lseactuary90

He doesn't, I did lol

Had a second round with Jonas. Decent massage, gotta pay $ for more but its worth it

Russian, young, fit

Had a scrub/massage with Diego for the second time. They have added something to the massage chair so your face is a lot more comfortable. The quality of the scrub/massage was good like last time. No extras this time. Not sure what happened. Past 2 times I've gone there no extras. Maybe management has said something. He was all over me the first time.

I had 1 hour with Artem. Decent massage with HE. No complaints.

Nice interior, they accept Apple pay, clean inside, I was able to shower before/after also with no extra charge. Chris from HK Men Spa (was fired) works there. I had a massage with Robert which was excellent and I will be returning. Nice attitude and everything was "worked". Was $130 for the hour which seems in line with other spa's. Looking forward to my next appointment there.

Had a massage with Mohammad. I think his pics looks better, he seems overworked, and the vibe was a bit off. Decent massage / strong if you are only looking for that. No HE, which is a first for me ever.

I went to fifth avenue mens spa recently. The massage things are probably the best I've had. I've been to HK mens spa, 27 men spa and a bunch of others, and always start to get tired after 60 mins because of the chair, but this one I was dozing off like a baby lol. I also like their reception, everything is professional. They even texted asking if I can come 15 mins after to make sure I wasn't waiting etc. The massage was great too. I had mine with Diego. I did the 20 mins scrub, followed by a shower (myself), and then 60 min massage. Probs the best massage I've had in a long time. Will definitely be returning.

Curious how this place is. They offered me a tour to see if I would wanna strip but I've never been before / not sure what happens.

I also saw Ivan for 90 mins, he is good, I enjoyed it. I saw Alex recently for a thai yoga massage. I confirm he doesn't go further but I did feel a good stretch and honestly just went for the new experience.

I met the brazilian guy once, Rodrigo, good massage and extras.

Agree and this is what is hard

The expectation is not to "find love", its to "experience more". If everything only starts/ends with a hookup, I'm not sure how long one can "enjoy" that for?

I'm not sure. A lot of couples I speak to, met via a party, hookup etc. Yes, a number through friends etc too. I guess my thought was even if this is the "game", how do I get better at it? Its less about finding "love" as it is experiencing "more" than a hookup. You know?

I don't have such a strict age boundary and even hookup with singles 90%+ of the time. That said, I agree with your comment about something clicking in an extraordinary way, I'm just unsure how I get there without allowing 10+ more years of this endless cycle to repeat?

But there is a mutual cathexis I think. For example, there have been hookups I've been open to seeing again/repeating. And they are asking for my number / replying saying lets meet soon etc. But then it either doesn't happen, or months later at best, at which point I've lost interest. That said, I did follow through a few times, and needless to say, it didn't repeat from there.

oh, yes, you are right.

Interested by what you mean here.

POC's dating in general. The overall gist of what people share / I see for whites: 1. white is at the top, and can cherry pick from their own and anyone else. an average white guy is getting much more attention than a poc who is equal or even slightly higher. 2. usually the white guys who can't find their own (looks lacking, older so their hole is more open, money issues etc) then choose another race. this is how you see 10/10 black men for example hooking up with 3/10 white men in parties, but still struggling to date them. social media skews these perceptions. in all honestly, even in the mixed / inter-racial couples i see, i never see the white person hotter/richer or just 'better' than the coloured person in the relationship (especially in gay ones, it is very clear who is bringing what to the table). there are exceptions of course e.g. they met at school before all biases set in, the person was raised with people of colour e.g. a white guy raised in a black town, exposed to people of colour through the profession (e.g. white medical guys will chase indian guys because literally every doctor seems to be brown lmao). i think there are some other exceptions but this is generally what i see. for pocs: 1. if the poc was born/raised in a western country (e.g. usa, uk, canada) they are 'white washed' so they have a preference for a white person because that is seen as the highest standard. they enter the relationship but often bringing more to the table or are pumped and dumped. 2. if the poc immigrated, they tend to try and find their own. after a few years they also become 'white washed' and will move into category #1 behaviour. in the analysis above i am generally talking also about <40 year olds. what i do notice >40 (so after the whites have had a few relationships, maybe even a marriage) is they look for something 'different' so all the stats around inter-racial start picking up then.

