Worst Ever Massage

[LoveNDino]

C'mon now. You know you have one. Spill:)

[MassageDrew]

Massage-wise it was good. But it was hard to relax. I went to Sir Spa for a massage and either the masseur ate something bad or has not eaten at all but I can hear noises coming from his tummy. I hoped that he didn't passed gas and he didn't, but I ended up worrying about all of that and failed to enjoy the massage.

[workingoutnow]

Years ago before so many web sites, I tried a guy in Dallas (think his name was Rocky...slender guy who I think also escorted) instead of my regular guy just for something different. Soft massage no sensuality no conversation. Was so unfulfilled, I called my regular guy immediately and went and saw him within 15 minutes before I went back to work.

[Ajac]

Ok this one goes back awhile. Back to the years of finding masseurs in the ad section of Frontiers Magazine. Before the advice of forum members. There was a guy whose body was amazing kind of like the guy from Tarzan movie with Bo Derek ... Miles Okeef I think. ( 20 somethings start googling). Any way I arrived at a dingy little apartment. He seemed pretty out of it. He in told me to go ahead and lie face down on the bed which was unmade and sheets were obviously not fresh. ( OK let me say it is amazing what you will let slide when some one is extremely good looking. ) He then lay on top of me and kind of kneaded my shoulder with one hand occasionally mumbling incoherently. On a side note his hair was shoulder length but more little lord Fontleroy then Sexy romance novel and obviously had not been washed in a very long time. I digress,the strange Kneading continues until it becomes obvious he has dozed off. Yes full dead weight on top of me asleep. So he come to as I writhe about a bit. continuing to mumble and pinch. At this point I initiate the turn over and just want it all to end. So I am a bit fuzzy on this but there was some sort of HE, more Hurried than Happy. The kicker, as I am getting dressed he decides it is time for him to prep dinner. This is a one room with kitchenette so I get to watch as he waves a huge knife around and tries to make small talk. Now had it been a paring knife to cut his potato no biggie but this was a fight crocodiles in a swamp knife so I was wondering if was ever going to be seen again. I go into compliment mode, going on and on of what a great time it was as I dressed and edged toward the door. I made my escape to home and a very long shower.

[LoveNDino]

Ok this one goes back awhile. Back to the years of finding masseurs in the ad section of Frontiers Magazine. Before the advice of forum members. There was a guy whose body was amazing kind of like the guy from Tarzan movie with Bo Derek ... Miles Okeef I think. ( 20 somethings start googling). Any way I arrived at a dingy little apartment. He seemed pretty out of it. He in told me to go ahead and lie face down on the bed which was unmade and sheets were obviously not fresh. ( OK let me say it is amazing what you will let slide when some one is extremely good looking. ) He then lay on top of me and kind of kneaded my shoulder with one hand occasionally mumbling incoherently. On a side note his hair was shoulder length but more little lord Fontleroy then Sexy romance novel and obviously had not been washed in a very long time. I digress,the strange Kneading continues until it becomes obvious he has dozed off. Yes full dead weight on top of me asleep. So he come to as I writhe about a bit. continuing to mumble and pinch. At this point I initiate the turn over and just want it all to end. So I am a bit fuzzy on this but there was some sort of HE, more Hurried than Happy. The kicker, as I am getting dressed he decides it is time for him to prep dinner. This is a one room with kitchenette so I get to watch as he waves a huge knife around and tries to make small talk. Now had it been a paring knife to cut his potato no biggie but this was a fight crocodiles in a swamp knife so I was wondering if was ever going to be seen again. I go into compliment mode, going on and on of what a great time it was as I dressed and edged toward the door. I made my escape to home and a very long shower.

That might be a winner....I hope you can now look back at this experience and just laugh.

[LoveNDino]

I traveled nearly 200 miles to meet up, and ended up being almost 10 minutes early. I texted that I was in the lobby. Clothed massage was a Grant cheaper than nude, but nude was agreed upon. Donation was asked for up front. Clothes never came off, loud music was blaring, only one side of me was massaged, and I was asked to leave with nearly ten minutes of time left (it was 42 after, so it was like a penalty for being early)! He texted that I shouldn't have let him know I was early, I shouldn't have talked since he was playing music, he saw I was teensy when I undraped so he didn't want me to turn over, and if I wanted to see him again it would be double the donation, and that I was the worst client he had ever had.

