Falling in Love with an Escort?

[Rudynate]

As an older guy just restarting physical relationships with men after over 40 years, I foresaw this problem; I knew I was (and continue to be) very needy when it comes to love with a man. And, sure enough, my first escort encounter left me totally besotted with the guy. I emailed him several fervid thank yous, a "bon voyage" note as he left on vacation, info on a new cock ring I found on line, etc.. almost anything to keep that inner fire I got from our 2 hours together. In all cases, he answered me quickly and politely, but there was a distance, a kind of "form letter" feel to his replies that gently brought me to my senses. The fire became a glow which will likely lead to more affectionate, but professioal dates with this wonderful man.

 

I've gone through the exact same process with my second escort, who was even more affectionate and warm. He's a great kisser who loves to practice! There was a flurry of thank yous, expressions of mutual regard and tentative plans for a repeat performance. I rather desperately wanted to contact him daily, but managed to hold off. Again, the fire has become a glow.

 

What have I learned.

 

1. An escort is not looking for love, and I shouldn't be either. Warmth, sincerity, attention, yes. Anything beyond that, no.

2. The whole experience is a fantasy with a beginning and an end. The fact that a good escort doesn't push me out the door as soon as I cum is great, but he still needs for me to go, because the fantasy is over.

3. I am not the first client to be enthralled by this wonderful, sexy, handsome, perfect guy. Making me feel special and unique is his stock in trade.

4. It's okay to engage in a little post-coitus flirting, but it must stop before it turns into stalking.

5. It helps to ask myself what I expect will happen if I did form a relationship... dating, marriage?

6. Use this forum to help straighten out my head.

7. Look for escort number 3

 

Aren't I lucky to have hooked up with two such outstanding and professional escorts?

 

They're very enjoyable relationships when you keep them in their place.

[geminibear]

Then I need help.

 

Good luck RacerX

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r77L3oPOLVA

[geminibear]

gotta say I've never been in love, but I did get somewhat infatuated with an escort a couple years ago....

 

He was/is a very low-key, unpretentious, masculine guy (features important to me)....easy to hang out with, lots of chat, great body and face (mid 40s, but looks early 30s), up for anything....he never got a long-term career going and was living with his mother....ended up helping him a bit with bills, car work, traffic fines, etc., mostly after I asked if he needed help (and he'd be very humble about it).....he had one touchy episode with some crazy boyfriend which got him down for a while.....time came when we had a regular meeting set up, he said he's on his way in a few minutes....and he never showed, never replied......

 

either he 1) sensed I was getting too clingy, or 2) he was sick of all this escorting and decided to try and move on or 3)???

 

gotta keep it all in balance.....stay busy with other activities in your life.....

 

 

Pinto you are a wise wise man. :cool:

[corndog]

I'm addicted to an escort I met. It was initially just a weekend booking. We were to spend the weekend together and I was suppose to pay him a ton of money at the end. But over the weekend we seemed to really click and he told me he was interested in something more. That he was actually really into me and was not expecting that to happen but it did. At the end of the weekend I didn't pay him and he didn't ask me to. I've been seeing him for about a month now, I helped him out with his electricity bill and bought a few groceries but I haven't actually given him cash. I have been spending quite a bit though just to see him (hotel rooms, flights, meals, and entertainment).

 

One other thing, I overheard him on the phone talking to someone he claims is just a client, saying the same things he has said to me, about how he is actually really into the guy and so on. He also never actually comes on to me, I always make the first move. He says it's because he is naturally not that horny but he spends a lot of time on Grindr talking dirty/flirty to guys that look nothing like me. He's even snuck out of our hotel room in the middle of the night for a grindr meat and greet. He never asks when we will see each other again. Etc. All signs point to "He's not actually that into me" but why would he spend all this time with me if he isn't actually making any money? For free food and tickets to the opera? I'm so confused :-(

 

First, I have to say that given this same situation, to my detriment, I would probably dive in head-first.

