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"Safe Only?"

TruthBTold

By TruthBTold
in Questions About Hiring

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TruthBTold Grand Master

TruthBTold

Posted
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Someone asked me a question regarding PrEP and escorts and I really did not know the answer and thought I would just put it out there. He said that he had been looking through escort profiles near him and there were many, of course, that had "Safe Only" next to the Safe/BB listing. He said, however, that in the actual written profile the escort noted that they were neutral and on PrEP. He asked me if the listing of the information in the profile was a way of getting around the "Safe Only" listing. I told him that because there are choices such as "Ask Me" he probably could take him at his word that he only was safe, i.e., condom only.

I really was not sure however and thought I would ask. What do you think? Thanks.

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Lance_Navarro Proficient

+ Lance_Navarro

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I've said this before and I'll say it again, since it's relevant. I would prefer that people do away with the term "safe-sex" as being synonymous with using condoms. Most who say "same-sex only" are not going to insist on condoms for oral, nor do I think many clients would enjoy that. In terms of HIV prevention, PrEP is a form of safer sex. Versus condoms which form a physical barrier, PrEP creates a chemical barrier, though of course it's also a matter of trust, both in effectiveness of PrEP, and in believing the other is taking it as prescribed. I think it's best that people just have a conversation about what thier boundaries and comfort levels are, rather than just going off of whether they choose "safe-only" or "ask me".

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Keith30309 Grand Master

+ Keith30309

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I think it's best that people just have a conversation about what thier boundaries and comfort levels are, rather than just going off of whether they choose "safe-only" or "ask me".

Well said! I think this is an important concept and may be new to many.

 

Thanks to the erudite @JudasKane I recently had an introduction to a "safer sex" proactive discussion as you describe.

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BenjaminNicholas Grand Master

+ BenjaminNicholas

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Someone asked me a question regarding PrEP and escorts and I really did not know the answer and thought I would just put it out there. He said that he had been looking through escort profiles near him and there were many, of course, that had "Safe Only" next to the Safe/BB listing. He said, however, that in the actual written profile the escort noted that they were neutral and on PrEP. He asked me if the listing of the information in the profile was a way of getting around the "Safe Only" listing. I told him that because there are choices such as "Ask Me" he probably could take him at his word that he only was safe, i.e., condom only.

I really was not sure however and thought I would ask. What do you think? Thanks.

 

This level of grey calls for a private discussion between client and escort

 

For me, saying I play safe AND am on PrEP means that I always use condoms and the pharmaceutical serves me as the failsafe. That's just my personal way of doing things, as my health is the most important thing to me. Everyone has their different version of sexual responsibility (which is why communication is so important).

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JudasKane Apprentice

JudasKane

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As already mentioned, there's a growing movement to use the term "safer sex" as a more descriptive and proactive approach to being healthy while maintaining an active sex life.

 

Safer sex starts with discussions like these and on a 1-to-1 basis... as well as having up-to-date, working knowledge of how STDs are transmitted.

 

Pretty much all STDs can be transmitted via oral sex and often times there will be absolutely no symptoms when transmitted. Gonnorhea is becoming an antibiotic resistant beast mainly through asymptomatic cases in the throat that then gain resistance from treatment of other illnesses. https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2017/07/09/super-gonorrhea-whats-oral-sex-got-to-do-with-it/

 

Despite this, many stray away from condoms for oral sex even with their fairly widespread availability in gay nightlife/sex spaces.

 

So, if we're not gonna use condoms 100 percent of the time, we need to be testing often enough to quickly diagnose and effectively treat any STDs before they can develop further antibiotic resistance.

 

Going to the clinic regularly shouldn't be shameful (as I've heard it portrayed in my personal world), but seen as a duty for maintaing sexual health, both for one's self and the community at large. We should be testing more often and those who are able to should be on PreP/Truvada (hopefully soon Descovy as well).

 

In this particular situation, I'd like to think that the escort was perhaps advocating that they were having a form of safe sex since they were on PreP. (This obviously doesn't account for STD's aside from HIV) But the simplest, most direct way of finding out one's sexual safety practices is biting the bullet and having a frank discussion before each sexual encounter.

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Eric Hassan Mentor

+ Eric Hassan

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In my experience the majority of escorts who say safe only fuck without a condom 80% of the time. Just saying.

 

Safe doesn't necessarily equal condoms. Just saying.

