I can empathize with your story, thanks for sharing.
Not that you’re necessarily looking for advice and it does sound like you’re very well versed in travel etc…I would say the following:
I travel extensively for work. I am usually gone about 8 to 10 days per month and I travel all over. When I do, I enjoy looking up providers in the area. Some I see more than once on a trip, some I see when I return to the city and some I never return to. I can imagine what’s its like on your side.
While I mostly stay in Marriott’s as I am expensing the trip…I have found a lot of fun stays on MisterBandB. Sure they have options to rent an entire place…but I much prefer to rent a room and stay with someone. It is considerably cheaper than a hotel and some stays have turned into friends. Sometimes…okay a lot of times….there’s an element of hooking up with the host….sometimes it’s once…sometimes more than once. I usually share a bit about myself in the intro email and ask them to do the same. While I am well traveled, it’s nice to find out their preferred restaurant or bar or fun social event. I am not a provider nor have I asked to have guests or people over…..so I don’t know if it’s entirely possible. Perhaps a path for you to reduce hotel costs? Oddly enough…when I’m home, I don’t entertain outcalls to my house. I only do incalls to them. However, when I’m traveling I will do either and have no issue having them to my hotel. Most of the hosts I have met on the site are all rather gregarious and social…you have to be to open up your house like that. I’m sure there are some that don’t engage though I have not had that experience….in reading the reviews I have a sense of what I’m getting into when I book them.
WIth regards to a base….if it were me….I would chose a base state that had large metro areas that were drivable…specifically, California, Texas and Florida come to mind. All three states have large populations within driving distance so if you say set up in San Diego, going to LA, or even up to SFO on occasion is doable if even for a few days. Texas and Florida are of course cheaper to live but I consider politics a factor in where I live and am quite comfortable living in California. We’re not perfect….but who is? All three of those states have major cities where you would certainly find work and possibly a decent stay….heck, even in Southern California you could easily drive to Vegas too.
Wish you the best of luck.