Hello!
Sadly, I can relate to losing both parents. My dad was in my late teens. Likewise, my mom had a brain bleed in my late 20s. She survived for another 12 years. It was rough seeing the gradual decline. Though it prepared me for the eventual loss.
If you want some professional guidance on forming what you want to come next, I recommend reaching out to a gay friendly therapist. Finding a good therapist who's truly gay friendly (and not just a marketing ploy) is easier in a bigger city like Dallas. A good therapist can help you process some of the emotions and separate true emotions from the baggage we have grown up with. Therapy doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, just that you need some tools to sort out with new experiences/emotions. It's also not forever.
Again, welcome to the forums!