My doctor shamed me for getting tested

[Wolfer]

So I take my health very seriously and subsequently my responsibility to myself and my sexual partners too. Hence since I've started getting sexually active six months ago I decided I'd get screened every three months, even if I wasn't displaying any symptoms.

 

So I went to my GP this morning for the routine STI blood and urine work (it was the first time I had it done at my GP's office, the first full screening I did was at the STI clinic). Just as he's finishing up he starts telling me that I have the wrong attitude. That I shouldn't be doing preventative screenings, that I just should be having safe sex.

 

Here's the thing, he didn't even ask me about my sexual behaviour, he just assumed I was having unprotected sex from the fact that I wanted to get preventative tests. I've never had unprotected sex since starting to get sexually active. I can readily imagine someone who's emotionally less resistant than I being shamed in never wanting to get tested again.

 

I do know that in three months time I'm gonna get tested at the STI clinic instead of at my GP's. The reason I went to my GP now is because the STI clinic doctor told me they prefer that low-risk people (meaning people who have safe practices, aren't currently being treated and such) get tested at their GP's, because it off-loads the already super busy clinic. And it is logistically a LOT easier to get tested at my GP's office (close to where I live, no waiting, ...)

 

I'm just a little angry and a bit shaken that he'd tell me off for doing the right thing.

[+ DERRIK]

Time to get a new doctor

[Juan Vancouver]

Fire his sorry ass. And make sure to let him know why. If possible, write a letter to whoever oversees him and complaint in a non emotional way.

 

You don't need more judgment and shaming from your doctor. You need to feel safe and confident you can discuss anything with him and that he will first check the facts and then make adult, professional suggestions.

 

Lastly... if you are adhering to safer sex practices and are not very sexually active you might be testing too often. This in itself is not a problem, but it occurs to me that you might be doing it fuelled by anxiety and fear. It also could be you felt so shaken by your doctor's reaction because of unresolved emotions about being sexually active. Keep testing as often as you want, but maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a Psychologist to make sure you are not suffering more than necessary about it.

 

Sex is supposed to be a source of pleasure, connection and should enrich your life. Stress, anxiety and fear are not aa necessary effect of being sexually active.

 

Wishing you will find a great, respectful, friendly doctor soon!

[sincitymix]

So I take my health very seriously and subsequently my responsibility to myself and my sexual partners too. Hence since I've started getting sexually active six months ago I decided I'd get screened every three months, even if I wasn't displaying any symptoms.

 

So I went to my GP this morning for the routine STI blood and urine work (it was the first time I had it done at my GP's office, the first full screening I did was at the STI clinic). Just as he's finishing up he starts telling me that I have the wrong attitude. That I shouldn't be doing preventative screenings, that I just should be having safe sex.

 

Here's the thing, he didn't even ask me about my sexual behaviour, he just assumed I was having unprotected sex from the fact that I wanted to get preventative tests. I've never had unprotected sex since starting to get sexually active. I can readily imagine someone who's emotionally less resistant than I being shamed in never wanting to get tested again.

 

I do know that in three months time I'm gonna get tested at the STI clinic instead of at my GP's. The reason I went to my GP now is because the STI clinic doctor told me they prefer that low-risk people (meaning people who have safe practices, aren't currently being treated and such) get tested at their GP's, because it off-loads the already super busy clinic. And it is logistically a LOT easier to get tested at my GP's office (close to where I live, no waiting, ...)

 

I'm just a little angry and a bit shaken that he'd tell me off for doing the right thing.

 

Well better that then being told by ones doctor that he doesn't believe anything you tell him because all of his other patients lie to him. Gee thanks doctor.

[Mikegaite]

I'm really sorry that you had to go through such shaming. Seriously, find a new doctor. Plenty of doctors and lab techs won't bat an eye if you are getting tested every few weeks. Where I live, you can easily get tested all the time without even mentioning your sexual practices. I think Juan's point about frequency is well-taken, but at least frequent testing is an easy option here, and we can all choose how often to do it.

