Introduction to BDSM

[Scooter]

Would you provide some guidance on how to select an professional for an orientation to BDSM?

 

It may look more alluring in porn than it actually is, however, I used to think that bottoming did not look like something I would enjoy, until I found an individual who expertly oriented me to the joys of bottoming.

 

I would like the same type of experience for BDSM, but do worry about giving up complete control, and maintaining as much safety while being able to succumb to the thrill and intensity that this type of play appears to provide. As always, I appreciate and thank all those who comment for their insight and advice!

[+ Funguy]

A few years ago (has it been that long?) I had the same questions and concerns as you and i was having difficulty finding someone I could consider a trustworthy Dom.

 

I contacted our resident BDSM genius, Whipped Guy (WG), for advice and i have progressed happily and willingly with his suggestions. You will not go wrong.

 

Funguy

[+ glennnn]

I too have no experience with BDSM....yet. But, my interest has been piqued, just like yours, with similar fears and concerns. I, and perhaps the whole forum, would love to hear how you progress. If you feel comfortable sharing...... Good luck. Hope you find great satisfaction.

[KJJ]

I three am hoping to venture into this as I expand my experiences and desires into a new and exciting area for me. I too would appreciate any advice by our resident escorts or actually anyone with experience and cares to share.

[whipped guy]

You guys are not alone in being intrigued with the world of BDSM.

 

Perhaps a visit to the following thread might be of help:

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/i-dont-know-where-to-start.99642/#post-917432

 

The best purveyors of BDSM are really nice guys. It may sound strange, but you need to have total trust and confidence in someone to whom you are going to submit. If you can hear kindness and concern in a guy's voice you know that you have found a good one. It also helps if they practice BDSM in their private lives. Additionally S&M tops who have had experiences as subs make great partners. Just as the best CEO's have worked their way to the top from being a lowly janitor or mailroom employee, so too the best tops have literally learned the trade from the bottom up. So just a few quick things to consider.

 

Also, the first commandment of BDSM is that the bottom rules. The parameters of the scene are set by the limits of the sub. Eventually those limits can be expanded, but only at a pace which is comfortable for the bottom guy. Even when a sub becomes an advanced player his limits need to be catered to and his needs and wants must be respected by the top. Indeed knowing that he is pleasing the bottom is part of the pleasure that a good top gets from an ideal S&M scenario.

 

The major caveat is that most guys who advertise such a scene have no clue and no equipment. One guy who fits the criteria is Raul G. Manzo in Chicago, the escort alluded to in the above referenced thread. A nice guy if there ever was one!

 

I sincerely hope that at least one or more of the escorts who post on this board on a somewhat regular basis respond. I have not met the guys, but from what I hear they fit the above criteria quite nicely as well.

[Bearofdistinction]

Would you provide some guidance on how to select an professional for an orientation to BDSM?

 

It may look more alluring in porn than it actually is, however, I used to think that bottoming did not look like something I would enjoy, until I found an individual who expertly oriented me to the joys of bottoming.

 

I would like the same type of experience for BDSM, but do worry about giving up complete control, and maintaining as much safety while being able to succumb to the thrill and intensity that this type of play appears to provide. As always, I appreciate and thank all those who comment for their insight and advice!

 

 

ACE is Your Place for the helpful BDSM Training Man ------ Raul G Manza loves to help newbies become Yes SIR I can I be a Do Bees

 

SIR LEON in Miami is gentle and kind to wild and wicked you decide -----

 

Nancy Reagan is the worlds most EVIL Domanatrix from HELL ------ Don't let her get started with the jelly beans . . . . ever

[borgerback]

Breadcrumbs

[LADoug1]

Also, the first commandment of BDSM is that the bottom rules.

 

Never thought of it that way. Good to know. Makes me more interested.

[whipped guy]

The best purveyors of BDSM are really nice guys... Also, the first commandment of BDSM is that the bottom rules.

