Dissed by my doctor!

[+ glennnn]

I've been seeing a urologist for two years for help with my Benign Prostate Hyperplasty (BPH), or enlarged prostate (apparently now the size of a small cantaloupe lol). BPH also complicates ED, which has been my major concern. The doctor and I have gotten along fine with lots of frank talks full of jokes, eye contact and back patting. We have made progress and the cocktail of pills I now take have got me happily peeing and erecting more satisfactorily, except for the retrograde ejaculation caused by the Flomax, which sends the ejaculated semen inside in to my bladder instead of out the tip of my dick thereby cancelling most of the pleasure. However, all's well that ends well. Right? Wrong!

 

Hoping for continued improvement in my sex life, i asked how my improving condition might impact the amount of pleasure I could expect from anal sex stroking my enlarged prostate. My few times bottoming have been nice and intimate but not the explosion many others report. So, I asked.....we are all friends and adults here right?

 

Apparently, not. He said he had no idea and got up and left. I've been to his office twice since, and both times I saw the physician"s assistant only. I saw the doctor in the hall but he ignored me and didnt speak. Last time I was told to come back in a year. I am still experimenting with the 3 drugs I am on trying to see if I can pee without the Flomax, so i can cum normally. Maybe I just have an insensitive prostate and I should be happy to give my top pleasure?

 

What next? He's a good doctor and my treatment is satisfactory. I hate to start all over with a new one. Should I seek out a gay urologist to avoid being shamed. Fuck! Anyone know such a doctor in the Palm Springs area. Any other suggestions?

[Guest]

Well, obviously you need to see another doctor. Your current urologist has made it very clear he doesn't want to see you. Once you have been on a 5-alpha reductase inhibitor (such as finasteride or dutasteride) for a year or so, you may be able to come off the tamsulosin, at least for a while, as your prostate will have shrunk. You didn't mention your other meds, but I would guess that one of them is tadalafil, since that medication is approved for both BPH and ED. It is important that you ejaculate regularly so that your prostate doesn't stay swollen (at least twice a week). There's no danger in just stopping the tamsulosin just to see how you ejaculate and urinate off of the medication. Unlike finasteride and dutasteride, it's quite rapid-acting, so if you have problems urinating when you come of the tamsulosin, you can just start it again with no harm done. Worst case scenario, if you can't pee at all, is going to the ER and having a catheter put in, but that's not too likely.

[+ glennnn]

Thanks for the response and advice Unicorn. I have experimented with stopping the Flomax for a few days at a time. My urination was still acceptable and the pleasure of cumming was greatly enhanced, so I'm feeling good about that issue. Any suggestions about finding info on prostrate sensitivity/pleasure? I am coming to anal sex very late in life and don't know if I have a realistic expectation of enjoying it as much as many of you do. I may be too old. My prostate may be too old, too enlarged. If so, so be it. I enjoy bottoming anyway and love many other m/m sex acts. I would just like to find out. Time to hit the internet for info and a new gay-friendly urologist.

[Guest]

Well, I suppose you could buy dildos designed to stimulate the prostate and see if that works. There is no medication or surgical procedure which will increase prostate sensitivity. Don't worry about switching doctors. Your health problems are hardly either unusual or complicated. A good primary care physician could take care of it.

http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1UHcdLpXXXXcRaXXXq6xXFXXX0/Japanese-prostate-massager-anal-butt-font-b-plug-b-font-sex-products-silicone-dildo-g-spot.jpg

[rvwnsd]

...Hoping for continued improvement in my sex life, i asked how my improving condition might impact the amount of pleasure I could expect from anal sex stroking my enlarged prostate. My few times bottoming have been nice and intimate but not the explosion many others report. So, I asked.....we are all friends and adults here right?

 

Apparently, not. He said he had no idea and got up and left....

 

It does not surprise me that he has no idea. He is a urologist, not a sex counselor. That said, I do not think he handled your inquiry appropriately.

 

 

...I've been to his office twice since, and both times I saw the physician"s assistant only. I saw the doctor in the hall but he ignored me and didnt speak....

.

 

Again, inappropriate behavior.

 

...

What next? He's a good doctor and my treatment is satisfactory. I hate to start all over with a new one. Should I seek out a gay urologist ...