All good points here. To answer your question, no, I have not been excited by someone who wasn't excited back. I tend to 'pick up a vibe' in the hookup and if they send some signal they are interested (e.g. something they say about me, asking if i am single, ask for my whatsapp number), or reciprocate mine (e.g. I ask for their whatsapp number) then I know ok there is some interest here, let's continue. It is at this point things go wrong. They will vanish for 2 weeks, I will learn they are visiting or taken (this is rare but happens), there will be something that happens for us basically to never meet again. So then, I just continue kissing the frogs. So there is some limerence but I guess my logic side takes over when it fizzles/fades and gives it the weighting it deserves to process. It is indeed possible I may not have the temperament for a lasting romantic connection and sequential encounters is all I can handle. What I will say is there have been a handful of times I've felt very satisfied with the connection in the hookup (and sometimes its literally just a cuddle, no sex) that I am not jumping back on the app looking for the next thing. If I also was completely okay with bouncing from one person to another, I'm not sure why I would go to therapy, make this thread, etc because something 'inside' of me just feels this is not right or something is not adding up.

This is my 3rd therapist in NY. I'm not saying I'm the victim, I'm legitimately trying to find solutions. I agree that physical places with other similar interests will help which has always been my focus. But there needs to be someone available too. For example, I love cooking and have gone to many cooking classes - but they are full of couples or much older people only. Similarly when I joined LGBT sports groups, the people who 'stayed' already were in relationships, or similar. I did make some friends though. Sure, and I assumed this was normal, but even getting a first date is so rare for me.

The fact that the same dude will hookup with me but not date me. And the fact that this seems to be recurring theme. That said, I find it hard to believe this is the only reason. But as I've been speaking to more poc's it does seem like a legitimate reason.

Nope, I only have NY friends (or London/Europe ones). Actually I do have 1 single LA friend, but he is happy single.

So there some things to unpack here. Given NYC is a giant candy store, don't you have a lower chance of finding someone, because everyone is always looking for the next best thing? Everyone I know here complains about the flakiness, cliquiness and superficiality of people. I've spread a wide net. For hookups I use a hookup app like Grindr. For dating I use Hinge, Tinder etc. The issue is guys just want to hookup with me (literally the same dude will match me on Tinder, but follow up on Grindr mainly, and despite tagging relationship etc will only want to hookup with me). Its a constant struggle I faced and my therapists have said its because of systemic racism. I'm not sure what to believe. I do find I'm also doing most of the work e.g. messaging first, following up etc. I almost never get 'chased' even by guys who are objectively 'less attractive' or 'offer less' than me (not my words, my friends and even therapists have said this) which is very demotivating (because I fit the tall, handsome, muscled, rugged jock profile, which is smart too, so I'm really confused how literally no one is into that and why my skin color seems to take precedence for dating). I guess the idea was 'be who you want to date' but I struggle to even find that lol. When I 'hybrid' it e.g. lets have a drink and then hookup, its still very non-committal, with a 98% flake rate so far (in 2 years). The few first dates (no sex, sample size <10) I did have in NY all were okay but I was not physically or mentally attracted to them in any way (and I assume that was reciprocal due to a lack of follow up). So I'm reduced to hooking up to meet gay men as a way of meeting someone new. I'm not looking to get swept off my feet (infact, i never look for a 'spark' as I don't believe in this concept). I'm just looking for some basic human decency e.g. a reply to a follow up, some level of engagement and follow through, etc but even this is hard to find. I enjoy most of my hookups, but I can't say I have been 'mindblown' to the point that I desperately wanted to see the person again the next day or remember them fondly. That doesn't mean the sex was bad. The comparison to a gym workout was a positive - I would rather workout in the gym for example than do nothing. but I'm not dying to run back to the gym the day after either as its just the 'same' exercises again. I was more comparing to others describing how they met their FWB or BF or something, they seem to have these 'connection' moments, something I am just not experiencing. The gay friends I have are a) a very different face + body type to what I find attractive b) i just don't have any sexual or romantic or otherwise feelings for these specific friends. I have tried making friends (genuinely friends first) with guys I find physically attractive (tbh face > body for me) but its not reciprocated / I'm not feeling any interest on their side beyond a casual chat online.

The focus *isn't* finding love, but a connection. For example, you can have a 3 month connected experience with someone and they can leave for work or something. They may not be the love of your life, but a nice memory. I'm not getting there.