Being a good top

[Wolfer]

So the thread "train yourself to take a big dick" inspired me to make this thread. I've only recently become sexually active again and am looking to learn a whole lot.

One thing I know is that, for now, I'm a top. I love making a bottom moan in pleasure. But... How do I do that? I can't rely on size (I'm 5 inches), nor girth (5-6 inches). And while there seems to be plethora of tips and tricks available on bottoming techniques (even a book about it "how to bottom like a porn star"), there seem to be a lot less instructions for topping (that I can find).

The articles I read about being a good top are (mostly only) about preparing and relaxing your bottom for insertion...

But, then what happens? Once you're inside? I've read that a good top reads the bottom's body language but is there a way to up the success rate, or any specific techniques? What gives a bottom pleasure? How can I stimulate the male g-spot with my dick?

I just want to give mindblowing pleasure to the bottom I'm having sex with.

 

I've never enjoyed bottoming myself. It was just painful, and the only times I "enjoyed" it was when the thought of getting plowed made me so horny that I sort of forgot the pain. But in that case it was the thought and situation that turned me on, because I was getting no actual physical pleasure from the penetration itself.

And the thought of riding a guy's dick still turns me on, but then I remember the pain and that horniness fades away quickly.

[caliguy]

Just go slow and easy to start. Take your time.

 

I don't think there's any one way. You're there to take care of yourself though. Most bottoms get off pleasing their tops that way.

[+ WmClarke]

It's all about the geometry.

 

Me: We have to stop. I don't think I can handle this.

Popular, well-reviewed, very hung escort: I just have to find the right angle.

 

And he did.

[Rudynate]

I'm not hung big, either and I love to top.

 

Being in good physical condition helps to make you a better top. It enables you to exercise fine control over the speed, the rhythm, the depth, the angle of approach, etc, and gives you the stamina to last.

 

Another thing that helps you to be a better top is to really focus on the sensation in your dick. The more familiar you become with the way your dick feels, the more you can really feel, through your dick, what's going on for the bottom.

 

And of course, read the bottom. It's usually pretty obvious what's pleasurable for the bottom and what's not.

 

Also, sometimes, I feel like being a selfish top, who just wants to pump away without worrying about the bottom. That usually leads to a hot experience for both.

[+ WmClarke]

More seriously, the angle you use will have a big effect on the bottom. So experiment, remember that each bottom might be different, and find the angle that works for the two of you. Good luck!

[+ Gar1eth]

So the thread "train yourself to take a big dick" inspired me to make this thread. I've only recently become sexually active again and am looking to learn a whole lot.

One thing I know is that, for now, I'm a top. I love making a bottom moan in pleasure. But... How do I do that? I can't rely on size (I'm 5 inches), nor girth (5-6 inches). And while there seems to be plethora of tips and tricks available on bottoming techniques (even a book about it "how to bottom like a porn star"), there seem to be a lot less instructions for topping (that I can find).

The articles I read about being a good top are (mostly only) about preparing and relaxing your bottom for insertion...

But, then what happens? Once you're inside? I've read that a good top reads the bottom's body language but is there a way to up the success rate, or any specific techniques? What gives a bottom pleasure? How can I stimulate the male g-spot with my dick?

I just want to give mindblowing pleasure to the bottom I'm having sex with.

 

I've never enjoyed bottoming myself. It was just painful, and the only times I "enjoyed" it was when the thought of getting plowed made me so horny that I sort of forgot the pain. But in that case it was the thought and situation that turned me on, because I was getting no actual physical pleasure from the penetration itself.

And the thought of riding a guy's dick still turns me on, but then I remember the pain and that horniness fades away quickly.

 

 

You probably already know this stuff-but maybe it will validate what you are already thinking about doing. I definitely can't follow Rudynate's suggestion of being in good shape. He's right of course. But it's not going to happen. But I try to do the best I can through the following.

 

While I'm a top, I'm certainly not a great one. My tallywacker is probably about your size. So what I can tell you is that normally the position where I think I can penetrate best is with the other guy supine-ie, lying on his back, with his derrière at the end of the bed, and me standing up at the end of the bed-often with the guy's legs on my shoulders.

 

Other things to remember-make sure you've lubed up your condom well and make sure the other guy has lubed his rectum well.

 

After that regarding insertion-it depends on how tight the guy is or often how experienced a bottom he is. Sometimes you can enter right away. But go slowly at first as sometimes the initial insertion is the most difficult part for the bottom. If he is particularly tight, you might need to help loosen him up beforehand with a well-lubed finger or two. On the other hand, some guys don't like being fingered.

