Mourning The Loss Of A Friendship That's Gone Sour!!

[JDXXX]

Hi Everyone,

 

I have a question that maybe some of you can answer or help me solve that has been of a problem for me to deal with, and continue to hurt me emotionally.

 

A couple of weeks ago me and someone I considered a close friend(now ex-friend) had a major argument/disagreement(falling out) over some issues that I felt were on the lines of him betraying me, humiliating me, and even to the point of backstabbing me in the most vicious ways possible without any remorse or sympathy to his actions that were disturbing and hurtful to me.

 

Being I expressed my anger and hurt in many ways possible to this individual of me feeling he cold-bloodedly wronged me by revealing a secret I did not want revealed along with some other awful experiences I asked him not to tell someone about - he decided to discontinue the friendship.

 

Now he wants NOTHING to do with me because I expressed my hurt, and he did apologize(yes), but after he apologized(being he claimed was sincere) was when he discontinued the friendship, and wants NOTHING to do with me anymore after he was the one who fucked me over on more then one occasion.

 

Question: Do you guys consider ending your friendship with someone after you've done them wrong is an acceptable form of apology? How does one deal with such betrayal and hurt?

 

Question: If you ask your so-called "friend" to not reveal something you told them in confidence not to tell someone(despite if the person they told knew or not) should that "friend" honor your wishes by NOT saying anything if they promised you they wouldn't?

 

Now, here is the ironic thing about this whole matter that's upsetting here: This ex-friend asked me not reveal something serious they themselves didn't want me to share with someone they didn't want to know they were sadden about because they wanted for our other friend to enjoy the day with us without any negativity for which I respected his wishes by all means.

 

However later in the day he humiliates me by revealing to them of the very secret I asked him not to tell which was disrespectful, and hypocritical to do knowing he asked me to not share to this person of his situation. LOL. How fucked up is that?

 

It infuriates me how I have NEVER betrayed they're trust in revealing secrets they asked me not to tell, but yet they do it to me in a very humiliating cold-blooded way, and then turn around, and be a cold-hearted jerk about it. OHHHHHH.

 

Baffles me to this day, you guys how someone can screw me over in such a way for which I didn't deserve at all. I was the faithful friend, and was burned for no reason at all. How shitty is that?

 

I feel this individual is treating me like a doormat at this point by turning they're back on me in a vicious and vindictive manner, and it's causing me more to want to be just as nasty as they are seeing they feel they have the right to intimidate me in such a way knowing they screwed me over.

 

How your going to betray someone's trust, and then turn around and mistreat them after you've wronged them by ending the friendship? Have you guys heard of anything so ridiculous?

 

Personally I don't feel his apology was sincere by disassociating himself from me and now running away from the hurt and pain he caused me to endure. Been a mighty good friend to him, and truly didn't deserve how he wronged me in the end out of nowhere for no reason.

 

Sorry to sound like a wounded moose in this whole manner, but I'm beyond upset at this point, and have been for awhile on how this person was a major jerk to me in a abusive manner literally(emotionally) by doing me wrong, and turn they're back on me after they've committed such evil deeds towards me in the process.

 

I did go as far as making an example asking this person(after they revealed my secret) - how would you feel if I told ---- of what you asked me not to reveal about your family member or anything else you told me? You know what they're response was in return: I'm blackmailing them. LOL.

 

Unbelievable!!

 

What would you guys do if this sort of situation happened to you or how would you handle such betrayal?

 

Honestly, I think my re-action is quite legit as I have every right to be hurt and upset if someone is being such an asshole to me, and has wronged me on multiple accounts for which I didn't deserve at all. Then after they've wronged me in the worse possible way you can imagine, they're gonna end they're association/friendship with me. Wow.

 

Do you think they owe me a sincere apology, and make right in every way they can possible without ending the friendship, or stick to they're guns, and continue making themselves to be the victim by disassociating from me knowing what they done to me was wrong?

 

I think by them ending the friendship it's a sign of guilt. What else can it be?

[+ Funguy]

Since he "fucked you over on more than one occasion" I say bye bye to this ass and be careful in the future if someone fucks you over ONCE!

DO NOT let this spoil your good spirits and move on!

