discussing rate

[MichBoyBlake]

I hope it's ok to post this here!

This is mainly a question for clients, but of course I'm happy to hear anyone's input! I have a normal, standard go-to rate that I tell potential clients when they ask what my rate is, however I try to make it clear that I personally feel every client is different, so I'm always very open to discussing the rate with potential clients. It isn't that my normal rate is necessarily high-balling and looking to be challenged by a client... it's really just the type of thing where if my normal rate works for you, great, if it doesn't, let's discuss it a bit further and figure out something that works well for both of us! Not everyone wants it to be hourly, some people want things like 90 mins, and some simply need to get it a bit lower, etc. Whatever. I'm absolutely OK with working with any client when it comes to agreeing on a rate before we schedule.

 

However, I feel like a fair amount of the time when the client isn't comfortable with the normal rate I tell them, they won't try to work out something that works better for them with me, even if they seem very intent on hiring me... they'll either just stop talking and pass, or look to me to just randomly throw them a lower number. There are still times when clients that are unhappy with the normal rate will discuss it with me and ultimately try to make something work, but it always feels like a bit of a let down when they just don't even see the point in trying to discuss it with me.

 

At first I thought it was the language, so I quickly made the switch to using very soft, non-aggressive language with things like "discuss" or "figure out what works best for both of us", etc.

 

Anyways I know there's a lot of random hypotheticals and extraneous variables to this situation overall, but with all that said:

 

As a client, if you were talking with a provider and interested in hiring that particular provider, but weren't fully comfortable with their rate, would you be open to discussing the rate with that provider, especially after the provider made it clear that they're open to having a dialogue and coming to solution that ultimately works out for both of you? If you would rather move on than have this sort of conversation, why?

 

I'll also note that for the most part I'm not talking about clients that contact me through RM at all. In general clients that contact me through RM more or less expect the rate I tell them and are comfortable with it. This is more about potential clients from other sites... as least as far as I've been able to tell there's weirdly a way higher level of understanding and professionalism on RM than on anywhere else.

[+ Keith30309]

I hope it's ok to post this here!

This is mainly a question for clients, but of course I'm happy to hear anyone's input! I have a normal, standard go-to rate that I tell potential clients when they ask what my rate is, however I try to make it clear that I personally feel every client is different, so I'm always very open to discussing the rate with potential clients. It isn't that my normal rate is necessarily high-balling and looking to be challenged by a client... it's really just the type of thing where if my normal rate works for you, great, if it doesn't, let's discuss it a bit further and figure out something that works well for both of us! Not everyone wants it to be hourly, some people want things like 90 mins, and some simply need to get it a bit lower, etc. Whatever. I'm absolutely OK with working with any client when it comes to agreeing on a rate before we schedule.

 

However, I feel like a fair amount of the time when the client isn't comfortable with the normal rate I tell them, they won't try to work out something that works better for them with me, even if they seem very intent on hiring me... they'll either just stop talking and pass, or look to me to just randomly throw them a lower number. There are still times when clients that are unhappy with the normal rate will discuss it with me and ultimately try to make something work, but it always feels like a bit of a let down when they just don't even see the point in trying to discuss it with me.

 

At first I thought it was the language, so I quickly made the switch to using very soft, non-aggressive language with things like "discuss" or "figure out what works best for both of us", etc.

 

Anyways I know there's a lot of random hypotheticals and extraneous variables to this situation overall, but with all that said:

 

As a client, if you were talking with a provider and interested in hiring that particular provider, but weren't fully comfortable with their rate, would you be open to discussing the rate with that provider, especially after the provider made it clear that they're open to having a dialogue and coming to solution that ultimately works out for both of you? If you would rather move on than have this sort of conversation, why?

 

I'll also note that for the most part I'm not talking about clients that contact me through RM at all. In general clients that contact me through RM more or less expect the rate I tell them and are comfortable with it. This is more about potential clients from other sites... as least as far as I've been able to tell there's weirdly a way higher level of understanding and professionalism on RM than on anywhere else.

I fall into the category of thanking someone for their response and moving on without further discussion.

