Short, fat, balding Asian

[the Diz]

Wow, I think I just got my first rejection...it stings a bit . Yes it has only been less than 3 months since I have hired escorts and have M2M experience but if this rejection is from a paid transaction, I wonder how it is in the real world? Maybe I should just stay and close the closet door.

 

I saw an NYC escort coming to my city and was quoted a specific amount for a session. When he about myself, I descibed myself as a short, fat, balding Asian. The price increased by 33% and then a not available and "I am very booked" note. I may exaggerated about my physical appearance a bit...as a hired was recently surprised that I am not an Oompa Loompa butterball. However this rejection just made me feel very sad about the status for those who are short, overweight, balding Asian. Are we confined to a corner? I don't know if this is the reality in the gay culture but nevertheless it is sad.

 

I guess one comfort is that now he misses out on getting to know me. I like to think that I have respected those I met, treated them with dignity, and had been more than generous with those I have had hired.

 

Well I guess I should better hit the gym and join hair club for men. As to being short and Asian, I cannot do anything about that except blame my parents....hahaha.

 

But in seriousness, how important is physical appearance and ethnicity in the gay culture? I am a newbie who don't know the culture and was wondering. Seems like we all say that inside is what counts but those are just words.

[BabyBoomer]

The price increased by 33%

 

At that point you should have told him you weren't interested. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

 

~Boomer ~

[rvwnsd]

A couple of things:

 

1. I agree with @BabyBoomer - the increase in price is a red flag that this was not going well and it would have been a good idea to tell him you were no longer interested. You deserve to be treated better than that.
   
2. I agree with your assessment that there is a better way to describe yourself. A different approach would be to state your stats. That said, regardless the words you use to describe yourself, you should not be treated the way you were treated. That guy is a jerk. he does not deserve you as a client.
   

There are guys out there who are gentlemen. If I may make a suggestion, take a look at the ads and come up with a list of guys you find attractive. Then, post an inquiry on them in the Forum. The guys here are always willing to provide information when they have it. Also, when looking at reviews, look beyond the sex and focus on what the reviewer says about the guy they hired. How well (or not) he communicates and his demeanor is way more important than the blow-by-blow details of a playdate.

 

I'm sorry you were treated this way.

[the Diz]

When it comes to matter of escorts, it's my other head that does all the thinking.

 

To be fair, many forum members here say he is a very nice guy and he is recommended. That is why I consider him. In any event, his response does not really matter to me and as you said, I simply moved on...but he is in the group that I am trying to figure if that's my type. Will need to find someone else.

 

Anyway, this comes to me mind since tonight a friend took me to my first gay bar while we are in NYC . We, well actually my friend, got hit on multiple times during our 30 min stay there while I saw most if not all older guys just sat against the wall and not really interacting with anyone. Just got me to think that I/we will all be there at some point.

 

Anyway, thanks for letting me get out my thoughts. Time to hit another bar....I am actually have a good time

[corymonroe]

But in seriousness, how important is physical appearance and ethnicity in the gay culture?

It's difficult to believe this is a serious question. Gay men can be the most superficial. When it comes to sexual attraction, I imagine physical appearance and ethnicity are very important to most people.

 

Certain guys, even escorts, can't get aroused by a certain type of guy, and they don't want to fake the experience, even for money. Personally, I'd rather have a guy be honest. I don't want someone taking my money and then treating me like he's dreading the experience.

 

When I was in my 20's, I couldn't look at an uncut cock without getting sick. At some point in my 30's, that changed, and I developed a preference for uncut. A major 180º that could never be predictive. Not every guy is in the same place as everyone else, at the same time.

 

Plus, the words you use to describe yourself may be saying something anti-seductive. Have you ever been seduced by anyone claiming to be a "short, fat, balding," anything? Why take the chance of turning someone off before meeting you? Don't use your first email intro as an opportunity to impersonate Amy Schumer.

 

For self-descriptions, I find a way to send a decent photo. A good photo can work miracles when compared to words. If they reject my photo, no big deal. I move on. If I'm going to pay for fun, I want the fun to be enjoyed by both of us.

[the Diz]

@Boomer & rvwnsd, thanks so much for your concern but I am really okay. I dust myself off and look for the next stud to ride or so to speak. But seriously this is why I love this forum. Y'all are awesome and very caring folks.

 

My posting is not to criticize the escort, as Corey said, he may need to work harder to do the job and therefore may need more compensation. For me, it was more that I have been religiously reading posts here and what I took out of it is that the escorts in the forum love their job and look past appearances of their clients. I keep reading about the "right chemistry". This sentiment had made quite an impression for me and deviation from this just caught me by surprise with this incident.

 

However, I guess if the escort is a beautiful Adonis who is highly in demand, then he can set his price and choose whomever he wants to see....sad but it's reality. This said escort had been highly praised by a few forum members, so with the right clients he is amazing and get the job done well.