 

Once you are fully 'in' shall we say-then how you approach things depends on the situation. Some bottoms-either hook-ups or escorts want you to be in control and to basically do whatever you want. Other bottoms are power bottoms who will be very active and agressive in wanting you to move at a certain frequency while they are also moving.

 

And there are all types of bottoms in between. Assuming you aren't with someone totally passive or submissive, work with the bottom-start out slow-talk to the guy-ask him if that's good for him-would he like it more forceful-look at his expressions-listen to what he says-stroke his tallywacker while you are inside him-see if you can correlate whether certain movements by you make his tallywacker firmer. If you both like to kiss-don't forget about that.

 

While I would in no way call myself a great lover-and I never expect to be someone's hottest lover ever-what I hope is that I can at the very least make the other guy feel good just like he is making me feel good-and I think the major thing is paying attention to the bottom -both words and body language -while you are topping.

 

Oh-and keep the lube within easy reach. You may very well need to re-lube at some point and you don't want to stretch yourself into awkward positions trying to grab a barely reachable bottle.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

Some other things I've notice since I'm on the underendowed side of things is that anuses/ani are positioned differently. In some guys the anus is positioned slightly more forward toward the tallywacker. And in other guys it's positioned a bit more toward the back. I've noticed that in my preferred position with the bottom on his back-I do better with guys whose anal opening is more toward the front. I also do better with guys with smaller butt cheeks. I also think in general I do best with guys under 6'2" feet-but that may have to do with me being 5'8" as much as tallywacker length.

 

 

Gman

[Wolfer]

Thanks for all the info! The next thing I guess is practice, practice, practice. Something I won't mind doing at all.

 

Are clients generally more on the bottom side? I've seen it mentioned a number of times on the forums that escorts advertise as tops/vers even though they might be more into bottoming because it brings in more clients.

[+ Gar1eth]

Thanks for all the info! The next thing I guess is practice, practice, practice. Something I won't mind doing at all.

 

Are clients generally more on the bottom side? I've seen it mentioned a number of times on the forums that escorts advertise as tops/vers even though they might be more into bottoming because it brings in more clients.

 

 

Supposedly more clients are bottoms. Or they are versatile bottoms looking to bottom more than they top. I don't know if it's true. But for example if you like muscular guys-using that as a filter in NYC and counting the number of tops-there are definitely more tops than (pardon) the expression 'straight' bottoms. And you almost never find a bodybuilder who advertises as a 'straight' (strict) bottom. And there may be more non-think guys advertising as tops than advertising versatile. And other examples are in Miami and Ft Lauderdale. There the Latin escorts probably outnumber the WASP escorts, and it definitely seems a majority of the Latin and Mediterranean guys advertise as tops.

 

It always makes me wonder-assuming these guys aren't actually straight when off-duty-where do they find bottoms when they are back home in their own country. It's almost as if bottoms are as rare as unicorns. :D

 

Gman

[Steven_Draker]

Supposedly more clients are bottoms. Or they are versatile bottoms looking to bottom more than they top.

 

+1

 

I get hired more often as a top.

 

 

Steven Draker ~

Twitter PlanetRomeo Reviews

[+ Gar1eth]

+1

 

I get hired more often as a top.

 

 

Steven Draker ~

Twitter PlanetRomeo Reviews

 

But Steven-that may be because -

 

#1. You are known as an excellent top. It's very possible out of the total number of possible clients more bottoms contact you because of the size/length of your tallywacker, your reputation, and all those reviews you have as a top.

 

#2. You made an announcement on here sometime within the last couple of years that you wouldn't be bottoming anymore. Now I realize not everyone reads this Forum. And it's possible you have changed your policy back to being versatile. But if you did, I never saw that post.

 

Gman

[+ SundayZip]

Speaking from the perspective of a bottom, a good top communicates -- a lot. He asks questions and adjusts his technique depending on the answers. Although the communication is not necessarily intended to be dirty talk, the dialog can add to the fun while insuring that your technique is pleasing the bottom.

 

Some tops think that it's all about getting to a hard, rapid pump. But your bottom may not be ready for this or even want it. So ask him. Do a nice slow grind for a while and ask, "Do you like this? Do you like it slow like this?" If your bottom likes it, he'll tell you. If not, it's an invitation for him to say, "Yeah, it's nice. But go faster now." Don't ask just once. Keep the communication going (unless your bottom tells you to just shut-up and fuck).