 

From another forum member I was told even though he is young, stocky, and hairless he only prefers really hairy older guys with big schlongs. I'm shaved, not all that old, and petite downstairs so when he opened the door I was his worst nightmare come to life.

What a fucker. I hope you reminded him who the client was.

[LaffingBear]

LOL. the memory makes me laugh.

 

This is not a m4m tale.

 

I worked in a hospital. The local CMT students would come by to get in their required experience-hours. Employees could sign up for free 30-min sessions, using the Physical Therapy Dept. treatment stations.

 

This tiny young woman covered me in so much oil, I felt like I was being basted for holiday dinner. At one point, she tried to use some pressure, but i was so greased up and slippery, she lost traction and balance, and fell forward, face-planting on my over-lubed back. Between the noise of her wet-smack and my laughter, my co-workers in adjacent (curtained) stations started laughing too. While funny, the whole thing really just felt like an irritating waste of time, and left me feeling greasy the rest of my work day.

 

Oddly, my best 100% therapeutic massage was from those same students. An older guy on another day gave me what he called, in broken english, "a filipino massage." No one, not even at expensive, fancy spas, has ever done a better job.

[+ HornyRetiree]

Easy to remember - it was my FIRST massage ever while a student at GW in DC! I was fully draped with a sheet - No idea what to expect - was zoned out enjoying the massage when I had my first spontaneous ejaculation WHILE FLACCID! I didn't even have a semi - so no tenting of the sheet.

 

I gave it no thought as it was just part of the energy flowing and swirling through my body -- NOTE! The masseur never went within 12" of my genitals! -- there was no external stimulation!

 

When he saw the wet spot on the sheet as my semen liquefied and soaked though, the Masseur lost it - started yelling at me and ended the massage right then! I was mortified as I didn't feel I had done anything wrong and he sure as hell had not stimulated me directly!

 

From that point forward I communicated up front - told the Masseurs that I ejaculated spontaneously (while flaccid) and went to Masseurs who would massage nude on nude. Spontaneous ejaculations were normal, during good massages, for me into my late 50s -- it is all energy!!!

 

NOW, I need some direct stimulation by the masseur:):)

 

I have never forgotten that first massage!

Edited May 27, 2017 by HornyRetiree

[GeoMitch]

Many moons ago..... Jake Deckard. I was young (maybe 20 years ago) and enamored of the pics he was posting on the internet. I had never been to a masseur before and reading up, and ogling over his pics, I created this great big fantasy of how wonderful it would all be and how happy and satisfied it would make me. Well, I arrived 15 minutes early - anxious to be there. I didn't think much to have the desk guy call up to say I was there. Jake wasn't very happy about my early arrival - which I can now totally understand - he gasped and sighed and over the phone said I should wait. I was upset at myself for being early and sat, waiting in the lobby. Once I went up, in my nervousness, I think I said all the wrong things which made him appear even less happy with my presence (I think I tried to ask him what else he did other than massage and he might have taken that as offensive - which I really didn't mean in a bad way, as being a masseur is a totally legitimate profession, and I was awkwardly trying to make small talk)...Maybe he had personal stuff going on as well, I don't know. Well, during the massage, not sure of how to go about it, I tried touching him but he kept batting my hand away, huffing and puffing like I was ruining his routine - a master doing his work... So I just gave up and laid there, miserable - with some hot dude who I totally offended mad at me and distant. My fantasy of how wonderful it would all be shattered and I couldn't stop wondering wtf I did. Finally, at some point, when he was ready, something started poking my head and I outright asked him, "May I....?" That was kinda weird. I imagined it would have been sexier than that. It was mechanical - no warmth. I half nearly choked, gave myself a HE, and left. I walked down the street sad, mad at myself for I-don't-know-what. I'd have to say that was the worst experience I've ever had.

 

Years later, however, watching Tim Kruger rip Jake's asshole apart on video gave me a sick sense of pleasure, LOL..... Thanks, Tim!