 

@corey, I intentionally use this description for the purpose you mentioned. I want to give him the option and the one who decides to come will come because he understands it's a business transaction or that he is okay with the description and be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad upon meeting

 

Using this approach, I have had great experiences with 5 great guys. Yes, there are things that could be better or that I should handled the situation better but that was my own fault for not dealing with it and put myself in that position. I also met some amazing hires based on recommendations from members here whom otherwise I would not have considered.

 

Anyway, just want to give big thanks from this newbie to all who took the time to give advice and recommendations. Y'all beautiful.

[MassageDrew]

I'm Asian too but not short, fat, or balding. In any case you're right though. Everyone still wants that all-American white boy look. The society has come a long way but there's still a lot of room for improvement in how others are perceived. Blacks, Latinos, Asians, and really anyone continue to fight against the stigma that is portrayed within our society. You would think us gays would be more inclusive but it's even worse when you think of it. It's like high school and that "it" crowd crap. Don't take it personally as that loser has his preference that probably doesn't include you. It's sad though for someone working in the escorting industry to have that kind of attitude. You want to build a clientele and make money. Well he just lot the $$$ that he was agreed upon for being greedy.

[MikeyGMin]

@Boomer & rvwnsd, thanks so much for your concern but I am really okay. I dust myself off and look for the next stud to ride or so to speak. But seriously this is why I love this forum. Y'all are awesome and very caring folks.

 

My posting is not to criticize the escort, as Corey said, he may need to work harder to do the job and therefore may need more compensation. For me, it was more that I have been religiously reading posts here and what I took out of it is that the escorts in the forum love their job and look past appearances of their clients. I keep reading about the "right chemistry". This sentiment had made quite an impression for me and deviation from this just caught me by surprise with this incident.

 

However, I guess if the escort is a beautiful Adonis who is highly in demand, then he can set his price and choose whomever he wants to see....sad but it's reality. This said escort had been highly praised by a few forum members, so with the right clients he is amazing and get the job done well.

 

@corey, I intentionally use this description for the purpose you mentioned. I want to give him the option and the one who decides to come will come because he understands it's a business transaction or that he is okay with the description and be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad upon meeting

 

Using this approach, I have had great experiences with 5 great guys. Yes, there are things that could be better or that I should handled the situation better but that was my own fault for not dealing with it and put myself in that position. I also met some amazing hires based on recommendations from members here whom otherwise I would not have considered.

 

Anyway, just want to give big thanks from this newbie to all who took the time to give advice and recommendations. Y'all beautiful.

It's great that this approach has worked 5 out of 6 times, but I'm not sure you are getting @rvwnsd 's point about the words you're choosing to describe yourself. Why would you use three negative terms instead of simply stating something along the lines of, "I'm 5'7, 180lbs and Asian?" (Or whatever your stats are.) Let him do the math.

 

The reason I'm emphasizing this, and probably along the lines of what rvwnsd is thinking too, is the one thing we have absolute control over is our attitude. Even a great escort who is accepting of all ages, races and body types, could be turned off by someone who appears to be so down on themselves. They could find that much more draining than the physical work.

 

Just like in life, attitude can be everything. Fake it until you make it!

[MikeBiDude]

It's great that this approach has worked 5 out of 6 times, but I'm not sure you are getting @rvwnsd 's point about the words you're choosing to describe yourself. Why would you use three negative terms instead of simply stating something along the lines of, "I'm 5'7, 180lbs and Asian?" (Or whatever your stats are.) Let him do the math.

 

The reason I'm emphasizing this, and probably along the lines of what rvwnsd is thinking too, is the one thing we have absolute control over is our attitude. Even a great escort who is accepting of all ages, races and body types, could be turned off by someone who appears to be so down on themselves. They could find that much more draining than the physical work.

 

Just like in life, attitude can be everything. Fake it until you make it!

I'm guessing the OP chooses those words because that's how he sees himself. I've posted elsewhere multiple time that our initial confidence even if "fake it until you make it" is SO important and SO critical if you're an older gentleman such as myself interested in younger men.

[rvwnsd]

...The reason I'm emphasizing this, and probably along the lines of what rvwnsd is thinking too, is the one thing we have absolute control over is our attitude. Even a great escort who is accepting of all ages, races and body types, could be turned off by someone who appears to be so down on themselves. They could find that much more draining than the physical work.

 

Just like in life, attitude can be everything. Fake it until you make it!

 

@MikeyGMin, that's exactly what I was saying.

 

I'm guessing the OP chooses those words because that's how he sees himself. I've posted elsewhere multiple time that our initial confidence even if "fake it until you make it" is SO important and SO critical if you're an older gentleman such as myself interested in younger men.