Never thought of it that way. Good to know. Makes me more interested.

Any BDSM top worth his salt knows that. However, some doms don't get it. That's why it is important to hook up with someone who is responsible. I had one experience where this guy was doing some rope brun trick on me. It was not really doing anything for me. It actually got irritating after a while as he kept doing it. He kept showing me how hard he was getting from doing it. In other words he could care less about my needs. It was all about him. In that case there was no harm done because it was just some silly thing that turned him on but did nothing for me. Afterwards I had a heck of a powwow with the guy. However, it can get dicey when the top completely ignores the fact that the sub is in dire straits. I was in that position when a guy put a wrestling move on me (no not that wrestler!) and refused to release it even when using the safe word. Needless to say that was our last time together. Fortunately no ribs were broken, but I was quite sore for a week. Another time a friend was playing with a top guy at the club in NYC. The guy was beating him and refused to back off. I literally had to pull him away!

 

As I said above, the best top guns really are "nice guys".

[+ Funguy]

And this is why i was having a hell of a time finding a trustworthy Dom who accepted that I, the bottom, was really in control. Thanks to recommendations from several people, incl. WG, and truly experimenting about what my limits are AND what I LIKE I am in a good place when i want to play. Just have to get certain escorts out here. A lot of people also think that BDSM means pain is involved. That may be how some like it, as do I to a certain extent as some pain can become exquisite pleasure. BUT, there are also other modules of the practice which do not involve pain: bondage, control, edging, wax dripping, and way too many things to discuss here and now. (And i must not forget those nipple clamps!) Think of what you would want in a one (preferably at least 2) hour playtime and it can be put together with someone you trust.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

The best purveyors of BDSM are really nice guys. It may sound strange, but you need to have total trust and confidence in someone to whom you are going to submit. If you can hear kindness and concern in a guy's voice you know that you have found a good one.

 

I couldn't agree with you more here. Some might be turned on by some bad-ass in head to toe leather, who describes himself as a "total top" who will destroy your ass and make you cry, but truly the best guys, especially for a beginner, is someone that works from a place of compassion and caring, someone that "hurts you to help you", which is something I often say when doing deep tissue massage (a form of BDSM in my opinion).

 

As you also said, the best Doms are those with experience as a sub. You wouldn't trust a chef that doesn't taste his food, therefore the best tops know what it's like to be on the bottom.

[whipped guy]

I couldn't agree with you more here. Some might be turned on by some bad-ass in head to toe leather, who describes himself as a "total top" who will destroy your ass and make you cry, but truly the best guys, especially for a beginner, is someone that works from a place of compassion and caring, someone that "hurts you to help you", which is something I often say when doing deep tissue massage (a form of BDSM in my opinion).

 

As you also said, the best Doms are those with experience as a sub. You wouldn't trust a chef that doesn't taste his food, therefore the best tops know what it's like to be on the bottom.

Lance, you hit the nail on the head when you mention "some bad-ass in head to toe leather". A number of years ago I met a guy at a club who was soon to become a noted porn star in BDSM films. He was a total top guy as an S&M escort and I doubt that he had any experience as an S&M bottom, but perhaps I am wrong about that. In any event, he was at the club in NYC with a client in an albeit off the clock situation. The client who was just beginning to explore BDSM volunteered for a demo where still another Dom would tie him up. Well the demo did not go so well and the guy actually passed out. The guy doing the demo explained how to safely untie the guy, but when he looked around to see where "Mr. Bad Ass in head to toe leather" was he was nowhere to be found. I then volunteered to get the guy who passed out some water and calmed him down.

 

Eventually Mr. Bad Ass showed his face, but I personally lost all respect for the guy. Even though it was an off he clock situation he was the only person in the room who knew the client personally. As such he should have been the one who helped the guy through his situation. I subsequently did catch Mr. Bad Ass at several other events and even spoke with the guy every time as he was quite knowledgeable and got some tips from him about Florentine flogging among other things. However, I would never consider hiring him. As far as I know he has retired from the escorting biz and it has been a year or two since he had made any BDSM videos as well. As such his identity is a mute point at this juncture.

