Sex Addiction Only

[+ MostlyLurking]

This is a thread to resume the discussion of sex addiction previously on Thoughts on Sex Addiction. Please post about addiction treatment in general on the thread called Addiction Treatment.

 

Let me begin by attempting a consensus statement. Sex can be considered an addiction if it becomes an obsession (thinking about it screws up your life and you can't stop) or compulsion (doing it screws up your life and you can't stop). Otherwise: good for you!

[Rocky93]

This may not get many hits on it. It could be like starting a AA group in a bar! Truly, not everyone who enjoys sex, escorts, or porn is an addict, but if it takes up more of our time than usual and impacts our lives negatively, we should look further into it. I have been to my share of SLAA/SA meetings. Consider myself an addict. However, unlike alcoholism and drug addiction, sometimes the bouondaries/addiction/recovery lines (or as some call them, the "bottom line" behaviors) are less clear. Makes it, for me at least, more of a blurry recovery process. I can start convincing myself I am OK when I am not.

[Mydavid]

I am not sure if I am sex addicted. Sometimes, I want more even if I have sex every day. But sometimes I feel nothing when I don't have it for more than a week.

[Rudynate]

I don't think sex addiction exists. What people call sex addiction is actually compulsive sexual behavior.

[LADoug1]

I don't think sex addiction exists. What people call sex addiction is actually compulsive sexual behavior.

 

What is your explanation of the difference? They both seem the same to me.

[Rudynate]

Addiction is..... addiction, physical dependency.

 

 

A compulsion is repetitive or ritualized behavior, engaging in which serves to relieve the actor of anxiety.

[LADoug1]

Addiction is..... addiction, physical dependency.

 

 

A compulsion is repetitive or ritualized behavior, engaging in which serves to relieve the actor of anxiety.

 

I agree but would add that often BOTH addiction and compulsions relieve anxiety. They're both negative coping skills.

[Kenny]

Addiction is..... addiction, physical dependency.

Addiction is a pathological relationship to a mood-altering substance (alcohol, heroin, food, etc.) or a mood-altering experience (sex, shopping, extreme sports, etc.).

 

The pathology in relation to the mood-alteration is what determines addiction.

[+ MostlyLurking]

Bear in mind that the distinction between physical dependence and habit is not a total dichotomy. Habits make observable physical changes in the brain. Right, Oliver?

[Rudynate]

Addiction is a pathological relationship to a mood-altering substance (alcohol, heroin, food, etc.) or a mood-altering experience (sex, shopping, extreme sports, etc.).

 

The pathology in relation to the mood-alteration is what determines addiction.

 

The patholical relationship is what allows the addiction to happen, but the addiction itself is an accommodation of the CNS to a mood- or mind-altering substance. Maladaptive behaviors, such as compulsive shopping, sex, gambling, in themselves, are not addictions.

[actor61]

Addiction is..... addiction, physical dependency.

 

 

A compulsion is repetitive or ritualized behavior, engaging in which serves to relieve the actor of anxiety.

I agree with the compulsion theory. I have an 82 year old friend who has OCD and is compulsive about sex as well. He has grown very tiresome with advancing age as his only 2 topics of conversation now are calories ingested and his subsequent weight, and the various sexual encounters he has had through Craigslist. Every phone call with him consists of an account of the meals he ate that day and the purge he will have to undertake the next day to get his weight down to "goal" again. If we discuss a movie he has seen, he tells me how much popcorn he had with it. When he's finished recounting his diet, he then describes his latest hook-up. I get full and graphic details, even when I ask him not to divulge. To me, this is uncontrollable, compulsive behavior. He has lost friends over the last few years as a result, and I'm about to be another one who falls by he wayside.

 

Samples of our phone conversations (he lives in another state):

 

Me: I had a long wait in the doctor's office yesterday.

Him: I bet that's not the only thing of the doctor's you wish was long.

 

Me: I had a delicious dinner last night.

Him: I had pasta with olive oil. I'm going to give myself an enema tomorrow.

 

Me: I met a really nice guy at my book club this afternoon.

Him: Did you fuck?

 

Me: The weather's gorgeous today.

Him: Why don't you take a walk and see who you can pick up?

 

Him: Got any plans this afternoon?

Me: Not much. I'm going to get some groceries.

Him: I never keep food in the house. I took a diuretic today after breakfast.

Me: What did you have for breakfast.

Him: Half a banana and coffee. I wish the banana had been a cock.

 

Am I right in assuming that that is compulsive behavior?

