Advice for a First Time

[SurfTrvlr77]

Hi All,

 

I've been lurking around this forum for some time and really appreciate the friendly advice and nice atmosphere. I'm trying to get the courage to make my first appointment. I feel like I would feel more comfortable inviting someone to my home than arranging for a hotel. What are your thoughts? I live in West Hollywood so I don't think it will be too difficult to find someone close.

[Good Grief]

Be super careful about who you might invite to your home. They will have your address and can obtain your real name, even if you don't divulge it.

 

I say this because early in my hiring career I had a fellow come to my home. Had a great time, sex and all. Pretty soon, he started making demands and threatening to "out" me in my community if I didn't meet the demands.

 

I hired an attorney and had an agreement written up. Not without some expense on my part.

 

Extortion. Simply.

[OneFinger]

My hard rule is NOT to have an escort come to my home. I value my privacy. I even use a "disposable" Google Voice number and an "escort only" e-mail when making arrangements.

 

I started hiring over 25 years ago and have never regretted it. But, I've also learned to be very cautious. Good Grief has a very valid concern about the potential for extortion.

[SurfTrvlr77]

Interesting. I hadn't thought about the issues you raise. I was thinking more about perhaps petty crime, stealing or the like. I'm not sure really how I could be extorted but I'm sorry that happened to you. I hadn't thought about their being a problem using my phone either. How often do these sorts of things happen? I was actually thinking the risk would be lower than meeting someone at a bar. Does having a gold or verified RM profile and some reviews make you feel safer?

[MikeyGMin]

And on the other hand... just so you don't think there's a unanimous opinion on this subject...

 

Over the years I'm sure I've had over 30 guys into my home without a single problem. Even the one I sent away because he completely misrepresented himself caused no trouble.

 

You just have to do a basic risk vs reward analysis. Are you in a situation where you could be extorted? Or is the worst thing that could happen is that you'd be embarrassed because you paid for sex? You live in West Hollywood for goodness sake. I doubt you are closeted and subject to that kind of blackmail. I doubt that you have a wife you are cheating on, so unless you have a partner that you are hiding this from, just what would they have to extort you with?

 

I make contact with my unblocked cell phone number. I give my home address as soon as I'm sure I want to make the date. I do this because I much prefer an outcall to my home (I like the home turf advantage) and I want to make the escort as comfortable as possible coming to a stranger's house.

 

This works for me because I'm not in the closet, I don't have privacy issues and I would laugh if someone tried to extort me. I don't readily tell guys where I work, but even if they went to the trouble of finding out, the worst they can do is embarrass me a little bit. The only possible thing they could do is come back to my house uninvited, but I tend to hire busy man with much better things to do.

[Good Grief]

And on the other hand... just so you don't think there's a unanimous opinion on this subject...

 

Over the years I'm sure I've had over 30 guys into my home without a single problem. Even the one I sent away because he completely misrepresented himself caused no trouble.

 

You just have to do a basic risk vs reward analysis. Are you in a situation where you could be extorted? Or is the worst thing that could happen is that you'd be embarrassed because you paid for sex? You live in West Hollywood for goodness sake. I doubt you are closeted and subject to that kind of blackmail. I doubt that you have a wife you are cheating on, so unless you have a partner that you are hiding this from, just what would they have to extort you with?

 

I make contact with my unblocked cell phone number. I give my home address as soon as I'm sure I want to make the date. I do this because I much prefer an outcall to my home (I like the home turf advantage) and I want to make the escort as comfortable as possible coming to a stranger's house.

 

This works for me because I'm not in the closet, I don't have privacy issues and I would laugh if someone tried to extort me. I don't readily tell guys where I work, but even if they went to the trouble of finding out, the worst they can do is embarrass me a little bit. The only possible thing they could do is come back to my house uninvited, but I tend to hire busy man with much better things to do.

 

GOOD FOR YOU. You have it all together @MikeyGMin . You should have your own advice column/forum. Was just offering the OP my experience, dammit.

[MikeyGMin]

We were writing at the same time. So we're on the same page as far as extortion goes.

 

I have never had anything go missing, but I also don't tempt fate with a brand new guy and leave cash or jewelry just laying about. It's not nice to tempt people. However, on a typical first meeting, the guy is really never out of my sight unless he's excused himself to go to the bathroom. So don't leave your wallet in the bathroom and you should be fine.

[MikeyGMin]

GOOD FOR YOU. You have it all together @MikeyGMin . You should have your own advice column/forum. Was just offering the OP my experience, dammit.

And I was offering him my very different experience. Is there a problem with that?

[Good Grief]

We were writing at the same time. So we're on the same page as far as extortion goes.

