Open relationships

[Jose305]

Just wondering your thoughts on this...

[AndreFuture]

I wish more people were open to them instead of forcing monogamy as the only ethical relationship choice.

[MassageDrew]

It's cool as long as you're both on the same page. Typically, only one of the partner is in an open relationship while the other thinks it's monogamous.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

For an open relationship to suceed both partners need to be secure in the reasons why they are together, and agree to their rules and abide by them.

 

If you go open because something is not working it won't fix it.

[LADoug1]

I've been seeing a guy who's in an open relationship. They've been together for 15 years and have the "extracurricular activities are cool but don't ask and don't tell" agreement.

 

That saying, he will only see me every 3 weeks for fear he will develop strong emotional feelings for me. I appreciate his devotion to his partner and relationship. But I must confess it leaves me frustrated as I've unfortunately developed emotional feelings for him. If I share these feelings with him he'll stop seeing me. In fact he senses it and has said he hopes I'm seeing others as well. I appreciate his sensitivity but being an open and honest person it goes against the way I treat my friends.

 

I guess some open relationships work and some don't. Many leave collateral damage either with one of the partners or "the other man".

[liubit]

I have been in a relationship for the past 15 years, and I am still very much in love with my partner. Over the years, we have developed the following rules for my --and his-- extra curricular activities:

 

1.- Fool around all we want, but ONLY with escorts. Non-paying hook ups are strictly forbidden.

2.- Never, never, never bring your boy home.

3.- Tell each other everything.

 

This system has worked very well for both of us, but every couple is different.

[rocky]

I may be in the minority but if someone is "married" or "partnered" or "in a relationship"; I'm disappointed that they are out there on growlr, grindr, scruff, hacking their availability. I was recently on a cruise and several couples via wifi said they were here, married but fooling around separately. OK, so if a straight couple did that I wouldn't like it, and I'm sorry for a gay couple to do that, something I don't like. Don't get married if you want to continue to mess around together or alone, my two cents

[+ OliverSaks]

One of the coolest parts about being in gay relationships is that they don't have to be bound to the same "rules" that society has deemed proper for heterosexual couples.

 

If I'm away from my partner and he wants to wet his whistle, who am I to stop him? If I'm not in the mood and he wants to wet his whistle, who am I to ask him to deprive himself?

 

Open relationships aren't for everyone, but I think they can prevent some of the inevitable feelings that can happen when you've been with the same person for a long time. New dick is fun :-)

[Mydavid]

open relationship, I can barely deal with 1 person at a time

I couldn't do it, I'm very territorial once in a relationship with someone. I wouldn't want to share the person I love with anyone else.

But if you keep communication open then I don't see why open relationship wouldn't work, I would rather have an open relationship than my partner going behind my back and cheating on me.

Would you quit if you found your true love?

[Mydavid]

quit escorting?

Yes

[Guest DeepSouthDad53]

I wish more people were open to them instead of forcing monogamy as the only ethical relationship choice.

 

 

Maybe its just part of the small southern town dynamic, but I've found that gay men in my hometown (and perhaps the region?) are the most likely to have the attitude that monogamy is the only valid choice in a relationship. Whereas the straight people around here (particularly those in their 30s and 40s) are much more likely to be cool with open relationships.

[+ GregM]

Open relationship aren't for everyone. Each individual has their own set up boundaries and what they are comfortable with. I honestly do not know if I could ever be in a closed relationship. We are human and men. I would feel bad if he felt deprived of playing. Some people are not wired to be mono and some are. Rule in my house, don't bring it home, take that shit outside. After me being sick last summer he was by my side at every Drs appointment and every hospital stay. I know he isn't going any where. I for once feel secure in the relationship and I know my place and that being number 1.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MaxMuscle9x6]

Would you quit if you found your true love?

 

So as you may have read in one of my earlier posts, I met my husband when I hired him many years ago. I still vividly remember after our first overnight together had ended, he walked out of the apt without taking the envelope on the dining room table. When I called him later that day he said "I can't take your money anymore, I think I am having more fun then you are". I didn't know it that day, but we would become the loves each others lives. Now he didn't stop escorting right away and I did not ask him too. In part, that would have meant financial dependance, something he nor I were ready to commit to............however, three years later, when I thought I couldn't love anyone more, I asked him if he would consider stopping. I was ready to do whatever it took for him to feel secure, safe and loved. My partner is an incredibly handsome man and proud, he did not say yes right away, but 4 months later he said he had stopped taking calls about a month after I asked him to stop.

 

We have a great solid open relationship.....I did not say perfect, that's just not possible. We have incredible respect for each other. It is very hard for a client/escort relationship to develop and the "cliet" can't expect the escort to give up everything right away. If you really love each other, then you have time and you will be rewarded for your patience.

[gallahadesquire]

This is reminiscent of a post on Facebook. A woman was asked to go out on a 'gals-only' night, and she said she'd have to ask her husband.

 

Many comments showed that participants thought she was being abused / treated as property. She said that she did it out of respect for her husband; that if he wants a night with the boys, he asks. It was really quite informative.

 

So I guess the answer here is respect. I am cursed with having to have some sort of emotional connection before sex is meaningful, and that takes a lot of effort; so I would probably not be in an open relationship myself, but would expect, as @liubit said, everything to be open.

 

Currently, there's a 23 year old social worker who's a member of the same national fraternity along with a whole lot of other coincidences.

