LIfe Death and the struggle to keep it all in focus...tired here

[greatservice4u]

Been around here for a while and respect the opinions of those that post here.

 

Should say that I dont think that I am a crazy person by any means and definately not one to take risks ...health is great, not sick in anyway, body is looking hot..well hung, have a few good friends ...just been having trouble keeping it all in perspective lately...

 

Is it crazy to want to just lay down and go to sleep and never wake up? Have been thinking a lot about it lately and seem to have lost the desire to really push myself to accomplish anything...made the casting list for Falcon...made playgirl this year ..did not give me the lift I thought it would.

 

Seems like I have done all the things that mom taught me to do. Be honest,Never lie, work hard, treat people well, help people, take the high road ,protect the young and the old,give,honour your elders...and yet I dont fit...where are the people that are like me....dont seem to have any dreams and desires anymore.

 

Guess I am just asking for some insight from the people that might understand me the best.

 

thanks for your time

 

dustin

[bigguyinpasadena]

Dear Dustin,I have felt that way many many times in my life,especially when I was younger and struggling with lots of "issues".The phrase that got me through it was "This problem is temporary,this too shall pass."And I made it through.

Only once did I resort to anti-depresents,and that was after a mini-breakdown.I then got off them as soon as I could.

A good program of self help,coupled with some professional or group guidence will do wonders.There may be periods in your life that "happy pills"might be necessary-don"t be ashamed of this-just get off of them as soon as you can.

I am soooooo bored with the 60%(YES!OVER HALF)of my friends who have become zombies because of over relience on anti-deppressents.So make sure your doctor writes a very limited 'script for these.Living life on these is so dulled,living life on lifes terms can be such an adventure.

From your post I am guessing that you are attractive and not an imbecile.Find something in your life that is constructive,creative,and lends some passion to your every day world.

I love my friends,few they may be,they have always gotten me over rough patches in my middle years.Make sure you have people in your life that you love,and that you can talk to.People you can be 100% honest with.These relationships take time to nurture-do not rush into them.But do try and develop at least 3 good,good friends.

There are instances where suicide is a viable option.Depression is rarely one of them.

Good luck to you-remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

[jackhammer91406]

Runnin' on empty

 

Dustin,

You just got some good advice from Big guy. Take it. I can testify that while chemical changes (happening on a natural basis) do take place in your body that can bring on periods of depression and emptiness, the pills should be a temporary solution. Anyone who has been a member of this MC for a while is well aware of my own trip through this downturn. the guys who reached out from this site, (some of whom I have gone on to meet in the real world) really made a difference.

 

I have also found that taking trips helps in a number of ways. First, it gives you something to look forward to and a reason to go to work everyday to make the trip a financial reality.

Second, it takes you away from the location where your problems seem to be so apparent. I am not advocating a running away from your problems strategy, simply taking a breather from them. A trip can often do this. When I traveled, I met some great guys from this message center. They are very good people and I am grateful for their friendship.

Lastly, begin immediately to reach out to close friends. If you have no one you can talk to (as Big Guy suggested) then find a counselor that you can meet up with. As impossible as it seems, during my period of depression, one person who was a big help is an escort from this MC who volunteered to meet up for lunch a couple of times a month just to talk. There was never a question of hiring at all. It was just two new friends getting together, one helping the other with emotional baggage. There were also local posters who sent messages of encouragement, and soon I was meeting a number of them for dinner or drinks.

Finally, as you may already know, this MC was for me, the greatest therapy. Some detractors pointed out endless posts of mine that were boring and I filled and they may have right in their observations, at least the boring to them part. But in the process of using the MC as a sounding board for my feelings (in absence of any other options) I met some great people, was able to honestly vent and explore my emotions (you have to be prepared to take a lot of heat, but it's worth it to me).

 

What you are going through is not unusual, and you should know there are plenty of guys here who will be willing to help. There are some great guys in NYC and I am sure you can find some through this MC that would be there to talk and just hang with.

 

Good luck.