 

I have never had anything go missing, but I also don't tempt fate with a brand new guy by leaving cash or jewelry just laying about. It's not nice to tempt people. However, on a typical first meeting, the guy is really never out of my sight unless he's excused himself to go to the bathroom. So don't leave your wallet in the bathroom and you should be fine.

 

I was never stupid enough to leave cash or jewelry (though I, personally, don't wear it other than a cheap Timex) laying about. Never left my wallet on the back of the toilet.

 

THOUGH, I did have an address that was evidently extremely easy to google (or otherwise) to learn the true name of the resident (me) and my occupation and my associations.

 

I paid pretty to shut the fucker up.

[Good Grief]

And I was offering him my very different experience. Is there a problem with that?

 

Nah. No problem. Glad you've not been extorted for $1,000s.

[MikeyGMin]

Nah. No problem. Glad you've not been extorted for $1,000s.

And I'm sorry that you were. I am fortunate that I can't be exposed in any way, and I was making some big assumptions based on the OP's West Hollywood address.

[LivingnLA]

Hi All,

 

I've been lurking around this forum for some time and really appreciate the friendly advice and nice atmosphere. I'm trying to get the courage to make my first appointment. I feel like I would feel more comfortable inviting someone to my home than arranging for a hotel. What are your thoughts? I live in West Hollywood so I don't think it will be too difficult to find someone close.

 

Many clients have no trouble hiring to their home. Use basic common sense when you're inviting an unknown stranger into your home and it may work for you.

 

It would never work for me. Here are some reasons why and perhaps they will help you as you think through the scenario.

 

1. I'm not out nor do I have anything to be outed about (I'm happily bisexual) but I do have facets of my life that would be harmed by someone publicizing the hiring of an escort and/or my enjoyment of sex with men.

 

2. My job is sensitive and some-what public, so the risk of extortion is real and possible. Are you a teacher? A doctor? An executive at a public company? A politician? Someone who is a "well known" citizen may face some negatives by being outed as a person who hires male escorts, even if they live in West Hollywood.

 

3. I have made certain promises at home about discretion and safety, so escorts will never--to the best of my ability--know enough about me to cause me to break those promises. I love my wife too much to risk her disappointment or cause her pain given her generosity in allowing me the ability to fulfill these needs.

 

4. One or more of my kids are too young to understand why dad hires escorts sometimes, so again, privacy matters.

 

5. Lastly, I won't risk inviting a potentially dangerous stranger into my home or even allowing them to know where I live. Plus there's no way to ever make sure the house would be empty without raising questions or suspicions.

 

For me, hiring an escort means also getting a hotel room. Given my first experience, I won't go to a complete stranger's home either. It's too risky. I use a VoIP number for calls and texts and a throw-away email for those communications. There are other steps I take, but that's for another post. Good luck!

Edited March 12, 2017 by LivingnLA

[SurfTrvlr77]

Thanks guys. It's very interesting to hear the different perspectives. I'm wondering if you would have different responses if we were talking about inviting someone over you met on grindr? Maybe because of where I live I think really its not that much different in terms of the risk of having something bad happen and as I mentioned before if the profile is gold or verified maybe even safer. I just kinda wanted to see if I was being naive. Still working up the courage to hire

[Good Grief]

@SurfTrvlr77

 

Just be careful. I was not - and have been, within this thread, told how I wasn't in many ways.

 

Bright side - I've spent multiple weekends, more than half a dozen in the last year with a fantastic guy, no longer advertising. None of those at his place or mine, always a travel location.

 

He knows my true name, I know his. He knows my company name, I know his employers name. We have each other's cell numbers - no fuck numbers. He's met my sons. He and I have the utmost of respect for each other. We're both good guys.

 

It works.

[Good Grief]

And I was offering him my very different experience. Is there a problem with that?

 

Nope. No problem for offering a differing experience unless you've determined your experience is without fault.

 

End of convo with you.

[Larstrup]

A solution to hiring at home for new hires or meeting your guy somewhere in-between might be www.dayuse.com . Brand and boutique hotels at 5-7 hour blocks of time at steep discounts.

Edited March 11, 2017 by Larstrup

[JayCeeKy]

Whether you have someone in your home or at a hotel is a matter of preference and circumstance. I NEVER have anyone in my home after a extraordinarily traumatic experience about 30 years ago - I unfortunately kept my hunting rifle and ammunition in a guest bedroom closet. When I emerged from the bathroom after our "fun time" the escort had the rifle and was loading ammo. I fortunately was able to run out the back door, over a back fence, and asked a neighbor to call the police, telling him I had come home and thought there was a burglar. When the police drove me home the rifle was lying on the bed, loaded. Luckily the escort was gone. I still have nightmares 30 years later - but, as I say, it's always at a hotel now. Of course, you could just as well have a bad experience at a hotel too, as newspaper accounts attest. Your best bet is to deal with "established" and well-reviewed escorts, though I don't always follow my own advice.

