BoyOnABoat

I had correspondence with a man out of state who made a request along these lines. He acknowledged upfront that it might come across as rude, and then explained that he had been attacked by a group of Latino men decades ago. He said my appearance reminded him of them, described my look as “scruffy,” and said it was the least sexy a man could be. He then asked that, if I visited, I change how I dress and groom to better suit his comfort. Setting aside that I’m not even Latino, I found the framing uncomfortable. There’s a difference between a light, reversible request, like specific clothing or grooming for a scene, and asking someone to alter their overall appearance based on a personal association like that. For me, presentation is intentional and part of how I express myself. I think it’s important that both provider and client can show up feeling genuinely comfortable and attracted to each other as they are. If the baseline attraction isn’t there, it makes more sense to find a better match than to try to reshape someone to fit a preference.