They ate THIS for breakfast and guess WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Some Marylander clickbait for you this morning.

 

Now eat your grits, just like Daddy did.

 

http://dailycurrant.com/2014/05/05/study-links-homosexuality-to-eating-grits/#.VXOX57PlR2k.facebook

[mike carey]

Great study, Chris! I just don't understand why there are so many homos in countries where noone eats grits. And why they are in the NE and on the Pacific Coast that are notorious grits-free zones. I am looking forward to the banning of grits in the Sarth.

[+ stevenkesslar]

It's kind of amazing what modern science has led to.

 

I heard Amtrak is about to sue Quaker oats for causing the train wreck up in Philadelphia

 

Apparently, the father of the engineer of the train ate Quaker grits, causing his kid to be gay.

 

http://www.quakeroats.com/images/default-source/products/grits-quick-detail-sflb

 

Then, his being gay caused the train derailment.

 

http://www.thegailygrind.com/2015/05/14/fox-news-contributor-blames-deadly-philly-train-crash-on-engineer-being-gay/

 

I'd say it's going to be a pretty interesting case.

 

Deep pockets, if not deep thinking.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Chris:

 

You might wanna forward this article to Killian.

 

From Wikpedia: Three-quarters of grits sold in the U.S. are bought in the South, in an area stretching from Texas to Virginia that is sometimes called the "grits belt".

Obviously, there are lots of gay guys in Texas waiting to hire him. Making Houston look better and better by the minute, I'd say.

[mike carey]

I'm sure Killian will see this thread!

[+ sync]

I'll eat most anything, but I'm not swallowing this study.

[mike carey]

I'll eat most anything, but I'm not swallowing this study.

It is the Daily Currant.

[AdamSmith]

And not to forget the great lesson learned by Confederate troops in the latter days of the Civil War...

 

...nothing beats a steady diet of hominy to bring on the dysentery -- your sure-fire way to clean yourself out for that all-night round of bottoming for your favorite guy!

 

http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/wunc/files/styles/medium/public/201211/pp-logo.jpg

[+ sync]

It is the Daily Currant.

 

Thank you, Mike. I totally overlooked the nitty gritty of the posting.

[bigvalboy]

It's kind of amazing what modern science has led to.

 

I heard Amtrak is about to sue Quaker oats for causing the train wreck up in Philadelphia

 

Apparently, the father of the engineer of the train ate Quaker grits, causing his kid to be gay.

 

http://www.quakeroats.com/images/default-source/products/grits-quick-detail-sflb

 

 

With all due respect gentlemen, that scenario is entirely possible, because what you have there is not Grits, but a box of shit. No true Southerner would be caught dead eating that crap.

 

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m910o4ljaX1rtybuy.gif

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Honey-chile, please. Have you been in the South lately? They use marshmallow creme as a salt substitute.

[bigvalboy]

Damn...Mr. Kessler, I do believe that Adam Smith has met his match in the speed of posting "likes"....

[+ stevenkesslar]

With all due respect gentlemen, that scenario is entirely possible, because what you have there is not Grits, but a box of shit. No true Southerner would be caught dead eating that crap.

 

Um, BVB, I'm really scared now.

 

You're now saying the causal chain goes like this:

 

1. A father ate Quaker Grits.

 

2. Quaker Grits are a box of shit.

 

3. The father who ate the box of shit had a son.

 

4. The son became gay because his father ate a box of shit, or many boxes of shit.

 

5. The gay son became a train engineer.

 

6. A train the son was engineering derailed, leading to the death of 8 people, because the son was gay, because his father ate a box of shit.

 

This is very disturbing.

 

Just when it seems like we were getting past homophobia, you are saying that when people tell somebody to "go eat shit and die," it is literally correct, and we have being gay to blame for that, as well.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Damn...Mr. Kessler, I do believe that Adam Smith has met his match in the speed of posting "likes"....

 

Pot, meet kettle.

 

[AdamSmith]

 

[AdamSmith]

Just when it seems like we were getting past homophobia, you are saying that when people tell somebody to "go eat shit and die," it is literally correct, and we have being gay to blame for that, as well.

 

Just people's repressions about rimming.

[+ quoththeraven]

Mostly what I learned from this is that there's a website that's like the Onion but less funny.

 

Btw, mainstream reporting of studies isn't a lot better than this parody. I may go to my grave muttering "correlation is not causation."

[mike carey]

Killian, you are so much a great guy, you may well make me squeal if we met. I hope you have a great time in Houston!

[+ stevenkesslar]

AND THE FOOD IS TO DIE FOR.

 

Duh! That's cause you're there

 

http://images.rentboy.com/EZRENT5/CDQ8CMXD7QRDL?pre=detail&wm=www.rentboy.com

[Phil_musc]

Honey-chile, please. Have you been in the South lately? They use marshmallow creme as a salt substitute.

 

Aw shucks, that's nothing. We use it as a lubricant in the North.

[gallahadesquire]

Mostly what I learned from this is that there's a website that's like the Onion but less funny.

 

Btw, mainstream reporting of studies isn't a lot better than this parody. I may go to my grave muttering "correlation is not causation."

 

Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

 

Obviously, this was all caused by me posting a picture of a Quaker Grits box.

 

I guess you don't even have to eat the shit to turn queer. All you have to do is look at it.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Aw shucks, that's nothing. We use it as a lubricant in the North.

I would die first.

 

UPDATE: Yay! My new credit card came just now. I can buy stuff online again.

[ZhenXBear]

Duh! That's cause you're there

 

http://images.rentboy.com/EZRENT5/CDQ8CMXD7QRDL?pre=detail&wm=www.rentboy.com

 

I can't look at this picture right now. I'm at work and in healthcare, damnit. This represents a serious and distracting risk to patient care.

[+ stevenkesslar]

I would die first.

 

Chris, Chris, wake up. You were having a bad dream, and muttering, "I would die first."

 

I think you were dreaming that you moved to Houston, and were having sex with Killian.