I can relate to that, Tonyko. This isn't my first queer experience, but it is the longer lasting one. I have always been a lone hunter, never been or am interested in a committed, LTR, so my crushes tend to be very short. But there is one guy I met almost 30 years ago I still have a passionate relationship with. When I met him both of us were very young, and he was a street hustler. A breathtaking beautiful one. Our encounters would always involved some kind of transaction, not always money, maybe diner, a piece of clothing, a joint, something. We would not have anal sex, but the kissing was celestial. After a few months of meeting very often, he robbed me. I was very young and poor, so he just vanished without much, just a tape recorder and my weed while I was sleeping. After about one year, he reconnects begging me to see him. We meet, he brings some cash to pay for my goods (he was and is waaayyy below the poverty line), and explains to me that a friend of him was waiting for him outside, armed, and threatening to use his weapon if he did not leave my place with some valuables. Of course I did not know wether or not to believe him. But the chemistry was so strong that I gave him the benefit of doubt and we started a long process of reconciliation. He stopped asking for anything in exchange of sex and that year, as a birthday gift, he bottomed for me for the first time. We have been loyal friends and passionate lovers since then. He is married, has three children, and still when I am visiting Buenos Aires we spend together as much time as we can. I will be with him this very Thursday. He is not anymore the smoking hot stud he used to be, but when I meet with him the old passion just aroused. I am not even close to be young attractive guy I was, but he still freaks out when we are together. Right now I have a boner.