Open relationships

[MassageDrew]

open relationship, I can barely deal with 1 person at a time

I couldn't do it, I'm very territorial once in a relationship with someone. I wouldn't want to share the person I love with anyone else.

But if you keep communication open then I don't see why open relationship wouldn't work, I would rather have an open relationship than my partner going behind my back and cheating on me.

 

Im not sure I can be in a relationshipat all, maybe an open one might work. I certainly don't want a full-time, fully committed one. I've been in relationships and there are just days when I just want to be alone but he's there. Maybe I should give this open one a try. I'll send him off to the bars and pick one up or something on night I don't want him around. But like you, I'm a bit possessive so I'm uncomfortable with sharing. I know, I can't have both worlds. LOL

[Racketjock]

I guess since I have hired escorts, that means my relationship these past 15 years has been open, so long as we don't talk about it and it only happens while I am away. We treasure each other and our time together.

[+ sniper]

I think if I had paired off when younger I would have wanted to be and likely would have stayed monogamous.

Now that I'm in my mid-40s I think I could go either way on it. I'm not someone who enjoys the chase as it were, but I'd think if my partner were spending signiifcant amounts of time seeking outside sex, I'd be bothered. More by the time than the sex. Like...if he went to the gym every single day and hooked up in the steamroom every day, I think it wouldn't bother me. But if he came home every night and fired up the apps looking for something, that would be taking away from our time and I'd take issue with it.

That said I've lived alone so long I'm not sure I'm suited for partnerhood anyway. I kind of think my ideal set up is side piece to a bi guy married to a woman who lives next door and pops over to play occasionally.

[+ saminseattle]

There was a really well-written, thorough article on this topic last week in the New York Times Magazine: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/is-an-open-marriage-a-happier-marriage.html?_r=0, and a follow up piece on reader responses a couple of days ago: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/magazine/we-choose-each-other-over-and-over-because-we-want-to-readers-share-their-open-marriage-stories.html?_r=1 It’s long, but well worth the read if you’re dealing with any of these issues.

 

I also started a thread on this topic about a year ago, and got some interesting responses: https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/open-relationship-experiences.113103/ Since then, both my partner and I have been with other guys, both separately and together, and it hasn’t been the end of the world for us. Of course, the end could easily be just around the corner, but I think it’s more likely to come from the new president than our messing around.

[Bayman4Fun]

I guess I'm way more judgmental and have mixed feelings.

 

This past month, (late tech adopter) I started trying the gay dating apps... Grindr & grindr-clones.

 

In this region, many profiles, maybe a majority, report the user is in an open relationship. Frankly, I don't believe them all.

 

Imagine my shock, loading an app, and my best friend pops up by location, looking for NSA. He's in a 15-year LTR and I'm friendly with both. I mostly socialize with them as a couple. So shocked, I uninstalled the app, trying another. Same experience - there he was. 3rd app.... Same thing, but I just blocked him. Haven't addressed the situation with them. Dont want to, not my business. But i cant stop my brain from judging. Maybe they have an understanding, but publicly, they convey monogamy to everyone.

 

If a couple genuinely discusses the matter, all considerations, I'll limit my judgment to "best of luck, feel free to do whatever you want, really not my business, but I wouldn't play with either of you for anything.

 

And online, I'm just plain skeptical about the validity of the claim by all the people saying they're in an open relationship.

[SuenosAmor]

I'm usually the object of open relationships. The guy who massages me regularly is married, and I'm sure most of the guys I've been with are in one. I'm cool with it, but ideally, I'd like to be with one person and vice versa. But it's not the reality, so staying single keeps me from falling too deep.

[+ WmClarke]

Haven't addressed the situation with them. Dont want to, not my business. But i cant stop my brain from judging. Maybe they have an understanding, but publicly, they convey monogamy to everyone.

Of course they do. Because, as you say about yourself, people are judgmental. Needlessly, shamefully judgmental.

[FootWhisperer]

As I have said, each couple needs to find out what works for them. If it works...that is really all that is important.

I agree with with N13. An open relationship is not for everyone. If a couple decide to go there, hopefully, it's a mutual decision with some agreed upon rules. My BF and I went there after many years together and after talking it through thoroughly. It requires a secure relationship between two secure people. I decided to experiment with a reluctant BF after I became comfortable with satisfying my BF sexually (not romantically) by inviting another dude into the bed. He reciprocated. We decided it was better to experiment together than behind each other's back. It worked out just fine. Not always perfectly. Sometimes he would give up on his desires to satisfy mine. And visa versa. When you do this with the true intent of satisfying your partner, it can work as long as you can accept the many angles it has. Not for every couple. But, I studied biology and we just happen to both be of the male species. I'm not dumb.