I think you should see a urologist who is gay-friendly and who is comfortable discussing issues and concerns that relate to sex and sexuality. The Palm Springs LGBT Center probably has a physician referral service or has a provider directory. Here in San Diego, the gay business association publishes a directory.

...

to avoid being shamed...

 

OK, now I am going to disagree with you. Your doctor did not shame you. Your doctor behaved inappropriately. Any shame you feel is of your own doing. Following is a link to one of many articles on the over- and mis-use of the word "shamed."

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2013/10/stop_calling_all_criticism_shaming.html

[+ glennnn]

It does not surprise me that he has no idea. He is a urologist, not a sex counselor. That said, I do not think he handled your inquiry appropriately.

 

All good points, and I did over react with the use of the word "shame". He just gave me such a look.... It was a shock to be dismissed. I'm still sensitive about being gay having only come out to my family recently. I didn't realize I was asking questions outside his area of expertise or comfort.

 

I will seek help from from the Palm Springs LGBT center and perhaps there is an escort nearby who can help me explore and resolve these issues. I never thought of a sex therapist. Thank you for your time in offering advice. I will take them to heart.

 

 

 

 

Again, inappropriate behavior.

 

 

I think you should see a urologist who is gay-friendly and who is comfortable discussing issues and concerns that relate to sex and sexuality. The Palm Springs LGBT Center probably has a physician referral service or has a provider directory. Here in San Diego, the gay business association publishes a directory.

 

 

OK, now I am going to disagree with you. Your doctor did not shame you. Your doctor behaved inappropriately. Any shame you feel is of your own doing. Following is a link to one of many articles on the over- and mis-use of the word "shamed."

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2013/10/stop_calling_all_criticism_shaming.html

[+ glennnn]

Somehow I managed to imbed my response in the previous comment. Sorry. Thanks for the advice from you both.

[Bearofdistinction]

I've been seeing a urologist for two years for help with my Benign Prostate Hyperplasty (BPH), or enlarged prostate (apparently now the size of a small cantaloupe lol). BPH also complicates ED, which has been my major concern. The doctor and I have gotten along fine with lots of frank talks full of jokes, eye contact and back patting. We have made progress and the cocktail of pills I now take have got me happily peeing and erecting more satisfactorily, except for the retrograde ejaculation caused by the Flomax, which sends the ejaculated semen inside in to my bladder instead of out the tip of my dick thereby cancelling most of the pleasure. However, all's well that ends well. Right? Wrong!

 

Hoping for continued improvement in my sex life, i asked how my improving condition might impact the amount of pleasure I could expect from anal sex stroking my enlarged prostate. My few times bottoming have been nice and intimate but not the explosion many others report. So, I asked.....we are all friends and adults here right?

 

Apparently, not. He said he had no idea and got up and left. I've been to his office twice since, and both times I saw the physician"s assistant only. I saw the doctor in the hall but he ignored me and didnt speak. Last time I was told to come back in a year. I am still experimenting with the 3 drugs I am on trying to see if I can pee without the Flomax, so i can cum normally. Maybe I just have an insensitive prostate and I should be happy to give my top pleasure?

 

What next? He's a good doctor and my treatment is satisfactory. I hate to start all over with a new one. Should I seek out a gay urologist to avoid being shamed. Fuck! Anyone know such a doctor in the Palm Springs area. Any other suggestions?

 

Medicine is a Business - Marcus Welby is DEAD -- Buried Alive by The HMOs in the 70s.

Find another Doctor -- NOW -- Ask the new practice to send you the new patient package - look for signs -- like DO they ask if you are married/partnered? What is the Gender of your spouse/significant other? Do they ask if you would like to include your sexual orientation which will be kept confidential - This question is ensure that the doctor provides you with all appropriate care.

 

I cannot image that in Palm Springs there are not LGBT friendly doctors and especially urologists -- with all the droopy old cock crying for Viagra and inflamed prostates yearning to Pee Free!!!!!!

 

DO NOT EVER ALLOW ANY MEDICAL PERSON TO BULLY IGNORE OR EMBARASS YOU BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU LOVE!!!

 

I still remember my former partner getting dragged out of the ER by hospital security because I was not getting the care I desperately needed (little things like O2 so I could breath). He was yelling at doctors and nurses for leaving me unattended without a call button in a closed room gasping for breath and unable to speak.