[LoveNDino]

Many moons ago..... Jake Deckard. I was young (maybe 20 years ago) and enamored of the pics he was posting on the internet. I had never been to a masseur before and reading up, and ogling over his pics, I created this great big fantasy of how wonderful it would all be and how happy and satisfied it would make me. Well, I arrived 15 minutes early - anxious to be there. I didn't think much to have the desk guy call up to say I was there. Jake wasn't very happy about my early arrival - which I can now totally understand - he gasped and sighed and over the phone said I should wait. I was upset at myself for being early and sat, waiting in the lobby. Once I went up, in my nervousness, I think I said all the wrong things which made him appear even less happy with my presence (I think I tried to ask him what else he did other than massage and he might have taken that as offensive - which I really didn't mean in a bad way, as being a masseur is a totally legitimate profession, and I was awkwardly trying to make small talk)...Maybe he had personal stuff going on as well, I don't know. Well, during the massage, not sure of how to go about it, I tried touching him but he kept batting my hand away, huffing and puffing like I was ruining his routine - a master doing his work... So I just gave up and laid there, miserable - with some hot dude who I totally offended mad at me and distant. My fantasy of how wonderful it would all be shattered and I couldn't stop wondering wtf I did. Finally, at some point, when he was ready, something started poking my head and I outright asked him, "May I....?" That was kinda weird. I imagined it would have been sexier than that. It was mechanical - no warmth. I half nearly choked, gave myself a HE, and left. I walked down the street sad, mad at myself for I-don't-know-what. I'd have to say that was the worst experience I've ever had.

 

Years later, however, watching Tim Kruger rip Jake's asshole apart on video gave me a sick sense of pleasure, LOL..... Thanks, Tim!

It's poignant and oddly satisfying!

[Kody S]

So it's a toss up between two. I arrived on time and got on the table despite this ginormous dog watching me undress. The guy told the dog to lay down. The dog did and the massage began. About half way in the guy said he had just eaten a burger and it didn't set well. All kinds noises started erupting from his bowels and he ran up stairs for a major blow out in the bathroom. I got up to get dressed and the dog was standing there in a show down just daring me to get off table. I slowly reached for my clothes, gradually and slowly got dressed to the chorus of a farting masseur. Then he came down and was very apologetic...you know the drill. And that was that. I made it out with my all my body parts. No relaxation at all.

 

The second was involved a masseur who wouldn't take no for an answer. The guy tried to up sell me in the middle of the massage. The rate was outrageous. I said no. He kept pressing. I said no...again. Then he went for my wallet to get the money and I had to get up off the table to stop that little altercation. It was awful. Again, no relaxation here.

 

Live and learn...

[LoveNDino]

So it's a toss up between two. I arrived on time and got on the table despite this ginormous dog watching me undress. The guy told the dog to lay down. The dog did and the massage began. About half way in the guy said he had just eaten a burger and it didn't set well. All kinds noises started erupting from his bowels and he ran up stairs for a major blow out in the bathroom. I got up to get dressed and the dog was standing there in a show down just daring me to get off table. I slowly reached for my clothes, gradually and slowly got dressed to the chorus of a farting masseur. Then he came down and was very apologetic...you know the drill. And that was that. I made it out with my all my body parts. No relaxation at all.

 

The second was involved a masseur who wouldn't take no for an answer. The guy tried to up sell me in the middle of the massage. The rate was outrageous. I said no. He kept pressing. I said no...again. Then he went for my wallet to get the money and I had to get up off the table to stop that little altercation. It was awful. Again, no relaxation here.

 

Live and learn...

Wow - just - wow!

[Dmitri]

I also have two that are a toss up. The first was my only Craigslist experience. I was living in New Jersey and needed an outcall. I found a masseur who said he would be right over. When the doorbell rang, there stood a man carrying two sawhorses and a board. I thought he was at the wrong house. Turns out it was the masseur! He proceeded to set it up in my living room. His massage table was two sawhorses and a board with carpet stapled on it! I placed a sheet on his "Table" and he went to work doing the massage. At one point the room smelled. I asked if he had farted, and he said "yes." I asked him to open a window, and he laughed and said"just think of it as aromatherapy." At this point I stopped the massage and asked him to leave. He gathered his things, and that is when I noticed he had a 4 inch piece of duct tape on his pants. I asked what it was and he said he ripped his pants and did not know how to sew, so he uses duct tape! That was the last time I used Craigslist! The other toss up worst massage was a masseur who I went to in Boston. A REAL massage table this time. At the beginning he asked if I was gay. I said yes. He said he was straight, and that it did not bother him to massage a gay man (?). Then about every 3 minutes during the massage he would say things like " Yup, does not bother me at all that you are gay." Or things like " Really comfortable with you, even though I am straight" This went on throughout the WHOLE massage session. Hard to relax when someone keeps telling you how straight they are. After I turned over, he suddenly blurted out "Can you fuck me?!!" Please?!! Literally begging me to fuck him! I had no chemistry with him and declined, got dressed, and left my "straight" masseur with a hard on.

