Social Etiquette Question

[guptasa1]

Hey all,

 

I don't want to go into too many details about this, but it's been nagging me, and I think some outside feedback on this would really help me figure this out and make me feel better. If by chance the person I'm referring to in this post is reading this, I earnestly hope it's okay and you don't take any offense at all by it. I really wanted some outside viewpoints to figure out what happened though, because I'm still lost. LOL.

 

On my last trip with someone I really like and respect (and care about his feelings), I inadvertantly upset and hurt him. What bothers me most is, I still don't understand what happened or why it happened. I'm going to eliminate the personal details but provide the basic situation and hopefully enough to get some feedback on it.

 

Here's the basic rundown of events. We were having a great time around his area, and he had an errand to run - something of value he owned (more value than I initially realized, but I think I probably would have made the same error anyways) needed some work done on it, and he dropped it off at a shop to be picked up a while later. I set my alarm for a time we decided on to go back, and we had some fun until that time. When my alarm sounded, we left to check on it, and the place was closed (a few minutes earlier than their hours of operation listed). We did arrive a few minutes later than we had expected/said we'd be there, but still...the shop was supposed to be open until a certain time, and it wasn't yet that time.

 

Anyways, being not from the area and a bit of a paranoid person, I made a comment along the lines of "I certainly hope that store was legitimate." Apparently, that was something I shouldn't have said, and the person I was with got very upset that I said it, saying it was a thoughtless and hurtful thing to say. I felt terrible about it, and even though it's water under the bridge now (he got over it pretty quickly after I apologized), and I think we're fine (a few other things happened that I wasn't thrilled with either, so it balances a bit, and as long as he's 100% okay with me now, I'm happy), what bothers me most is I still don't understand WHY that was such a bad thing to say (and I really don't want to breach the subject with him again; he seemed to feel I didn't need to understand it fully, and I'd rather just let it go at this point, but I unfortunately am not good at getting rid of things like that internally - I don't like making mistakes that hurt people). Anyways, since I'm not great socially and still can't figure this out, I thought I'd get some opinions.

 

Thanks. =o)

[VaHawk]

"Anyways, since I'm not great socially and still can't figure this out, I thought I'd get some opinions."

 

IMO, no one else could figure it out either, as, if anyone else here, is like me, NO one knows what it is that you are asking.

 

Sorry, without further details, I HAVE NO CLUE, what you are asking about????? :o

[guptasa1]

There are no other relevant details. I suppose that's why I'm confused. Seriously, I'd put it if I thought there was anything else worth saying to add. Still, thanks for your input.

[marc anthony]

Wouldn't worry about it, Sean. Likely what happened is that the guy was very upset that he didn't get there in time, and really valued that "thing"... whatever it was. Your making the comment about the store being not legitimate was probably viewed by him as adding salt to the wound.

 

Wouldn't worry about. It was probably just bad timing.

[VaHawk]

I'm really not trying to do anything more sinister than getting you to expound, but I do believe that you can relate more info than you have offered, so far. Without that info, no one can do more than grasp the proverbial straw from the tornado.

 

I'm curious as to what the parenthetical comments about this guy meant in your telling of the incident.

 

What type of environment were you in? His hometown? If so, is such hometown a small town, where everyone at least knows everyone else, if not related to everyone else? If so, then questioning the "legitimacy" of an establishment, could mean that you were "questioning" the legitimacy of some 1st cousin's livelihood and implying such "questioning" to the legitimacy/honesty of the escort's business.

[guptasa1]

Setting is a huge city and the store was not a known one. In fact, as we were looking for a place, I sorta pointed the place out as a possibility (though I don't feel that was a mistake...we weren't looking for any specific store...just something that repaired those type items). I myself am from a small town, so I'm not very familiar with cities, how you trust a place, etc. Sorry - I can see how that info. might be useful. (Any other clarifications you need, just ask.)