 

He came back into the hospital through another entrance and went to the President of the Hospital's Office and dragged him down to the ER to see me under threat of lawsuit and media story - I was never prouder of him and I never loved him more than at that moment . . .

[LADoug1]

OK, now I am going to disagree with you. Your doctor did not shame you. Your doctor behaved inappropriately. Any shame you feel is of your own doing. Following is a link to one of many articles on the over- and mis-use of the word "shamed."

 

I understand your point about the over-use of the word "shame" and that shame comes from within. But in this case I think the doctor's behavior both inside and outside the treatment room did indeed cause the patient to feel shame. Just because the poster wasn't strong enough not to react with feelings of shame doesn't take away from the fact that he was hurt psychologically. I do indeed think that the doctor's behavior was shameful.

 

 

What next? He's a good doctor and my treatment is satisfactory. I hate to start all over with a new one. Should I seek out a gay urologist to avoid being shamed. Fuck! Anyone know such a doctor in the Palm Springs area. Any other suggestions?

 

Why do you think your treatment is satisfactory? It may have been up to now but it is clear that the "good" doctor no longer wants to treat you. "Come back in a year"? That's malpractice. Find another doctor. You seem very well versed in describing your condition to bring a new doctor up to speed. That and your records should suffice. It would be interesting to see what, if any, comments your doctor put in your record about your last meeting with him.

 

There is such a high population of aging gay men in P.S. I am certain you can find a good replacement. Going through the LGBT Center is a good start. I also PM'd you regarding a referral.

[+ Truereview]

Gleennnn, a few months back, I do recall we had a thread conversation about finding a good urologist. Sounds like you found one, and unfortunately, now, you may need to go shopping for a new one. Maybe you want to revisit that thread? There was some really good advice there. Particularly this one:

 

In Palm Springs, v. Steven Moore. He is a PA who works with Dr Stansell at the Rimrock Eisenhower Medical Center 760 834-7950. PM me if you have trouble, his practice may be closed without a referral.

 

You can find that old thread by clicking here Please continue exploring and searching...don't settle. Besito, - TR

[+ Funguy]

Yes to all pop the above posts, especially finding a new urologist who is gay-friendly. My only concern is that with such an enlarged prostate that you do not want to cause damage leading to prostatitis and so, simply, go easy but by all means don't rule it out or "resign" yourself that it will not happen.

[+ WilliamM]

Gleennn, I had similar encounter with my regular doctor in the late 1980s It was a HMO, and I could not change health plans until the next January 1st.

 

I asked to see the HMO's therapist. She was great, and indicated indirectly that I was not the first person who had problems with this doctor. Now in 2016, I would have confounded the doctor directly because I was far more angry that ashamed. And now I am older than most doctors.

 

The therapist suggested writing a letter to the doctor -- sending, or not sending, the letter was up to me. Ultimately, I did not send the letter. I am glad because a few months after I changed health plan, I met the doctor on the street. We said a polite hello, but that was it. I never saw his again.

 

Writing the letter was the key.

[+ glennnn]

This forum continues to amaze me. Here I am, in a very small, conservative town without a local, gay friend to my name, struggling with issues and emotions that need to be vented. Thanks to you, my anger and shame are gone, and I have friends to talk with and several possible strategies to consider. I don't know how the Forum was started, but I am so grateful it was. Thank you! Truly, a problem shared is a problem diminished.

[+ sync]

Gleennn, I had similar encounter with my regular doctor in the late 1980s It was a HMO, and I could not change health plans until the next January 1st.

 

I asked to see the HMO's therapist. She was great, and indicated indirectly that I was not the first person who had problems with this doctor. Now in 2016, I would have confounded the doctor directly because I was far more angry that ashamed. And now I am older than most doctors.

 

The therapist suggested writing a letter to the doctor -- sending, or not sending, the letter was up to me. Ultimately, I did not send the letter. I am glad because a few months after I changed health plan, I met the doctor on the street. We said a polite hello, but that was it. I never saw his again.

 

Writing the letter was the key.

 

I also benefited from the letter-writing venting method. When I was employed I wrote several irate e-mails to upper management that I never sent. I was quite proud of the PowerPoint one.

[Guest]

For those of you who take Flomax or similar medication make sure you alert your ophthalmologist if you are contemplating cataract surgery, as a few extra precautions are needed.

