC reported Tuesday. NASA estimated more than a decade ago that 95% of manmade objects in orbit were space junk. They come from defunct satellites, discarded rocket stages and other discarded mission materials. Most of it is relatively small, according to the European Space Agency. Out of 128 million pieces of debris in orbit, only about 34,000 objects are larger than 10 cm. But when larger objects collide, they produce many, many smaller ones. And they can travel more than 20,000 mph, making even tiny particles dangerous. There are also about 2,800 functioning satellites in orbit, according to the Union of Concerned Scientists, which maintains a satellite database. Governments and space-faring companies have plans to launch thousands more in the future. Experts are concerned that too much junk in orbit could complicate future launches, possibly narrowing the window of flightpaths. Larger objects that fall out of orbit are also dangerous for life on the ground Space junk threatens satellites and could be potentially lethal to astronauts. Some launches from countries less concerned about safety protocols can send huge chunks of material hurtling back down to Earth. In May, a Chinese rocket core rained down in pieces over West Africa. If its reentry had been minutes earlier, it could have slammed into New York City. Wooden satellites would break up completely, rather than slamming back to the surface or leaving tiny metallic particles that could pierce spacesuits, solar panels or shuttles in the future. “We are very concerned with the fact that all the satellites which re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere burn and create tiny alumina particles which will float in the upper atmosphere for many years,” Kyoto University professor and Japanese astronaut Takao Doi told the BBC. “Eventually it will affect the environment of the Earth.” In October, two pieces of junk nearly collided 615 miles above the Earth. One was an inoperable Russian satellite launched in 1989 and the other a Chinese rocket stage from 2009. The objects passed within 39 feet of one another in a near miss, but a crash could have broken them into thousands of pieces then posed risks for more collisions with other objects.

Auguste Rodin (12 November 1840 – 17 November 1917) was a French sculptor generally considered the founder of modern sculpture. He is known for such sculptures as The Thinker, The Kiss, The Burghers of Calais, and The Gates of Hell.

ORIGINAL: EXCELLENT COVER: AWFUL COVER: How unimpressive. But of course anything Elaine Paige has ever done since CHESS is bound to be a let-down. So are they gonna mangle Lonely Boy and the MAD ABOUT YOU theme, too? (all written by Andrew Gold) I could’ve sworn Johnny Mathis was dead. Are they sure it was him recording? How come Jason Bateman’s father in law gets next to last billing on the cover? Never mind... I just realized they alphabetized by FIRST name. How is it possible an album of duets was recorded and Tony Bennett was not involved? I assume Idina Menzel was asked to do this before her Geico commercial ran… I couldn’t believe how annoying a Broadway star’s voice could be… so grating.