Edited May 27, 2017 by Dmitri

[LoveNDino]

I also have two that are a toss up. The first was my only Craigslist experience. I was living in New Jersey and needed an outcall. I found a masseur who said he would be right over. When the doorbell rang, there stood a man carrying two sawhorses and a board. I thought he was at the wrong house. Turns out it was the masseur! He proceeded to set it up in my living room. His massage table was two sawhorses and a board with carpet stapled on it! I placed a sheet on his "Table" and he went to work doing the massage. At one point the room smelled. I asked if he had farted, and he said "yes." I asked him to open a window, and he laughed and said"just think of it as aromatherapy." At this point I stopped the massage and asked him to leave. He gathered his things, and that is when I noticed he had a 4 inch piece of duct tape on his pants. I asked what it was and he said he ripped his pants and did not know how to sew, so he uses duct tape! That was the last time I used Craigslist! The toss up worst was a masseur who I went to in Boston. A REAL massage table this time. At the beginning he asked if I was gay. I said yes. He said he was straight, and that it did not bother him to massage a gay man (?). Then about every 3 minutes he would say things like " yup, does not bother me at all that you are gay." Or things like " really comfortable with you, even though I am straight" This went on throughout the WHOLE massage. Hard to relax when someone keeps telling you how straight they are. After I turned over, he suddenly blurted out "can you fuck me?!!" I had no chemistry with him and declined, got dressed, and left my "straight" masseur with a hard on.

It could be because I am drunk right now but I was laughing so hard at this that I cried. I hope you don't mind man. Reading this is the perfect way to end my day. I think you win!!!!!!

[Kody S]

Yep, you win! I can just picture this guy...

[LoveNDino]

I also have two that are a toss up. The first was my only Craigslist experience. I was living in New Jersey and needed an outcall. I found a masseur who said he would be right over. When the doorbell rang, there stood a man carrying two sawhorses and a board. I thought he was at the wrong house. Turns out it was the masseur! He proceeded to set it up in my living room. His massage table was two sawhorses and a board with carpet stapled on it! I placed a sheet on his "Table" and he went to work doing the massage. At one point the room smelled. I asked if he had farted, and he said "yes." I asked him to open a window, and he laughed and said"just think of it as aromatherapy." At this point I stopped the massage and asked him to leave. He gathered his things, and that is when I noticed he had a 4 inch piece of duct tape on his pants. I asked what it was and he said he ripped his pants and did not know how to sew, so he uses duct tape! That was the last time I used Craigslist! The other toss up worst massage was a masseur who I went to in Boston. A REAL massage table this time. At the beginning he asked if I was gay. I said yes. He said he was straight, and that it did not bother him to massage a gay man (?). Then about every 3 minutes during the massage he would say things like " Yup, does not bother me at all that you are gay." Or things like " Really comfortable with you, even though I am straight" This went on throughout the WHOLE massage session. Hard to relax when someone keeps telling you how straight they are. After I turned over, he suddenly blurted out "Can you fuck me?!!" Please?!! Literally begging me to fuck him! I had no chemistry with him and declined, got dressed, and left my "straight" masseur with a hard on.

Maybe it's the 4-hour sleep. I still cried on "aromatherapy". Dude! For the ages!