[jackhammer91406]

Runnin' on empty

 

Dustin,

You just got some good advice from Big guy. Take it. I can testify that while chemical changes (happening on a natural basis) do take place in your body that can bring on periods of depression and emptiness, the pills should be a temporary solution. Anyone who has been a member of this MC for a while is well aware of my own trip through this downturn. the guys who reached out from this site, (some of whom I have gone on to meet in the real world) really made a difference.

 

I have also found that taking trips helps in a number of ways. First, it gives you something to look forward to and a reason to go to work everyday to make the trip a financial reality.

Second, it takes you away from the location where your problems seem to be so apparent. I am not advocating a running away from your problems strategy, simply taking a breather from them. A trip can often do this. When I traveled, I met some great guys from this message center. They are very good people and I am grateful for their friendship.

Lastly, begin immediately to reach out to close friends. If you have no one you can talk to (as Big Guy suggested) then find a counselor that you can meet up with. As impossible as it seems, during my period of depression, one person who was a big help is an escort from this MC who volunteered to meet up for lunch a couple of times a month just to talk. There was never a question of hiring at all. It was just two new friends getting together, one helping the other with emotional baggage. There were also local posters who sent messages of encouragement, and soon I was meeting a number of them for dinner or drinks.

Finally, as you may already know, this MC was for me, the greatest therapy. Some detractors pointed out endless posts of mine that were boring and I filled and they may have right in their observations, at least the boring to them part. But in the process of using the MC as a sounding board for my feelings (in absence of any other options) I met some great people, was able to honestly vent and explore my emotions (you have to be prepared to take a lot of heat, but it's worth it to me).

 

What you are going through is not unusual, and you should know there are plenty of guys here who will be willing to help. There are some great guys in NYC and I am sure you can find some through this MC that would be there to talk and just hang with.

 

Good luck.

[marc anthony]

...health is great,

>not sick in anyway, body is looking hot..well hung, have a few

>good friends ...just been having trouble keeping it all in

>perspective lately...

>

 

 

Hey Dustin: Hope times get better for you. Some good advice from others on this board...

 

My own 2 cents... get out and meet MORE "good friends". Nothing beats the blues faster than genuine human interaction.

 

And BTW... what helped Jackhammer in his time of need and has really kept him out of need (IMO) was not this board, but the fact that he went out and MET people from this board. (Apologies, Jack, if I got this wrong)

 

Falcon and Playgirl are nice trophies, but they will not bring you happiness like you and a friend bringing each other laughter.

 

You already wrote that you know what needs to be done... finding perspective. I think you will find it in other human beings.

 

Good luck.

 

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

[+ bigjoey]

meeting and interacting with people is great medicine. it is not hard and i suggest going to a volunteer organization. it can be a gay type like meals on wheels to aids patients or a general type like an animal shelter (lots of gay guys there, too). you will discover that as you start to give of yourself, you will start to receive from others multiples of what you give.

 

as your time becomes full, so will your life.

[Guest backbaygayguy]

...and yet I dont fit...where are

>the people that are like me....dont seem to have any dreams

>and desires anymore.

 

Hi Dustin, hard to know what to say, except that I've been there a few times, and sometimes getting out of bed (or out of the apartment) isn't easy. I agree that travel has helped to give me a fresh outlook, or at least it broke the cycle for a bit and made me feel more refreshed when I returned. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside to halp get a new viewpoint and make decisions about change -- sometimes friends are supportive but not good at seeing things in a new way.

 

Do try a few talks with someone you trust or a professional counselor -- doesn't need to be a long-term commitment but just getting some ideas from another viewpoint. When you're feeling as you describe, it can be hard to start something new -- in the past, I've focused on just accomplishing that one thing (making the appointment, then getting to the appointment), or asking friends to help me get over the hump and make the appointment (sort of gentle persuasion, along with a good nudge and physically getting me there).

 

When I felt stuck in terms of being tired of what I was doing for a job, I read some of the self-help books and talked with people also changing jobs. I did some informational interviews and eventually found a new career that I liked much better.

 

In both cases, change was slow -- I set small goals to feel good about doing one thing every day. But the important thing was I did something, however small, every day, even if it was rearranging a piece of furniture to make my apartment look better. And if I had an off-day and didn't do anything, I didn't get too down on myself, but did do something the next day.