 

However, as an uninvolved third-party, I'm thinking that this guy is in it for the "long game." He has left a substantial amount of money on the table with the expectation that, in the long run, he may get a whole lot more out of you. He'll gradually call on you for more assistance until you're "helping him out" with a substantial portion of his living expenses. Maybe he'll move in with you. Your relationship will slowly become more and more platonic due to his "naturally low sex drive" while he's hooking up on grindr and sneaking in occasional clients. In fact, his sex drive is probably not low, just focused on new/anonymous/random hook-ups, not sex with the same guy. He'll make you feel like a boyfriend to get what he wants, but whenever there is a disagreement or conflict, expect to be made to feel like a "client."

 

Does that seem bitter/jaded/pessimistic? Yes, I hate it, but it does. I hope I'm wrong. Like I said, I'm the first one to admit that I could fall into this trap. So, my advice is to proceed with your eyes open and enjoy the ride. When you "help him out" with life expenses, consider whether you're getting value for you money, or being taken advantage of. Think with your big head.

[Nebost]

I'm addicted to an escort I met. It was initially just a weekend booking. We were to spend the weekend together and I was suppose to pay him a ton of money at the end. But over the weekend we seemed to really click and he told me he was interested in something more. That he was actually really into me and was not expecting that to happen but it did. At the end of the weekend I didn't pay him and he didn't ask me to. I've been seeing him for about a month now, I helped him out with his electricity bill and bought a few groceries but I haven't actually given him cash. I have been spending quite a bit though just to see him (hotel rooms, flights, meals, and entertainment).

 

One other thing, I overheard him on the phone talking to someone he claims is just a client, saying the same things he has said to me, about how he is actually really into the guy and so on. He also never actually comes on to me, I always make the first move. He says it's because he is naturally not that horny but he spends a lot of time on Grindr talking dirty/flirty to guys that look nothing like me. He's even snuck out of our hotel room in the middle of the night for a grindr meat and greet. He never asks when we will see each other again. Etc. All signs point to "He's not actually that into me" but why would he spend all this time with me if he isn't actually making any money? For free food and tickets to the opera? I'm so confused :-(

 

I would first like to say that I admire your clarity and openess is this situation. You see all the issues swirling around you, and you have candidly asked others to weigh in.

 

I would say the guy wants some type relationship with you, but this relationship is not what most people expect from a full lover/boyfriend/husband, and it's up to you to decide if that's enough for you. You do provide campanionship, connectedness, familiarity and devotion to him , I think those are very valuable qualities , and I can see why he'd want to continue with you in his life, But perhaps he also needs additional sex and excitement from others, guys who are good for an exciting hour or two in the sack, but he otherwise has no connection with. Are you OK with that? It really is up to you, and sometimes having some of what you want is better than having nothing at all, so long as you see the situation clearly (and I think you do).

 

(I'm also assuming these grindr hookups are fuck buddies, not Johns. If they are Johns (money is exchanged) then he may just not be good at separating work for personal life, a problem for many of us in all professions.)

[+ Gar1eth]

"Falling in Love with an Escort"

Therein lies danger and madness!!!!

 

The problem being non-reciprocation by the escort. An escort can obviously fall in love with a client. But in the general scheme of things it probably only happens rarely, and nowhere near as often as the client in love seems to think it happens. But love, even if only a one-sided love, is often blind. Warnings are not usually heeded. If the question by the OP was prompted by his actually falling in love with an escort, he has my best wishes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex5mPVLJIlk

 

Gman

[unsure]

I do know of an escort I had hired a few times who ended up dating (and is still dating) one his clients. This young 20 something escort was into older guys so it isn't a surprise that one of his clients might "fit the bill". So I think it can be possible. It is rare though and not the norm as other posters have mentioned.

 

To the OP, I agree with what others have said in that this guy seems to have some interest in having a relationship with you. This guy isn't asking you for any direct exchange of money like an escort would if it was an escort/client kind of relationship. I do think though it my not be a boyfriend type relationship you're looking for with the other signs you've mentioned (e.g. Grindr) unless it's an open relationship you're both looking for.