[PaulM]

I also have two that are a toss up. The first was my only Craigslist experience. I was living in New Jersey and needed an outcall. I found a masseur who said he would be right over. When the doorbell rang, there stood a man carrying two sawhorses and a board. I thought he was at the wrong house. Turns out it was the masseur! He proceeded to set it up in my living room. His massage table was two sawhorses and a board with carpet stapled on it! I placed a sheet on his "Table" and he went to work doing the massage. At one point the room smelled. I asked if he had farted, and he said "yes." I asked him to open a window, and he laughed and said"just think of it as aromatherapy." At this point I stopped the massage and asked him to leave. He gathered his things, and that is when I noticed he had a 4 inch piece of duct tape on his pants. I asked what it was and he said he ripped his pants and did not know how to sew, so he uses duct tape! That was the last time I used Craigslist! The other toss up worst massage was a masseur who I went to in Boston. A REAL massage table this time. At the beginning he asked if I was gay. I said yes. He said he was straight, and that it did not bother him to massage a gay man (?). Then about every 3 minutes during the massage he would say things like " Yup, does not bother me at all that you are gay." Or things like " Really comfortable with you, even though I am straight" This went on throughout the WHOLE massage session. Hard to relax when someone keeps telling you how straight they are. After I turned over, he suddenly blurted out "Can you fuck me?!!" Please?!! Literally begging me to fuck him! I had no chemistry with him and declined, got dressed, and left my "straight" masseur with a hard on.

 

OMG!!! Truly, lol! Dmitri, I think these two are the worst!

[matt842]

I want to thank all of the contributors to this thread. I now realize that what I had considered my "bad" massage experiences (a HE that hurt, a "therapist" who didn't know what he was doing, etc.) were not that bad at all!

[LaffingBear]

Ive never really had a bad m4m massage experience. I wrote about a bad massage above.

 

I had an excellent massage, considering only technique, therapeutic results, eroticism, etc..... but in a horrible setting. An adult, in fact a great-looking, well-groomed, ripped up fitness model type, living in a situation like a filthy college dorm. The massage was on his mattress on the floor. I got a small bathtowel to lay over sheets that werent dirty, but obviously werent fresh. There were dirty dishes in the bedroom, clothes strewn about, and open bags of chips, etc. After a great massage, the visit to his bathroom was terrifying... a dirty toilet, a fungal shower, and a cat box that probably hadnt been emptied in days if not weeks. I tried seeing him again, but only for outcalls.... and its never worked out due to logistics.

[LoveNDino]

Ive never really had a bad m4m massage experience. I wrote about a bad massage above.

 

I had an excellent massage, considering only technique, therapeutic results, eroticism, etc..... but in a horrible setting. An adult, in fact a great-looking, well-groomed, ripped up fitness model type, living in a situation like a filthy college dorm. The massage was on his mattress on the floor. I got a small bathtowel to lay over sheets that werent dirty, but obviously werent fresh. There were dirty dishes in the bedroom, clothes strewn about, and open bags of chips, etc. After a great massage, the visit to his bathroom was terrifying... a dirty toilet, a fungal shower, and a cat box that probably hadnt been emptied in days if not weeks. I tried seeing him again, but only for outcalls.... and its never worked out due to logistics.

Good one @LaffingBear but @Dmitri has got you beat!

[Employer]

A few years ago I went to see a masseur on w14th street. I found him either on masseurfinder or massagem4m where his ad seemed professional and his services were described as fairly legit. I arrived, he seemed perfectly nice, I got undressed and hopped on his table. About 15 minutes into the massage he stopped and told me "sorry, it's not a match." Mind you, I was not doing anything inappropriate, did not touch him. As always, I was freshly showered, no B.O., no bad breath, etc. I was also in my late 20s at the time, in perfectly decent shape and considered myself turning more heads than stomachs. I remember lying on his massage table baffled and did not know how to respond. I got up, got dressed and left feeling somewhat ashamed and definitely rejected. To this day I don't know what went wrong. The fact that he might have found me so repulsive that he needed to stop the massage does not bother me, but I do find it extremely unprofessional. This gentleman does not advertise his services any longer. At around the same time, I went to see another masseur (he is still on all major sites) and it was the complete opposite. I wanted a massage and he kept trying to make it something more. He didn't try to upsell or ask for more money but was quite insistent on engaging in more than I had expected. It was very uncomfortable and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

[LoveNDino]