[+ Truereview]

From EI 2.0:

 

Self-management is more than resisting explosive or problematic behavior. The biggest challenge that people face is managing their tendencies over time and applying their skills in a variety of situations. Obvious and momentary opportunities for self-control (i.e., “I’m so mad at that darn dog!”) are the easiest to spot and manage. Real results come from putting your momentary needs on hold to pursue larger, more important goals [Like true forgiveness or saving a friendship].

The realization of such goals is often delayed, meaning that your commitment to self-management will be tested over and over again. Those who manage themselves the best are able to see things through without cracking. Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and continually manage their tendencies.

 

A bad tendency is to post impulsively as if this forum was a therapy group. Mark my words: mourning publicly will only make it worse, particularly bc it is obvious you are still angry. Buy yourself a diary and pour your emotions into it, then burn it.

[JDXXX]

Since he "fucked you over on more than one occasion" I say bye-bye to this ass and be careful in the future if someone fucks you over ONCE!

DO NOT let this spoil your good spirits and move on!

 

I agree. This truly is a major learning lesson for me. Just pisses me off how this person did what they did to me, and got away with it, and treats me like shit in the process by disassociating themselves from me. Wow.

 

I'll get over it soon as I don't hold grudges.

 

From EI 2.0:

 

Self-management is more than resisting explosive or problematic behavior. The biggest challenge that people face is managing their tendencies over time and applying their skills in a variety of situations. Obvious and momentary opportunities for self-control (i.e., “I’m so mad at that darn dog!”) are the easiest to spot and manage. Real results come from putting your momentary needs on hold to pursue larger, more important goals [Like true forgiveness or saving a friendship].

 

The realization of such goals is often delayed, meaning that your commitment to self-management will be tested over and over again. Those who manage themselves the best are able to see things through without cracking. Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and continually manage their tendencies.

 

A bad tendency is to post impulsively as if this forum was a therapy group. Mark my words: mourning publicly will only make it worse, particularly bc it is obvious you are still angry. Buy yourself a diary and pour your emotions into it, then burn it.

 

Maybe so, but it's painful being I've never betrayed them or was mean to them where I have to be the friend with the so-call "last word or upper hand". That's what this person can come across at times if they don't have the "upper hand" or "last word" in being right all the time, oh your gonna pay a heavy price for it.

 

Hate people who are like that. I maybe 35, but still have a lot to learn, and so does this person being the way he is, and how he treated me - he has ALOT of growing up to do about moral values it seems.

 

None of us are too old to learn as we learn new and greater things in life everyday we live and breathe on this earth.

 

Time to go back to reading the book you gifted me with, TR.

[+ WilliamM]

A bad tendency is to post impulsively as if this forum was a therapy group. Mark my words: mourning publicly will only make it worse, particularly bc it is obvious you are still angry. Buy yourself a diary and pour your emotions into it, then burn it.

 

I agree with your diary suggestion. But, I do not think one answer fits all people. Perhaps JD should join a therapy group. Yet, he is very popular and well-liked by his clients.

 

I did not quite realize how well liked JD is to the people who hire him and those who just know him from this site. I have been very impressed by all the positive comments before and after his EOY win.

[WorldwideTraveler]

JD, I've never met you, and to be honest you're not my type for the type of guys I hire both in attitude and otherwise. To be truthful I can't understand how you can claim to be so successful in the client realm and so unsuccessful in the friendship realm. Everyone talks. Escorts talk to other escorts, clients talk to other clients and such, and it seems that more than a few escorts have dropped you as an acquaintance. I've heard everything from "JD is so annoying, all he does is talk about being black and how everyone hates him because he's black" to "He comes off as totally creepy and tried to get with me, even though I hinted for him to stop." It says right here: http://jddanielsworld.com/id1.html you have a masters degree in psychology. How could you have a psychology degree and not be able to understand why people are isolating themselves from you? Think about it.

[+ WilliamM]

How could you have a psychology degree and not be able to understand why people are isolating themselves from you? Think about it

 

Easy. I have degrees in political science and am still taking political science courses in my early 70s. Yet I made mistakes all the time in the politics section of this site.

 

My guess is that it's 100 times harder to understand yourself, no matter how many degrees you have in psychology.

[WorldwideTraveler]

Easy. I have degrees in political science and am still taking political science courses in my early 70s. Yet I made mistakes all the time in the politics section of this site.

 

My guess is that it's 100 times harder to understand yourself, no matter how many degrees you have in psychology.