Call me crazy, self-delusional even, but I like do feel like in a successful meeting we create an emotional connection on some level. Yes - ultimately it's a transaction of time for money but my focus and energy is on making it a mutually enjoyable experience. If I feel like I'm sitting across from someone at a Turkish bazaar bargaining table in a (temporarily) adversarial situation where one person is going to win and the other lose, then that blows the entire objective. "Ask me" feels too much like "make me an offer".

 

Deal with the money part quickly, discretely and with class and everybody wins.

[MichBoyBlake]

I mean, I totally agree with figuring out that part of it quickly so that it doesn't have to be a major part of the entire interaction -- that being said I'm not asking for a lengthy barter and debate. On the other end of it when someone asks my rate I don't feel like it's the best to pull out a giant list of different rates for all sorts of different things; It feels better to throw out a quick hourly rate as a response, but be open to discussing that simple rate.

[BluDay]

Rates are tricky in this business. I personally don't ever discuss a rate. If it's more than I'm willing to pay, I don't go on. Reading this forum, most of the comments about rates seem to deal with either clients really trying to low-ball, or escorts asking for such huge amounts as to be laughable.

 

From an economics perspective, if you offer flexible rates, most or all perspective clients will ask for the lower one, especially if they perceive they will get the same services regardless of what they pay. Why should I pay $300 for x, y, and z, if you will do that for $200?

 

On the client side, I feel I could get a discount rate since what I ask for in a visit isn't as demanding as a lot of clients. That's my preference, and I get what I want, so I'm happy, he's happy, we're both happy.

 

As a provider, if you had a regular who didn't ask for as much as your standard client, would you offer him a discount if he seemed willing to pay your normal rate? Possibly, but probably not. Why would you take less than he was willing to offer?

 

Rates in this business are set like they are in other businesses, only the providers really can't see very clearly how much what other providers charge do to increase or decrease business.

 

For gas stations across the street, it's easy to see a one or two cent change effects business. For escorts, there are many factors. In an underserved area, locals can't charge a lot since clients would not call them. Travelers can get more (in general) but only so much more. I would doubt the Nashville market would be busy for a $500/hour escort as that's much higher than the locals. A good small market escort would be mobbed for $200/hour in New York or LA but would be missing out on making a lot of money since he could get more for the same services.

 

I honestly feel for providers trying to set rates. Too high or too low has a direct impact on their bottom line (or just their bottom )

[+ FrankR]

I fall into the category of thanking someone for their response and moving on without further discussion.

I do very much the same - my starting point is the assumption that the provider has been thoughtful in setting his rate: am I not just wasting his time by attempting to negotiate that which he has already considered? He's busy. I'm busy. The last thing I want to be is disrespectful of his time.

 

Back when Rentmen listed rates, I would filter out the providers that were outside of my price range and focus on other attributes instead of rate. Now it is going to be far more difficult with recent changes to the site. I would rather look at other sites like Friendboy.pro where rates are listed; unfortunately many of those sites are not as good when it comes to applying a filter for other attributes. I hope they will improve.

 

I will also say that I tend to be more flexible on specific sites - for example Adam4Adam Pro section has worked well for me in certain cities and Rentmasseur in others. Attributes and level of actual service is not always as transparent as say, Rentmen; but I will be clear on what I am looking for so that when a rate is provided/restated, there is little need for additional discussion.

[+ bashful]

Haven't hired much, and have never discussed the rate, once they told me, or once they confirmed (back when rates were posted) their rate. Never felt comfortable doing that. Either hired or didn't.

[+ Axiom2001]

Rates are tricky in this business. I personally don't ever discuss a rate. If it's more than I'm willing to pay, I don't go on. Reading this forum, most of the comments about rates seem to deal with either clients really trying to low-ball, or escorts asking for such huge amounts as to be laughable.

 

I honestly feel for providers trying to set rates. Too high or too low has a direct impact on their bottom line (or just their bottom )

 

When I read the first paragraph of this thread-- I decided to scroll and note some of the comments which had been made. When I came to yours, the first two sentences summed up my exact actions. When I guy has wanted over $300, I've thanked him for responding and move on.