[Wolfer]

Thanks for all the feedback! I had another question: how can you last longer? And I don't mean stamina wise, but basically one minute of intense fucking and I'm already on the edge cumming. I would love to be able to go on for longer!

 

SundayZip: that actually just recently happened to me. I was sliding in very carefully into a guy, being gentle and I asked if it was good and he just grabbed my ass, plunged my dick deep into himself and said: "Come on, already!" A request he did not need to say twice.

[tanman4u]

Hire a professional to help you. Yes there are more tops in the escort world than bottoms but there are definitely bottoms out there. Communicate with him in advance explaining what you want and I'm betting you can find a guy to help you become a wonderful top.

[Wolfer]

So I'm getting frustrated and at the same time losing sexual confidence fast... Two escorts now have been hurt while I was topping them. One refused to use lube, only spit (he didn't even have lube on hand), so even though I was super careful, I don't think I could've done much about that. The second was an escort I knew could take a good pounding, but even he yelped out in pain and said we had to stop fucking. Now, I wasn't pounding AT ALL. I was sliding in slowly and carefully, watching their body language. The frustrating thing is that both times it seemed to come out of nowhere, one second they were "aw, yeah", the other second they were yelping in pain, running halfway across the room.

What frustrates me is that when I ask how to be a good top, the answers are often: "You'll learn! Just keep going! Listen to your bottom's body language!" without a mention of any sort of technique.

But then whenever someone speaks about having been fucked by a good top, all they mention is technique... As in: "He really found the right angle. He knew how to hit my prostate. He knew how to open me up. He knew how to make me wanna get fucked..."

 

There's a regular of mine that bottoms for me, even though he's really a (very good) top and he handles me like I'm the bottom during sex (for all purposes except actual penetration) and I'm learning a lot from him on how to prepare a bottom. I quite like it, actually, he really pampers me and I've used his techniques on other botttoms. But all this is not related to actual penetration, so on that one, I'm not learning anything from him. And before you say I need to bottom, go read my thread on my foray into bottoming. Sad to say that bottoming is literally physically impossible for me at the moment.

 

Is there nothing more to say than find a good angle and watch your bottom? These two things have not helped me prevent the two occasions mentioned above. Books (literally) have been written on how to be a great bottom, but what about being a top?

[Brian Kevin]

wants to pump away without worrying about the bottom

 

This why I'm a top.

This would end messy.

[Brian Kevin]

with my crying and someone else going to get me ice cream before they went home. LOL

[+ Gar1eth]

So I'm getting frustrated and at the same time losing sexual confidence fast... Two escorts now have been hurt while I was topping them. One refused to use lube, only spit (he didn't even have lube on hand), so even though I was super careful, I don't think I could've done much about that. The second was an escort I knew could take a good pounding, but even he yelped out in pain and said we had to stop fucking. Now, I wasn't pounding AT ALL. I was sliding in slowly and carefully, watching their body language. The frustrating thing is that both times it seemed to come out of nowhere, one second they were "aw, yeah", the other second they were yelping in pain, running halfway across the room.

What frustrates me is that when I ask how to be a good top, the answers are often: "You'll learn! Just keep going! Listen to your bottom's body language!" without a mention of any sort of technique.

But then whenever someone speaks about having been fucked by a good top, all they mention is technique... As in: "He really found the right angle. He knew how to hit my prostate. He knew how to open me up. He knew how to make me wanna get fucked..."

 

There's a regular of mine that bottoms for me, even though he's really a (very good) top and he handles me like I'm the bottom during sex (for all purposes except actual penetration) and I'm learning a lot from him on how to prepare a bottom. I quite like it, actually, he really pampers me and I've used his techniques on other botttoms. But all this is not related to actual penetration, so on that one, I'm not learning anything from him. And before you say I need to bottom, go read my thread on my foray into bottoming. Sad to say that bottoming is literally physically impossible for me at the moment.

 

Is there nothing more to say than find a good angle and watch your bottom? These two things have not helped me prevent the two occasions mentioned above. Books (literally) have been written on how to be a great bottom, but what about being a top?

 

 

You know if these guys are experienced escorts-you think they'd be able to help you out. I haven't gone through all the posts on this thread-so let me ask-are you blesséd with an unusually large or thick tallywacker?

 

Just some thoughts-the guy who only wanted spit-was way at fault. It's almost like a) he's not very experienced; b) he's not very bright; c) he wanted the pain; or d) he wanted an excuse for not being able to bottom a long time.

 

So always go for lube. Either you or you partner ought to apply it. And then lube your well-wrapped tallywacker as well. Then keep the lube near you while playing in case a re-application is necessary.