 

I'm sorry you're right. There's nothing like real world practical experience. Let me say it this way, how could you not understand why people isolate themselves from you when it's been done more than a few times for the same reasons? After reading your posts over and over again, I'm starting to think it's just lack of common sense. You seem to lack confidence, the ability to read people and obviously don't take suggestions on how to better yourself. So once again, I go back to the question: How can you claim to be so successful as an escort yet lack the basic tools to be successful? I can never seem to put two and two together with you, and neither can a lot of others.

[JDXXX]

JD, I've never met you, and to be honest you're not my type for the type of guys I hire both in attitude and otherwise. To be truthful I can't understand how you can claim to be so successful in the client realm and so unsuccessful in the friendship realm. Everyone talks. Escorts talk to other escorts, clients talk to other clients and such, and it seems that more than a few escorts have dropped you as an acquaintance. I've heard everything from "JD is so annoying, all he does is talk about being black and how everyone hates him because he's black" to "He comes off as totally creepy and tried to get with me, even though I hinted for him to stop." It says right here: http://jddanielsworld.com/id1.html you have a masters degree in psychology. How could you have a psychology degree and not be able to understand why people are isolating themselves from you? Think about it.

 

Wow.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way, WT, and gonna ask the simple question of: What does any of what you've stated have to do with someone being betrayed from a friend?

 

Sounds like your more trying to trash me then help.

 

This person I'm referring to was a "friend" not an acquaintance. I think if you read the thread in its entirety it'll give in great detail of my relationship to this individual.

 

I agree, buddy people talk for which you are absolutely and positively correct on that as those who are Anti-JD may trash me as they do about you, and many other escorts or clients on the forum and outside of the forum.

 

Like you said - people talk. . Very true as I couldn't agree more.

 

From your statement on the forum you've outted how certain escorts and clients I guess I've associated with in the past who so-called "dropped me" can't be trusted or tend to talk trash about other reputable escorts in the business. .

 

Thank God I'm not vicious that way as I don't care to wanna discredit other escorts or clients on this forum for which I have no desire to or want to as I believe in being a good loyal person and kind to people.

 

I'm only expressing in this thread how I hate when so-called friends take my kindness for granted by fucking me over for no reason. It hurts when you feel betrayed and backstabbed from a friend you've been loyal and respectable to.

 

However, WT - I do value what you've shared with me that's good information for me to know in the future about fellow escorts and clients who may speak horrible comments about me behind my back.

 

I suppose I need to be for sure to handle my associaton with such haters with caution being that's how haters are by trashing other escorts and clients that are genuine kind unto others I guess.

 

Yes, this is valuable information for me to be aware of, and take in for future reference. Thank you for pointing these factors out here on the forum.

 

Do me a favor please, and that is to go back towards the beginning of the thread, and read what I wrote for which your comment to me has nothing to do with what was asked or mentioned about the experience I encountered in being hurt and betrayed.

[JDXXX]

Easy. I have degrees in political science and am still taking political science courses in my early 70s. Yet I made mistakes all the time in the politics section of this site.

 

My guess is that it's 100 times harder to understand yourself, no matter how many degrees you have in psychology.

 

Just because someone is educated with a degree in psychology doesn't mean they don't have feelings outside of they're profession.

 

Professionals in psychology do have lives and feelings for those they care about outside of work.

 

After-all we are human too.

[+ WilliamM]

So once again, I go back to the question: How can you claim to be so successful as an escort yet lack the basic tools to be successful? I can never seem to put two and two together with you, and neither can a lot of others

 

JD is not just claiming to be successful, he is successful. Take a look at his schedule of cities to visit in the next months. And he just won escort of the year on this site. You are also assuming that JD has few escort friends. You may, or may not, be correct.

 

I have never beeen an escort. Let's go with your guess that JD does "lack the basic tools."

Isn't it possible the basic tools are different in being an excellent escort and being an excellent friend (again, going with your theory that JD does not have many escort friends)

[+ WilliamM]

So once again, I go back to the question: How can you claim to be so successful as an escort yet lack the basic tools to be successful? I can never seem to put two and two together with you, and neither can a lot of others

 

JD is not just claiming to be successful, he is successful. Take a look at his schedule of cities to visit in the next months. And he just won escort of the year on this site. You are also assuming that JD has few escort friends. You may, or may not, be correct.