Dear Abby: I’m an American man who was adopted as an infant. Several years ago, I found my birth parents. They are not from America. My mother came here to give birth and left. Sometime later she married my father and had more children. I’m in touch with the entire family, but mainly my birth parents. My biological siblings are jealous of my success in life and make it plain they don’t approve of much that I do. They also make sure I know I’m not REALLY part of the family because we didn’t grow up together (although we are, by blood, 100% siblings). I deal with this the best I can, but now I’m getting flak from them because of my political views. (They saw a photo of me at a political fundraiser.) When my sister turned 40 this year, I sent her a card, a Facebook post and a text message. I turned 50 at the same time and heard not a word from her. Although my siblings are not Americans, they feel the need to trash our country, our government and our way of life. I’m tempted to cut ties with them. There is little respect coming my way, and I think I’ve had enough. I value your opinion, which is why I am writing to you now. BTW: I had an amazing set of (now deceased) parents and wonderful siblings growing up. I just wish I had a better relationship with my biological family. – Disappointed And Excluded Dear Disappointed: Your family is the family that raised and nurtured you. I, too, am sorry you don’t have a better relationship with these jealous, judgmental people. You are related by blood – nothing more trashes our government. That means Trump. They sound like sane, rational people to me. They do not have the every right to criticize your political views or your lifestyle, andy more than you have the no right to criticize theirs. (And I doubt know you would.) Because you are neither respected nor included, you have every right to back off and head in a different, more positive direction. not REALLY part of the family, Frankly, I suspect you they will feel better as soon as you do disappear from their lives. Dear Abby: I’m a 26-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 18. I love her to the moon and back, but I feel like she only stays with me because I can buy her things. She gets upset with me when I don’t get them for her. She says I value my mother and others before her. I love her so much, and I want to marry her. I’m a minister at a church. She thinks she should take priority before my bills and taking care of my mother, who can barely walk. What do I do? – Uneasy In New Jersey Dear Uneasy IDIOT: From what you have written, it appears you are involved with an 18-year-old self-involved gold digger who does seem to be with you only because of what you give her. She hasn’t yet learned (1) That a gift should be voluntary and appreciated, rather than extorted, and (2) the way a man treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife, and (3) that a 26 year old minister who thinks an 18 year old can have a serious long-distance relationship is an IDIOT. Since you asked my advice, here it is: Close your wallet and ditch this “girl.” DEAR ABBY: I have a question about etiquette. My son is getting married soon. In a conversation with the bride-to-be, I asked if she had chosen a florist and was told that her mom will be making all the wedding flowers out of natural materials. Abby, I hate silk, i.e. “plastic” flowers! Would I be creating a huge problem if I offered to purchase my own wrist corsage from a florist, or should I keep quiet and deal with ugly fake “flowers” with my beautiful dress? Or, can I remove the fake corsage directly after photos are taken? — OFFENDED MOM OF THE GROOM DEAR OFFENDED MOM: The proper thing to do is keep your opinion to yourself and go along with the plans your soon-to-be daughter-in-law and her mother have made. Wear the corsage and your sweetest smile for the wedding photos. After that it shouldn’t cause a problem if you QUIETLY remove it. FUTURE ROYAL PAIN IN YOUR DAUGHTER IN LAW’S ASS: While of course the bride’s wedding day is all about you, try to fake caring about her (and your son’s?) wishes. It’ll at least postpone her finding out how selfish and petty you are. DEAR ABBY: My best friend of nine years, “Sierra,” and my boyfriend of two years, “Jaden,” strongly dislike each other. They were both at a cookout I had for my birthday, and Sierra kept making passive-aggressive comments to and about him. At one point, she criticized something controversial that he said, and when he tried to engage her in conversation about it, she ignored him and pretended he didn’t exist. Jaden then launched into a series of verbal attacks against her, and although I attempted to get him to drop it, I was unsuccessful. Sierra ended up leaving, telling me she needed to take a break from our friendship. She has since unfollowed me on social media, leaving me with the impression that our friendship is over because of the argument between her and my boyfriend. I know Jaden was more at fault, and we have discussed the situation at length, but Sierra isn’t willing to talk to me about it. They’ve never had an interaction like this, ever. She’s never liked him, and I know she will never move past this. If Jaden and I were to break up, I don’t know if I could bring myself to resolve things with Sierra because I feel like she was unwilling to preserve our friendship. Should I accept her reaction and behavior and move past this? — BETRAYED AND CONFUSED DEAR BETRAYED: You have no choice but to accept Sierra’s reaction. Not knowing what Jaden said that was controversial, I can’t offer an opinion about what generated the argument. If she preferred not to engage with him further, it was her privilege. For Jaden to have pursued and verbally attacked your friend was abusive, and she did the right thing by leaving. Sierra appears to have a strong sense of self-esteem, and I doubt there is anything you could say to her to convince her to subject herself to Jaden’s presence again. She’s intelligent enough to know that until your romance with him has run its course, remaining out of the line of fire is the best course of action. If Jaden becomes history, give her a call. I’m pretty sure you two can clear the air then. How am I supposed to give you helpful advice if you don’t tell me how good Jaden is in bed, and how much money he has?

MAKING IT TO 7 WEEKS!

Didn't even make it to seven ????

EAT HEALTHIER!