[hunterlee]

General

Falling in love with an escort or vise versa can be complicated or simple . For two people to meet with great chemistry in the wrong setting to fall in love can be disheartening for some or an adventure for others. I'm a very expressive and emotional person. Meeting the number of people I do, I meet people who love this personality and some who do not care for it. I have fallen for a few clients and vise versa clients who had fallen for me.

 

The worst that can happen is when a client expresses their thoughts and desires of love and the feelings are not mutual. I'm a very emotional developed person and able to express my emotions and thoughts separately and this sometimes comes off as cold. I feel terrible having to tell them the feelings are not there.

 

My Perspective

I have fallen for a man recently who is extremely kind and sweet to me however he wants me to stop doing any side work and focus on my career and finishing school. Granted he was open minded about me moving in and things of that nature.

 

Growing up I came from a family of immigrants where we had very little security and stability. What if he gets bored of me or decides to get the newest model? I get scared and worried if I stopped working and in a year he may leave me for someone hotter and I am stuck in a trapped situation. I have other obligations where the money from my career (day time professional job) goes to, this always floats in the back of my mind.

 

His Perspective

Vise Versa if he allowed me to keep my side working he may be worried that if I met someone more attractive or better I would leave him. That is a fair point and reason for his request and concern. The thought of me having contact with other people that he does not know may also worry him, as it would worry many people.

 

We got into a heated discussion where he thought I was playing him and that I was trying to "hustle him". It started when he asked to go out for a night together, I asked if he could pay for an hour session because I could not afford to take off a night of working on a Friday/Saturday morning. His main points was why someone so young wanted to be with someone much older. He also believed I was too attractive and thought I didn't think the same of him. I could understand his thought of me trying to "hustle him" if I asked him for an overnight rate, but I asked if he could give me an hour of pay to help makeup a portion of what I would lose that night. I thought I was being reasonable.

 

I wish I had the time to develop my relationship skills and try seeing where it will go with him but in my current situation I don't have this luxury. I don't know what direction this will go in, I like him a lot but I have many obligations that would make it very difficult for me to support myself just on my pay from my career. I also worry if I am one of those boys that moves in for a year or two and gets replaced by the next thing that catches someone's eye. He may have the same thoughts as well.

 

Sorry for the novel, I thought this would give some insight to some or flash back memories for others.

[Nebost]

General

Falling in love with an escort or vise versa can be complicated or simple . For two people to meet with great chemistry in the wrong setting to fall in love can be disheartening for some or an adventure for others. I'm a very expressive and emotional person. Meeting the number of people I do, I meet people who love this personality and some who do not care for it. I have fallen for a few clients and vise versa clients who had fallen for me.

 

The worst that can happen is when a client expresses their thoughts and desires of love and the feelings are not mutual. I'm a very emotional developed person and able to express my emotions and thoughts separately and this sometimes comes off as cold. I feel terrible having to tell them the feelings are not there.

 

My Perspective

I have fallen for a man recently who is extremely kind and sweet to me however he wants me to stop doing any side work and focus on my career and finishing school. Granted he was open minded about me moving in and things of that nature.

 

Growing up I came from a family of immigrants where we had very little security and stability. What if he gets bored of me or decides to get the newest model? I get scared and worried if I stopped working and in a year he may leave me for someone hotter and I am stuck in a trapped situation. I have other obligations where the money from my career (day time professional job) goes to, this always floats in the back of my mind.

 

His Perspective

Vise Versa if he allowed me to keep my side working he may be worried that if I met someone more attractive or better I would leave him. That is a fair point and reason for his request and concern. The thought of me having contact with other people that he does not know may also worry him, as it would worry many people.

 

We got into a heated discussion where he thought I was playing him and that I was trying to "hustle him". It started when he asked to go out for a night together, I asked if he could pay for an hour session because I could not afford to take off a night of working on a Friday/Saturday morning. His main points was why someone so young wanted to be with someone much older. He also believed I was too attractive and thought I didn't think the same of him. I could understand his thought of me trying to "hustle him" if I asked him for an overnight rate, but I asked if he could give me an hour of pay to help makeup a portion of what I would lose that night. I thought I was being reasonable.