 

I have never beeen an escort. Let's go with your guess that JD does "lack the basic tools."

Isn't it possible the basic tools are different in being an excellent escort and being an excellent friend (again, going with your theory that JD does not have many escort friends)

[JDXXX]

JD is not just claiming to be successful, he is successful. Take a look at his schedule of cities to visit in the next months. And he just won escort of the year on this site. You are also assuming that JD has few escort friends. You may, or may not, be correct.

 

I have never beeen an escort. Let's go with your guess that JD does "lack the basic tools."

Isn't it possible the basic tools are different in being an excellent escort and being an excellent friend (again, going with your theory that JD does not have many escort friends)

 

With that being said, William - many fellow escorts who care about me thought well enough of me felt I deserved to win and voted for me for EOY.

 

Hmmm - how does one defend that? . Must not be hated by other escorts that much for them to hold me in such high regard in order to win EOY.

 

Not just escorts rooted for me, but clients rooted as well for which I'm very grateful, and will always continue to be knowing such success for me didn't have to happen, and don't believe in taking such blessings of my success for granted. No Sir.

 

My winning EOY was a blessing and from what I've been told by many escorts and clients - it was meant to be my year for a reason. If it wasn't my year - it would've not have happened.

 

Listen, WT, I know not every escort or client I've met or socialized with in the past is gonna like me of course and may think I'm annoying, but those who talk such negative comments are the very ones who are the haters.

 

I'm quite sure I'm not the only escort they've spoke trash about as I have seen and read in the past of escorts going at it from different social media sources. Even on this forum I've seen in the past escorts and clients go at it.

[gallahadesquire]

Oh, my. The psychologist in me is coming out.

 

JD, try to translate this into "I" language. Separate out what you thought he did (his intentions may well have NOT been what you thought they were) and re-write your entire first post as how you felt about it, NOT what his intentions were, since you don't know them.

 

I am having problems discerning [what he did to be offensive] and [what you took as offensive] and [what you took as him being hurtful to you].

 

Perhaps that will help you discern what path you should take with this invidual.

 

I wish Juan Vancouver would chime in. He's good at this stuff.

 

My overall impression: You had a misunderstanding as to what was and was not to be said. The alternative interpretation: he's a major asshole.

[JDXXX]

Oh, my. The psychologist in me is coming out.

 

JD, try to translate this into "I" language. Separate out what you thought he did (his intentions may well have NOT been what you thought they were) and re-write your entire first post as how you felt about it, NOT what his intentions were, since you don't know them.

 

I am having problems discerning [what he did to be offensive] and [what you took as offensive] and [what you took as him being hurtful to you].

 

Perhaps that will help you discern what path you should take with this invidual.

 

I wish Juan Vancouver would chime in. He's good at this stuff.

 

My overall impression: You had a misunderstanding as to what was and was not to be said. The alternative interpretation: he's a major asshole.

 

Trust me, Galladhad, there wasn't a misunderstanding as I made it perfectly clear what I didn't want revealed. Just as he made perfectly clear to me of what he didn't care to want be revealed about his situation, and I honored that.

 

I'm sorry; maybe using the term "asshole" was a little much, but that's how hurt and disturbed I am about the situation.

[+ not2rowdy]

JD - Sorry for your loss.

 

Question: Do you guys consider ending your friendship with someone after you've done them wrong is an acceptable form of apology? How does one deal with such betrayal and hurt?

 

No. But there really isn’t a solution at this point. He has shown he can not be trusted. You don’t believe his apology was sincere. You can not trust him or anything he says. As far as dealing with it about all you can do is consider the friendship terminated and move on.

 

 

Question: If you ask your so-called "friend" to not reveal something you told them in confidence not to tell someone (...) should that "friend" honor your wishes by NOT saying anything if they promised you they wouldn't?

 

Yes. Hard lesson here is if you have something you want to remain in confidence - don’t tell anyone.

 

 

What would you guys do if this sort of situation happened to you or how would you handle such betrayal?

Do you think they owe me a sincere apology, and make right in every way they can possible without ending the friendship, or stick to they're guns, and continue making themselves to be the victim by disassociating from me knowing what they done to me was wrong?

 

Yes they owe you a sincere apology. And yes, they should try to make things right. But no, they have no obligation to maintain the friendship. And you don’t either, and IMO shouldn’t.

