Being an older person who has been crapped on by inconsiderate people most of my life, I have to recuse myself because for my remaining days I've pledged to myself "no more."
For the wedding: "Your demands and restrictions for the wedding party are beyond my perception of reasonable. I, therefore, respectfully decline my bridesmaid participation."
For the husband/daughter: "This is something that will have to be resolved between and by the two of you in your meeting. I will not be attending."