 

[...have been hiring for far too long and wish I'd kept a record as to how much $$ (money) I've forked out. I try to shy away from the $300 and $300+ per hour in the SF Bay area, for most of my experiences have been with men who've asked for $250 to $275. There have been a few exceptions, especially with one man who only begins with 2hr sessions which have turned out to be $450 to $500.

 

He's been quite wonderful and has become a long-distance amigo of mine. He and I have communicated via Facebook as well as on RMen for a while now, and when he does visit the San Francisco Bay area, I do try to meet with him for conversation and play.]

[MichBoyBlake]

Yeah I mean I don't go anywhere near 300/hr haha. Mostly rate hasn't been an issue with RM clients, but it's been an issue with people on A4A ever since I started using that site as well.. but idk I should honestly just stop trying to make my rate work for people on there so much. It feels like people on there wouldn't even be open to 100/hr.. and honestly I couldn't go any lower than that. 100/hr would hardly even be worth it for me.. at that point it'd be less about the rate and more about the possibility of gaining a new regular lol. Thanks for all the insight! I definitely feel way more confident now with just sticking to my normal rate instead of trying to make everyone single person that contacts me happy, lol.

[TruthBTold]

I think rates put everyone in a quandary in so many ways. I have one coming up. I had been seeing someone for many years until he moved out of my town and it just became too inconvenient (and expensive) to see him. For whatever reason I had never really thought about increasing the amount that I paid until it came to mind at the very end. I think that he never minded because it appeared that he actually liked having sex with me most of the time so it became sort of a trade off. At any rate, after he left I got hold of someone else. He was "well-known" and had his rate listed on Rentmen. We got together and I had put the amount that I figured it would cost, plus a tip because I had no doubt that he would be more than pleasing. And because it was in an envelope I could slip some out if I did not want him to have it all. At any rate there was sort of a rushed departure and I gave him the envelope. At some point later, he contacted me and told me that he thought it was much too much and that he would make our next get-together less if that is what I wanted. So then I scheduled a follow-up date because he was coming to my town. When we were conversing about the follow-up (I can't recall if it was phone or text) he mentioned that I had given him too much the last time, however did not mention what he expected when I did pay him. If I just go by what is on his Rentmen profile we will be in the same position as before. I don't know whether to just ask him and how?

 

P.S. I know that I am not really answering your question and I apologize in advance. I thought someone might have been in the same situation and could help. That is what comes when the working guy has so much integrity. Makes me sick.

[MichBoyBlake]

I think rates put everyone in a quandary in so many ways. I have one coming up. I had been seeing someone for many years until he moved out of my town and it just became too inconvenient (and expensive) to see him. For whatever reason I had never really thought about increasing the amount that I paid until it came to mind at the very end. I think that he never minded because it appeared that he actually liked having sex with me most of the time so it became sort of a trade off. At any rate, after he left I got hold of someone else. He was "well-known" and had his rate listed on Rentmen. We got together and I had put the amount that I figured it would cost, plus a tip because I had no doubt that he would be more than pleasing. And because it was in an envelope I could slip some out if I did not want him to have it all. At any rate there was sort of a rushed departure and I gave him the envelope. At some point later, he contacted me and told me that he thought it was much too much and that he would make our next get-together less if that is what I wanted. So then I scheduled a follow-up date because he was coming to my town. When we were conversing about the follow-up (I can't recall if it was phone or text) he mentioned that I had given him too much the last time, however did not mention what he expected when I did pay him. If I just go by what is on his Rentmen profile we will be in the same position as before. I don't know whether to just ask him and how?

 

P.S. I know that I am not really answering your question and I apologize in advance. I thought someone might have been in the same situation and could help. That is what comes when the working guy has so much integrity. Makes me sick.