 

The worst shaming I've had to deal with regarding STD testing was being asked to wear one of those Talent testing bandaids, not because it labeled me as being in porn, but because the bandaid colour completely clashed with my white Prada shoes.

 

Hope you find a new testing outlet soon. It gets better.

[seaboy4hire]

Plain and simple fire him! Even if you are using protection for anal which is almost 100% effective if you are not using a rubber for oral there is a chance you can get a treatable std. Instead of shaming you your Dr should be giving you a high five for taking responsibility for your health. I second what Juan said about writing a letter to the Drs supervisor if there is one. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope that if you fire the quack you find a much better and supportive Dr.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[seaboy4hire]

The next time you go into the clinic you might want to ask if they could refer you to a much more supportive Dr. I would let them know what happened so they hopefully will be understanding.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[AdamSmith]

My experience is any STD/GID clinic will be worlds more understanding and knowledgeable than a typical GP.

[big-n-tall]

Time to get a new doctor

 

+1

[mike carey]

I haven't signed up with a regular GP since I retired from the RAAF but as part of networking I joined the Canberra Yahoo LGBTI mailing list. A lot of it is social events, film evenings, book clubs, community news, but there is a fair amount of traffic about health issues. One of the GP practices here has placed a few notifications that they have a new gay friendly (or gay) GP on staff, and lists the contact details of a gay male nurse to call if anyone wanted to sign up with the practice. It's not immediately local (about 10km away) but I'm about to go and check them out.

 

You may be able to find something similar, but it may take some looking and asking other community members. And you may need to travel a bit but it could be worth it if you find the right doctor.

[marylander1940]

So I take my health very seriously and subsequently my responsibility to myself and my sexual partners too. Hence since I've started getting sexually active six months ago I decided I'd get screened every three months, even if I wasn't displaying any symptoms.

 

So I went to my GP this morning for the routine STI blood and urine work (it was the first time I had it done at my GP's office, the first full screening I did was at the STI clinic). Just as he's finishing up he starts telling me that I have the wrong attitude. That I shouldn't be doing preventative screenings, that I just should be having safe sex.

 

Here's the thing, he didn't even ask me about my sexual behaviour, he just assumed I was having unprotected sex from the fact that I wanted to get preventative tests. I've never had unprotected sex since starting to get sexually active. I can readily imagine someone who's emotionally less resistant than I being shamed in never wanting to get tested again.

 

I do know that in three months time I'm gonna get tested at the STI clinic instead of at my GP's. The reason I went to my GP now is because the STI clinic doctor told me they prefer that low-risk people (meaning people who have safe practices, aren't currently being treated and such) get tested at their GP's, because it off-loads the already super busy clinic. And it is logistically a LOT easier to get tested at my GP's office (close to where I live, no waiting, ...)

 

I'm just a little angry and a bit shaken that he'd tell me off for doing the right thing.

 

Did you talk back at him?

 

I would even file a formal complaint.

[jawjateck]

Seems like malpractice. Making a health assessment without facts, or any attempt to ascertain the facts.

[Kenny]

Fire his sorry ass. And make sure to let him know why. If possible, write a letter to whoever oversees him and complaint in a non emotional way.

 

You don't need more judgment and shaming from your doctor. You need to feel safe and confident you can discuss anything with him and that he will first check the facts and then

make adult, professional suggestions.

 

Lastly... if you are adhering to safer sex practices and are not very sexually active you might be testing too often. This in itself is not a problem, but it occurs to me that you might be doing it fuelled by anxiety and fear. It also could be you felt so shaken by your doctor's reaction because of unresolved emotions about being sexually active. Keep testing as often as you want, but maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a Psychologist to make sure https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/individual/frank-gaffney-jr

 

 

you are not suffering more than necessary about it.

 

Sex is supposed to be a source of pleasure, connection and should enrich your life. Stress, anxiety and fear are not aa necessary effect of being sexually active.

 

Wishing you will find a great, respectful, friendly doctor soon!