A few years ago I went to see a masseur on w14th street. I found him either on masseurfinder or massagem4m where his ad seemed professional and his services were described as fairly legit. I arrived, he seemed perfectly nice, I got undressed and hopped on his table. About 15 minutes into the massage he stopped and told me "sorry, it's not a match." Mind you, I was not doing anything inappropriate, did not touch him. As always, I was freshly showered, no B.O., no bad breath, etc. I was also in my late 20s at the time, in perfectly decent shape and considered myself turning more heads than stomachs. I remember lying on his massage table baffled and did not know how to respond. I got up, got dressed and left feeling somewhat ashamed and definitely rejected. To this day I don't know what went wrong. The fact that he might have found me so repulsive that he needed to stop the massage does not bother me, but I do find it extremely unprofessional. This gentleman does not advertise his services any longer. At around the same time, I went to see another masseur (he is still on all major sites) and it was the complete opposite. I wanted a massage and he kept trying to make it something more. He didn't try to upsell or ask for more money but was quite insistent on engaging in more than I had expected. It was very uncomfortable and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Thanks for sharing @Employer. That was not cool at all. I would rather have the aromatherapy session described in #10 than either of these. Sorry.

[LaffingBear]

A few years ago I went to see a masseur on w14th street. I found him either on masseurfinder or massagem4m where his ad seemed professional and his services were described as fairly legit. I arrived, he seemed perfectly nice, I got undressed and hopped on his table. About 15 minutes into the massage he stopped and told me "sorry, it's not a match." Mind you, I was not doing anything inappropriate, did not touch him. As always, I was freshly showered, no B.O., no bad breath, etc. I was also in my late 20s at the time, in perfectly decent shape and considered myself turning more heads than stomachs. I remember lying on his massage table baffled and did not know how to respond. I got up, got dressed and left feeling somewhat ashamed and definitely rejected. To this day I don't know what went wrong. The fact that he might have found me so repulsive that he needed to stop the massage does not bother me, but I do find it extremely unprofessional. This gentleman does not advertise his services any longer. At around the same time, I went to see another masseur (he is still on all major sites) and it was the complete opposite. I wanted a massage and he kept trying to make it something more. He didn't try to upsell or ask for more money but was quite insistent on engaging in more than I had expected. It was very uncomfortable and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Ive never had quite that situation, but ive experienced change of mood midway through a session.

 

There are two people in the room. Theres a good chance that what goes wrong has very little to do with you.

 

Im absolutely certain Ive been with escorts, new to the game, who became depressed about what they were doing partway through the session.

 

There are alot of judgments heaped on both clients' and escorts' decisions. The people on this board are probably enlightened enough not to judge.... but who knows what external forces or inner demons are at play in any human interaction?

[LoveNDino]

There was this guy years ago in the valley. I think I found him in frontiers. His pictures were very hot and I decided to splurge, even though he charged $200 which was way out of my price range. I go to his place and he demands the money up front (which I have since learned means that you are about to have a terrible experience) and then stripped to his underwear and started flexing. I ask where his table is and he says "get on the bed." But aggressive, like he's angry. I get naked and lie on his bed and then he just keeps flexing. I'm like, " I paid you for a massage" and he tells me I can hug him if I want to, but that's it. I say "that's not a massage" and he starts getting angry at me, saying "gay guys always want more." I say I just want a massage, but it's becoming clear that he won't touch me. I'm starting to feel vulnerable and scared for my safety as I'm naked, he's angry and apparently homophobic, and he's a big guy who could definitely overpower me -- and he has this energy of someone who wants to fight. I quickly get dressed and ask for my money back and he says I paid for coming in and he won't give my money back. He's pacing and seems mad at me and I start to worry about my safety and finally just bail out of there. I go and sit in my car and just feel depressed that I got conned out of $200. I was in my early 20s at the time and that was a lot of money to lose. Oh man that guy sucked. I forget his name, I think I blacked it out.

Seriously scary. Sorry. Not something one can look back with humor at all!

[john1973]

Mine was with an effusively recommended masseur. He got snippy when I had trouble finding the entrance to his apartment. He had a big sore on his upper lip (herp?). He refused to lower the roman blinds on his picture window, allowing his neighbors a view of my nakedness. The bad treatment disarmed me. I could not wait to hop on a plane back to Chi town.