 

I agree, @MikeBiDude. My best friend also happens to be the same age as me - 52 (turning 53 in August). Until she turned 50, she ALWAYS freaked out about age. When we would go somewhere, we were always guessed as being much younger than we are. Nonetheless, she would talk about being old while the thought never crossed my mind. Then one day a switch got tripped and she no longer focused on the negative. She's a hell of a lot more fun to be with than before.

[SuperJunior]

It's great that this approach has worked 5 out of 6 times, but I'm not sure you are getting @rvwnsd 's point about the words you're choosing to describe yourself. Why would you use three negative terms instead of simply stating something along the lines of, "I'm 5'7, 180lbs and Asian?" (Or whatever your stats are.) Let him do the math.

 

The reason I'm emphasizing this, and probably along the lines of what rvwnsd is thinking too, is the one thing we have absolute control over is our attitude. Even a great escort who is accepting of all ages, races and body types, could be turned off by someone who appears to be so down on themselves. They could find that much more draining than the physical work.

 

Just like in life, attitude can be everything. Fake it until you make it!

 

"Why would you use three negative terms"

 

I don't think those are negative terms. I love short bald guys. Fat is relative.

[SuperJunior]

I'm Asian too but not short, fat, or balding. In any case you're right though. Everyone still wants that all-American white boy look. The society has come a long way but there's still a lot of room for improvement in how others are perceived. Blacks, Latinos, Asians, and really anyone continue to fight against the stigma that is portrayed within our society. You would think us gays would be more inclusive but it's even worse when you think of it. It's like high school and that "it" crowd crap. Don't take it personally as that loser has his preference that probably doesn't include you. It's sad though for someone working in the escorting industry to have that kind of attitude. You want to build a clientele and make money. Well he just lot the $$$ that he was agreed upon for being greedy.

 

I am so sorry that the experiences you've had have been so negative. There are actually men out here who aren't looking for white frat boys.

[MikeyGMin]

"Why would you use three negative terms"

 

I don't think those are negative terms. I love short bald guys. Fat is relative.

Good point. Definitely showing my own preferences for tall and fit with a full head of black hair. Still don't think being self-deprecating is a good start with a stranger though.

[LookingAround]

A lot of it is in how you package it. "Short fat balding" won't make many people run to you escorts included. We could all describe ourselves in the most unflattering ways but geez. Why? Who wants to have sex with someone who appears to have zero self esteem?

[MassageDrew]

I am so sorry that the experiences you've had have been so negative. There are actually men out here who aren't looking for white frat boys.

 

For sure. But I like them all My taste chamges constantly so one day I 'em light and the next minute I like one toasted.

[Guest]

I agree with some of the posters here about your use of adjectives to describe yourself in the sense that it doesn't really project a happy image of yourself. In my opinion, the escort might think you're just too much drama or that their work will be cut out for them or that you're going to be very pessimistic.

 

But, there are escorts who are more experienced or more empathetic that would understand your sense of self and insecurities and have had experience working with people with insecurities and/or might actually enjoy that aspect of their work: bringing people out of their shell, helping them build confidence and teaching them how to enjoy one of the great reasons to be alive and a human.

 

But that also works into your approach and I understand why you do it. You let it all out now so they can take it or leave it and you don't have to potentially see a disappointed or upset look on their faces when they see you in person.

 

I am neither short, nor balding, but I am Asian. And sadly, I do find it necessary to let escorts I'm hiring for the first time know that because I would rather them say, "Not into Asians" and let them lose out on the fee than for me to have a bad experience. One well-reviewed, poorly-reviewed, debated, and popular escort that has been discussed here did not get the memo from me beforehand and I saw that disappointed look on his face and I had a very poor experience because of it. I could sense it in how he interacted and how he worked and I left feeling bad about myself and ashamed about feeling bad about myself. I left a few hundred dollars cheaper too!

 

Do you, brother from another Asian mister. I always say: if you're not a good fit for them, they're not a good fit for you. And you'll eventually find the right escort that will take good care of you and you'll be a happier man for it.

[marylander1940]

Wow, I think I just got my first rejection...it stings a bit . Yes it has only been less than 3 months since I have hired escorts and have M2M experience but if this rejection is from a paid transaction, I wonder how it is in the real world? Maybe I should just stay and close the closet door.

 

I saw an NYC escort coming to my city and was quoted a specific amount for a session. When he about myself, I descibed myself as a short, fat, balding Asian. The price increased by 33% and then a not available and "I am very booked" note. I may exaggerated about my physical appearance a bit...as a hired was recently surprised that I am not an Oompa Loompa butterball. However this rejection just made me feel very sad about the status for those who are short, overweight, balding Asian. Are we confined to a corner? I don't know if this is the reality in the gay culture but nevertheless it is sad.