 

I've also e-mailed guys privately off the MC, and they have been great in helping with advice. Hope you can gind someone to talk with in your area. Good luck.

[Traveler North]

Dear Dustin

Keep in mind that there are those of us who really care about you and your happiness. Our time with you is very important to our lives. You are an intregal part of our lives. The happiness you provide us is very important to our health and happiness. Always remember that you mean a lot to some people. Please take a positive view of your importance to us. Would not hurt you for the world. Only wish you health and happiness. Hope low point evaporates quickly. Look forward to being with you soon.

[btmstudnyc]

Dustin, I sent you an email, call me or write me.

 

 

Like I said in the email...If you are for real...you need to talk to me. I don't have all the answers....but definitely have perspective. I am in New York and could meet if you like.

 

Don't be a wimp! Show your true muscle...

 

JIM

 

 

 

If it dont fit, force it

[email protected]

[Will]

Dustin, the last time I was in your shoes I didn't have the Message Center to come to, and I damn near went to sleep and didn't wake up.

 

The problem with depression -- well, one of the problems -- is that it assures you with absolute certainty that you will never, ever, feel any different. It whispers in your ear that you have a death sentence and that you may as well get used to it.

 

Try, please, to believe that it is depression talking, not truth. And try to reach out to others. Jim in NYC could make a dead horse laugh. Whether he'll make you feel better or not, just looking at him certainly won't make you feel worse. He's got one of the greatest pairs of eyes in the whole world, and a smile that lights them up.

 

MOST IMPORTANT: Go to a doctor, any medical doctor whom you trust, and tell him or her how you feel. Then take the advice that the doctor gives.

 

And check in with us.

 

I hope you'll feel much better very soon.

[+ Lucky]

Depression. When you've got it, you've had it.

 

Unless you treat it as a disease, get help, take your meds, and take care of yourself.

[greatservice4u]

Thank you to all of you have replied to my post ...I had been thinking that I was being rational and quite honestly I have been really tired lately and really not seeing anything good.

 

From reading what people that I do not know have posted I do not feel quite so hopeless...I am going to call JIM in nyc and going to go to the doc and see if he can send me somewhere to talk to someone...thanks everyone I did not expect this response and the kindness and caring of people i do not know and have never met.

 

I am not much into drugs and dont like the idea of taking anything.

I will give it a shot...it is weird to have people understand your feelings.

 

tonight i am tired and going to sleep...will get on this new plan tommorrow morning ...thank you ...and thanks to HOOBOY ...you gave me somewhere to turn too...

 

dustin

[Spida]

Dustin,

 

You have recieved some very good advice here, I am glad you are planning on taking it. You can email me on this board if you like and I will give you my number or email if you ever need to talk. If you ever feel as though you can't make it through the day call or talk to someone anyone I am sure they won't mind! I also dealt with depression quite a bit, at one time I was in the hosptial for overdosing! It was quite a few years ago and I am doing great now! I loved recreational drugs, but as for meds I wasn't up for those either kept thinking of the side effects, but I did take a few different things for a while to take the edge off right now I am doing well without anything.

 

Just know that there are people out there that want you to feel better, just remember things start small it takes a while to feel better even with meds they don't usually work tomorrow, but know there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Feel better,

Spida

[SouthBeachBtm]

Dustin-

 

Your post here today touched me as I am sure it has touched others. Thank you for reaching out. I think you have received some very good, constructive and compassionate advise.

 

I only want to add and emphasise the fact that what you are going through is not rare or uncommon. Most people at one time or another become depressed. I hope you do not feel that you are not someone special, because you are. We all are. No matter who we are, we contribute to the good of our community.

 

You took an important first step by reaching out here today. Congratulations on taking this brave move. However, I would agree with some of the others here that you would definitely benefit from professional counselling. If that is not an option, then I hope you will reach out to friends you can trust.

 

I would also recommend setting goals, involving yourself in productive and giving projects such as volunteer work. If your only activities you have in your life for feeling good about yourself is posing in Porn, you will never find the self worth you seem to seek.

 

I wish you well, I will keep you in my prayers. But pleae remember, you are not alone. You have us to chat with here, and hopefully you will have others whom you can go to in your everyday life.

