I partially understand and can validate some of your feelings. I’ve fought depression for much of my life. This virus shit has exacerbated it 10-fold. I too, have done everything right regarding the scientific experts as you listed. I actually felt I was doing them for everyone else. Finally, I had to do something human and something for myself. That’s when I started renting men again. Of course, I was as careful as one could be. Actually, the shopping was almost just as fun as the real thing. Anyway, bringing this part of me back into my life has helped tremendously. Just one piece back in my life.