 

+1

[Wolfer]

After having given it more thought, I think he might've been telling me off for using health care resources to get tested. All standard STI tests are covered by our health care system in Belgium, and I think that may have been what he was referring to when saying I had the wrong attitude in getting preventative screening in that it could be a possible waste of health care resources? And that I should only get tested if I had a strong reason to? Whatever his reason for telling me off, though, I did feel shamed for wanting to take care of my health. Prevention is still the best remedy...

 

I do know that GP's in Belgium are adviced to always, always, always give a safe sex speech whenever someone comes in for STI testing, even if that person is having safe sex. And every GP I've met seems to completely forget about oral. When I say I use a condom to have sex, they automattically assume that all tests will come out negative, because apparently fucking is the only sexual thing that a person does. (Again, total different experience at the STI clinic, the doctor was friendly, explained everything in detail and was happy that I was getting tested even if I did have safe sex practices. He did advice me that if I wanted to be as safe as I could, I might want to use a condom for oral too.)

 

Sorry, this is starting to resemble a rant... This is actually already a different GP than the one I was seeing regularly. My old GP was so uncomfortable with any aspect of genital-related things he wouldn't even look at my dick when I came down with a very, very bad inflammation and subsequently completely misdiagnosed me, leaving me in excruciating pain for a couple of days until I decided to see another GP, who's diagnosis was spot on and was able to releave my pain instantly (this is also the GP I went to this morning to get STI screenings).

 

He's an indepentent practioner, so no one is above him and I've had very good experiences with him on other things so I'm probably just gonna continue seeing him for any other regular things. This is what I did with my old GP, he was very good with burn-out and stress-related issues, so whenever I need anything for that I go to my old GP, for any other things I go to my new GP. I pick, choose, mix and match. And so I'll go to the STI clinic whenever I want to get fully screened.

[ChrisWydeman]

Your doctor works for YOU not the other way around. If they can't cover basic sexual health in a professional manor I would strongly urge you to find a new general practitioner. If your comfortable go for a LBGT doctor who has a little more experience dealing in sexual health than most. I had some health issues a few years ago and had to fire my doctor because he handled it so poorly and it took going to see a few lemons to find a good one.

[seaboy4hire]

Earlier in the year I fired my Dr. His bedside manner wasn't good. I got tired of being talked down to. What it boiled down to was my body my choice at the time. Earlier in the fall I had to go in for a lil something, nothing contagious. The person I saw wanted to get a second opinion and wanted to bring in Dr ass hole. I told them NO! Grab the supervising Dr, and I got what I wanted. It's important that you speak up for your health, cause sweet pee ain't no one gonna do it for you. If you feel you got shitty care it's important to speak up.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MikeyGMin]

If your comfortable go for a LBGT doctor who has a little more experience dealing in sexual health than most.

 

Not sure how these things work in Belgium, but one of the almost zero benefits of a private healthcare system is that doctors all seem to have profiles online these days. I search and search until I find one that is open about being gay and have always had better luck with them. I will drive miles and miles out of my way to work with the Doctor who can relate to me.

 

My second choice would be a female physician. They simply seem to have more empathy the 99% of the men.

[+ quoththeraven]

Seems like malpractice. Making a health assessment without facts, or any attempt to ascertain the facts.

 

No, just making assumptions. Since no unnecessary treatment occurred, there's no basis for a malpractice claim unless that amounts to negligent or intentional infliction of emotional distress. It needs to be more than thoughtlessness.

 

Similarly, my ex's new endocrinologist insisted he had neuropathy when he didn't and needed bariatric surgery. (He has diabetes.) Surgery is never the first option. But another doctor in the same practice, whom he saw later on when he landed in the ICU with kidney failure due to chronic dehydration, was great.

 

Treating the dehydration reversed the kidney failure before any damage was done, btw.

[+ Hoover42]

I see my doctor every six months for a physical, but I've never discussed STD testing.