Anybody who doesn't disclose to every doctor/dentist everything he's taking, prescribed or not, is behaving foolishly. And any health care provider who doesn't ask is even more foolish. Even a baby aspirin can make a big difference.

[Guest]

The other thing the OP might try, after stopping the tamsulosin, and making sure that there is no problem, is to take a holiday from the finasteride or dutasteride, if he's taking either of those. While these two don't cause you to cum backwards, they do reduce the volume of the ejaculate. You would just stay on the tadalafil. One way to gauge this would be to see how your PSA changed (I assume your urologist was following this). If you started with a PSA of 6 and now have a PSA of 3, that means your prostate effectively shrunk by 50%, and it's probably safe to come off the finasteride or dutasteride. These two medications don't do much once the PSA is under 4 in any case. Hopefully you know your PSA? If not, ask the PA who's been seeing you.

[Bearofdistinction]

TIME FOR NEW DOCTOR -------Medicine is no longer a practice -- the HMO's buried Marcus Welby under 12000pounds of concrete.

 

If your doc does not understand sexual health care or your sexuality === DUMP HIM

 

I am always open with my doctors and am happy to see this week my long-term PCPs practice added the questions

 

"Under full constraints of Medical Confidentiality - Would you like to share with your Physician your Sexual Orientation

 

for the purposes of ensuring the all factors are considered in providing you with comprehensive medical care?"

 

I have been with my PCP for 20 years and drive 30=40 minutes to see him -- because he gives me the kind of care and attention and access

 

that I cannot find in CC Philly.

[+ Funguy]

TIME FOR NEW DOCTOR -------Medicine is no longer a practice -- the HBO's buried Marcus Welby under 12000pounds of concrete.

 

If your doc does not understand sexual health care or your sexuality === DUMP HOM

 

I am always open with my doctors and am happy to see this week my long-term PCPs practice added the questions

 

"Under full constraints of Medical Confidentiality - Would you like to share with your Physician your Sexual Orientation

 

for the purposes of ensuring the all factors are considered in providing you with comprehensive medical care?"

 

I have been with my PCP for 20 years and drive 30=40 minutes to see him -- because he gives me the kind of care and attention and access

 

that I cannot find in CC Philly.

 

Kudos to that practice!!

[LADoug1]

If your doc does not understand sexual health care or your sexuality === DUMP HIM

 

+1. Simple and true. Couldn't have said it better!

[+ Eric Hassan]

I've been seeing a urologist for two years for help with my Benign Prostate Hyperplasty (BPH), or enlarged prostate (apparently now the size of a small cantaloupe lol). BPH also complicates ED, which has been my major concern. The doctor and I have gotten along fine with lots of frank talks full of jokes, eye contact and back patting. We have made progress and the cocktail of pills I now take have got me happily peeing and erecting more satisfactorily, except for the retrograde ejaculation caused by the Flomax, which sends the ejaculated semen inside in to my bladder instead of out the tip of my dick thereby cancelling most of the pleasure. However, all's well that ends well. Right? Wrong!

 

Hoping for continued improvement in my sex life, i asked how my improving condition might impact the amount of pleasure I could expect from anal sex stroking my enlarged prostate. My few times bottoming have been nice and intimate but not the explosion many others report. So, I asked.....we are all friends and adults here right?

 

Apparently, not. He said he had no idea and got up and left. I've been to his office twice since, and both times I saw the physician"s assistant only. I saw the doctor in the hall but he ignored me and didnt speak. Last time I was told to come back in a year. I am still experimenting with the 3 drugs I am on trying to see if I can pee without the Flomax, so i can cum normally. Maybe I just have an insensitive prostate and I should be happy to give my top pleasure?

 

What next? He's a good doctor and my treatment is satisfactory. I hate to start all over with a new one. Should I seek out a gay urologist to avoid being shamed. Fuck! Anyone know such a doctor in the Palm Springs area. Any other suggestions?

 

I'm sorry you had this experience, and I agree with other posters that you would do well to find another provider.

 

You may want to take a look at the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA.ORG). They have a provider directory that can be helpful to anyone in need of quality care. I am a member of this organization and know many of the providers; it's a great place to find LGBT identified health providers.

[jjkrkwood]

Glenn, you and I could be kindred spirits because I have EXACTLY the same medical problem as you do... Have been on the Tamsulosin for about 1 yr, and have the same side effect as you do, although I do have periods where I am about to Cum normally for some reason. although not cumming is not such a big deal for me because I DO get the same or greater "sensation" of cumming with the medicine.