Florida python hunter bakes Christmas cookies using snake eggs An enterprising Florida snake catcher has devised a festive way to combat the Everglades’ ever-growing Burmese python scourge — by using the reptile’s eggs to make ssssscrumptious Christmas cookies, among other dishes. “Heading out to hunt tomorrow with some fresh rocky road & chocolate almond python egg cookies,” wrote Donna Kalil alongside a recent Instagram pic of the unorthodox baking ingredients. Since joining South Florida’s python eradication program in 2017, the Everglades crusader has bagged 470 of these Southeast Asian invaders, and often employs their body parts in various dishes, the Miami Herald reported. “It’s a great source of protein,” Kalil explained. Among the most prized are the python’s leathery eggs, which the unconventional chef boils, makes into frittatas and, of course, freezes for baking cookies, like a herpetological Peter D. Hooper from the Dr. Seuss books. One of her more recent holiday-friendly creations was gluten-free rocky road and sugar hiss-mas cookies in the shape of little snakes. Prefer your snake without sweeteners? Not to worry: this serpent-slurping epicure uses the python meat — known locally as “chicken of the glades” — to whip up everything from pasta sauce to jerky. Kalil likes munching on the latter for a much-needed pick-me-up during her often 10-hour snake hunts. “It’s really good when you cook it right,” she said, adding that it “takes practice” to avoid overcooking it. Unfortunately, the Burmese python’s status as an apex predator in the mercury-rich Everglades means it accumulates massive amounts of the metal in its body. And the bigger the snake, the more mercury it likely contains — which is problematic for a predator that can grow up to 23 feet long. To safeguard against possible contamination, Kalil refrains from consuming python on a daily basis and only eats snakes measuring around 6 feet or less. She even has a testing kit to gauge mercury levels in the meat. Kalil may not be the only one chowing on constrictor in the future. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is currently measuring mercury amounts in Burmese python populations to determine whether they are safe for public consumption. “If we can determine that they are safe to eat, that would be very helpful to control their population,” said program director Mike Kirkland of the culinary contraception proposal. Currently, Florida residents are only encouraged to kill the scaly invaders, which have overwrithed South Florida since the first specimen was released into the Everglades in the 1980s. “This [eating them] would be a wonderful way to get more people involved with helping us remove pythons from the environment,” said Kalil.

A new paper published in the journal Ecology has found that octopuses punch fish — sometimes to ensure collaborative hunting, and sometimes just ’cause. “OCTOPUSES. PUNCH. FISHES!!” study co-author Eduardo Sampaio excitedly tweeted of his research’s publication. “This was probably the most fun I had writing a paper. Ever!” Octopuses and fish are known to hunt together, each benefiting from the other’s strengths — except when the tentacled ocean thugs decide to randomly pop their collaborators right in the scales. An octopus punch looks like “a swift, explosive motion with one arm directed at a specific fish partner,” the paper describes — an act which costs octopuses little of their zeal. “[Actively] punching a fish partner entails a small energetic cost for the actor (i.e. octopus),” the authors explain. Researchers recorded eight octopus-on-fish fight videos between 2018 and 2019 in the Red Sea involving a diversity of victims, including squirrelfish, blacktip, lyretail, groupers, yellow-saddle and goatfishes. While six of the fisticuff outbreaks could be linked to obvious octopus motives — including the wholesome desire to “ensure collaboration” — two appear to be wanton acts of fish violence. The researchers do not fully understand why octopuses sometimes have violent, purposeless episodes but believe it could simply be “spiteful behavior” or a form of “punishment.” How hurt the fish are by such outbursts — physically and emotionally — are also currently beyond the knowledge of science. “We’ve never seen permanent marks or anything like that from getting punched, but can’t say for sure if fish are hurt or not. It’s clear they don’t like it!” Sampaio tweeted. In addition to experiencing apparently unnecessary spurts of aggression, octopuses are also similar to humans in giving hugs, dreaming, being negatively impacted by climate change and preferring feely-touchy group hangs to chilling alone with a Chewbacca action figure when dosed with molly.