 

I guess one comfort is that now he misses out on getting to know me. I like to think that I have respected those I met, treated them with dignity, and had been more than generous with those I have had hired.

 

Well I guess I should better hit the gym and join hair club for men. As to being short and Asian, I cannot do anything about that except blame my parents....hahaha.

 

But in seriousness, how important is physical appearance and ethnicity in the gay culture? I am a newbie who don't know the culture and was wondering. Seems like we all say that inside is what counts but those are just words.

 

I guess you avoided a bad experience with someone who won't last in the business, plenty of choices out there of guys who love escorting.

[Mydavid]

I am Asian

I'm Asian too. I always told the escort before we met. So far, I haven't met any escort who refused to meet me.

[Mydavid]

I'm Asian too. I always told the escort before we met. So far, I haven't met any escort who refused to meet me.

I know some of them don't like Asians, though they still accept the business.

[caliguy]

I guess you avoided a bad experience with someone who won't last in the business, plenty of choices out there of guys who love escorting.

Not defending the guy but maybe he's really popular and in demand. Heavy screening will usually follow suite. Plus, if someone says they're fat I'll move on myself. I actually love guys with some junk in the trunk though.

 

It's just that it's rare for someone to actually honestly call themselves fat. Usually you hear stocky, football player built, etc. So I'm thinking at that point they're grossly obese.

[marylander1940]

Not defending the guy but maybe he's really popular and in demand. Heavy screening will usually follow suite. Plus, if someone says they're fat I'll move on myself and I actually love guys with some junk in the trunk. It's just that it's rare for someone to actually call themselves fat. I'm thinking at that point grossly obese and I don't like that.

 

you do have a point... but there's always room for another client, always a slower day or a day when nobody calls him. Besides Viagra should always be at the hands of an escort.

 

Successful escorts might see 4 guys per day but not every day. Besides the OP told him about his looks, most folks just don't do it.

 

I wish the OP @the Diz would say the name of the escort in question.

[caliguy]

you do have a point... but there's always room for another client, always a slower day or a day when nobody calls him. Successful escorts might see 4 guys per day but not every day.

 

I wish the OP @the Diz would say the name of the escort in question.

Yeah, but remember he's out of town doing a tour. It wouldn't be unusual for him to have a bunch of clients lined up. If he's popular then you can count on it. Practically an assembly line.

 

Btw I think that's gross but that's another subject. Lol

[the Diz]

@marylander1940, sorry but I rather not say the escort's name as I don't want to put a dent in his business. He has been praised by a few members here whom I trust. So I think he is likely a very nice guy and like Cali said, perhaps he is too popular (as indicated by his rates) and needs to screen client that he is comfortable to spend his time or within his preference.

 

I actually never thought of myself as having low self-esteem or thought how my wordings may convey an image of low confidence. I am just very inexperience in hiring escorts and M2M experiences. At worst I am being too nice and may be taken advantage as I had been reprimanded by a few trusted members here

 

I appreciate all of you who pointed out how my wordings may be viewed negatively as it never had crossed my mind. I like to say how it is and let the service provider makes the decision. The description may be on the extreme and over-exaggerate a bit. However, I did not want to "massage" physical description as I recognize we both are working on the premise of a business transaction and not on a blind date with my future husband (although if he does turn out to be my future husband, how fun this will be for a how-we-met story for the grandkids). I would love to have a "friend" relationship with my hired escorts but I don't expect it. If it happens, great. If not, then I just move on.

 

Please pardon any bad grammar or misspellings. It is late and I should head to Dreamland.

 

PS. Yay! I am an "Apprentice" now and no longer a "Newbie"

[corymonroe]

I actually never thought of myself as having low self-esteem or thought how my wordings may convey an image of low confidence.

I think gay men are very much affected by words, especially if they're the sensitive type, which is common in escorting. I've never seen a dating or hook-up site that offered the word "fat" as an option for you to click on. Fat, combined with "short," has the potential to paint an untrue image. You many not suffer from self-esteem or low confidence, but the words you used are blunt, and blunt words can overpower the imagination. That's why I recommend sending a photo along with simple stats. Let the escort choose the adjectives to describe your look.

 

Now, if the state of a guy's weight is extreme, which the word "fat" suggests, there are escorts who enjoy this type of man, and they usually mention this in their ads. But if a guy doesn't say anything about physical preferences, and you've got the hots for him, it's better to present yourself in the most neutral way possible, and let him decide how to proceed.

[Nvr2Thick]

I'd say you dodged a bullet. Yes, some escorts appear to work well with most any client regardless of appearance or ethnicity, but others will provide a lower quality experience if they are not attracted to their clients. The way I see it this one self-eliminated because he didn't have the temperament and professionalism as a service provider to work with you.