 

As to the other idea about adding salt to the wound and bad timing, I think that may be it - that's the only thing I can think of. And in our brief discussion about it afterwards, he seemed to say things that might imply just that (it opened the door to worry, etc.), though I was still a bit lost and not sure. That's why I thought some other perspectives would be helpful. I definitely want to see him again, so I just want to be totally over this (and not do something like this again - lol). Thanks very much for your opinion. =o)

[AaronScottDC]

> Here's the basic rundown of events. We were having a great

>time around his area, and he had an errand to run - something

>of value he owned (more value than I initially realized, but I

>think I probably would have made the same error anyways)

>needed some work done on it, and he dropped it off at a shop

>to be picked up a while later. I set my alarm for a time we

>decided on to go back, and we had some fun until that time.

>When my alarm sounded, we left to check on it, and the place

>was closed (a few minutes earlier than their hours of

>operation listed). We did arrive a few minutes later than we

>had expected/said we'd be there, but still...the shop was

>supposed to be open until a certain time, and it wasn't yet

>that time.

>

> Anyways, being not from the area and a bit of a paranoid

>person, I made a comment along the lines of "I certainly hope

>that store was legitimate." Apparently, that was something I

>shouldn't have said, and the person I was with got very upset

>that I said it, saying it was a thoughtless and hurtful thing

>to say. I felt terrible about it, and even though it's water

>under the bridge now (he got over it pretty quickly after I

>apologized), and I think we're fine (a few other things

>happened that I wasn't thrilled with either, so it balances a

>bit, and as long as he's 100% okay with me now, I'm happy),

>what bothers me most is I still don't understand WHY that was

>such a bad thing to say (and I really don't want to breach the

>subject with him again; he seemed to feel I didn't need to

>understand it fully, and I'd rather just let it go at this

>point, but I unfortunately am not good at getting rid of

>things like that internally - I don't like making mistakes

>that hurt people). Anyways, since I'm not great socially and

>still can't figure this out, I thought I'd get some opinions.

>

> Thanks. =o)

 

 

Hey Gup, sorry I was upset. But, my heavy-duty, five-speed vibrator is VERY special to me and I don't really think we should have left it at that particular car shop in southeast DC to be fixed. The really butch mechanic guys gave us quite a look as we brought it in and explained the problem with it. For some reason, I don't think they are actually going to fix it for me.

 

Here's a picture of it just in case someone happens to stumble upon it:

http://www.thepeacock.com/images/tools/vibrator.jpg

 

Aaron Scott DC

http://www.erados.com/AaronScottDC

http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/aaronscottdc.html

[guptasa1]

Thanks for the humor. =o) I guess I shouldn't worry so much about little things and try to let things go easier. hehe. I really don't think this was a big issue...or at least nearly as big as I made it. I just have the bad habit of worrying.

[AaronScottDC]

>Thanks for the humor. =o)

 

You're welcome! I try my best. I am sure it wasn't that big of a deal. Even if it was, people get over things in time. :-) :*

 

Aaron Scott DC

http://www.erados.com/AaronScottDC

http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/aaronscottdc.html

[btmstudnyc]

It is interesting how the same comment for something that isn't dear to someone's heart can be humorous and other times be hateful.

 

 

I think that if you like something a lot and someone else jokes about it...it strikes a raw nerve. Especially if it has a lot of meaning or history. If I saw someone concerned about getting something fixed, I would definitely show the same concern to try to help the situation out...not give the person anxiety. Although, if he was getting an enormous vibrator fixed...I might have made that comment. But then again, I am Bitchy anyways and people usually appreciate the humor. I would have made a comment like that...but in the next minute I would have tried to help out and get the situation resolved.

 

Yes I am an OXYMORON!

 

 

If it dont fit, force it

btmstudnyc@aol.com

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

All the earmarks of PMS... no kidding!!

[Rick Munroe]

>Yes I am an OXYMORON!

 

I've always thought that but never wanted to hurt your feelings. :*

[guptasa1]

>It is interesting how the same comment for something that

>isn't dear to someone's heart can be humorous and other times

>be hateful.