[Mydavid]

If it were to happen and if my man gave me an ultimatum and said its him or escorting I would choose him, but that situation won't occur because I do not date I haven't been on a date in quite some time, as I've gotten older I realized I don't need anyone to be happy, Im fine being alone. I want to work on myself and grow into the best person I can be instead of finding love, plus Im more focused on school, and paying my bills than finding a man at this moment.

Thanks for reply. I asked you the question just because you said you didn't want to share the person you love with other people. So I would like to know whether you want him to share you with other people when you have a lover.

[Jose305]

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7861916 interesting article and I 100% agree with all - let's say I've been there, done that...never again...sorry but if you wanna fuck around stay single...if both of you wanna fuck around and want your cake and eat it too more power to you

[LADoug1]

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7861916 interesting article and I 100% agree with all - let's say I've been there, done that...never again...sorry but if you wanna fuck around stay single...if both of you wanna fuck around and want your cake and eat it too more power to you

 

Excellent article.

[+ Robster]

One of the coolest parts about being in gay relationships is that they don't have to be bound to the same "rules" that society has deemed proper for heterosexual couples.

Exactly! I couldn't agree more. By the way, it was very nice to meet you last weekend.

 

Wayne and I have been together for 18 years, and have been open for the past eight. It doesn't work for everyone, but it's certainly worked out well for us.

 

Rob

[Jose305]

I

Excellent article.

I have 2 friends who are psychologists work extensively with LGBT community and say almost letter to letter what's written in this article.

[N13]

I have been in my relationship for almost 50 years. We both love and respect each other above all others. The thought of losing each other is painful to contemplate. We have been through it all. From finding one of us with someone else, having threesomes, secret affairs - you name it and we have been there. Through it all our love for each other has kept us together. My belief is that monogamy is an unattainable goal and sex is one of the least important factors in a relationship after a number of years. I believe that men are wired to look for multiple partners as part of our 'caveman' roots.

 

As for us, we only have sex with others when it does not infringe on our time together. When we are not together geographically we both have relations with other people (mostly escorts and masseurs). Fortunately we have multiple periods when we are apart during the year. Our agreement is that we do not get emotionally involved with the sex partner. This is more difficult for me because I need an emotional connection to really enjoy the sex. But I keep that fact - and the deed - to myself. Each couple must decide for themselves what the rules are and they will be different for each couple. But to let sex come between two emotionally committed people is a mistake IMHO.

[AndreFuture]

My original post notwithstanding, I probably wouldn't see other guys if I was in an open relationship, at least not without my (hypothetical) partner joining in the fun. My sex drive isn't super high, but is dependent on who I'm with, so I wouldn't need fun outside the relationship.

 

That said, I'd like to think the primary reason he's with me is because he loves multiple aspects of me, including my personality, thoughtfulness, and not merely to gain sexual ownership over me. Having sexual relations with other people shouldn't affect his feelings towards those other attributes that drew him to me in the first place.

 

I see sexuo-romantic relationships as any other: one can have a best friend but also have other friends that they do certain things with (drinking buddies, hiking buddies, club friends, etc.) Those friends shouldn't diminish the relationship between best friends.

 

I think it was @OliverSaks who gave an even better analogy at PS: A parent can have multiple children, but the love for their first child doesn't decrease. For me, love, respect, and admiration aren't scarce commodities. As long as my partner and I have shared goals and open communication, I'd be fine with an open relationship.

[adventurous old guy]

I have been in a relationship for the past 15 years, and I am still very much in love with my partner. Over the years, we have developed the following rules for my --and his-- extra curricular activities:

 

1.- Fool around all we want, but ONLY with escorts. Non-paying hook ups are strictly forbidden.

2.- Never, never, never bring your boy home.

3.- Tell each other everything.

 

This system has worked very well for both of us, but every couple is different.

This is basically my rulebook too, and its worked for the last 25 years of a 35 year relationship with a man who is still very sexy to me -- we're both 62 and I love being able to say that. However, I do like the thrill of a new partner from time to time. We both travel for work so have one more rule:

 

4.-Never in our hometown, only when we travel.

 

Interestingly, 3 ways have never worked for us. Have tried 3 times, each more awkward than the one before. Think its more me -- when I'm doing someone, I want to focus on him and have him focused on me.

[N13]

If it works for you, great!

[LADoug1]

I have been in my relationship for almost 50 years. We both love and respect each other above all others. The thought of losing each other is painful to contemplate. We have been through it all. From finding one of us with someone else, having threesomes, secret affairs - you name it and we have been there. Through it all our love for each other has kept us together. My belief is that monogamy is an unattainable goal and sex is one of the least important factors in a relationship after a number of years. I believe that men are wired to look for multiple partners as part of our 'caveman' roots.

 

As for us, we only have sex with others when it does not infringe on our time together. When we are not together geographically we both have relations with other people (mostly escorts and masseurs). Fortunately we have multiple periods when we are apart during the year. Our agreement is that we do not get emotionally involved with the sex partner. This is more difficult for me because I need an emotional connection to really enjoy the sex. But I keep that fact - and the deed - to myself. Each couple must decide for themselves what the rules are and they will be different for each couple. But to let sex come between two emotionally committed people is a mistake IMHO.

 

I'm inspired by your post but I still think monogamy IS possible for some albeit relatively few couples in a long term relationship.

[N13]

As I have said, each couple needs to find out what works for them. If it works...that is really all that is important.