 

I wish I had the time to develop my relationship skills and try seeing where it will go with him but in my current situation I don't have this luxury. I don't know what direction this will go in, I like him a lot but I have many obligations that would make it very difficult for me to support myself just on my pay from my career. I also worry if I am one of those boys that moves in for a year or two and gets replaced by the next thing that catches someone's eye. He may have the same thoughts as well.

 

Sorry for the novel, I thought this would give some insight to some or flash back memories for others.

 

We seldomly get to hear the escort side of this, so I'm very glad you posted. Thank you.

[jawjateck]

We seldomly get to hear the escort side of this, so I'm very glad you posted. Thank you.

 

I agree. Hunter shared very personal info and feelings to add to this discussion. His honesty and sincerity is commendable. I like this young man and look forward to meeting him.

[BaronArtz]

Indeed, Hunter expresses it very well. The 'rentboy' lives in fear that the 'client' will leave him for a newer, younger guy. The 'client' is continuously concerned that the 'rentboy' is just staying with him for the money or for other comforts that are provided. It is hard to distinguish whether it is really a romantic relationship or a sugar daddy relationship. Those relationships are sort of doomed from the start. Against my best judgment, I was in such a relationship for about a year, with a retired escort. It ended in real heart break. Not again. Well, I may say 'not again' but then who knows really ...

[+ glennnn]

In response to Hunter Lee's post specifically.

 

All love relationships have risks and call for sacrifice, gay ones especially, I think. One has to decide which decision will make you the happiest now. The future is, of course, unknown. If giving up escorting will worry you so much you may come to resent this guy; if your economic security depends on continuing escorting; if your future happiness does not absolutely require his presence in your life; if you see yourself still single and free in, say, five years, drop him now.

 

If you love him now, and your goal is a permanent relationship (marriage?) commit to him and take the chance. Ask yourself if you will regret it if you let him go, and if he is worth risking a couple of years (perhaps very happy years) of your life. Remember, he is also seeking something, taking a risk and aging, and he is older to begin with.

 

Do you love him? Do you trust him? Do you want him? Good luck. Finding love always requires some risk. My heart goes out to you.

[Juan Vancouver]

One other thing, I overheard him on the phone talking to someone he claims is just a client, saying the same things he has said to me, about how he is actually really into the guy and so on. He also never actually comes on to me, I always make the first move. He says it's because he is naturally not that horny but he spends a lot of time on Grindr talking dirty/flirty to guys that look nothing like me. He's even snuck out of our hotel room in the middle of the night for a grindr meat and greet. He never asks when we will see each other again. Etc. All signs point to "He's not actually that into me" but why would he spend all this time with me if he isn't actually making any money? For free food and tickets to the opera? I'm so confused :-(

 

Hi, Racerx,

 

I am truly sorry that I have to deliver really bad news. These news, however will take any confusion away. Your escort's actions might not make sense if you try to understand them considering what he is saying. There is one light under which his actions make absolute sense, and actually are text book precise. This is not a coy lover who is confused, this is not an undecided ingenue. This is an artist performing one of the oldest tricks in the book.

 

This is called The Long Con.

 

He is prepared to let go of the money he would charge for small session, which is peanuts compared to what he really wants. He will try to make you fall in love and pretend that the feelings are mutual. All these while, it's clear he is really not into you as he professes. This is even more evident because hustlers that go for the long con are ALWAYS working on four or five potential victims because sooner or later most men will realize when they are being played... but he's hoping you are the one, the schmuck who will fall for it. So yes, he is trying to convince other men that the bond they feel with him is reciprocal. He is doing and saying to them exactly what he is doing and saying to you.

 

His end game is having you heads over heels, moving in, either marriage or living together long enough to qualify as a spouse, which will give him legal right to a portion of your wealth.

 

If I am certain of these it's because all the signs are there. You meet, and right away the escort confesses his feelings forgoing his fee, he continues seeing you because his feelings are strong, but his feelings are not physical so you have to force sex. He claims he is not sexual,but truth is that he is not sexual with you because he is having plenty of sex with others. He has at least another client to whom he is saying exactly the same things he is saying to you. This is not a wild guess, this is a very well informed opinion. All the signs are there.