[LivingnLA]

Thanks guys. It's very interesting to hear the different perspectives. I'm wondering if you would have different responses if we were talking about inviting someone over you met on grindr? Maybe because of where I live I think really its not that much different in terms of the risk of having something bad happen and as I mentioned before if the profile is gold or verified maybe even safer. I just kinda wanted to see if I was being naive. Still working up the courage to hire

 

@SurfTrvlr77, for me, it's not different. I would not invite them to my home. Ever. But, my situation is one of significant discretion and it's critical I remain discreet about my interest in sex with men and even more so my hiring of escorts.

 

I don't believe you're being naive, you simply live a very different life and that's perfectly fine. Just do you as the kids say.

 

Also, don't assume a "gold" or "verified" is somehow safer. All "gold" means is they paid a membership fee and "verified" that they sent in a photo ID that appears to be valid and match their name and pic.

 

My first time hiring, was a very highly regarded escort, he was very well reviewed and recommended. That's why I went to his place without hesitation. I was drugged unconscious and possibly raped for my first time bottoming. I say possibly, because I was unconscious so beyond the bleeding, I have no proof or memory of the experience. I later learned he was fairly into drug use and that likely led to my experience, since he also stole my phone and cleaned me out of my cash by guilting me since I'd "ruined his night and forced him to cancel on other clients."

 

I only share my story as a cautionary tale. It's important to be sensible and take precautions. I've had some very good hiring experiences and I believe generally speaking many escorts are awesome professionals who are well worth our time and money.

Edited March 11, 2017 by LivingnLA

[MikeyGMin]

End of convo with you.

My oh my. Sensitive little queen, aren't we? Unfortunately Queens don't get to make proclamations around here. There is, however, a very handy feature in the forum sofware.

1. Press my icon
   
2. Go to my profile page
   
3. And then click "Ignore"
   

You'll never have to hear about one of my "without fault" experiences again.

 

My guess is that your panties are in a twist because of my reference to closeted men. Believe me, it's not the last time you're going to hear me say something less-than-positive about closet cases and cheating husbands. (There are a number of men here who are married but honest and have an arrangement with their wives. I have no issue with them.)

 

Think about that ignore function. I plan to use it.

[Epigonos]

Come on guys lets stop the petty squabbling and just answer the man's question. I have been hiring for nearly fifteen years and frequently entertain escorts in my home. I have NEVER had a threatening or otherwise negative experience. In the beginning I was prone to meet an escort at a hotel but over the years I have transitioned into meeting them in my home. I enjoy cooking and they seem to enjoy a home cooked meal with left overs to take home. I attribute my lack of problems to the fact that I thoroughly vet any escort I'm considering hiring and usually stick to guys who are well reviewed on this site. If you want to meet an escort in your home, do so, just make your choice carefully. GOOD LUCK, RELAX AND HAVE FUN!

[+ friendofsheila]

Re: home vs. hotel. I always had hires at my apartment. I had no choice since I have never hemorrhaged money. I also decided that if a fellow cannot make me feel comfortable about him when talking on the phone, I would not hire him (no matter how hot his picture).

 

Also, I'd research the reviews here.

 

As far as being nervous, perhaps you are like me and feeling guilty about spending money this way, as I was. I remember feeling better about it after one escort told me that I was just spending my "entertainment dollars" on something different than most people, that's all.

[+ friendofsheila]

I attribute my lack of problems to the fact that I thoroughly vet any escort I'm considering hiring and usually stick to guys who are well reviewed on this site.

 

Yes, don't think with your penis and hire in a hurry.

[+ friendofsheila]

More advice: Let us know how it goes! We love to celebrate success stories, or help with less-than-success, too.

[NuSingle]

As a newbie who hasn't pulled the trigger on my first hire I'm glad you posted this question. I actually scheduled someone a month or so ago, but had to cancel. I was planning to have him to my home and we texted and I never thought twice about my phone number or having him to my place. I'm nervous and thought I'd be comfortable that way and he agreed. The only plus to going to his place was less cost which is a consideration for me.

 

Basically I'm not worried about extortion as I'm not worried about being outed other than the embarrassment of paying for sex which the more I read on this forum the less concerned I am about that.

[OneFinger]

That is my situation also. My resume and social media is routinely searched as I'm listed for a significant position on federally-funded projects. Currently assigned to a $1.5B project and any association with hiring escorts would kill my current assignment. I'm certainly not in the closet or hiding my preferences at work. But, I make sure that my personal info is NOT associated with my public image.