lseactuary90

FWIW I don't watch porn (max like 1-2 x a year) as I either get the real thing or can get myself off lol. I guess I'm very confused as I came out years ago, was accepted, and ready for 'more' back then too. I thought if I just hookup and enjoy myself things would develop (so I would say I was extremely relaxed for several years). As I reflect back I realise this was not the case. I don't think I've ever looked for the "love of my life" because I don't think this is possible. But certainly hookups only are not going to help either if they don't progress in any way? I have tried to get to know the men via sex, just for a repeat or even simply to just know them out of curiosity, and still its all just flakes and falling off the cliff. This is why I'm trying to think of new ways I can try and help myself 'get there' because I'm only getting older and not really experiencing 'more' at all. So while I think your advice is great on paper, I seem to be proof it doesn't actually work?

Thats what I thought but sex / porn addiction is a real thing apparently. I think they were more assessing is my mindset / approach etc healthy or not.

I went to therapy actually for this issue, and was told (by 2 different therapists) I don't have sex addiction (as I was also able to come off apps entirely and not hookup for months and had no issues). I also only hookup if I like the person, not to just get off, I would rather satisfy myself then. The issue is nothing really progresses for me to feel more but some of this is kinda out of my control also. It takes 2 to want to connect...

Its not a worry per say. My personality is such that I like to try new things and not moan (despite the thread haha). My thinking process is what can I actively do to learn more about myself? It doesn't have to be just sexual, it could be anything that can help me. Just hooking up isn't really "helping" if its always the same outcome, you know? What you shared makes sense hence I never judge on the sex (which is more or less the same tbh) but if I enjoyed the person's company, but it doesn't really go further in 99% of cases.

I guess I've hit a standstill with therapy though. I'm not sure how much more I can know myself. We have dug heavily into the past and thought patterns and nothing is really coming up. I have always been open to more. Hence I follow up / follow through but then there are various issues (which everyone goes through) e.g. flaking, fizzling, visiting, etc. My idea was if I can figure out what *really* sets me off, then I can go find that, otherwise I'm kinda just shooting in the dark all the time? The escort path wasn't a long term solution, I'm just trying to make active steps rather than just complain lol. I'm discouraged because I'm just not finding the connection I would have hoped would have come my way by now (even if it didn't last). I have joined various things to build community, made friends, etc but they have not resulted in much beyond a general acquaintance type of thing.

i'm in therapy and a theme came up that i'm struggling to answer and i'm looking for some practical ideas. i'm gay and living in NY and im my 30s. for context, i've hooked up a tonne over the past decade, in multiple cities, in spades of variety (ages, races, body shapes, positions, venues etc). i've never really had issues having hookups in general but also never really felt a connection (i describe the experience usually as a gym workout). i kinda get why, hookups are inherently transactional, but this is concerning to me especially when i read others forming fwb's and relationships from hookups (or at least repeating). also most of my hookups there is some level of convo, its not just bang and go. i tried other avenues of trying to form connections e.g. friends first (but then i'm not attracted to them sexually, well tbh, when forming friends this isn't even a criteria in my mind anyway), drinks then sex (so a date, i don't feel more or less connected by drinking with them first), purely dating first (but my dating history is pretty scarce, so probs not the best sample, and not from a lack of trying, and i really have lost interest within the first hour of meeting them for even a repeat convo), sex parties (just to see if a venue change gets me excited), circuit parties (again, just for a change of venue, not expecting a husband from this), sports groups, holidays, kinks (massage, other things) and so on. for me, nothing still has clicked. i've also taken extensive breaks e.g. no hooking up, etc, which didn't help. sexually, i'm vers (and genuinely enjoy all things), so there is nothing really i hold back on or some internal homophobia or something like that happening. im a nice chill guy and people who meet me are surprised im not taken as i tick all the 'boxes' so to speak (but attraction is subjective, so i don't take this to my head). there have been guys who follow up, and if they do, i follow through, but i guess they sense i'm not really into them hence things fizzle and even a repeat feels more like a chore with them vs something i want to do again with them. i feel bad but i also can't force how i feel. so that phrase 'its better when you repeat' seems to be untrue for me (but also probably because they still don't actually care about me vs my body). the therapist asked me have you ever had 'mindblowing' sex and i said no. most of my encounters are marginally better than getting off myself. and i get why - its always with a random who doesn't really "care" about me. i've not dated someone for long enough or been in a relationship or anything intimate for me to know the difference either. so yeah, im kinda stuck like where do i go from here? i can continue hooking up but i sometimes feel with each passing hookup, i am just moving further and further away from actually figuring things out for myself. i was also thinking maybe hiring an escort or something who is more pro and can teach me some new things could be a good idea? do i move city?

Had a massage With Andrey. Very strong, good massage, with sensual elements. Slept like a baby after.

I had a massage for the first time there with Alex (russian/german mixed) for 1.5 hours. Very strong, sensual and probably the best I've had in a while. My body was so relaxed after and he was a very nice guy also. I will definitely be going back.

I don't mind, things happen, but you can call the person and let them know at least. That is the rude thing.

Just had a very rude experience at HK men spa. I have been to the spa more than 15 times now. I booked with Enzo over the phone for 1.5 hours. I turn up and they send someone else into my massage room and he doesn’t speak English. I said I requested Enzo and I come back outside. Enzo (super unattractive guy btw, don’t recommend seeing him) is like ‘I have a stomach ache’ and he looked perfectly fine to me. I told him he could have called as this is not a good use of anyone’s time and he’s like ‘it happened just now’ which was obviously bullshit. I asked if there were any other masseurs (there were 3 guys strolling around and no one else was there and he said no they are booked). I left. Very disappointed by this experience and I hope someone takes action. This definitely soured my view of HK Men Spa.

Had a massage 1.5 hours with Jose. Very good looking guy and great massage.

Did 1.5 hours with Cody. Much more relaxed than 1 hour. Going to always do 1.5 hours from now.

Had a massage with Carlos. Was decent.

On Facebook/Insta they post a schedule but tbh I just call on the day as it varies.

https://rent.men/ASsummers

Curious on any experiences with Chris.

Probably his husband, who is on RM also.

I've played with him (not for massage) he is wonderful. His husband too.

He has a Bf and seems a bit depressed tbh.

Chris' pic is on Facebook.

They are *both* problematic. Matt's character is just easier to point fingers at.

I tried Sebastian for the first time also. Very strong guy and big (and I'm fairly muscled etc myself). Was impressed.

Any good ones in BK for gay men? Or are they all in Manhattan?

I tried to book twice, both times we was off sick. Hope to see him soon, looks cute from the IG story I saw. Anyone tried V in the Chelsea branch? Russian guy apparently.

I saw Allen and he was good because I asked specifically for what I wanted (i.e. to press hard). He was checking in to see if it was hard enough etc so overall it was good. I would repeat.