Tiredsoul

Just to give an update he has been threatening if I don't contact him he will show up at my house, my parents house, my work place, or my spouse's parents house. He has also taken photos and videos of me some of them without my consent have threatened to distribute them. His threats are always veiled "bring in new viewers to what I do"
I have filled a restraining order yesterday. I do not think he has been served yet.
He has threatened to get a lawyer to get everything back he has given me and report me to the police. 

Just to give an update he has been threatening if I don't contact him he will show up at my house, my parents house, my work place, or my spouse's parents house. He has also taken photos and videos of me some of them without my consent have threatened to distribute them. His threats are always veiled "bring in new viewers to what I do"
I have filled a restraining order yesterday. I do not think he has been served yet.
He has threatened to get a lawyer to get everything back he has given me and report me to the police. 

First, I’m sorry you’re having to confront this. What’s happening to you is unfair, manipulative, and wrong.
Second, there’s a power dynamic here. As long as you fear him revealing information to your family or employer, he holds the leverage. Ask yourself honestly: if he did share it, would it truly be life-altering, or would it mainly cause embarrassment? If it’s the latter, remember that embarrassment fades—and when you no longer fear that outcome, you take away his power.
Third, consider the legal angle. If his threats involve physical harm, a restraining order may be appropriate. If they are purely about exposing information, then ask: what does he want? If he’s demanding something in exchange for silence, that fits the definition of extortion or blackmail—both serious crimes that law enforcement can act on. That shifts the leverage back to you 
Finally, about blocking him: if you believe he might actually carry out threats, cutting off contact removes visibility into his escalation. Strategically, it can be useful to keep communication open—not to engage with him, but to let him incriminate himself. Every message could give you the evidence you need for action. And remember, you always keep the choice of whether to respond or stay silent

Not sure if you read the questions but they were pretty basic.  ChatGPT could handle them and also tell you next steps to get you going.  

Family is perhaps Jude embarrassment but we don’t know if he’s married or something that could cause a real upset. And because hiring is illegal - presuming he’s in the US - it’s possible that his employer finding out could cost him his job. If he’s not in a union or working for a government agency, most private employers are “at will” and can fire someone without cause. 

Hence my use of the words “ask yourself honestly - if he did share it, would it be truly life altering, or would it mainly cause embarrassment” 🤨
Based on you response, I’m guessing we agree that it’s more nuanced than binary. But I stand by every word I said, but only he can decide.  But if he chooses timidity, then the power dynamic never shifts 
ETA:  for many years, my employment contract included, among other things, a moral turpitude clause.  I’m highly confident that this would not meet that standard.  Simply put, unless he’s a minister, this probably doesn’t affect his capacity to perform.  I’d also note, having been divorced twice, that at least 1/3 of the states are true no-fault and the court wouldn’t be concerned with extra curricular activities.  So, again, only @Tiredsoulcan decide where he should land, but as his name implies, he’s exhausted and needs a break from the status quo.  
 
Sometimes if you can’t find your way out of the maze, you have to go in deeper to get out 

Not to beat a dead horse, but you having a contract gives you more protections than an employee that’s “at will.” Without knowing more about this member’s situation it’s hard to say if he’s dealing with embarrassment or something more dangerous to his wellbeing. 

Since we are beating an off topic dead horse, no, not true.  But if you’d like to discuss it more, please just PM me to keep this post on topic  
What I’d really like to know is how @Tiredsoul is feeling.   He’s had a range of feedback from us, he knows his situation (and fears) best, and knows what’s best for him.   My encouragement to him is to not let fear limit options since, if he does, the worst case scenario remains a possibility, if not now, then later.

Scary! Definitely document it all and be gracious but firm in your communication. I feel like the block button holds a lot more power than you think too. 

I have known him for 3.5 years. 
I notified I wanted to gradually end things well over a year and that we may remain friends. However, he has become progressively worse and much more abusive. 

Unfortunately he knows where I live but we live several hours away. He knows my phone number and email. 

He states he has pictures of me and threatens to "expose" me too my family and employer. 
If we live in different counties would the authorities be able to do anything? Or would they just take a report of it happening? 
Can you file a restraining order against sometime you never lived with?

Hello,
What is the best way to deal with a client who has become obsessive to the point of threatening and abusive.
For context, I believe this client is/was in love with me to unhealthy level. Once I told him I was no longer would continue as a provider it took a dark turn where he has become very abusive and threatening. What is the best way to deal with a situation like this?

I have known him for 3.5 years. 
I notified I wanted to gradually end things well over a year and that we may remain friends. However, he has become progressively worse and much more abusive. 

Unfortunately he knows where I live but we live several hours away. He knows my phone number and email. 

He states he has pictures of me and threatens to "expose" me too my family and employer. 
If we live in different counties would the authorities be able to do anything? Or would they just take a report of it happening? 
Can you file a restraining order against sometime you never lived with?

Hello,
What is the best way to deal with a client who has become obsessive to the point of threatening and abusive.
For context, I believe this client is/was in love with me to unhealthy level. Once I told him I was no longer would continue as a provider it took a dark turn where he has become very abusive and threatening. What is the best way to deal with a situation like this?

Hello,
What is the best way to deal with a client who has become obsessive to the point of threatening and abusive.
For context, I believe this client is/was in love with me to unhealthy level. Once I told him I was no longer would continue as a provider it took a dark turn where he has become very abusive and threatening. What is the best way to deal with a situation like this?

I have known him for 3.5 years. 
I notified I wanted to gradually end things well over a year and that we may remain friends. However, he has become progressively worse and much more abusive. 

Unfortunately he knows where I live but we live several hours away. He knows my phone number and email. 

He states he has pictures of me and threatens to "expose" me too my family and employer. 
If we live in different counties would the authorities be able to do anything? Or would they just take a report of it happening? 
Can you file a restraining order against sometime you never lived with?

Sorry to hear this happened to you.  A few questions:
1. How long has he known you?
2. When did you cut off the relationship?  (if this is very recent, could he be acting out?)
3. Does he know where you live/have access to you other than via text/chat?
No matter what the answers are, your safety is most important.  If violence is a possibility, it might be wise to let other friends of yours know what's happening so they can check in on you and monitor.  Also, consider going to the authorities and letting them know that someone you had a casual relationship with is making threats to your safety - if that is the character of his threats.  But also consider if a visit from the authorities might push him further over the edge.  Hopefully he will calm down and move on.  But please keep yourself safe.  

Possibly a restraining order? By what you describe he seems unstable. Protect yourself and stay safe! 

Hello,
What is the best way to deal with a client who has become obsessive to the point of threatening and abusive.
For context, I believe this client is/was in love with me to unhealthy level. Once I told him I was no longer would continue as a provider it took a dark turn where he has become very abusive and threatening. What is the best way to deal with a situation like this?