 

I have been searching for a gay or gay friendly doctor in NYC for a long time now, but they are not easy to find. Either they dont advertise, or if they do, they are not taking on new patients. I have had my current doctor for many years now and he is a major DICK. I was transferred to him when my previous doctor (whom I Loved) left the practice, and from day 1 I told him I was 100% Gay, and from that moment I knew it would NOT be a good relationship. It hasnt. He is always cold and distant and matter of fact. He avoids eye contact with me and when the session is over, he simply gets up and walks out of the room, no hand shake, no goodbye, NOTHING.... I would switch to another doc in that practice, but they are women, and at this point in my life, i prefer a male doctor. As for urination, I pee TOO MUCH and frequently, and I really do not notice any improvement or regularity with the medication.

The anal sex thing is not as much an issue for me becuase I am not into that anyway.

My medical plan is an HSA and abysmal, basically out of pocket up to the $6000 deductible. I got pretty close but decided to stop troubleshooting the problem because everytime they sent me for blood work, it was hundreds of dollars, and I wasnt getting any better.. So I decided to wait until I turn 65 this year on go on Medicare before revisiting this particular problem. Going to doctors can be VERY frustrating, at least it is for me. You see one, and then its " go to this specialist, go to that specialist", and each one puts you thru the same series of testing to get their own Real Time results. For me, its just been a constant runaround. It seemed everytime I turned around, I was sitting in some doctors office.. You get to a point you say, "enough is enough"... I reached that point. So for now, status quo, taking the Tam, still have pee problems, no regular ejact or "watery" ejact, and woe is me..... If anyone knows of a gay or gay friendly GP in NYC, PLEASE let me know.....

 

Good Luck.......

[seaboy4hire]

Why are people so afraid of firing their dr? I've fired two drs because of their behavior and had no issues with doing so. Like hookers, drs come a dime a dozen. If the dr says or does something you dont care for it's mad easy fire him and find someone who performs better. Quit over thinking the situation. It's not like your married to the schmuck.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[jjkrkwood]

Why are people so afraid of firing their dr? I've fired two drs because of their behavior and had no issues with doing so. Like hookers, drs come a dime a dozen. If the dr says or does something you dont care for it's mad easy fire him and find someone who performs better. Quit over thinking the situation. It's not like your married to the schmuck.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

 

Your point well taken SB, but its really not that easy. First you need to find a new doctor that is potentially a good fit. You dont really wanna be bouncin around from doctor to doctor... Filling out those damn enrollment forms is a pain in the ass each time you go to a new doctor. I would prefer changing to a doc that came with a recommendation rather than a trial and error. I'm not afraid to fire him, in fact I am looking forward to it, BUT I need to find his replacement first !

[+ Truereview]

...If anyone knows of a gay or gay friendly GP in NYC, PLEASE let me know....

I did a provider search under the GLMA site and found four LGBT friendly MDs/urologists in NYC. Check it out here. Click on "detailed listing" for specific details.

Good luck!

[Guest]

Your point well taken SB, but its really not that easy. First you need to find a new doctor that is potentially a good fit. You dont really wanna be bouncin around from doctor to doctor... Filling out those damn enrollment forms is a pain in the ass each time you go to a new doctor. I would prefer changing to a doc that came with a recommendation rather than a trial and error. I'm not afraid to fire him, in fact I am looking forward to it, BUT I need to find his replacement first !

 

Even if you stay in the same system, getting a good new doctor isn't always easy. You may or may not be surprised to hear that in most cases, when the doctor and the patient don't get along for whatever reason, the doctor is happy to be "fired." In the OP's case, his urologist clearly doesn't want to see him, and is letting the OP know in a not-so-subtle way. You'd be surprised at how rampant homophobia can still be, especially in surgical specialties, and especially among older doctors. Especially in this new era in which almost everyone in the US has access to health care, the best doctors are often full and not accepting new patients. My panel has been full for months, for example, and for someone to become my patient, they need my express permission (usually because a family member has vouched for the patient). When a patient wants to switch, they will usually get assigned to either more goofball doctors, or to new hires, when those occur. Sometimes the new doctors are good (albeit perhaps inexperienced), sometimes not.