NWClay

Good to know HenryHen isn’t a Henny Penny doom sitch. Wonder if cluckolding is a subspecialty. 

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Someone who just joined to make the case for Warren. 
It would be nice to hear from a reliable source. 

I've been with my husband for over 23 years; married for over 10. We met in person; in a bar shortly after 9/11. He was in the towers on 9/11 and narrowly escaped. I lost a cousin who was a firefighter. As this was November 2001, his experience quickly came to the surface. How have we lasted for 23 years and going strong? Mostly, we accept each other - foibles and all. And we have been through a lot together (lost both of our mothers, I had a lot of losses in my family). We've gained and lost friends. Changed jobs. I'll be real with you and say that he is much easier to live with and more easygoing than I am. (I sometimes refer to him as my "long-suffering husband.) 
The most important thing I can tell you is that chemistry is vitally important. You will either have it with someone or you won't. We have great chemistry. We are yin and yang. He's the quiet to my loud; the soft to my hard; etc. While he's quieter and introverted, he's also very funny in one-on-one conversations. Our chemistry was obvious very early on. And chemistry isn't just sexual. You see friends with great chemistry. Michelle Visage has a career because of her chemistry with Rupaul. 
We were also monogamous for the first 17 years of our relationship. We ended up figuring out we loved "playing together" by accident on vacation in Spain. We hire primarily for convenience. We're busy. We have specific times in the week when having a lengthy session works well, especially now that we're middle-aged. 
I have a friend who is 32. He's good-looking, smart, well-read, has great hobbies, and is very active and outgoing. And he's in the same boat as you. My take is that you are not alone. Dating in NYC as a gay man in your 30s who wants an intimate romantic relationship is very hard now. The apps dehumanize people. I find millennials to be far less capable of vulnerability than Gen Xers. 
Back to chemistry. In a culture obsessed with appearance, it's hard to find chemistry. Chemistry is not based on looks; neither sexual chemistry nor friendship chemistry nor romantic chemistry. If you're screening out people who do not fit your desired physical appearance, you may be screening out many of the people you could have chemistry with. I would encourage you to accept dates or pursue them with guys who are not tall, handsome with huge dicks. Look for similar interests, look at guys who you think look like fun even if they're a 6. 
I'm nice looking but my husband - a former muscal theater actor - looks like a Disney prince. He's an 8.5-9. I'm probably a 6.5, but I'm funny, passionate, a friend told me I love people in a way that is almost violent. So give some 6s a try!
That's my two cents. 

Disclaimer: I have zero romantic experience whatsoever and I'm very, very new to his "hobby" (as some of the members here call it).  I'm your direct opposite: short & very unattractive & much older than you.  So I don't even know if I'm qualified to respond.  But those 4 sentences you wrote struck me as I feel more or less the same way (when I'm in a paid situation).  A different version of myself -- that I don't know exists -- comes out.  "Soft, present, sensual, alive" are understatements.  I LOVED (not just liked) who I was in that moment.  It's both astonishing and scary to discover an alternative persona just as though I have dissociative identity disorder.
I can't help but wonder (for myself and for you, of course): is this the version that the world needs to see in order for meaningful, romantic, and intimate relationships to materialize?

Thanks for the great reply. I don't think there has to be something "wrong" with you to solve this issue. Maybe you need a social coach. In the business world we would find you an executive coach. In academia we would find you an academic coach. In sports an athletic coach. Why not a social coach for this?
I forgot the part about him being "straight" though I still think the idea is one to keep in mind as I see you are. 

If people opine that you are the reason for good things in your life it’s a judgement. It doesn’t seem judgemental because the implication is that you are laudable. If a chatroom member spontaneously posts success the response is typically that it’s deserved and it emanates from positives and strengths. You may blush but not discount the source (me, myself, I) that drove the outcome. It isn’t pathologically narcissistic to concede that you are the author of your success. Yet you won’t drill down too much to give credit to external factors unrelated to you. 
In contrast, any response containing the notion that you are the reason for a problem or deficit in life quality will seem judgemental, can sting and seem questionable. An entry about the lack of success is polarizing because attributing to you the reason for failure does seem judgemental. You split the response range, at risk of continuum oversimplification here, into harsh versus soothingly supportive. The latter has only been useful because it suggests you are worth the success (cliché encouragement). However, that alone doesn’t consider the ways in which one, consciously or not, is contributing to failure. The tendency is to externalize the variables impeding success. It isn’t without secondary gain as resentment may compromise function less so than sadness. The idea of personal deficits is naturally depressogenic. 
If you hadn’t been exposed to a set of ideas about how failure is what you sow then perhaps you yourself should have directed such notions to yourself. Even then, many would protest that you are being too hard on yourself. So why wouldn’t you label critique about your world view as inhospitable (rhetorical). Well-meaning holding back judgement is the current you must swim against. There may be value in criticism that comes across as harsh because it should be no more rejectable than salutations.
Red-faced with hackles up paradoxically challenges the concept of owning your fate. It’s as narcissistic as what pats on the back stimulate. Think about the contradiction. It’s remarkable how we’re hotwired to react. By this I mean the universal commonality of narcissism as opposed to clinically disordered. 

I'm gonna tackle this question after also reading all the other commentary that's been shared.
I will precede my "analysis" with an explanation. Although shared before on C.o.M., you may not know where I am coming from. When I was in my early 30's, I identified as a gay man. I started dating men after many years of exclusively dating women.(Although sexually active with both).
I am sharing this information, to say that I also found dating gay men to be difficult. Although the initial connections felt "right", every situation felt transactional in the sense that I was somehow there to entertain my partner and once I no longer brought fresh excitement to the meet ups, the interest waned. I also noticed that gay men rarely have the ability to give up their hook up lifestyle even for a few months while they focus on a relationship. (I dont believe in long-term sexual monogamy, but I do feel its important as a method of imprinting during a period of focused dating with one partner).
My opinion over all, is that dating gay men in NYC is problematic because there are SO many emotional distractions. Loads of parties, venues, and available dick that makes these guys dopamine-junkies. This may likely be why so many end up meth addicted, when they run out of external stimuli to keep the brain-chemical party going.
The overall unpleasant result of trying to date a dopamine junkie, is ABANDONMENT. Your feelings of being "seen" by your provider were an unexpected reward in an environment where the power-of-the-purse had you in control of the moment.  The comment: "why do you need to pay" was an ego burst of "you are special" commentary that your mom might have given you at five years old. So familiar patterns of feeling cherished, understood and satisfied ensued. Overall, you've managed to pick well, and have scored a true professional escort. Because these are all the feelings that a lonely person, who is frequently feeling abandoned would seek. He sounds like a keeper.
When you date, you are both going to be looking for the OTHER person, to be making the effort to provide a lot of familar sensory experiences. When either of you gets lazy, (or exhausted), the magic is gone. When you HIRE an experienced professional, you are guaranteed a magic show without needing to pull a rabbit put of the hat yourself, just pull out your wallet to say thanks for a wonderful time.
To be clear...ALL relationships are difficult. I ended up marrying one of my college friends (female). I never did meet a guy who I felt wouldn't ultimately abandon me when he got bored. The trick is to find someone who doesn't mind being bored with you.