 

I'll get over it soon as I don't hold grudges.

 

I’m the exact opposite. I do hold grudges and I have a very long (and patient) memory.

 

So take my responses to your questions accordingly.

[rvwnsd]

... It says right here: http://jddanielsworld.com/id1.html you have a masters degree in psychology. How could you have a psychology degree and not be able to understand why people are isolating themselves from you? Think about it.

 

I'm not sure I would call what JD described as "people...isolating themselves from..." him. JD's former friend passed along private information he was asked not to repeat, apologized, and then wanted to disassociate himself from JD. I'm having a very hard time understanding how that was JD's doing.

 

...Question: Do you guys consider ending your friendship with someone after you've done them wrong is an acceptable form of apology?...

 

In a word, "no." Based on what you described, your now ex-friend apologized by saying he was sorry for what he did. That's the apology. Following that up by disassociating himself from you is bizarre. I'm struggling to understand how this would go. Friend: "JD, I am sorry for betraying your trust by revealing the information you shared with me and asked me not to repeat." You: "I forgive you." Friend: "I don't want to have anything else to do with you." Did he give you a reason for doing so?

 

...How does one deal with such betrayal and hurt?...

 

I think the only way you can deal with it is to be thankful you won't have any future occurrences of him betraying you.

 

...

Question: If you ask your so-called "friend" to not reveal something you told them in confidence not to tell someone(despite if the person they told knew or not) should that "friend" honor your wishes by NOT saying anything if they promised you they wouldn't?

...

 

Whether or not they promised not to repeat what you told them, they should not have repeated what you told them.

 

...

I did go as far as making an example asking this person(after they revealed my secret) - how would you feel if I told ---- of what you asked me not to reveal about your family member or anything else you told me? You know what they're response was in return: I'm blackmailing them. LOL.

...

 

Not much to LOL about there.

 

That being said, there is a possibility that your ex-friend did not interpret your question "How would you feel if I told..." the way you intended. It sounds to me like you were asking him to imagine what he would be feeling if you shared the private information that he asked you to keep to yourself. It is not uncommon for people to say "How would you feel if..." as a threat and he might have interpreted it that way. Not saying I agree with him, just saying he might have interpreted it that way.

 

...

What would you guys do if this sort of situation happened to you or how would you handle such betrayal?

...

I would directly ask the person why they did that and explain that they lost my trust.

 

...

Do you think they owe me a sincere apology...

Yes, I think they do. Not having heard the apology they gave you and not knowing the person, I can't say they were or were not being sincere when they apologized.

...and make right in every way they can possible...

Well...ask yourself this: how exactly can this person make right? To utter an old chestnut "you can't un-ring a bell." At this stage, it is a moot point, but for future reference you could ask yourself what this person could possibly do to make the situation right, even if they remained your friend.

 

...

and continue making themselves to be the victim by disassociating from me knowing what they done to me was wrong?

...

 

Perhaps I missed something, but I don't see where the person is making themselves to be the victim. I don't agree with their course of action, but I don't see them acting like a victim.

 

Having said all of this, you do have a tendency to come across a tad bit on the strong side. Who am I kidding? You are about as subtle and restrained as a freight locomotive on jet fuel. Although I do not think your friend was justified in behaving the way he did, I think this would be a good time to do some introspection and think about how you could dial down the intensity with which you present yourself. Based on the commentary you made in the other thread, it seems like you might be on that path. Reading one book is just the start. Be mindful of how you present yourself and of how your words will be perceived. It takes time, but you can get there.

[Guy Fawkes]

This sounds like your problem not his and you're using a "Sympathy ploy" as a revenge on another forum member. I'm going to close the thread as it can lead to no useful result.

 

Now just what is Rule #1? (2nd warning)

 

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh128/yerrytan/ThreadClosed400.jpg

 

Hi Everyone,

A couple of weeks ago me and someone I considered a close friend(now ex-friend) had a major argument/disagreement(falling out) over some issues that I felt were on the lines of him betraying me, humiliating me, and even to the point of backstabbing me in the most vicious ways possible without any remorse or sympathy to his actions that were disturbing and hurtful to me.

 

Being I expressed my anger and hurt in many ways possible to this individual of me feeling he cold-bloodedly wronged me by revealing a secret I did not want revealed along with some other awful experiences I asked him not to tell someone about - he decided to discontinue the friendship.