You obviously have a very clear idea of who you are and what you want. You should never compromise that because if YOU aren't happy, you cant make someone else happy. There is no one relationship that fits all... While you envision yourself in a monogamous relationship, that might not be right for someone else (I was one of those and had a 23 yr open relationship) , and there should be no judgements. As you mention, compatibility in ALL areas is a key and a MUST, as is communication. Unless you are totally comfortable in the relationship, it just might not be the right one for you, eventhough you may be attracted to the guy. You are a guy that thinks with your head, and not your dick... continue to do so... You shouldn't deny yourself TOTAL happiness.... there are plenty of guys out there. You are young and have loads of time to find the right fit.... YES its hard when there is so much free sex available, but when its meant to be, it will..... Do some serious soul searching and decide if you can keep up with things the way they are, or just cut your losses and move on, having learned a little more about yourself and gay life.
The very best of luck to you.....