 

During my last visit, I happened to mention at the start of my exam that an older friend of mine was taking PREP, and my doctor's shocked reaction was almost comical. He couldn't believe that an elderly gay man would be taking PREP. He actually interrupted his examination to let me know that I should let my friend know that he should just practice safe sex instead. He was clearly upset about it and just couldn't let it go. I half expected him to ask for my friend's phone number so he could rail at him about his unhealthy choices.

 

Oh, did I mention that I live in the Washington DC suburbs? Not middle-of-nowhere country? I'm used to more progressive attitudes here.

 

Yeah. I will be choosing another doctor before my next exam.

[Frequentflier]

I see my doctor every six months for a physical, but I've never discussed STD testing.

 

During my last visit, I happened to mention at the start of my exam that an older friend of mine was taking PREP, and my doctor's shocked reaction was almost comical. He couldn't believe that an elderly gay man would be taking PREP. He actually interrupted his examination to let me know that I should let my friend know that he should just practice safe sex instead. He was clearly upset about it and just couldn't let it go. I half expected him to ask for my friend's phone number so he could rail at him about his unhealthy choices.

 

Oh, did I mention that I live in the Washington DC suburbs? Not middle-of-nowhere country? I'm used to more progressive attitudes here.

 

Yeah. I will be choosing another doctor before my next exam.

 

Probably just me but I don't see anything wrong with how your doctor reacted. He clearly cares, which is a good thing, and maybe has seen or read enough about people who have gotten ill from unsafe practices. At least he didn't launch into what I would have which is that there are plenty of people who get ill (leukemia, cancer, etc.) from no activity they chose to perform and so why should others play unsafe and take the risk.

 

Unless I get a notarized letter from the Pope telling me I won't catch anything from unsafe sex I'm going to keep a lid on it

[+ Hoover42]

Probably just me but I don't see anything wrong with how your doctor reacted. He clearly cares, which is a good thing, and maybe has seen or read enough about people who have gotten ill from unsafe practices. At least he didn't launch into what I would have which is that there are plenty of people who get ill (leukemia, cancer, etc.) from no activity they chose to perform and so why should others play unsafe and take the risk.

 

Unless I get a notarized letter from the Pope telling me I won't catch anything from unsafe sex I'm going to keep a lid on it

 

You make a good point. My doctor doesn't know my friend and doesn't know that he is very conscientious about safe sex even with the PREP. I suppose that may not be the norm for guys taking PREP.

[MikeyGMin]

Probably just me but I don't see anything wrong with how your doctor reacted. He clearly cares, which is a good thing,

 

It's probably not just you, but it's definitely not me. I would find another doctor. One a little better informed and less sanctimonious.

 

PREP is not an either or situation. Of course you should still use protection, but the fact is accidents happen. Why wouldn't you have that extra layer of protection? I think every sexually active person should be on PREP. It's been proven to be effective and access to it is getting easier and easier. Why should the consequences of one drunken mistake potentiallty be a lifelong disease?

[caliguy]

"I shouldn't be doing preventative screenings, that I just should be having safe sex."

 

That's an illogical thing to say though since it's not an either or situation. Almost seems that there's something missing from this. You sure he wasn't just joking around and you missed it?

[+ deej]

Time to get a new doctor

 

+1

[sincitymix]

It's probably not just you, but it's definitely not me. I would find another doctor. One a little better informed and less sanctimonious.

 

PREP is not an either or situation. Of course you should still use protection, but the fact is accidents happen. Why wouldn't you have that extra layer of protection? I think every sexually active person should be on PREP. It's been proven to be effective and access to it is getting easier and easier. Why should the consequences of one drunken mistake potentiallty be a lifelong disease?

 

As my new dr told me when I mentioned prep. He said " The official on the record response Is Safe sex is the only choice. Prep is not endorsed or should even be considered an option.. off the record, The studies do show Prep to be effective as long as you keep up with the regimen, its not a pop it in the night you decide to get lucky. Also it wont protect you from all the OTHER STDs.. and hope to god you don't encounter someone with a virus strain that is Truvada resistant. "