 

haha I'm not that guy obviously, but my first thought is that he's mostly leaving that option open and being nice! It's definitely the type of thing I would say lol. I'm not trying to say he's being fake or anything, I just imagine that it's a situation where basically at the follow-up when he mentions that you had given him too much, he's giving you the option to take the extra off of the rate during the follow-up based on his normal rate, but at the same time not like, overly force it and make you feel uncomfortable about it lol. And I mean, who's really ever going to honestly say "this is outrageous you've absolutely given me too much I cannot accept this!" hahaha

[+ FrankR]

I think rates put everyone in a quandary in so many ways. I have one coming up. I had been seeing someone for many years until he moved out of my town and it just became too inconvenient (and expensive) to see him. For whatever reason I had never really thought about increasing the amount that I paid until it came to mind at the very end. I think that he never minded because it appeared that he actually liked having sex with me most of the time so it became sort of a trade off. At any rate, after he left I got hold of someone else. He was "well-known" and had his rate listed on Rentmen. We got together and I had put the amount that I figured it would cost, plus a tip because I had no doubt that he would be more than pleasing. And because it was in an envelope I could slip some out if I did not want him to have it all. At any rate there was sort of a rushed departure and I gave him the envelope. At some point later, he contacted me and told me that he thought it was much too much and that he would make our next get-together less if that is what I wanted. So then I scheduled a follow-up date because he was coming to my town. When we were conversing about the follow-up (I can't recall if it was phone or text) he mentioned that I had given him too much the last time, however did not mention what he expected when I did pay him. If I just go by what is on his Rentmen profile we will be in the same position as before. I don't know whether to just ask him and how?

 

P.S. I know that I am not really answering your question and I apologize in advance. I thought someone might have been in the same situation and could help. That is what comes when the working guy has so much integrity. Makes me sick.

That is an interesting situation. How about the next time you speak/text, to confirm the time for your next meeting, raise the topic with him: The last time we spoke, you mentioned that I overstuffed the envelope, what rate would make your more comfortable? Best way to get to a meeting of the minds, is to have clarity. If you feel he is under charging, how about you offer to do something special for him. Ask him what his favorite beverage is or if you can have wine waiting? Perhaps take him out for a meal? Send him a membership gift on Rentmen? Make a donation to Daddy or the Trevor Project in his honor? As the man said: The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little "extra".

[TruthBTold]

haha I'm not that guy obviously, but my first thought is that he's mostly leaving that option open and being nice! It's definitely the type of thing I would say lol. I'm not trying to say he's being fake or anything, I just imagine that it's a situation where basically at the follow-up when he mentions that you had given him too much, he's giving you the option to take the extra off of the rate during the follow-up based on his normal rate, but at the same time not like, overly force it and make you feel uncomfortable about it lol. And I mean, who's really ever going to honestly say "this is outrageous you've absolutely given me too much I cannot accept this!" hahaha

 

I agree. But you can see how it puts (at least) me in such an uncomfortable position. First, because I don't know how much extra he thought I overpaid the last time. Second, based on that what he is expecting this time. Unfortunately, he is notoriously honest and rather giving. So I guess I will play it by ear and just have an envelope full of hundred dollar bills on the table. Then at the end just ask him what I owe him. I am 100% sure it will not be more than his advertised amount. Moreover, I invited him to dinner after and he can accept or not but that would be an extra for him. Thanks for your insight.

[TruthBTold]

That is an interesting situation. How about the next time you speak/text, to confirm the time for your next meeting, raise the topic with him: The last time we spoke, you mentioned that I overstuffed the envelope, what rate would make your more comfortable? Best way to get to a meeting of the minds, is to have clarity. If you feel he is under charging, how about you offer to do something special for him. Ask him what his favorite beverage is or if you can have wine waiting? Perhaps take him out for a meal? Send him a membership gift on Rentmen? Make a donation to Daddy or the Trevor Project in his honor? As the man said: The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little "extra".

 

Thanks. Your posting came up after I had written my reply. I normally do what is in your post (as far as the nibbles and the drinks). I think that I will speak with him when are going to confirm a time, etc. He might be more willing to confirm an amount at that time. I would actually give him almost anything cause he is just so enjoyable to be with.

[MichBoyBlake]

I agree. But you can see how it puts (at least) me in such an uncomfortable position.

 

I definitely see how it does! Not throwing any shade but like I said, personally I'd maybe make a small comment once to sorta let the client know that I'm aware of the extra and appreciate it, but not really push it much more.