 

It really makes sense. It's all very logical. You are being played.

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and so pissed you are in control of this scheister! You really should disassociate from this prick as soon as you can and make sure that he doesn't get hold of any information about you. If you can, make sure to make a note of his legal name, and address in case he tries to pull something on you.

 

He's not there for the food, the arias or the platonic mind-blowing connection he has with you. He is there to get a big chunk of money from you.

 

RUN!

[jcmiami1]

First off we are human and as someone said to me a long time ago we always give away a part of ourselves to someone whether it's just sex or an escort. Behind the BS I think we all have an innate need to be wanted and loved. The escort relationship in the end is just a business relationship more so from the escorts perspective. They're acting guys you are paying them to pretend to act a role - lots of guys I know who use escorts misinterpret the acting as real then the real problems begin

[Mikegaite]

I'm an escort, and many moons ago I fell in love with a former client of mine and was in a relationship with him for awhile. Statistics on socioeconomic, educational, intergenerational assortative mating would suggest that an escort-client relationship would fail bc of the likely disparities between the parties in educational attainment, wealth, and age. Those disparities tend to prevent people from pairing with those dissimilar from themselves. Of course, numerous outliers abound, and if there were ever a reason to go against the grain in selecting a mate, love would be a pretty compelling reason.

 

There's a reason why the forum is not a friendly place for clients and escorts to interact with each other. People want a clear dividing line between the two groups. But the world's a bit messier than that, and escorts and clients at the end of the day really aren't living incompatible lives world apart from each other. We're all just ordinary people and real bonds of affection will develop between escorts and clients and not just when a client takes me to Harry Winston.

 

But i agree with the above posters that you are probably getting screwed in this instance. That doesn't mean you should keep your guard up against finding an escort husband, but this guy doesn't sound like the one.

[Mikegaite]

I'm an escort, and many moons ago I fell in love with a former client of mine and was in a relationship with him for awhile. Statistics on socioeconomic, educational, intergenerational assortative mating would suggest that an escort-client relationship would fail bc of the likely disparities between the parties in educational attainment, wealth, and age. Those disparities tend to prevent people from pairing with those dissimilar from themselves. Of course, numerous outliers abound, and if there were ever a reason to go against the grain in selecting a mate, love would be a pretty compelling reason.

 

There's a reason why the forum is not a friendly place for clients and escorts to interact with each other. People want a clear dividing line between the two groups. But the world's a bit messier than that, and escorts and clients at the end of the day really aren't living incompatible lives world apart from each other. We're all just ordinary people and real bonds of affection will develop between escorts and clients and not just when a client takes me to Harry Winston.

 

But i agree with the above posters that you are probably getting screwed in this instance. That doesn't mean you should keep your guard up against finding an escort husband, but this guy doesn't sound like the one.

[Rudynate]

But the world's a bit messier than that, and escorts and clients at the end of the day really aren't living incompatible lives world apart from each other. We're all just ordinary people and real bonds of affection will develop between escorts and clients and not just when a client takes me to Harry Winston.

 

The escort/client relationship is inherently messy. It's not the only provider/client relationship that is inherently messy. The psychotherapist/client relationship may be even more inherently messy than the escort client relationship. In the psychotherapy profession, there exist ethical guidelines to regulate the ambiguity of the therapeutic relationship. Such guidelines don't exist between escort and client. In their absence, the client and the escort must take the initiative to manage the ambiguity of the relationship on their own.

[Rudynate]

But the world's a bit messier than that, and escorts and clients at the end of the day really aren't living incompatible lives world apart from each other. We're all just ordinary people and real bonds of affection will develop between escorts and clients and not just when a client takes me to Harry Winston.