 

A conversation about what safe means to you (you being any client, not you @LookingAround; my intent is not to single you our specifically!) with anyone you choose to have sex with is the best way to approach this topic. It doesn't have to be "serious" conversation - it just needs to be direct and clear, and there needs to be a mutual agreement about what safer sex will mean for you, for that time. "Safe" does not equal condoms only, nor does safe mean PrEP and bareback, or treatment as prevention and PrEP, or oral only, or whatever combination of whatever. "Safe" is a negotiation you first have with YOURSELF. What do you want to be safe from? What kinds of risks are present for the things you like to do? What are the options available to you to keep you safe from whatever you want to avoid when doing what you like to do? What risks are you willing to take? What FEELS right, in your gut? Once you are clear on the answers to these questions, you will have an idea of what "safe" means to YOU.

 

When you have that conversation with that prospective partner, remember that they might not have the same definition of "safe" as you, so saying "I play safe" is a vague statement that doesn't communicate anything that's concrete and clear. Instead of saying safe, you communicate what safe means to you and listen to what safe means to your partner, and then come to an agreement. Or don't, and then don't do it. Again, this doesn't need to a long conversation or super serious, just clear and direct.

 

It's surprising how easy life gets when you just get simple and clear.

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LookingAround Grand Master

LookingAround

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Safe doesn't necessarily equal condoms. Just saying.

 

A conversation about what safe means to you (you being any client, not you @LookingAround; my intent is not to single you our specifically!) with anyone you choose to have sex with is the best way to approach this topic. It doesn't have to be "serious" conversation - it just needs to be direct and clear, and there needs to be a mutual agreement about what safer sex will mean for you, for that time. "Safe" does not equal condoms only, nor does safe mean PrEP and bareback, or treatment as prevention and PrEP, or oral only, or whatever combination of whatever. "Safe" is a negotiation you first have with YOURSELF. What do you want to be safe from? What kinds of risks are present for the things you like to do? What are the options available to you to keep you safe from whatever you want to avoid when doing what you like to do? What risks are you willing to take? What FEELS right, in your gut? Once you are clear on the answers to these questions, you will have an idea of what "safe" means to YOU.

 

When you have that conversation with that prospective partner, remember that they might not have the same definition of "safe" as you, so saying "I play safe" is a vague statement that doesn't communicate anything that's concrete and clear. Instead of saying safe, you communicate what safe means to you and listen to what safe means to your partner, and then come to an agreement. Or don't, and then don't do it. Again, this doesn't need to a long conversation or super serious, just clear and direct.

 

It's surprising how easy life gets when you just get simple and clear.

Totally agree. In fact I think prep is more safe than condoms. But most people take "safe only" to mean condoms and I'm just saying most escorts bb. They're probably on prep as well.

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Eric Hassan Mentor

+ Eric Hassan

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What makes you think otherwise?

 

My own anecdotal evidence and my experience of the integrity of the dozens of folks that I know personally who are on PrEP.

 

The assertion that "a lot" of people lie about being on PrEP is ridiculous and occurs to me as nothing more than another manifestation of fear. I'm not saying it has never happened. I just don't believe that there are "a lot" - or even "quite a few" - people are running around lying about being on PrEP.

 

Ultimately, spreading fear and mis-information is destructive to the community and doesn't absolve ANYONE of taking care of himself. Accusing "lots" of people of lying doesn't mean you get a pass on taking care of yourself, even if it's true.

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Pulgasari1991 Collaborator

Pulgasari1991

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My own anecdotal evidence and my experience of the integrity of the dozens of folks that I know personally who are on PrEP.

 

The assertion that "a lot" of people lie about being on PrEP is ridiculous and occurs to me as nothing more than another manifestation of fear. I'm not saying it has never happened. I just don't believe that there are "a lot" - or even "quite a few" - people are running around lying about being on PrEP.

 

Ultimately, spreading fear and mis-information is destructive to the community and doesn't absolve ANYONE of taking care of himself. Accusing "lots" of people of lying doesn't mean you get a pass on taking care of yourself, even if it's true.

Yeah, one should first decide what "a lot" means, anyway.

 

It's just, that it would be an easy lie to fuck without condom; hence I don't have problems thinking such lie is more or less spread. Am lacking anecdotal experience anyway, if wondering.

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BenjaminNicholas Grand Master

+ BenjaminNicholas

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What makes you think that? Do you have any evidence that might be true? Even anecdotal evidence?

 

Evidence? Who am I, Jessica Fletcher? :)

 

If this simple statement ruffles feathers of 'integrity' of those on PrEP (me being one of them), perhaps they need a thicker skin.

 

My advice is this: People are people. Many guys will say anything in the pursuit of pleasure. 'I'm on PrEP' is becoming the new 'Don't worry, I'm clean.' While that may be the truth for those actually on the drug, there are people who will lie about it. Use common sense and don't be a damned fool. First and foremost, protect yourself.

 

Condoms are certainly not passe.

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