 

On the right angle-different guys have different angles. For example-some guys anuses are positioned more forward toward the tallywacker and some are positioned a bit more toward their back-this can make a difference on how you approach/insert. Having a small tallywacker myself, it's easier for me to get maximal penetration with guys whose anus is a bit more forward positioned (toward the tallywacker) and with them on their backs and their derrière at the edge of the bed. But some guys don't do well with their legs up like that. Ask the bottom what his favorite position to be in is. If it's doable for you-do that position.

 

After insertion-I hope this isn't TMI-don't just go back and forth -try some lateral movements as well. Vary the speed of the thrusts.

 

The bottom ought to be giving you some feedback when something feels particularly good for him. When he does, keep doing that.

 

Gman

[BabyBoomer]

I haven't gone through all the posts on this thread-so let me ask-are you blesséd with an unusually large or thick tallywacker?

 

 

Gman, are you in for a big surprise.

 

~ Boomer ~

[+ Gar1eth]

I haven't gone through all the posts on this thread-so let me ask-are you blesséd with an unusually large or thick tallywacker?

 

Gman

 

Gman, are you in for a big surprise.

 

~ Boomer ~

 

What do you mean, Boomer? Is Wolfer planning to travel to Washington State, show up on my porch, drop his drawers, and give me a thrill? Mind you, if he wanted to, I definitely wouldn't object.

 

Of course I'm not sure how the neighbors would react.

 

Gman

[Wolfer]

You know if these guys are experienced escorts-you think they'd be able to help you out. I haven't gone through all the posts on this thread-so let me ask-are you blesséd with an unusually large or thick tallywhacker?

No, I'm perfectly average (5") and even not that thick. So it was even more of a surprise to me. I thought my dick would be easy to take.

 

The second escort didn't use a lot of lube either. Even though I kept asking if he needed more lube, he kept on saying he was fine. Maybe next time I'll say that I need more lube. He only lubed up his anus, and not a drop was put on my dick. This was someone who has been escorting for close to ten years...

I don't know why I didn't just put more lube on my dick myself, seems like my brain is still trying to figure out how to work properly in these situations.

 

How do you mean lateral movements? Side to side? I can't quite picture it.

 

I'm desperately wanting to learn. I would totally be willing to bottom for the beefy Latino that works me over like a bottom to feel and learn, but my body is healing at the moment.

[Rudynate]

So I'm getting frustrated and at the same time losing sexual confidence fast... Two escorts now have been hurt while I was topping them. One refused to use lube, only spit (he didn't even have lube on hand), so even though I was super careful, I don't think I could've done much about that. The second was an escort I knew could take a good pounding, but even he yelped out in pain and said we had to stop fucking. Now, I wasn't pounding AT ALL. I was sliding in slowly and carefully, watching their body language. The frustrating thing is that both times it seemed to come out of nowhere, one second they were "aw, yeah", the other second they were yelping in pain, running halfway across the room.

What frustrates me is that when I ask how to be a good top, the answers are often: "You'll learn! Just keep going! Listen to your bottom's body language!" without a mention of any sort of technique.

But then whenever someone speaks about having been fucked by a good top, all they mention is technique... As in: "He really found the right angle. He knew how to hit my prostate. He knew how to open me up. He knew how to make me wanna get fucked..."

 

There's a regular of mine that bottoms for me, even though he's really a (very good) top and he handles me like I'm the bottom during sex (for all purposes except actual penetration) and I'm learning a lot from him on how to prepare a bottom. I quite like it, actually, he really pampers me and I've used his techniques on other botttoms. But all this is not related to actual penetration, so on that one, I'm not learning anything from him. And before you say I need to bottom, go read my thread on my foray into bottoming. Sad to say that bottoming is literally physically impossible for me at the moment.

 

Is there nothing more to say than find a good angle and watch your bottom? These two things have not helped me prevent the two occasions mentioned above. Books (literally) have been written on how to be a great bottom, but what about being a top?

 

 

It helps your technique enormously if you lose yourself in exploring the bottom's hole with your dick. Don't worry so much about doing it right and explore, go shallow, go deep, rub one side of his hole with the head of your dick, do the other, vary your rhythm, vary your angle, see how many different sensations you can create - just really move in and enjoy yourself. When he says, "oh, yeah," do more of that. If he grimaces, stop doing it. It isn't a test or an interview.

[stop]

based on what you said the response was from the pros you were with you may want start off fucking slow and do that with your bottom for a while...... get into a good movement before picking up speed. I don't know how fast you were going but I do think sometimes a smaller or average sized cock is more difficult to take a pounding from than a larger sized guy.