 

The escort/client relationship is inherently messy. It's not the only provider/client relationship that is inherently messy. The psychotherapist/client relationship may be even more inherently messy than the escort client relationship. In the psychotherapy profession, there exist ethical guidelines to regulate the ambiguity of the therapeutic relationship. Such guidelines don't exist between escort and client. In their absence, the client and the escort must take the initiative to manage the ambiguity of the relationship on their own.

[Juan Vancouver]

In the psychotherapy profession, there exist ethical guidelines to regulate the ambiguity of the therapeutic relationship. Such guidelines don't exist between escort and client. In their absence, the client and the escort must take the initiative to manage the ambiguity of the relationship on their own.

 

From my own training and experience in therapy I have come to the conclusion that the boundaries should be as clear and inflexible in the escort-client relationship, so much so that I very happily apply the same guidelines and rules I would apply to a traditionally therapeutical situation.

 

This is therapy. The emotions of the client are at all times very exposed and have to be taken care of with the same mindfulness and respect a traditional therapist would.

 

In the light of these guidelines and ethical considerations, allowing a client to believe that a relationship other than a loving, caring professional relationship is possible -to me- is not only unethical but also reprehensible.

 

Nobody has the right to play with another human being's emotional wellness. Especially not for profit.

[Juan Vancouver]

In the psychotherapy profession, there exist ethical guidelines to regulate the ambiguity of the therapeutic relationship. Such guidelines don't exist between escort and client. In their absence, the client and the escort must take the initiative to manage the ambiguity of the relationship on their own.

 

From my own training and experience in therapy I have come to the conclusion that the boundaries should be as clear and inflexible in the escort-client relationship, so much so that I very happily apply the same guidelines and rules I would apply to a traditionally therapeutical situation.

 

This is therapy. The emotions of the client are at all times very exposed and have to be taken care of with the same mindfulness and respect a traditional therapist would.

 

In the light of these guidelines and ethical considerations, allowing a client to believe that a relationship other than a loving, caring professional relationship is possible -to me- is not only unethical but also reprehensible.

 

Nobody has the right to play with another human being's emotional wellness. Especially not for profit.

[Rudynate]

 

This is therapy.

 

True, except it's way more fun than sitting across from a psychotherapist struggling to maintain focus when they're bored almost to tears.

[Rudynate]

 

This is therapy.

 

True, except it's way more fun than sitting across from a psychotherapist struggling to maintain focus when they're bored almost to tears.

[escortlover]

A while ago I found myself dangerously smitten with an escort. I swore I wouldnt, but fell anyway.

What I did to try to keep a sane perspective was read his reviews. Reading other clients' account of their time with him was a real reality check. When you see they have had identical encounters, same acts, words, etc, that you experienced, it really helps to put your thoughts and feelings into the proper place. Also, depending on how the reviewer describes himself, you can see that age, size, status, etc, makes no difference. The result is pretty much the same for all. That really helps me to realize I'm a client, and I'm being given the "total package" treatment like everyone else.

What it really boils down to is this - If I find I have feelings for an escort beyond just the "usual escort encounter" is means he's really good at his job. No more, no less. Isn't that what I hired him for in the first place? The reviews (at least to me) show me that my experience is his MO, and not to be taken seriously. Enjoy the moment, and keep telling myself "this is fantasy, its not real" as much as I need to.

[Rudynate]

A while ago I found myself dangerously smitten with an escort. I swore I wouldnt, but fell anyway.

What I did to try to keep a sane perspective was read his reviews. Reading other clients' account of their time with him was a real reality check. When you see they have had identical encounters, same acts, words, etc, that you experienced, it really helps to put your thoughts and feelings into the proper place. Also, depending on how the reviewer describes himself, you can see that age, size, status, etc, makes no difference. The result is pretty much the same for all. That really helps me to realize I'm a client, and I'm being given the "total package" treatment like everyone else.

What it really boils down to is this - If I find I have feelings for an escort beyond just the "usual escort encounter" is means he's really good at his job. No more, no less. Isn't that what I hired him for in the first place? The reviews (at least to me) show me that my experience is his MO, and not to be taken seriously. Enjoy the moment, and keep telling myself "this is fantasy, its not real" as much as I need to.

 

Wise words.