[Rudynate]

I agree with the compulsion theory. I have an 82 year old friend who has OCD and is compulsive about sex as well. He has grown very tiresome with advancing age as his only 2 topics of conversation now are calories ingested and his subsequent weight, and the various sexual encounters he has had through Craigslist. Every phone call with him consists of an account of the meals he ate that day and the purge he will have to undertake the next day to get his weight down to "goal" again. If we discuss a movie he has seen, he tells me how much popcorn he had with it. When he's finished recounting his diet, he then describes his latest hook-up. I get full and graphic details, even when I ask him not to divulge. To me, this is uncontrollable, compulsive behavior. He has lost friends over the last few years as a result, and I'm about to be another one who falls by he wayside.

 

Samples of our phone conversations (he lives in another state):

 

Me: I had a long wait in the doctor's office yesterday.

Him: I bet that's not the only thing of the doctor's you wish was long.

 

Me: I had a delicious dinner last night.

Him: I had pasta with olive oil. I'm going to give myself an enema tomorrow.

 

Me: I met a really nice guy at my book club this afternoon.

Him: Did you fuck?

 

Me: The weather's gorgeous today.

Him: Why don't you take a walk and see who you can pick up?

 

Him: Got any plans this afternoon?

Me: Not much. I'm going to get some groceries.

Him: I never keep food in the house. I took a diuretic today after breakfast.

Me: What did you have for breakfast.

Him: Half a banana and coffee. I wish the banana had been a cock.

 

Am I right in assuming that that is compulsive behavior?

 

Perfect examples of maladpative behaviors that have acquired lives of their own.

[Kenny]

The patholical relationship is what allows the addiction to happen, but the addiction itself is an accommodation of the CNS to a mood- or mind-altering substance. Maladaptive behaviors, such as compulsive shopping, sex, gambling, in themselves, are not addictions.

I disagree. The pathological relationship cannot be separated out. It's not a gateway to anything -- not a gateway to addiction; it is the addiction. It is the pathological relationship that confirms the addict's deepest core belief, which is that they don't deserve life; addiction, the pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or experience -- is self-destruction. It provides confirmation.

 

Scientific studies have shown changes in brain chemistry from both mood altering substances and experiences, including sex, in addicts.

[Rudynate]

I disagree. The pathological relationship cannot be separated out. It's not a gateway to anything -- not a gateway to addiction; it is the addiction. It is the pathological relationship that confirms the addict's deepest core belief, which is that they don't deserve life; addiction, the pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or experience -- is self-destruction. It provides confirmation.

 

Scientific studies have shown changes in brain chemistry from both mood altering substances and experiences, including sex, in addicts.

 

I agree that compulsive behaviors affect levels of neurotransmitters. However addiction is a process of accomodation to a mood or mind-altering substance such that the CNS cannot function properly without it.

[Rudynate]

I disagree. The pathological relationship cannot be separated out. It's not a gateway to anything -- not a gateway to addiction; it is the addiction. It is the pathological relationship that confirms the addict's deepest core belief, which is that they don't deserve life; addiction, the pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or experience -- is self-destruction. It provides confirmation.

 

Scientific studies have shown changes in brain chemistry from both mood altering substances and experiences, including sex, in addicts.

 

I think you may be oversimplifying the pathological relationship to the mood- or mind-altering substance. What you say may be true of some who suffer addiction but there are probably as many sad stories as there are addicts. For some it may be the existential despair you describe, for others it may simply have been a maladaptive response to too many bad things happening at once.

[Rocky93]

I disagree. The pathological relationship cannot be separated out. It's not a gateway to anything -- not a gateway to addiction; it is the addiction. It is the pathological relationship that confirms the addict's deepest core belief, which is that they don't deserve life; addiction, the pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or experience -- is self-destruction. It provides confirmation.

 

Scientific studies have shown changes in brain chemistry from both mood altering substances and experiences, including sex, in addicts.

 

Totally agree 100%

[Rocky93]

I agree that compulsive behaviors affect levels of neurotransmitters. However addiction is a process of accomodation to a mood or mind-altering substance such that the CNS cannot function properly without it.

 

We call these things that are not substances as "process" addictions and their stimualtion can be evidenced in the CNS and areas of the brain almost identical to the reaction to substances.