 

I find when I bottom if the guy is larger or thicker I have an easier time with them pounding because I think the side of their cock stays against the inside of my hole as they are topping me. with guys that are average and smaller I find as I loosen up and relax the cock sometimes hits the sides of my hole vs my prostrate.

 

personally I don't like the jackhammer approach some tops like to use unless they are on the girthy side or if I have played with them and are used to taking them.

 

of course when I top I love to fuck fast. it does feel better but I also know that doesn't always feel great. (I'm above average length but only average girth)

 

another thing to consider is the curve or lack of curve your cock has. as somebody mentioned earlier the location of the anus makes a difference in which position is better but your cocks angle also impacts it. if the guy is curved a lot I actually prefer doggie style as it feels better on my prostrate. if the guy is not that curved then I prefer it on my back

 

as most others have said read your bottom and get feedback. ask if it feels good or ask them how they like it. every hole is different just take your time and explore.

 

Hope this is helpful.

[+ Gar1eth]

 

How do you mean lateral movements? Side to side? I can't quite picture it.

 

 

I freely admit to not being the best top. But that being said-I think you might be stressing out too much as Rudynate said. The number one prerequisite is staying hard. If you can do that, you've got 3/4 of the battle won. The other 1/4 is composed of penetration followed by movement.

 

So does the bottom you are with really like it more on the rough side-then you may want to penetrate fast on the initial thrust-but in my experience-most bottoms don't really like just pushing in like that-in fact I had a bad experience a few months ago where I accidentally did that. But if the bottom likes that, they will usually tell you as you begin to insert. I've never really heard this-but if they say, "Ram it in, Daddy!!" Or something similar go for the rapid insertion.

 

If they are really tight -and you seem to be pressing against a closed hole-then either lube up your fingers or wrap a finger in a lubed condom-and slowly insert one finger, then two-roll them around-does he like that-then maybe try three. After some stretching of the anus/rectum with your fingers , (and you may need to keep one finger inside until you have entered) slowly insert your well-lubed tallywacker.

 

Once you are in-or I am in-if they are the type that really likes the Energizer Bunny style of fast rapid in and out insertion-well they are out of luck with me. I'm no Energizer Bunny (if you don't understand the Bunny Reference in case the ads never ran in Europe-ask me-or any of the other people familiar with US pop culture). But I do my best and go as rapidly as I can.

 

Or there are guys who prefer longer strokes-done much slower-or as Bert says in Mary Poppins-then there's the kind what can't make up their mind (although Bert also says something about -Others They Twitter Like Birds (so maybe Bert wasn't talking about sex after all. ). But if your partner is the type ''what can't make up their minds," then you give them both-fast and hard- and alternate between slower and longer strokes.

 

Then we come to other movements-so I've covered what you might call the old standard 'in and out'-so next-move your hips and buttocks-from side-to-side for a lateral movement-or you can kind of gyrate your hips and derrière in more of a circular motion-both of these kind of moves can be done with either short or long strokes-and with fast or slow.

 

So those are the moves-then just listen to what your partner says-the looks on his face-the way his body reacts when you do certain moves.

 

I like being chest to chest-ie facing my partner because it's easier to see his expressions. Plus I love kissing while making love-and that can be difficult due to the fact that I'm not particularly flexible, I'm only 5'8", and like you I'm only 5". Trying to kiss I often -hmm how can I say ... Ahh yes-disengage involuntarily. I also like stroking my partner's tallywacker, or if he likes to stroke himself, I like to rub his chest-kiss his nipples-lick his chest. The great escort Raul Manzo is limber enough and endowed enough that he can actually reach over and give his partner oral while simultaneously thrusting quite vigorously (I hope I haven't given away one of Raul's trade secrets. It is one of his signature moves).

 

And then there are quite a lot of bottoms who want to see the top enjoy himself-so in that case, do what you like.

 

Now again, let me repeat that I'm not a great lover. But the above is at least what I think I'm doing when I make love-of course like the klutzy dancer who thinks he's as graceful as a gazelle when he's actually a bull in a china shop -maybe that's not what my body does in actual practice. But those at least are my mindset and my goals. And sometimes my body performs better than at others, and sometimes I'm a better fit for some bottoms as opposed to others.

 

So that's what I've been able to learn from all the wonderful escort teachers I've "had" (double entendre there) along with the occasional non escort hook-up) over the years.

 

Gman

[Guest]

I feel a song coming on...