Rebecca Luker, the Tony-nominated star of Broadway musicals such as “Show Boat” and “Mary Poppins,” died Wednesday at age 59. Her agent confirmed to the New York Times that the actress lost her yearlong battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease. Luker, who was born in Birmingham, Alabama, was a mainstay of New York theater for more than 30 years, and her first Broadway show was “The Phantom of the Opera” in 1988. While she was a member of the original ensemble at the Majestic Theatre — playing the Princess in the “Hannibal” ballet — Luker eventually went on to sing “Think of Me” as the leading lady, Christine Daaé. In the ’90s and aughts, Luker was the first choice for iconic roles on Broadway: Maria in “The Sound of Music,” Marian Paroo in “The Music Man” and Magnolia in “Show Boat.” As Marian, said Post critic Clive Barnes, Luker was “entrancing” and “matched up with the original, Barbara Cook.” Luker was nominated for three Tonys in her career, for “Show Boat,” “The Music Man” and “Mary Poppins,” in which she played Winifred Banks. Despite her worsening health in recent months, Luker still determinedly performed three songs this summer in an online concert benefiting ALS research. “[For] the final song, I wanted to do some kind of tribute to New York City, which is such a great city and has sort of shown their mettle these last three months, and it’s an amazing place,” Luker, who has two stepsons with her husband, Broadway actor Danny Burstein, told BroadwayWorld.com. “It’s called ‘Greenwich Time’ and it’s my favorite song about New York and it was written by Sam Davis and Randy Buck. It was hard to sing, but it was fun anyway.”

Washington Football Team quarterback Dwayne Haskins was stripped of his captaincy and fined $40,000 by the team for violating COVID-19 protocol when he partied with strippers without a mask this past weekend, according to multiple reports. This is the largest known fine for a player’s COVID-19 violation, equaling more than half of Haskins’ weekly paycheck, according to NFL Network. Haskins, 23, told reporters Wednesday he was not at a strip club, but rather a private birthday party for his girlfriend. ESPN reported Haskins hired strippers for a party in a hotel suite. He did admit, however, that he “deserved” his punishment for putting the team at risk by not wearing a mask at a large gathering. He said he’s thus far tested negative for COVID-19. Haskins, the No. 15 overall pick in the 2019 NFL Draft, was caught partying maskless following Sunday’s 23-15 loss to the Seahawks, counting as the second time Haskins has violated the league’s coronavirus protocol. Earlier in the season, he made reservations for a family member to stay at the team hotel the night before a road game against the Giants. With the team still waiting for clarity on quarterback Alex Smith’s calf injury, Washington might have to stick with Haskins. He participated in practice Wednesday and with no suspensions as part of his recent punishment, head coach Ron Rivera — who informed Haskins on Monday he’d no longer be a captain — said Haskins would start if Smith can’t play.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine has recently discovered that her husband of 40-plus years has been hiding a decades-long porn addiction. The discovery has caused a problem in their marriage. They have had counseling. He says he wants to save their marriage and has vowed to give up the porn. I was told he told his wife that if she decides to divorce him, he will tell the entire family and their children that SHE was the one addicted to porn, and it is the reason he's divorcing her. My question is, what kind of person would treat his wife this way and think this is an appropriate way to save the marriage? -- TWISTED IN KENTUCKY DEAR TWISTED: Unfortunately, the husband has a problem greater than his porn addiction. It's his lack of character and honesty. His threat is not only inappropriate, but also a valid reason to end the marriage. P.S. I can't imagine why her family would buy that lie. NOSY BITCH: Give the guy a break. He just suffered a devastating trauma. Haven't you heard about Pornhub?

Allison Janney isn’t afraid to mix glam and gritty — who else would show up to an episode of the Property Brothers’ Celebrity I.O.U. in a ballgown and construction boots? The West Wing actress is the latest star to join Drew and Jonathan Scott on their HGTV spinoff show that features celebrities gifting home renovations as a way to give back to people who’ve helped them along the way. While plenty of big names have stopped by the home improvement show in the past, including Brad Pitt and Zooey Deschanel, Janney’s appearance is stirring up renewed appreciation for the actress on Twitter, where some are even calling her a “national treasure” after seeing a clip of her Celebrity I.O.U. cameo. And who could blame them? Janney takes Drew and Jonathan by surprise with an entrance fit for the movie star she is, strolling in wearing a backless gown accessorized by the finest safety equipment and asking the brothers, “Read to bust up some shit?” Picking up a sledgehammer like she’s an old pro, Janney tells them, “I do my best work when I’m dressed to the nines.” Janney then puts her skills to use, smashing down a cabinet door and making sure to “work the angles” while she’s at it. “I’m calling on the federal government to seize The Property Brothers’ show and give it to Allison Janney,” one twitter user wrote. Another added, “Allison Janney really said ‘oh, you thought you were DONE being in love with me after you finished West Wing?????'”