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I don't hire straight providers as a principle to keep the money in the community, but I've been reconsidering this stance. Not because I found one so hot I have to have them, most straight providers off with a Fabio vibe that I find quite off-putting, at least in their profiles, and I'm not in the market for bodice ripping. Anyway, I'm pretty left-leaning without identifying as a leftist, so please tolerate this bout of neurosineurosis. Straight providers may just be also part of the community because (potential justifications) 1. Straight is just self-identification, but if you have sex with men, you may not be gay, but you ain't straight. 2. Sex workers are automatically part of the queer community 3. Straight used by gay or bi providers as a marketing ploy, since for every one man who eschew straight dick like me, there's likely more than another with a straight fetish.

Does it ever happen outside of role play and erotica/porn, but excluding gay bashing? There was one hot dude who walked by me and started throwing me racial and homophobic epithets, I got swept up in anger and almost got into a fist fight with him before we got broken up. I was so aroused and wished that he would physically dominate me and make me his bitch.

Rape fantasy is pretty common and simulated rape is very hot. Make sure you have a safe word or another means of interrupting a scene if things get too rough (which is okay to do). Actually being raped, not so much, doesn't matter how hot the rapist is.

Both, I would like to hit the main tourist attractions as well as the seedier parts of gay underground, where with no doubt being an American tourist carries a heightened risk. So someone who knows the city well enough to show me those spots while trustworthy and sane enough to keep me safe from my own gullibility and stupid behavior. A guide/bodyguard of sort. Attraction is secondary and intimacy can always be further outsourced.

Not a lawyer, but my clients are primarily lawyers and I do charge them by the hour (and yes, they are also getting screwed if the expert of... let's just say contract theory... that they hire couldn't even seal this deal 😂💅)

These are sound advice. My reply was not meant to be persuasive, and the purpose wasn't to convince, but rather some thoughts on what I have synthesized from everyone's response and my own reflection and to provide my perspective. I'd like to note that we should also allow some degree of idiosyncracies in our interactions and play by ear (which I didn't do well in this instance), instead of relying on the perfect form response.

Being open and lowering my defense doesn't mean I must concede to every single point raised or, given there are different opinions, that I only concede to the critical ones. This is a defense, though 😉