 

Take care

[Trixie]

It's not a cure-all, but for some whoop-ass inspiration, read Skinny Legs and All, by Tom Robbins.

 

Trix

[Will]

>I am not much into drugs and dont like the idea of taking

>anything.

>I will give it a shot...it is weird to have people understand

>your feelings.

 

Like you, I steer far, far from any chemical that is likely to alter my mood when I feel like having a moment of Time Out. I am a recovering alcoholic, and therefore I am extremely -- one might even say neurotically -- cautious about medications that I know can be addictive.

 

As Lucky wisely points out, however, when we're talking about depression, we're talking about a medical condition. Therefore, when a "drug" is a sort of cocktail, that's one thing; but when a "drug" is a medicine, that's quite another. In any case, the medicines that doctors prescribe for clinical depression take effect very, very slowly, usually over a matter of weeks. Certainly, there's no "buzz" involved, no sudden kick, no instantaneous pleasure. If it's working for you, you'll just gradually begin to feel stronger and then you'll level off, feeling like your old self again.

 

I don't know how old you are, or how long you have struggled with this. But if you are in young adulthood and haven't had a lot of experience with this kind of problem, it might be that your need for medicine will decline after a couple of months and you'll just taper off -- with your doctor's help and advice, of course.

 

In any case, too many people feel miserable (and worse) because they have the wrong idea that anti-depressant medication is a "drug," in the way that, say, crystal meth or even Valium is a drug. It isn't. There's nothing to worry about. But like any prescription, you need to make sure you take it under close supervision from your physician.

 

I hope you'll start feeling better soon. Just going to your doctor might give you a sense of taking charge of that Black Cloud, rather than letting it take charge of you.

[Guest msclonly]

There are things that are running us from earlier in out life experiences, which we are unaware about. They get much more serious as the years go by. If we find someone to help us understand them, then life takes on a new perspective, that is most significant and freeing from the aspects, that cause us to be unhappy.

 

Fortunately, with much study and searching, I and many other people were able to tap into this knowledge with excellent results. This is not a commercial for any religion.

I would be happy to talk to you about it and have you experience it without any costs. Yes, it is painless and having the weight of the world removed from the shoulders makes life worth enjoying as long as possible.

 

Cheers,

 

:+

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Dustin,

 

I think I can appreciate some of what you are going through. Some very good advice has been oftered above. Especially take to heart the advice to consult a doctor. You may or may not need medical help or need it for long but you really wont know until you have investigated it. Some other things to consider: You probably have fallen into a pattern and need to change it. This most often involves shutting yourself in or away from people and also sleep -- too little at the right times and too much at the wrong times. Medication can help but also just the shear will of getting up and doing things at the appropriate times. Avoid alcohol and illict drugs and prescription drugs and even caffiene and ibuprofen without consulting a doctor. Sometimes it may seem so difficult, bordering on the impossible, just to get throught the day. A helpful coping mechanism is to get involved in a regular routine (job or volunteer effort) to establish a regular life pattern, to occupy your time for distraction from your dark mood. Maintain some regular contact with people on a daily basis. Not necessarily the same people all the time but keep involved and interacting. And if the burden seems too heavy, the despair too great, then immediately seek out another person that you can talk with -- friend or stranger. All of this isn't easy, infact it can seem like an impossible uphill struggle but it is very helpful and it requires will. These coping mechanisms are not the cure but they can help you weather the path through the empty darkness until your body cures itself or medication intercedes. Good luck.

[tedbear]

>.There may be periods in your

>life that "happy pills"might be necessary-don"t be ashamed of

>this-just get off of them as soon as you can.

>I am soooooo bored with the 60%(YES!OVER HALF)of my friends

>who have become zombies because of over relience on

>anti-deppressents.So make sure your doctor writes a very

>limited 'script for these.Living life on these is so

>dulled,living life on lifes terms can be such an adventure

 

A few comments on the above advice. Antidepressants aren't "happy pills." They don't cause happiness by themselves. You won't get high. They'll just level things out so that you can be happy when it's appropriate instead of being depressed all the time.