[+ Funguy]

As such his identity is a mute point at this juncture.

 

It's moot as well!

Oh, I know, I'm just funnin' you!

[whipped guy]

It's moot as well!

Oh, I know, I'm just funnin' you!

Well, since I plan to be "mute" about the guy's identity that makes it a doubly "moot" point!

 

Actually, while I would like to take credit for a play on almost homonyms, it most likely was simply a parapraxis! :confused:

[+ Funguy]

A pair of senior moments! Well, you did just have a birthday!

Oh God! Stop me now!

[Bearofdistinction]

Ewwww Ewwwww Pick Me Pick me ---- I know who the irresponsible uncaring bastard is --- But out of respect for WG - I will also remain mute

about this person who is moot!

[Scooter]

I couldn't agree with you more here. Some might be turned on by some bad-ass in head to toe leather, who describes himself as a "total top" who will destroy your ass and make you cry, but truly the best guys, especially for a beginner, is someone that works from a place of compassion and caring, someone that "hurts you to help you", which is something I often say when doing deep tissue massage (a form of BDSM in my opinion).

 

As you also said, the best Doms are those with experience as a sub. You wouldn't trust a chef that doesn't taste his food, therefore the best tops know what it's like to be on the bottom.

 

 

So finding a "Total Top" is more than looking for the guy with the most toys or access to a dungeon. Are there any precautions that one should take, so that I don't find myself bound and gagged, living in a cage in the middle of the desert in Nevada? Ha ha, I hope this is just a joke, but I have communicated with guys, who ended up freaking me out. Not so much the paid service providers, but more the individuals who have advertised on other sites. I do not want to wind up in a position, where things are being done to me over which I have no say. I suppose that I am repeating myself. I would like to explore further that aspect that Mr. Navarro so aptly expressed as "someone that hurts you to help you" I have experienced through the back door, that transition from pain to overwhelming ecstasy. Life is short and I want to try this out. Thanks again.

 

411 on MrKristofer? http://rentmen.com/mrKristofer

 

Thanks for providing guidance and advice for someone new to this, you are all kind (well most of the time ) in providing non-judgmental advice and ideas.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

So finding a "Total Top" is more than looking for the guy with the most toys or access to a dungeon. Are there any precautions that one should take, so that I don't find myself bound and gagged, living in a cage in the middle of the desert in Nevada? Ha ha, I hope this is just a joke, but I have communicated with guys, who ended up freaking me out. Not so much the paid service providers, but more the individuals who have advertised on other sites. I do not want to wind up in a position, where things are being done to me over which I have no say. I suppose that I am repeating myself. I would like to explore further that aspect that Mr. Navarro so aptly expressed as "someone that hurts you to help you" I have experienced through the back door, that transition from pain to overwhelming ecstasy. Life is short and I want to try this out. Thanks again.

 

411 on MrKristofer? http://rentmen.com/mrKristofer

 

Thanks for providing guidance and advice for someone new to this, you are all kind (well most of the time ) in providing non-judgmental advice and ideas.

 

I hope you can find someone of quality to take you outside your comfort zone, but in a respectful and considerate way. I'm quite experiences and skilled at such things, so if you find yourself in SF, get in touch with me. Check out the "Dark Gallery" on the Sessions page at LanceSF.com if you wanna.

[whipped guy]

So finding a "Total Top" is more than looking for the guy with the most toys or access to a dungeon. Are there any precautions that one should take, so that I don't find myself bound and gagged, living in a cage in the middle of the desert in Nevada? Ha ha, I hope this is just a joke, but I have communicated with guys, who ended up freaking me out. Not so much the paid service providers, but more the individuals who have advertised on other sites. I do not want to wind up in a position, where things are being done to me over which I have no say. I suppose that I am repeating myself. I would like to explore further that aspect that Mr. Navarro so aptly expressed as "someone that hurts you to help you" I have experienced through the back door, that transition from pain to overwhelming ecstasy. Life is short and I want to try this out. Thanks again.

