Throw the hook

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing.

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have thought I would have been so blind.....

Its interesting you say that...not only because you are right, but if I can ween my way away from the guy who is involved, I THINK Id be ok. I m not sure everyone who gets into this situation needs "therapy," ....(sit down psychoanalysis)....;...The bottom line is that regardless of the lonliness and need I felt which allows for me to "put up" with disrespect, and really shit treatment , I mean I thought I was in "Love.")Im really most of the time not a DOORMAT. I should have been direct on what I wanted...and ...there ya go. Frankly, once Im through with the guy, I dont know if Ill jump back in to meeting an escort. I have a fault maybe with wanting to be getting "invoved" with escorts..cute guys....the fantasy.........(thats MY involvement....not the escorts)..........(hes the first and only escort Ive ever seen.) I just gotta get away and move on. The prob is Ive known him 4 years. And its gotten worse as far as the previous mentioned treatment from him) (it was totally MY fault for not walking OUT when he said "I need you to get hard FOR ME , or this shows me you are not physically attracted to me!!...and I take it personal..) I mean frankly I didnt know how to react....I figured I was at "fault." I mean WHAT THE FFFF ! It was a shock.....like you are over here with feelings of what I thought was mutual respect and the other starts taking it to a different level. If my freakin feelings were not involved, it would be easier. Oh welllllll....most people may think Im just pitiful. You know....you DO learn alot about yourself when these things happen. The friendship and openness here has made me able to SEE the truth. Licking my wounds and getting life again (cuz this aint been easy guys!) will happen. And for that I am extremely grateful !!!!

wsc......Thanks so much....as well as to the other guys....I know that you are correct....its the cold turkey thing, but also dying under its own weight....that I can do.When I go, I have to fly there to see him. Hes been at my city too. The big change here is that I SEE the path....Im a little shell-shocked at the blindness Ive experienced. Wow...sometime you think you are beyond being totally fooled. I mean....I am a professional guy. BUT enough of the monday morning quarterbacking. Please keep your thoughts coming. Bless you guys.....

Ok I will

Thanks Vegas.......Im gonna give him the chance to change into a provider of what I want....or move on. Im not a masochist...and with the help of the group, I feel there is nothing else for me to do here......

Yeah...I got it commin...you guys have been patient....Im just too involved to say....OK !! Bye and block him etc....

Can I ask another ........Hes going through issues regarding alcohol and drugs. Fairley recent seriousness. Got some recent short term rehab. Home now. Im still gonna go in 2 weeks but need to be honest about my disappointments to this point. HOW would you guys suggest I bring up and discuss the problems I am having with him....(I know I should have done before !!) I want to say-----Look lets be be sure you know what I expect for paying you 1500 a night....and I need to know if you have any probs. U know I always pay you when I get there. I stay 3 nites... or you come to my home...(out of town)....We go places, have fun, but I need the satisfaction of a sexual contact...and heres what I need. Kissing, touching, getting me off...be clear. Quite frankly...withput my $$ hed have a hard time. But like many have said...It MUST be mutual. Then see what he says. Funny I never have been definite on what I wanted. Thanks guys

Its so funny but I guess Id never say the following to someone unless I was meaning it...He said (2 weeks ago)--------------and I took it to heart..... " I love you I care about you and I’m so sorry for every argument we’ve ever had you know deep down. I love you and I care about you so much and I know you care about me more than probably anybody." BUT.....no reason to piss off the group here by rehashing.... I need to stop the "forever and ever, amen" stuff but Ive never said those things unless I MEANT them...to anyone in my past...in real relationships.......so he through me a curve........I MUST tell him what I want and go from there. Just have fun !!!! Thanks again baseball6 pubic_assistance 1 Quote

Truly........I appreciate the kind and accurate responses to my initial post. Its made a huge difference. Baseball6

Hey thanks. Yes I have some ED but not if hes INVOLVED !! He never is involved. I have to have some stimulation, touching, just freakin hold me...dont treat me like its a FAULT. I dont have the problem IF I feel appreciated or that he thinks I am a special person for all the things...and the support Ive provided. Im asking too much....finally seeing it...took me thousands...Finally hit me when he dashed out of the shower we were in after I began washing him and holding him....NEVER ANY EXPLANATION !!! I couldnt believe it

Yes I do...Ive especially noticed in the recent past hed say..."now I need you to to get hard for me when I see you...you shouldnt need any shower of stimulation. Just thought Id tell the rest of my sordid details

I am in my 60s. I know. I should stick my head in a bucket of water ! and drown I feel like he needs me. BUT the most recent 3 days...I paid 1500 per night and he freeked out on me the first night when he would not touch me or initiate affection cuz I wasnt hard IMMEDIATELY....then then next 2 there was NO sexual interaction. He just smoked. You know as I am telling this...I feel like an idiot. When someone says he loves me....O well....I feel like a high school kid telling this.

I appreciate Mr Cow! Its rough...Ihate that I was sooooooo gullible. You know it hurts. Thanks guys

Ive been so very kind and supportive as hes gone through his sobriety efforts. Im planning to go see him in 2 weeks. I want a reply and to see whats happening for good although I feel you guys are saying..."quit being a sap!!