 

As far as getting off them as soon as you can, I think this advice could easily be misunderstood. Just as it takes some time for antidpressants to become effective, you must taper off your dosage slowly--and under a doctor's supervision. To just stop taking them can cause you to crash and feel much worse than you did in the first place. Plus, some antidepressants can relax inhibitions. So if you have suicidal tendencies, for example, you could be in real danger going off them suddenly. You could find yourself with your inhibitions lowered and in the depths of depression at the same time--a very serious place to be.

 

As far as becoming a "zombie" on these meds, that is probably caused by improper dosage or a drug that simply isn't working well for you. At one time, I saw my regular doctor for the prescription for these drugs and never felt they were completely successful for me. After a later episode of depression, my EPA advised me to go to a specialist--a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists these days deal more with medication that they do with therapy. Many of their patients see a Psychologist for their therapy. I've had far better results both with beating depression and with general well-being since switching to my Psyciatrist.

 

Since I've had a number of serious depressive episodes, I've been told I should stay on these meds for life. I don't find life dull and have to say my life is always an adventure. In fact, since I've been having a Psychiatrist monitor my meds, I've gotten a great promotion at work, I've got a boyfriend, and I'm rarely home except to sleep. When I was depressed I only left home to go to work.

 

My comments aren't meant to disagree with the previous posting. I just felt the need to share my experience with these medications. I feel they've saved my life and let me be free to live up to my potential.

 

One final comment. Research I've read shows that antidepressants and therapy work better together than either one can by itself. Don't be afraid to seek help on both fronts. Depression isn't anything to be ashamed of. It's just another illness that proper care can help you through. Good Luck!

[Juan Vancouver]

An added view on the whole thing... Mombo-Jombo a' la carte!

 

Hey Dustin!

 

I am so glad that you had the guts to reach out. That itself shows a big braveness in you. And as an imediate result, you have receieved advise, warm wishes and shared experience that might help you see how you are NOT alone.

I hope that you have been to the doctor already, and perhaps are trying an anti-depressant that might be right for you. Sometimes it is a process of hit and miss, but eventually you will find out the perfect chemical to balance your brain chemistry and make you feel alive again.

MY advise is not for now, but at least two weeks after you are taking the medicine.

 

In very many spiritual traditions, they believe that depression is caused by repression of emotions. They believe that emotions are there to be expressed in a free way, without harming yourself or others, in a safe environment, but we westerners of big cities, make our best efforts to keep the emotions inside, unaware, bottled up. }(

As soon as you are feeling better, try to take a dive inside yourself, and see if you can find bottled up sadness, anger, resentment... those might be so familiar to you, that you might be tempted to consider them "normal". They are not. But you cant go on denying them. Find a good counselor, I am sure that NY has a variety of counselors that are cheap, and some even free, and ask for help to release those emotions. It might work miracles.;-)

 

Now they might seem odd or silly, but after few weeks, try to follow your intuition and maybe give a chance to one of these books...

 

"The alchemist" By Paulo Coelho

"Power versus force" By David Hawkins

"Living in the light" By Shakti Gawain

"The mastery of Love" By Miguel Ruiz

"You can heal your life" By Louise L.Hay

 

Some of them are light uplifting novels, some are heavy duty Mombo-jombo, new agie stuff... but they have given me a new perspective when I needed it. Keep in touch, and remember that we are always here to be reached.

Receive a very warm hug, and my best wishes for you, hoping that you will be able to find what you are deeply yearning for.

[bigguyinpasadena]

RE: An added view on the whole thing... Mombo-Jombo a' la carte!

 

Very good list Juan,and may I add-any book by Leo Buscaglia.Ihad the honor of meetin Dr. Buscaglia many times and he was as wonderful in person as he seems to be in his books.I miss him very much.

[Mikeyz7]

RE: An added view on the whole thing... Mombo-Jombo a' la carte!

 

Dustin

Your reaching out has resulted in an impressive outpouring of suggestions for helping you through your current dark times. I hope that this shows that you are not alone -- depression is an illness that many of us have struggled with, and continue to battle with. It is no something to be ashamed of but rather to be accepted and reach out for help.. I hope that you feel better soon. Keep in touch.

Mike