 

411 on MrKristofer? http://rentmen.com/mrKristofer

 

Thanks for providing guidance and advice for someone new to this, you are all kind (well most of the time ) in providing non-judgmental advice and ideas.

 

The dream is to find someone with a well equipped playroom who is experienced, knowledgeable, trustworthy, will respect your limits, and is a nice guy to boot! I was lucky to find such a guy my very first time. I specifically recall that his last words as I left to get to his place were, "Don't worry, you're in good hands." That certainly put me at ease. Plus, when I got there is kind manner just made me totally submit to his wishes. Well, almost. Well actually I did survive all that he threw at me. However, I attempted one additional thing and just could not go there. I then decided that it would be best to save that for next time around and he totally agreed. Indeed, the best guys out there know what you need and how much you need even before you know it yourself!

 

As far as being easily freaked out, there's sensible BDSM and freaked out BDSM. A couple of months ago I spoke with a guy whose business partner... that's business as in their day job partner... is a guy who is into all sorts of freaky stuff. I don't recall the website, but it was totally off the wall. Speaking of websites, some can be totally intimidating. As I mentioned in another thread a while back, my first BDSM escort worked in marketing and he thought it best to undersell. Indeed, when I first hired him I was not sure if he had all the required accoutrements. When I got there he had practically every device that Mr. S in San Fran featured on their website and eventually we tried them all, but when the time was right.

 

Normally the advice would be to read reviews and then read between the lines of those review. However, in the BDSM world often reviews are as scarce as hens teeth. While hooking up with a guy who has a ton of equipment is desirable, I would trade that for a guy with a good persona with whom you would feel comfortable. I will repeat that I have heard good things about a couple of guys who post here, but that's from my perspective. That is something that one needs to research for themselves, and do so thoroughly so as to assure that their comfort zone won't be breached. Meaningful communication is the key to knowing with whom and when the time is right.

[curiousnomore]

Ask WG. He is the Guru.

[+ glennnn]

The talk of "a ton of equipment" and "access to a dungeon" are a little disturbing. I'm interested in an escort taking control, calling the shots and using, but not abusing, me. Soft rope and forceful edging are great, but probably no chains and definitely no real corporeal punishment. I also don't care much for boots and black leather. Is the BDSM tent big enough for me, or am I too vanilla? Or does what I seek, have a different name?

[whipped guy]

The talk of "a ton of equipment" and "access to a dungeon" are a little disturbing. I'm interested in an escort taking control, calling the shots and using, but not abusing, me. Soft rope and forceful edging are great, but probably no chains and definitely no real corporeal punishment. I also don't care much for boots and black leather. Is the BDSM tent big enough for me, or am I too vanilla? Or does what I seek, have a different name?

I view BDSM simply as a very intense way to make love.

 

In the final analysis, there can be many different variations on the same theme. Some guys need to be humiliated and at least one specialist told me that the stereotypical clients who need such humiliation often have jobs where they are in positions of power over quite a number of individuals. As such it is most likely more of a psychological issue. Others want a sadistic top with a savage desire to be cruel. Still others like a much kinder and more cuddly type of scene.

 

In the acronym thread I referenced BDSM as meaning Bored and Deprived Soccer Moms. So it can mean a lot of things. All kidding aside, I listed all the various meanings associated with BDSM. If only a bit of dominance and submission is what is wanted or needed that takes care of the D and S. Since you agree to some rope that covers the B. Since it all needs to be done by a master there's the M. So no Sadists and Masochistics need apply in your situation! You're in the club!

[mike carey]

Glennn, there was a dominance and submission tangent on this thread ICYMI. Confession, I was sort of the culprit for steering it that way! http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/ass-eating.112216/