[LADoug1]

I agree with the compulsion theory. I have an 82 year old friend who has OCD and is compulsive about sex as well. He has grown very tiresome with advancing age as his only 2 topics of conversation now are calories ingested and his subsequent weight, and the various sexual encounters he has had through Craigslist. Every phone call with him consists of an account of the meals he ate that day and the purge he will have to undertake the next day to get his weight down to "goal" again. If we discuss a movie he has seen, he tells me how much popcorn he had with it. When he's finished recounting his diet, he then describes his latest hook-up. I get full and graphic details, even when I ask him not to divulge. To me, this is uncontrollable, compulsive behavior. He has lost friends over the last few years as a result, and I'm about to be another one who falls by he wayside.

 

Samples of our phone conversations (he lives in another state):

 

Me: I had a long wait in the doctor's office yesterday.

Him: I bet that's not the only thing of the doctor's you wish was long.

 

Me: I had a delicious dinner last night.

Him: I had pasta with olive oil. I'm going to give myself an enema tomorrow.

 

Me: I met a really nice guy at my book club this afternoon.

Him: Did you fuck?

 

Me: The weather's gorgeous today.

Him: Why don't you take a walk and see who you can pick up?

 

Him: Got any plans this afternoon?

Me: Not much. I'm going to get some groceries.

Him: I never keep food in the house. I took a diuretic today after breakfast.

Me: What did you have for breakfast.

Him: Half a banana and coffee. I wish the banana had been a cock.

 

Am I right in assuming that that is compulsive behavior?

 

It's hard to "like" your post as I feel so sorry for your friend and sympathize with you. You sound like a very patient and caring person.

 

But yes, he has OCD as far as I can see along with eating disorders and sex addiction. Very sad.

[Rudynate]

It's hard to "like" your post as I feel so sorry for your friend and sympathize with you. You sound like a very patient and caring person.

 

But yes, he has OCD as far as I can see along with eating disorders and sex addiction. Very sad.

 

Exposure therapy and/or SSRIs can really help OCD.

[Kenny]

For some it may be the existential despair you describe, for others it may simply have been a maladaptive response to too many bad things happening at once.

Core beliefs manifest themselves in behaviors rather than emotions (such as feelings of "existential despair"). I dare say that the vast majority of active addicts, when asked, would deny the self-loathing that their substance/behavioral abuse numbs.

[+ HornyRetiree]

I am not sure if I am sex addicted. Sometimes, I want more even if I have sex every day. But sometimes I feel nothing when I don't have it for more than a week.

 

We all have different libidos! and extremely high libidos can be a curse! Up into my mid 50s, I ejaculated 5-7 times a day -- and very seldom solo! The most I ever did was 13 times in 30 hours and the 8th load, which should have been small! was enormous and flew 6ft out! The guy blowing me didn't want to take it so I shot free - Amazed myself with that one!

 

Every guy is different! I run into guys who haven't ejaculated in 2 weeks! Beyond my ability to comprehend but that is their libido. I think addiction is different from high libido! W/ addition you let your quest for sex interfere with everything else in life --- family, friends, work etc.

[Mydavid]

Up into my mid 50s, I ejaculated 5-7 times a day -- and very seldom solo! The most I ever did was 13 times in 30 hours and the 8th load, which should have been small! was enormous and flew 6ft out!

 

You are so strong! I envy you so much!

[+ HornyRetiree]

You are so strong! I envy you so much!

 

Thanks BUT NO NEED TO ENVY! At times it seemed a curse! Now I am at least once daily and at 69 just starting to hire Escorts -- Looking and search for those who can enjoy being with a 69yo Bear!

[Mydavid]

Thanks BUT NO NEED TO ENVY! At times it seemed a curse! Now I am at least once daily and at 69 just starting to hired Escorts -- Looking and search for those who can enjoy being with a 69yo Bear!

 

If I were an escort, I would enjoy my time with you definitely! I am more than 20 year younger than you, but I have to admit you are more sexually younger than me.

[LADoug1]

We all have different libidos! and extremely high libidos can be a curse! Up into my mid 50s, I ejaculated 5-7 times a day -- and very seldom solo! The most I ever did was 13 times in 30 hours and the 8th load, which should have been small! was enormous and flew 6ft out! The guy blowing me didn't want to take it so I shot free - Amazed myself with that one!

 

Every guy is different! I run into guys who haven't ejaculated in 2 weeks! Beyond my ability to comprehend but that is their libido. I think addiction is different from high libido! W/ addition you let your quest for sex interfere with everything else in life --- family, friends, work etc.

 

Not ejaculating for longer periods of time isn't always a sign of a low libido. I only see my boyfriend every two to three weeks. I save my loads for him. I will admit I sometimes go a bit crazy waiting.