>

>I think that if you like something a lot and someone else

>jokes about it...it strikes a raw nerve.

 

Hmmm... Well, I wasn't joking about it if that's how it was perceived. It was seriously a thought that came up to me, but maybe one that would have been better left unsaid.

 

>Especially if it has

>a lot of meaning or history. If I saw someone concerned about

>getting something fixed, I would definitely show the same

>concern to try to help the situation out...not give the person

>anxiety.

 

As you point out, it must be I caused increased anxiety (hence a "Don't even freaking say that..." type response) even though that wasn't my intention. Probably just another case of not knowing when to say something and when not to more than anything. (But yes, I would have also helped any way I could - there just wasn't much to do at that point.)

 

Thanks for the feedback.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I think the escort in question overreacted and took your comments way too seriously...

 

IMO, you stated fact, as the 'agreed upon return time' wasn't kept to by the owner of this business. This irresponsibility might lead me to think that the business was in fact a scam.

 

In any event, i wouldn't get angry with you for saying so, but simply find the quickest, most painfree way to get my property back.

 

You didn't do anything wrong in this instance. If this escort is still holding some sort of grudge, then he probably needs to updose on the Valium and just chill out. You obviously care a great deal about this issue, otherwise you wouldn't have posted for opinions here on the MC... If i were you, i'd simply let it go and file this under the 'strange misunderstandings' folder.

 

 

Hakuna Matatta: No worries

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[guptasa1]

>I think the escort in question overreacted and took your

>comments way too seriously...

 

Perhaps. I think maybe we both overreacted in this case. His initial reaction, albeit brief, might have been a bit strong, but my worry about it is probably an overreaction as well.

 

> IMO, you stated fact, as the 'agreed upon return time'

>wasn't kept to by the owner of this business. This

>irresponsibility might lead me to think that the business was

>in fact a scam.

 

Like I said, we were a little late (a few minutes) based on what we'd said, but it was still within posted store hours. I don't think in retrospect it was a scam at all - just a place that closed a few minutes early, but yeah - that was my first thought too (and sometimes I have the not-always-so-good habit of saying things when they come to my mind such as worries).

 

>In any event, i wouldn't get angry with you for saying so, but

>simply find the quickest, most painfree way to get my property

>back.

 

I truly hope he got it back. I assume he did, but haven't heard (and don't particularly want to breach the subject next time we meet; I did mention it briefly in my followup e-mail and figure he'll tell me if he wants to, but at this point I doubt he's planning to - he generally doesn't reply to followup e-mails, which I understand).

 

>You didn't do anything wrong in this instance. If this escort

>is still holding some sort of grudge, then he probably needs

>to updose on the Valium and just chill out. You obviously

>care a great deal about this issue, otherwise you wouldn't

>have posted for opinions here on the MC... If i were you, i'd

>simply let it go and file this under the 'strange

>misunderstandings' folder.

 

I'd like to be clear I don't think he's holding a grudge at all. He accepted my apology and even said it was just a social misunderstanding.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't see this as a terrible thing to say, though. It at least means that my judgement isn't completely unique. LOL.

 

The reason I cared enough to post is, I don't generally do well when someone gets upset with me, even if briefly. I have a tendency to not be able to let it go and feel guilty, be afraid the person will continue to be upset, etc., even after the issue is over and resolved. One of the reasons I posted it was I felt hearing some reactions to this situation would make me be able to let it go a bit easier, and I think it's working.

 

So I guess what I'm saying in summary is - I think he just reacted strongly, and that reaction scared me. Most people would probably have had it out of their systems some time ago - it just takes a bit longer for me to stop worrying about it. I am trying to file it away as a strange misunderstanding as you suggest, and I love spending time with this person and certainly want to continue to do so. I just don't want this to be a worry when I do, but I don't think it will be anymore - I'm doing better with it, especially after reading some feedback on it.

 

>Hakuna Matatta: No worries

 

Thanks, man! =o) Appreciate the input and your viewpoints.