This makes sense to get repeats, perhaps also good word of mouth, though how much is it offset by those would only have booked the first time if it were accurately or embellishingly described? Since it's done with intention, this must have been a factor in the consideration.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. This is helpful. I would like to add a few things from my perspective and what I think could be improved based on what I've read. This is in no way a defense of my part in the interaction, because regardless of my intention what matters is how my words are perceived. 1. "Availability" is certainly a bit short, but my usual "what's your availability like," while more polite, doesn't meaningful expand on the information requested. I'll cop to not being fully committal in the first text, but I think everyone would agree that both parties should assess whether it's a mutual fit before working toward a booking, and this includes asking questions. Unless the client is certain that a provider is what he's looking for based on available info prior to initiating contact, it is perhaps too early to specify a time and date in the very first text when a commitment is still contingent on information yet to be disclosed. At least, I personally find it disingenuous to ask for a specific slot before I know for sure I want to work with the person. That said, I agree that "availability" isn't a helpful, tactful, or productive question, and if I'm not yet ready to book, I think I should leave it out altogether and revisit when we can establish a fit. 2. Of course, this is a two way street, there's a give and take and I wasn't giving much. Based on the feedback, I agree it's better to offer more information about myself in initiating the contact other than just my screen name (although to be fair, my client profile has a lot of information about me, but I could have made it more accessible). There are also competing priorities here. The client wants more information before he commits, and the provider would presumably prefer more certainty in whether the prospect converts into a booking. In exchange for more provider information, I could have signaled in the initial and subsequent text more earnestly a readiness to seal the deal. 3. In hindsight, "what's your rate," I now feel, is just as superfluous and unnecessary a question in the first text, since rate tends to run mostly within a $100 spread, i.e., it's something that the prospective client already has a good idea about, and leading with it can come across as impersonal, hesitant, and appear to be an effort at bargaining before establishing any rapport. It can also wait until a fit is established, if at all; the provider usually volunteer that information, and I've also had success by offering a budget and ask for the amount of time it's worth instead. 4. In my experience, there have been providers that booked based off zero information about me, and there are providers that declined to book due to lack of fit based on information that I provided. This is completely okay; nobody should feel pressured to do anything they don't feel up to with anyone, and as a client I would not enjoy the encounter if I knew that the provider is going to hate it or feel uncomfortable. There are different approaches and tolerances, and some providers are more selective than others; in any case, I now think it's always the better policy for the client to offer some information to establish fit within reasonable scope and discretion, which I failed to do effectively in this interaction. 5. I do contest the notion that I needed to address the provider by their name in the first text, since I don't know their real name at that point and in a text message there's nobody else I could possibly be addressing. Similarly, I feel that offering my screen name is appropriate initially before a rapport is sufficiently established to exchange real names, and a screen name is much more informative anyway. With few exception, I've always exchanged real names with providers either after sealing the deal or when we met in person. That said, there's no cost or downside to addressing the provider by their screen name and I should do that in the future. 6. I also disagree that it disrespects the provider by asking whether he barebacks, even in the initial text, especially when the profile specifically says "ask me." For me it is a requirement (unless I'm just looking to hang out or cuddle), and there would be no need to carry on a conversation if the answer is no. I understand that there is a concern about client "sussying out" the provider (and I know providers that similarly suss out clients when it comes to drug use), but when it comes to safety, the best policy is always honest conversation, full disclosure, risk awareness, and informed consent. This is a matter of principle. I also acknowledge that there is a concern of harassment and/or entrapment by law enforcement in the US since it is a direct reference to sex; "masseurs" and "escorts" exist in such a gray area that it can be very difficult to navigate (it is of course not illegal to ask or answer the question per se, but context of the conversation and the context this question contributes to make it murky). It is very unfortunate that providers have to assume this risk. Whatever tolerance level they have toward legal jeopardy and however they approach it are valid, including declining to answer, but it is not wrong or disrespectful to ask. 7. Ok, all that only to cover my first text lol. I'll pick up the pace. I admit it's a mistake when the provider needed a bit prodding I took a step back ("how long are you in town for") instead of forward, although by that morning I did not have any immediately open slot on my schedule so I at this point I would not be able to commit to anything within the day or next. I should have instead asked if he's available for my next available slot, even if a couple days later. 8. I was taken aback by the "Why don't you... take it from there" reply, but I should not have gotten defensive in clarifying and pleading my intentions ("I was hoping to..."). I can definitely see how that can be read as relitigating the past, accusation even. At this point I was starting to lose interest but still hopeful, and, although feeling less committal due to the provider's reply, I should have simply said "sounds good" and try later if interest remained instead of defending myself against a perceived slight. 9. I cop to a compulsion to win every argument, something very valuable in my profession (which is all about persuasive argument and I'm almost always right) but quite alienating in my personal life. So when the provider got argumentative and screen capped me, I instinctively felt the need to respond in kind, even though at that point I've completely lost interest. This is dumb, because it was completely unnecessary given I've already lost interest. The nastiness thereafter is just history. 10. I don't know this provider in person, what he's like usually, or whether he was having a bad day, and I cannot say anything on his behalf. His profile gave me the impression of sincerity, affability, maybe even goofiness. It was a short interaction but I do see how it could have gone down very differently. Even if the conversation went wrong at the beginning, I could have ended it amicably early and salvaged a chance for a meet, and there were multiple points of failure on my part that contributed to the terrible mutual first impression that made it nearly impossible to enjoy an encounter, if one is even possible, even if the provider could be the nicest guy in person. This is a bridge burnt before it was even built and it definitely didn't need to be that way. Lesson learned.

I've worked with providers who inflate their endowment on their profile, which is understandable and I always take what I read and see online with a grain of salt. But I've also worked with providers who clearly and quite significantly understate their monstrous endowment in advertising, even going lower over time. Is there a reason for doing that? I'm guessing some prospective clients could feel intimidated, but being such a size queen myself I can't imagine that outweighing the interest that could be generated by accurately reporting.

Nope. Last text shown is the last text sent. If I could have said something different before it went down in flames I would appreciate knowing what that is, I can be socially awkward and inappropriate at times.

Just had the following initial interaction with a provider. For the record, I ALWAYS ask for the rate and a few clarifying questions if not clear in the provider's profile in my first text and I've never had any problem. In this particular case, I was hoping to book him last night when I first texted. He didn't respond until the morning (understably, since I texted late at night) but didn't answer any question. Then the conversation got weird and somehow escalated. Am I the asshole here and should I have approached him differently, either initially or in the subsequent interaction? (Provider number blurred to protect his identity; as for mine I use the same username on RM so why bother).

Thinking about visiting Mexico City solo on an impromptu trip and would love to connect with a trusty local who can show me around some hidden fare while keeping me out of bad trouble for a few days. Ideally someone scruffy who can interpret and serves a generous portion (and/or knows his way around the carnicería). Any recommendation?