at about age 12, I got my little brother to buy me a Playgirl magazine at the local c-store in our conservative midwestern city because I was too embarrassed, though I stood nearby trying not to catch the eye of the clerk....paid my brother a nominal fee to do it, I think....the clerk didn't mind making the sale, but wondered why we weren't getting a Playboy....
probably watched straight porn with the guys during college, covertly paying more attention to the dudes, no doubt......
a few years later, I got the nerve to occasionally rent gay VHS tapes at the local video store that had an adult section (behind the curtain in back, remember??!!)....would quietly slink in and find a tape, stay quiet while at the counter, then quickly get the hell out.....first hardcore gay video I ever saw was 1987's In Hot Pursuit.....at the time for me, it was an utter shocker and an eye-opening extravaganza of masculine, in-shape dudes